Haikus! They take the pain away...

[generic_screenname]

I'd like to preface this by saying I'm normally a very gentile, caring person. I'm a genuine nice guy, as evidenced by my habitually finishing last. That being said, some of you may be aware that I work with Joe, the world's most painfully annoying person. I do not say that lightly. He has earned the title, believe me.

He has nicknames for everbody, like the copy-room guy from Saturday Night Live. We have a client named Dara and every time... every time he says her name, he refers to her as "Dara Dingle."

Then there's Lindsey Knox. Every time her name is mentioned, like clockwork he'll say "Lindsey's got big knockers!" in a sing-song "Ring Around the Rosey" voice. Wow. Sexist and unfunny.

One woman's last name is Holmes, who according to Joe, is John Holmes' wife. Not only is that not funny, but that burns the unsavoy image of Joe watching porn into my poor innocent retinas. He doesn't even try to change it up, you know, like by sometimes saying "Sherlock's daughter" or something. It's always "John Holmes' wife."

There's more, so help me God, there's more. Like the voices. He thinks he can do voices. Rich Little would be spinning in his grave if he were dead. And he takes our names and incorporates them into whatever song is playing on the radio. Not only does he apparently think this is clever, but he thinks it continues to be so after doing it several times a day, every day...for TWO FRIGGIN' YEARS!

So anyway, to cope with sitting across from nature's biggest mistake (throwing staples, pens, etc. doesn't work...I've tried), I wrote some haikus. They help me relax.

I just can't stand him
always driving me insane
Joe is a douche bag

clomp clomp clomp all day
can't sit down for three seconds
nail his feet to floor

mouth won't stop flapping
dear God, why won't he shut up?
he's at it again

I know everything
I am loud and obnoxios
Dara thinks I'm great

My first wife left me
but I can't imagine why
oh that's right, I suck

[fermicat]

Yeah, tough to work around someone who perpetually grates on your nerves. You got my sympathy.

[NYPinTA]

OMG!! :rollin:

I am not laughing at your plight. Honest. But those hiakus are hilarious... Poor g_s. Sorry you got stuck with such a schmuck(sp).

[LiLOrion]

:rollin:

Yeah, I'm not laughing at your misfortune either. But those hiakus are hysterical!

Query: Have you ever tried throwing something bigger than a pen? Picking himself off the floor after laying there unconscious for a few minutes might jar whats left of his brain and maybe he'll act normal for once.
Granted, you would have to do it all ninja-like least you be fired, but its a thought. :D

[NYPinTA]

somehow the idea of g_s as a ninja is just as funny as those hiakus.



(I say with much Scaper love!! ;) )

[generic_screenname]

the haiku-writing ninja...

[NYPinTA]

:rollin: Instead of throwing stars you would throw witty barbs.

[generic_screenname]

Yeah, but I could never pull it off. It's hard to be stealthy in carboard shoes.

[stellar]

I'm a big believer in the Haiku. Glad to see you're championing this underused art. Equally glad that I got to see the word "douchebag" in a Haiku.

[generic_screenname]

Just doing my part...

Five syllables then
Followed by line of seven
Hiakuing is fun

[NYPinTA]

Originally posted by stellar
... Equally glad that I got to see the word "douchebag" in a Haiku.

:lol I don't know if thats kinda sad or not. :lol

[DentArthurDent]

Well G_S you could always try the John Crichton Method... ;)

AFD

[trubador]

Maybe you should get everyone else in the office to start doing it to HIM.

You know.... "Hey! Joe the Schmoe."
or "Hey! It's Half-caff/Decaf Cup o' Joe."
or "Hey! Joselphish."
or "Hey! An-JO-line."

you get the idea...

[NYPinTA]

Or of course the ever popular: Hey Joe whadda ya know? And do it Every Morning.

[generic_screenname]

Oh, his nickname for himself (and I apologize to any gay Scapers out there) is the incredibly gay "Joe E Bear" He calls his friends on the phone and says "Hey Skippy, it's Joe E Bear..." That's a direct quote, by the way. He says he got the nickname because he was out biking in the woods and this big bear came by and...I don't know, something happened.

Everyone else here (all 3 of us) email each other about him all day. Last week when he said one of his "hillarious" takes on someone's name, I made it a point to laugh uncontrollably and very obviously unnaturally for ten minutes.

Nothing stops this guy.

[mgraylorn]

If he is making sexist remarks to women in the office you should take it up with your HR person. In many companies and universities sexual harrassment is taken very seriously and will most likely get you fired. Even the hint of impropriety can get noted in your permanent record, and this guy sounds like he is way over the line. The sexist remarks don't even have to be made to a particular female, i.e. remarks made about Lindsey in front of another woman is still considered sexual harrassment, as it makes the workplace uncomfortable.

