Ouroboros
07-25-2003, 12:45 AM
With our strongly worded letter now bound for the desk of Commandant Grayza, our eeeevilest PK, we can now move onto the stupendously important task of choosing our goodliest one. Now first off a brief definition of what I mean by goodly. Now as anyone knows goodliness was first discovered in 1642 by the Norwegian scientist Olaf Von Goodstvenhosen in the small Bulgarian mountain town of Goodvonhaven. Since then goodliness has been defined as “An air of virtually sickening sweetness, virtue or morality. An individual with abnormal leanings toward “do gooderism”. Goodliness is NOT coolness or greatness lets get that out of the way right now. For example Barney the dinosaur as just about as goodly as they get....well if you overlook the rampant alcohol abuse and solicitation of prostitutes anyway....but he is NOT I repeat not cool or great. Now coolness and greatness could contribute to goodliness or in VERY rare occasions even come to be as a result of it but they are not the same thing, got it.
An example of a Farscape themed act of goodliness would be doing something foolish like getting out of your escape pod to go back and rescue friends when the ship you’re on is exploding. A sensible person would just jettison and save their own ass but one infected with goodliness might very well run around trying to save children, loved ones or something else equally stupid and useless.
Now that that’s cleared up lets get on to the contestants, or you can get under them if you prefer, it’s up to you really.
Crais
Reasons why he might be the goodliest:
-His little hat was just darling.
-Ditto on the ponytail.
-If he wore his hair down he could almost pass for a sort of angry, bearded, dark haired, PK, Fabio.
-His love for Aeryn was strong enough to overcome the fact she was involved in a serious relationship with someone else......
-He helped lieutenant Teeg with that nasty kink in her neck.
-He was the only PK that actually fired the Command Carrier’s huge honkin’ cannons. Hurtling utterly massive balls of superheated plasma at horrific velocities toward unarmed living ships is a sure sign of goodliness........I think.
-If you close your eyes when he’s talking, you’ll probably end up dead, but if not you’ll swear you’re listening to pilot, a classic goodly character.
Braca
Reasons why he might be the goodliest:
-You can always count on his loyalty.
-He’s always smirking so he must be a happy guy.
-If he didn’t polish his superior’s butts you might be chosen to do it.
-He won’t let you make any “unfortunate mistakes” while he’s around. What a thoughtful guy.
-He’s still alive despite pissing off a lot of people I wouldn’t want to piss off. This could mean he’s got that “hero character shield” thing protecting him from harm. If true then he must be goodly as that’s the prerequisite.
-He doesn’t like fighting and regularly gets his trained military ass kicked by southern boy IASA scientist Johnny boy Crichton. It’s a well documented historical fact that in records dating back as far as 407bc most genuinely goodly characters have also been described as irredeemable pussies.
Grayza
Reasons why she might be goodliest:
-She’s got such a warm and wonderful smile.
-She puts on a pretty good show.
-She’s got purple shading, purple things tend to be grape flavored. In most credible academic circles grapes are considered second only to the Peruvian Kumquat as goodliest fruit.
-She’s got a semi sultry voice.
-She’s selflessly limited herself to a single outfit in her entire wardrobe. Thus saving the lives of countless little furry alien creatures who might otherwise have been skinned for the sake of her vanity.
-She uses her shirt buttons in the office vending machine thus “sickin’ it to the man” by ripping off the major soda corporations. Ripping off major corporations makes her a “rebel” and therefore, if I’ve done the calculations correctly, “angstfully cool”. Now as any first year goodliologist knows angstfulness and coolness combined under certain controlled conditions can create the Goodstvenhosen-342 isotope which, of course, emits concentrated goodliness.
Scorpius
Reasons why he might be goodliest:
-He has such a wonderful sense of humor.
-He’s a snappy dresser.
-He likes to think he’s cultured
-He’s into glow sticks and leather masks.
-He never hit on his reasonably hot assistant Niem.