[generic_screenname]

That would be great...but the women I mentioned are clients, so they don't work in our building or even hear any of this stuff. The only people in the office are Joe, me, and two other guys. My company is only made up of six people, four employees and two employers. Maybe we should hire a woman so he'll say something and get fired.

[mgraylorn]

Hiring a woman to get the guy fired might help.

Or there is always screaming, "Shut the hell up before I shove pencils into your eye sockets!"

Do your bosses know what he is doing, and do they care? If they know about it and don't care then you are SOL. If they don't know and this guy might come in contact with female clients, you might want to let them know about this behavior - he could cost the company a client(s).

[trinamick]

Every time he starts with the name crap, just start singing, "Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeennnnneeee...", making sure to hit the high notes. Or if asks you a question, respond with "Yes, Josephine?"

Does he ever take his shoes off at work, or slip them off and on? (I used to work with someone who did) Get a pair of identical shoes that are a half size smaller and replace them. Keep going down a half size every few days.

If all else fails, get yourself a little Dammit Doll to beat on hard surfaces.

"When you want to throw the phone or kick a chair and shout,
here's a little dammit doll you cannot do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs and find a place to slam it,
and as you whack its stuffing out, yell "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!"

[BrowderChick]

Joe Blow? But you could always add something to that if you get the meaning. But make sure its something or someone he hates. And get the rise out of him and use it often.

[who45]

Originally posted by trinamick
If all else fails, get yourself a little Dammit Doll to beat on hard surfaces.

"When you want to throw the phone or kick a chair and shout,
here's a little dammit doll you cannot do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs and find a place to slam it,
and as you whack its stuffing out, yell "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" :rollin: I gotta get me one of those. Sure could have used that a few weeks ago,lol.

[BrowderChick]

When I worked in an Insurance Company office I had a Beat Me Up Buddy. That guy worked great.

[LiLOrion]

Originally posted by generic_screenname
Last week when he said one of his "hillarious" takes on someone's name, I made it a point to laugh uncontrollably and very obviously unnaturally for ten minutes.

Nothing stops this guy.


I know for a fact that laughing like that seems to make the person act even MORE annoying. Sometimes you dont think "more annoying" is possible, but then, unfortunately, they surprise you.

I think the problem is there arent a lot of you in the office and he is around all men so he thinks he's probably acting cool when in reality he isnt.

[BrowderChick]

Insecure is what he is.

[generic_screenname]

Well, it's a new week
God, not the song thing again
You're a riot, Joe.

[NYPinTA]

generic_screename
I really do feel for you
Maybe he will die.

(I am trying to be helpful here.)

Edit: one less syllable.

[generic_screenname]

One too many sylabols in the first line, (how about "poor, helpless G S...") but the last line rules!

[samati75]

Poor G_S listens
To the psycho guy next door
Eat S**t and die, Joe.

Love, Samati.

[samati75]

This is fun, can I do one about my co-worker?

She talks very loud
"Wanna hear something funny?"
Ev'ry five minutes.

[BrowderChick]

Go for it. :):):):)

[generic_screenname]

Just for the record I don't want Joe to die...but I wouldn't mind if he got like chronic diarrhea.

Every time he speaks
Like shards of glass in my ear
I wish I was deaf

[stellar]

Here's one about my workaholic colleague.

I know you're sleeping
Wish you would not snore at work
For God's sake go home

[NYPinTA]

Ok, I meant "death of annoying personality". Better?

[mgraylorn]

You could make him cookies with laxatives in them.

[generic_screenname]

Well, for creative purposes, I think it's okay to say die. As long as it's known that I don't really mean it.

Die die die die die
Die die die die die die die
Die die die die Joe

[Lord Loser]

whines an awful lot
He is just jealous of Joe
generic_screenname

Does that help? :P

[trinamick]

:elol: Poor g_s! Has to put up with Joe & LL!

[generic_screenname]

whines an awful lot
He is just jealous of Joe
generic_screenname


Does that help?

I dare you to spend five minutes with this guy, and if you haven't shoved several pens into your ears to quell the stream of spirit-breaking stupidity flowing into them from his gaping maw, then and only then do you have the right to say I'm whining.

Head me warning, lads: Ye haven't experienced sheer, blood-boiling, grating frustration until ye've come face to face with the idiot man-child with two different color eyes that is Joe.

[samati75]

Originally posted by generic_screenname
Well, for creative purposes, I think it's okay to say die. As long as it's known that I don't really mean it.

Die die die die die
Die die die die die die die
Die die die die Joe

Right, lol, as long as it's in good fun!

[trinamick]

This is for the 73 yo battleaxe standing next to my desk right now telling me the same stories she tells every day about her kids, friends, dog, decorations, yada, yada, yada.

Hate your dumb stories
Wish you would just shut up once
Go away old bat

[samati75]

Turn off the a/c
So what if you are the boss
My fingers are numb!

[trinamick]

What is that screeching?
Turn off the loud tea kettle
My head just blew up

[stellar]

Back from library
Four books and a microfiche
Tensors, PDEs. :censored:

[fermicat]

Back from a meeting
Interminable boredom
Now I have to pee.

[NYPinTA]

No Christmas Bonus
Frelling Scrooge
I need a State Job.

:rollin:

[trinamick]

:rollin:

[trinamick]

Hearing Christmas tunes
A gun barrel in my mouth
Sounds like a toss up

[generic_screenname]

I can't believe it
He's like a biblical plague
punishment from God


The return of Christ
Can't come soon enough for me
My death will be swift

[NYPinTA]

:rollin:

You know, Buddists would say that it is not him that is making you angry, but you who are making yourself angry. Only you can decide how he will affect you.... or something like that. Hope that helps.

[generic_screenname]

I suppose you're right
But you have to remember
Buddists don't know Joe

[DentArthurDent]

what you are saying is that even Buddists have their limits...

[trinamick]

Frelling computer
Crashed for the third time today
Someone kill me please

Sorry about Joe
It must suck to be that lame
At least you're not Joe!

[samati75]

cans of whoop-ass
are effective on evil
co-workers like Joe.

[generic_screenname]

Joe is annoying
But he is a Farscape fan
So he's not all bad

He doesn't go to this board though...but if you're reading this, Joe: enough with nicknames and the songs and the voices and just do your work!!!!

[DentArthurDent]

does he answer to the name 'Stark'? ;)

[generic_screenname]

Originally posted by DentArthurDent
does he answer to the name 'Stark'? ;)

only if it's followed by "raving mad"

Ok, now he's singing a song about smoking crack. I'm not kidding.

[NYPinTA]

frelling paper cut
hurts so much
I need hazard pay

[DentArthurDent]

snurched something from Crichtonisms for you ;)

Stark Nicknames

New! Another lunatic with the wrong number of eyes (in 4x21 "We're So Screwed, Part 3: La Bomba" by Rygel)
Astro (in 3x07 "Thanks for Sharing"and other episodes by John)
Avatar, Guide to the game embodied (in 4x07 "John Quixote" by himself)
Banik Slave (in 2x17 "The Ugly Truth" and other episodes by Crais)
Crazy nitnik (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by Rygel)
Freakazoid psycho bastard (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by John)
Half-blind (in 3x14 "Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands" by Rygel)
Idiot (in 3x14 "Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands" by Crais)
Lunatic (in 3x14 "Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands" by Rygel)
Mutineer (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by Crais)
New! Old Friend (in 4x20 "We're So Screwed, Part 2: Hot to Katratzi" by Minister Aknha)
One-eyed hingmot with no 3-D vision (in 3x10 "Relativity" by Rygel)
Phantom (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by John)
Pellish venker (in 3x10 "Relativity" by Rygel)
Pop-top (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by John)
Slave (in 3x17 "The Choice" by Crais)
Stupid, selfish naknot (in 3x17 "The Choice" by Rygel)
Stykera (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by himself)
New! Troubled Stykera (in 4x22 "Bad Timing" by Noranti)
Talyn's pilot (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by himself)
Trankass (in 3x08 "Green-Eyed Monster" by Rygel)
Welnitz (in 3x08 "Green-Eyed Monster" by Rygel)

[generic_screenname]

black and white TV
the pain the pain of it all
Danger, warned robot

I think I'm addicted to this now.

[generic_screenname]

Originally posted by DentArthurDent
snurched something from Crichtonisms for you ;)

Stark Nicknames

New! Another lunatic with the wrong number of eyes (in 4x21 "We're So Screwed, Part 3: La Bomba" by Rygel)
Astro (in 3x07 "Thanks for Sharing"and other episodes by John)
Avatar, Guide to the game embodied (in 4x07 "John Quixote" by himself)
Banik Slave (in 2x17 "The Ugly Truth" and other episodes by Crais)
Crazy nitnik (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by Rygel)
Freakazoid psycho bastard (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by John)
Half-blind (in 3x14 "Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands" by Rygel)
Idiot (in 3x14 "Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands" by Crais)
Lunatic (in 3x14 "Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands" by Rygel)
Mutineer (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by Crais)
New! Old Friend (in 4x20 "We're So Screwed, Part 2: Hot to Katratzi" by Minister Aknha)
One-eyed hingmot with no 3-D vision (in 3x10 "Relativity" by Rygel)
Phantom (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by John)
Pellish venker (in 3x10 "Relativity" by Rygel)
Pop-top (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by John)
Slave (in 3x17 "The Choice" by Crais)
Stupid, selfish naknot (in 3x17 "The Choice" by Rygel)
Stykera (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by himself)
New! Troubled Stykera (in 4x22 "Bad Timing" by Noranti)
Talyn's pilot (in 3x12 "Meltdown" by himself)
Trankass (in 3x08 "Green-Eyed Monster" by Rygel)
Welnitz (in 3x08 "Green-Eyed Monster" by Rygel)

8 of those where said by Rygel. they had great chemistry. :rollin: Dammit, I miss this show!