-I heard he felt kinda bad for a few minutes after he strangled those kittens for sexual gratification.
-He wants to save the universe from the Scarrans......by killing billions of them......for fun.....while eating a Scarran baby soufflé......and urinating on the grave of a dead Scarran he buried upside down.
-He’s so tough to kill he’s probably a terminator in disguise....but a goodly terminator of course... er, excepting the kitten thing.....and the bits about the upside down grave watering and baby eating.
Coming soon: Goodliest Moyan.
An example of a Farscape themed act of goodliness would be doing something foolish like getting out of your escape pod to go back and rescue friends when the ship you’re on is exploding. A sensible person would just jettison and save their own ass but one infected with goodliness might very well run around trying to save children, loved ones or something else equally stupid and useless.
Now that that’s cleared up lets get on to the contestants, or you can get under them if you prefer, it’s up to you really.
Crais
Reasons why he might be the goodliest:
-His little hat was just darling.
-Ditto on the ponytail.
-If he wore his hair down he could almost pass for a sort of angry, bearded, dark haired, PK, Fabio.
-His love for Aeryn was strong enough to overcome the fact she was involved in a serious relationship with someone else......
-He helped lieutenant Teeg with that nasty kink in her neck.
-He was the only PK that actually fired the Command Carrier’s huge honkin’ cannons. Hurtling utterly massive balls of superheated plasma at horrific velocities toward unarmed living ships is a sure sign of goodliness........I think.
-If you close your eyes when he’s talking, you’ll probably end up dead, but if not you’ll swear you’re listening to pilot, a classic goodly character.
Braca
Reasons why he might be the goodliest:
-You can always count on his loyalty.
-He’s always smirking so he must be a happy guy.
-If he didn’t polish his superior’s butts you might be chosen to do it.
-He won’t let you make any “unfortunate mistakes” while he’s around. What a thoughtful guy.
-He’s still alive despite pissing off a lot of people I wouldn’t want to piss off. This could mean he’s got that “hero character shield” thing protecting him from harm. If true then he must be goodly as that’s the prerequisite.
-He doesn’t like fighting and regularly gets his trained military ass kicked by southern boy IASA scientist Johnny boy Crichton. It’s a well documented historical fact that in records dating back as far as 407bc most genuinely goodly characters have also been described as irredeemable pussies.
Grayza
Reasons why she might be goodliest:
-She’s got such a warm and wonderful smile.
-She puts on a pretty good show.
-She’s got purple shading, purple things tend to be grape flavored. In most credible academic circles grapes are considered second only to the Peruvian Kumquat as goodliest fruit.
-She’s got a semi sultry voice.
-She’s selflessly limited herself to a single outfit in her entire wardrobe. Thus saving the lives of countless little furry alien creatures who might otherwise have been skinned for the sake of her vanity.
-She uses her shirt buttons in the office vending machine thus “sickin’ it to the man” by ripping off the major soda corporations. Ripping off major corporations makes her a “rebel” and therefore, if I’ve done the calculations correctly, “angstfully cool”. Now as any first year goodliologist knows angstfulness and coolness combined under certain controlled conditions can create the Goodstvenhosen-342 isotope which, of course, emits concentrated goodliness.
Scorpius
Reasons why he might be goodliest:
-He has such a wonderful sense of humor.
-He’s a snappy dresser.
-He likes to think he’s cultured
-He’s into glow sticks and leather masks.
-He never hit on his reasonably hot assistant Niem.
-I heard he felt kinda bad for a few minutes after he strangled those kittens for sexual gratification.
-He wants to save the universe from the Scarrans......by killing billions of them......for fun.....while eating a Scarran baby soufflé......and urinating on the grave of a dead Scarran he buried upside down.
-He’s so tough to kill he’s probably a terminator in disguise....but a goodly terminator of course... er, excepting the kitten thing.....and the bits about the upside down grave watering and baby eating.
Coming soon: Goodliest Moyan.