The fools at Sci Fi
Cancelled the best show they had
Tremors, my eema.

[DentArthurDent]

generic_screenname
I'm addicted to this now
we are so screwed

[samati75]

Addicting haiku!
Like the song Joe was singing
About the crack rock

[trinamick]

This sucky weather
Makes me want to go postal
Dear God no more snow!

[NYPinTA]

Isn't that just great
more addictive threads
Just what I need now.

[samati75]

Not a haiku, but...

The coworker who likes to say "You want to hear something funny?" all day? Well, she's on the phone with a matress co. YELLING at them cause they wont give her a refund. She's hollering at them (here, at work) about calling her lawyer and calling the tv station and telling the guy he's full of sh*t. Oh gosh, this girl is such an attention whore.

[fermicat]

No sex harrassment
In Rotterdam train stations
So say the police.

[NYPinTA]

Wonder what would happen if the news anchors tried to deliver the news in nothing but hiaku.... Hmmmm

[fermicat]

Talyn's poor post count
Shrinking like an ice cold <beep>
grinner is to blame.

[fermicat]

Topical hiaku
Beats the heck out of working
Any day I say.

[samati75]

awnsers i dont have
to talyns posting problem
i just write haiku

Edited to fix STUPID spelling

[trinamick]

Just got someone off
Fourth offense DUI charge
Here's our bill, loser!

[generic_screenname]

Originally posted by NYPinTA
Wonder what would happen if the news anchors tried to deliver the news in nothing but hiaku.... Hmmmm

And in other news
The stock market crashed today
Now here's Bob with sports

[samati75]

get off the phone now
you have wasted enough time
with the matress guy

If you tell the guy
You have the flu he won't want
To take back the bed.

[trinamick]

My boss is belching
Totally grossing me out
Take some antacid!

[fermicat]

Cannibals are odd
McDonalds and cinema
Then go eat your pal

[trinamick]

Why are you in jail?
Breaking in is a crime, dork!
Just don't drop the soap

[fermicat]

Why are people dumb?
Ignorance is not blissful
For everyone else.

[fermicat]

Can't curse on TV?
Networks are in trouble deep
Won't catch cable now.

[samati75]

Like yoda you speak!
At work thinking up haiku
Does take pain away

[fermicat]

This is such a kick
I'd be doing paperwork
If I wasn't here.

[generic_screenname]

would you look at this
I've created a monster
there's no stopping now

[fermicat]

See what you started?
Worker productivity
Suddenly declines.

[DentArthurDent]

and Joe can be blamed
a scapegoat he has become
he is a nice guy

[Digger]

Wonder what would happen if the news anchors tried to deliver the news in nothing but hiaku.... Hmmmm
US Armed Forces
Follow smell to hole in ground
Saddam Hussein caught


edited to say:

friggin' typos suck
I'm always having to fix
my dumb-ass mistakes

[generic_screenname]

lets not be hasty
the guy is still annoying
and he's a kiss ass

[generic_screenname]

Oh, for...he just started singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Gay Deer"...
Then switched to a quasi-cockney accent and said "he's a bloody f**king gay deer."

The man is not right in the head. And not in a cute way like me.

[DentArthurDent]

Joe as Bracca Stark
Insane kiss ass sycophant
make escape plans now

[NYPinTA]

Originally posted by generic_screenname


The man is not right in the head. And not in a cute way like me.

:rollin:

[Digger]

Haikus are great fun
G_S starts addictive thread
Wins Frelly Award?

[generic_screenname]

what kind of man sings
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Gay Deer
his wife must be proud

note: Joe's wife is in the military (Air Force reserve) and is hardly ever home. If you had to come home to that guy, you'd rather be in Iraq, too.

[trinamick]

Workmate is talking
About her last mammogram
Squished tits not my thing!

Enough already
Visions of granny topless
Too much for my brain!

[fermicat]

Ever have a 'gram?
I canceled my appointment
Couldn't bear the thought.

[samati75]

can you buy some drug
to slip into joe's coffee?
what a thing to dream!

[samati75]

this has got to stop!
the haikus are like a drug
i count five-seven-five!

[fermicat]

This is more dang fun
Than my cats have with catnip
Lets do it again.

[DentArthurDent]

Trina had visions
she made us have them with her
retinas are gone

[NYPinTA]

Shoveling all of this snow
has made me sleepy
I really need a long nap

[generic_screenname]

tonight at midnight
seeing Return of the King
tomorrow I sleep

[NYPinTA]

I can't stop yawning
I am so frelling tired
I want to sleep now!!

[trinamick]

Finals are over
Time to celebrate my break
Party like a fiend!

[NYPinTA]

Originally posted by generic_screenname
tonight at midnight
seeing Return of the King
tomorrow I sleep

You Lucky bastard! :D
I will see it on Thursday
Have fun tomarrow.

[generic_screenname]

words flow from my mind
landing as verse on the screen
as my post count soars

[Digger]

Speaking of post counts
If Talyn3 finds this thread
will mods delete it?

[NYPinTA]

Originally posted by Digger
Speaking of post counts
If Talyn3 finds this thread
will mods delete it?

:lol Poor talyn3....

[samati75]

yum! Viggo Viggo!
yum! Viggo Mortenson yum!
Second box set mine!

[generic_screenname]

Nasy hobbitses
they tries to take you from us
My own, my precious

[fermicat]

Your good taste in men
Is much appreciated
By me (nice haiku).


<this is referring to the Viggo haiku>

[Digger]

Lord of the Ring star
setting women's hearts afire
saddens sci-fi geeks
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ft/2003/ft031215.gif

[samati75]

The coworker that bitched out the mattress company? (You are GOING to love this!) She finally convinced the ppl to take the damn thing back. So.... her hubby wraps it up in plastic and sticks it in the back of the truck. On the way there, the plastic falls off the mattress, gets wrapped in the wheel well (yes, I am telling the truth) and CATCHES ON FIRE! The plastic! So the mattess gets singed!!!! And they can't return it!!!! SO she yelled for naught!!!! OMG the day cannot get better!

Mattresses burning
You are eating crow tonight
Serves you right, dumb b**ch!

[generic_screenname]

Mattress story great
Lady gets what she deserves
Me talk like Tarzan

[trinamick]

That's hilarious
Gal gets too big for britches
Exposed in the end! :D

[generic_screenname]

Originally posted by generic_screenname
Stuck on You tonight
Then time for Lord of the Rings
Talk to you later.

[Digger]

have fun at the show
i have to go xmas shop
no time for movies

[samati75]

gosh i am tired
folding clothes sucks the big one
let it build up, though :(

Have fun at movie dude!
tell us how wild it was
i wish i was there!

[generic_screenname]

the movie was great
went to bed at 4 AM
Red Bull gives you wings

[fermicat]

I am back at work
It's no fun today either
Vacation next week

[Bekka Horror]

RAG day tomorow
Will get really drunk
Angel of death

I am going as
I must find a way
To scape people

[samati75]

What is RAG?
Has it to do with sci-fi?
Have a good time, then.

[generic_screenname]

you may have this phone
it is shaped like Mary Worth
worst haiku ever

[fermicat]

Cat Haiku: http://www.nanceestar.com/CatHaiku.html

[Bekka Horror]

Originally posted by samati75
What is RAG?
Has it to do with sci-fi?
Have a good time, then.

RAG = Raise and give, its a collage event - we dress up and go round with collection buckets and end up spending most of the day in the pub

Didnt know how
to explain in haiku
I really suck

[samati75]

That REALLY sounds fun
What are you raising funds for?
Dressing up as what?

[samati75]

lol! from Cat Haiku:

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt.

[Bekka Horror]

said in prev post
going as angel of death
this is not right

not 5 7 5
dont know charitys
i should check

carry to do list
farscape crossed out
put back on

haikus are fun
i am getting addicted
should stop now

[fermicat]

I liked this one from Cat Haiku:

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

[samati75]

Title company
Brought us cake and two cheesecakes
Aren't they the best?

[fermicat]

Still not digging work.
Wish I was on vacation
Instead of in cube.

[samati75]

It is fifty-three
dropping down to thirty-four
florida is cold

[fermicat]

Don't worry 'bout it
Florida will warm up soon
We will still be cold

[fermicat]

No haiku today?
We can't let this thread languish
What's wrong with you folks?

[fermicat]

I just won a prize
At my work's Christmas raffle
Gift certificate

[generic_screenname]

falling back to Earth
my mind was gone yesterday
I think it's back now

[stellar]

I am so tired
Up too late watching TV
One Hour Photo sucks

[generic_screenname]

I thought it was good
but I could have done without
bleeding eye sockets

[samati75]

You did not like it?
I thought it was fairly good
Robin was quite strange

[fermicat]

I did not turn on
My TV at all last night.
Had dinner with friend.

[stellar]

Pseudo-suspensful
I require more nudity
I'm too discerning

[trinamick]

About Schmidt really sucks
Naked Kathy Bates too much
Dig eyes out with spoon!

[samati75]

cough! i have a cough
people keeping a wide berth
i DON'T have the flu!

[generic_screenname]

I haven't eaten
solid food since Tuesday night
Nothing but Red Bull

[trinamick]

Anorexic yet?
Maybe time for food, ya think?
No grub, no muscles! :D

[stellar]

Originally posted by generic_screenname
I haven't eaten
solid food since Tuesday night
Nothing but Red Bull


Mix it with Vodka
People think you're on cocaine
Ah... those were the days.

[generic_screenname]

stupid frigging drink
I'm rotting from the inside
what a way to go

[trinamick]

Take No-Doz with it
If you have a small seizure
That's half of the fun

[stellar]

Try some NyQuil too
Might be like crossing the streams
This is really fun

[generic_screenname]

past few days no sleep
getting back to normal now
it is time for lunch

[fermicat]

I just had my lunch
Boss took us to restaurant
Pig'd out and drank beer

[generic_screenname]

Will we lose Nomar
because the Red Sox want to
Insert the A-Rod?

[stellar]

That last one is just vague enough to be dirty.

[generic_screenname]

a dirty Farscape reference...

[fermicat]

I really hope not
Nomar is a fixture here
Should stay in Boston

[samati75]

you got to drink beer?
lucky you i wish i could
found a new site, though

thanks to Red: http://www.mrpicassohead.com

[generic_screenname]

My Picasso Head
In all it's splendid glory
I will call him George

[samati75]

that is wonderful
trying john and aeryn but
i can't get the hair

[stellar]

Is this my blue period?

[samati75]

that one's good!

[samati75]

good morning to all!
tonight is the work party
gambling on a boat!

[trinamick]

Thank God it's Friday
I am ready to go home
Sleep all weekend long

[generic_screenname]

Joe will be having
A Christmas Party next week
I'll be sick that day

[trinamick]

Poor Joe sits alone
No one comes to his party
Tells jokes to himself

[generic_screenname]

He'll have his two cats
and a picture of his wife
bwa ha ha ha ha!

[samati75]

I think Joe's the guy
Wheelchair bound in Office Space
and Milton combined.

[fermicat]

Off to Atlanta!
No more shopping till I drop
Time to go enjoy.

[samati75]

have fun in georgia
my family will come here
get to see nephew

[NYPinTA]

While looking on the net about Haikus (cuz I know there are more then one type, but I didn't know what they were) I came across this site: http://www.scifaiku.com/what/
I just thought it was cool.
I think g_s should name his style of haiku. Like Joedihaiku... or something... :lol

[samati75]

http://www.mrpicassohead.com/canvas.html?id=6888c16

yeah! If you search Farscape, you'll see another from a familiar nick.

[Kurt_eh]

bump

[Digger]

Originally posted by Kurt_eh
bump
Shouldn't that be:

bump bump bump bump bump
bump bump bump bump bump bump bump
bump bump bump bump bump


One day 'til Christmas
In Oz it's already there
So are some good friends


Merry Frelling Christmas to the Cast and Crew of Farscape.

[samati75]

i'm at work today
who else is sharing my hardship
happy holidays!

[Digger]

I'm here at work too
Biding time until I can go
Clock moving to slow

[trinamick]

I'm at work by choice
Now I will get Friday off
Four day weekend - yay!

[NYPinTA]

I'm at work today
Have to be here Friday too
Frelling retail sales

[samati75]

Supposed to leave now
Frelling problem loan files
Posting useless dren.

[trinamick]

Boss just went home early
Said I can leave if I want
Early vacation! :D

[generic_screenname]

I've been sick for days
itchy eyes and sneezing fits
coughing up mucus

[trinamick]

Such a lovely thought
Excuse me while I gag now
Are you contagious?

[Digger]

No wonder you're sick.
When snow falls in New England
Don't shovel in shorts!

:achoo:
Hope you're feeling better man.

[generic_screenname]

hey, for the record, it was unseasonibly warm (you're only a few towns away...it was 70 degrees in Weymouth) so we all wore shorts to take photos to send to my family in California, and it was only for ten minutes or so. I was sick long before that, and it went away a little, but then came back. I'd be fine when I go to bed, and then wake up sick every morning. Apparently it was pneumonia. But I'm on meds now.


I slept late today
the Codeine knocked me out cold
but my cough is gone

[mgraylorn]

Hmmmm, sick in the mornings.......morning sickness?

Sorry you have pneumonia. That's one of those illnesses you should take seriously. Jim Henson died of pneumonia.

[generic_screenname]

I'm pretty sure it's not morning sickness :rollin:

[generic_screenname]

he's still annoying
he's still singing stupid songs
yes, I still hate Joe

[generic_screenname]

Here's to my friend Joe,
he may be a moron, but...
...well, there is no "but"

[Digger]

hey, for the record, it was unseasonibly warm (you're only a few towns away...it was 70 degrees in Weymouth) so we all wore shorts to take photos to send to my family in California, and it was only for ten minutes or so. I was sick long before that, and it went away a little, but then came back. I'd be fine when I go to bed, and then wake up sick every morning. Apparently it was pneumonia. But I'm on meds now. Sigh. We REALLY need a sarcasm smiley. You'd think grinner would have found one for us by now.

So you're better now
and you're sure you're not preggers
a load off my mind

[trinamick]

Where did my abs go?
Hidden under folds of fat?
Frell you, Billy Blanks!

[Lord Loser]

Where did your abs go?
What could cause such a spare tire?
Crown Royal and Dew.

[samati75]

It's been a while
I apolgize
Not ever happen again!

[trinamick]

Crown Royal & Dew
It's the drink of champions
Worth a little gut :D

[trinamick]

Exercise or couch
It's always been a toss-up
No pain, no gain - bah!

[generic_screenname]

If I beat up Joe
Hit him with a sack of rocks
Would I go to jail?

[trinamick]

If you go to jail
I'll offer our services
Discount legal fees

[Digger]

"Joe made me crazy
Temporarily insane"
Says GS at trial.

[La Bomba]

Joe is black and blue
g s drops his bag and grins
locked up, but content

[generic_screenname]

if judge knew Joe
the verdict would be simple:
hit Joe with more rocks

[La Bomba]

:spew:

I wish I knew Joe
even for only a day
to lob a rock, too

[trinamick]

"Nonsense, Your Honor,"
Premeditated murder?
Just found bag o' rocks

g_s innocent
Entered plea of self defense
Joe pushed him to it

[generic_screenname]

in less than a month
the girl I love will be here
what to do til then?

[La Bomba]

It is time to take
Matters into your own hands
If you catch my drift

[stellar]

:spew:

[generic_screenname]

maybe you are right
but when can I find the time?
clean up, isle four

[La Bomba]

You know what they say
There's always room for Jell-O
Is that too graphic?

[Johnsgirl727]

Originally posted by generic_screenname
in less than a month
the girl I love will be here
what to do til then?
:love2::love::smooch:

[generic_screenname]

Sweet valley high! Joe's trying to get me to go to his party. I'm not going I tells ya!

the following is a fictitious account of Joe-- hyperbole master extraordinaire--trying to convince me that his lame party will in fact be the shiznit, something he’s been trying to do since before Christmas

Joe: Come on, Mr. “H” (note: that’s how he refers to me in the bazillion little Post It notes he sticks all over the place; with inexplicable quotation marks around the H) I’m gonna have like 30 people at my house Saturday.

Me: Hey, that’s great. Have fun.

Joe: You have to go. There’s going to be live music! Who’s your favorite band? You know what? It doesn’t matter, ‘cause they’re all gonna be there.

Me: Geez, I’m just…I’m really busy this weekend.

Joe: There’ll be lots of cute girls there.

Me: Yeah…sure. Anyway I have a girlfriend.

Joe: Then bring her along. It’ll be fun.

Me: I…Have you even been paying attention?

Joe: You’ll be missing out…the President will be there.

Me: The president? Of what?

Joe: The United States. Yeah, we go way back. I knew “W” back when he was just “U” He’s bringing some night vision goggles. We’ll turn out the lights and wear them around the house. It’ll be cool.

Me: I don’t know…

Joe: C’mon, It’s only a few hours. Jesus will be there, healing lepers and stuff. So if you know any lepers, bring ‘em on over.

Me: I’m going to leave now.

[Digger]

It's minus 10 out
My car took three tries to start
Yotz! I hate winter.

[La Bomba]

It's Monday AGAIN...
Another day that won't end
Time is suspended

[La Bomba]

must get out of here
time to fake an injury
i will limp on home

[KellEy.. "red"]

New Headline Today
G_S finally kills Joe
Peace at last for all

i just recently got into haiku writing... i read this entire thread and i've been LMAO at the stories... give me some time and i'll have to tell you about our newest employee, Rodney... he's...... well... he's..... hrmmm... i'll have to think about it...

[Lord Loser]

Originally posted by KellEy.. "red"
i just recently got into haiku writing... i read this entire thread and i've been LMAO at the stories... give me some time and i'll have to tell you about our newest employee, Rodney... he's...... well... he's..... hrmmm... i'll have to think about it... Special?

[kechara420]

i just read this thread
i'm laughing my a** off, yes
rolling on the floor

[KellEy.. "red"]

well.. let's just say "He ain't right"... and i don't mean that in the ha-ha, funny, kinda way.. i mean that in the "he's gonna get his ass kicked if he mouths off to me one more time" kinda way... this dude has been there for less than 2 weeks.. i've been doing this off and on for over 14 years, and he's telling me how to program???

so uhh yeah.. he's... on my last nerve.. and he has this way of saying things that are sooo mean and rude and then laughing at it and saying "oh i was just jokin.. you know i love you"... dude.. i've known you less than 2 weeks.. i DON'T know that.. and i don't really want to..

okay... end rant.. for now...

Rodney, he ain't right
He thinks he knows all the rules
I have news for him!!

[Lord Loser]

laughing your a** off
cannot be very good thing
if you need to sit

[kechara420]

sounds like a real jerk
needs to be put in his place
need a baseball bat?

[kechara420]

guess I'll have to stand
or maybe do some walking
sitting's no big deal

[Lord Loser]

head to vanity
kechara reached big post
everyone cheers her.

[KellEy.. "red"]

he just needs some time
maybe he will be alright
if not he goes away

keep the baseball bat
but do not put it away
i may still need it

[kechara420]

i'll keep it handy
close at hand in case of need
holler and it's yours ;)

[kechara420]

i must say good night
the grocery store is waiting
and so is my mom

[Lord Loser]

pick me up something
something a little bit sweet
but a tad saucey

[kechara420]

you are what's saucy
although you're a bit sweet, too
but not too often

[generic_screenname]

the story of Joe:
boy meets girl, gets a divorce
annoys co-workers

[kechara420]

I'm sad for Joe
divorce can be a tough thing
sorry to hear it

[generic_screenname]

that was years ago
he married again last year
feel bad for new wife!

[kechara420]

is he all that bad?
perhaps she's happy with him
love is blind you know

[Lord Loser]

Another new av?
it's very very hard to keep up
need a new scorecard.

[kechara420]

can't decide my fav
variety's a good thing
which do you like best?

[generic_screenname]

Originally posted by kechara420
is he all that bad?
perhaps she's happy with him
love is blind you know

Yes, he is that bad
love would have to be deaf, too
he'll make your ears bleed

[kechara420]

guess that is real bad
I would never handle it
wonder why she stays

[generic_screenname]

she's in the Air Force
she's gone for weeks at a time
she comes home horny

[kechara420]

that explains a lot
she's got the best of both worlds
sex and solitude

[generic_screenname]

Sorry to break haiku, but I do have to say that outside of work, Joe really isn't that bad, no stupid nicknames, no random noises, no sticking people's names into songs, no bragging about everything he's ever done, no making the "I just said something clever" face or any of the other stupid crap he does all day every day. But when we're here...dear God....his well of annoyance springs eternal.

Back to your regularly-scheduled haikus:

So what's the bright side?
I can make a Joe comic
Joe will make me rich :D

[kechara420]

sounds like a good plan
I will certainly read it
just so I can laugh

[Lord Loser]

Originally posted by kechara420
you are what's saucy
although you're a bit sweet, too
but not too often I have no idea
what you are talking about
innocent party
<=== :innocent:

[trinamick]

Stupid computers
Always frell up my free time
Better get paid lots!

[samati75]

How long has it been?
I've been over playing 'Pants'
Saw RotK!!!

[La Bomba]

Holy D'artagnan!
Joined my first FMD club
Oh, yes, I know Joe

[generic_screenname]

I think in a way
every one of us knows Joe
isn't that awful?

[trinamick]

The wise words of Joe
Stick in your brain like earworms
Slowly melt your mind

[La Bomba]

As the saying goes
We all have a Joe to bear
or something like that

[generic_screenname]

Originally posted by La Bomba
As the saying goes
We all have a Joe to bear
or something like that



Joe E Bear...ugh....that's his nickname for himself. Here's a picture of Joe E Bear with National Fire Protection Association mascot Sparky the Fire Dog. Who, by the way, Joe sings a God-awful song about.

http://random-squeegee.com/joebear_sparky.gif

[StarsGoBlue]

I wanna hear the song. :frontrow:

[StarsGoBlue]

Can't work with a Joe
Would love to live without him
Got yer Joe... right here!

[generic_screenname]

It's just "They call him Sparky the Fire Dog, Sparky the Fire Dog..." In the "southern" accent.

[La Bomba]

here comes Joe E Bear
Seems Sparky set him on fire
just to have some fun

Stop, drop and roll, Joe
or your fur will go up fast
let's roast marshmellows!

[generic_screenname]

:rollin:

[samati75]

Keep me from nodding
My forehead touched the desk
What's going on, kids?

[Alexxia]

Hard Rock is right there.
Joe's standing in front of it.
Fall, Cadillac, fall!

[zap]

her name is BJ
she is on another board
she is a right b!tch

BJ likes me not /
she thinks Im the lame poseur /
she is humourless

cheerleading the right /
she argues day an night here /
what, no job for her?

Battle axe BJ /
could probably write speaches /
for ol' GW Bush

blah blah blah blah blah /
arguments go on and on /
blah blah blah blah blah



I had to post this, this womon on another site I frequent is turning into the bane of my existence over there. She is a hard right libertarian, and does not know how to show even the slightest respect for anyone who has an opinion even slightly different from hers. She's a real jerk, I wish she would just go away :(

[samati75]

Sorry about the b**ch.
I have a board that I hate.
I never go back.

[generic_screenname]

The Patriots won
so I guess I am happy
more so if Joe left

[samati75]

Did not watch the game
Boards were not very busy
I just went to bed

[Alexxia]

I saw the Big Game.
I didn't catch halftime, though.
Heard it was nipply.