question or a dilemma... ???

[grinner]

Okay... just a quick question for all ya'll.

My brother(1) and sister-in-law bought a house and had my other brother(2) and I(the ones that live in the same town) move them. Now, my brother(1) told 2 and I that everything would be ready for the move... things packed and all that dren. And that sis-in-laws sisters hubby would help us move them... and that the youth group for their church were going to help them move. Well... at 6.30am this morning, 1 comes over and picks me up to get the U-Haul truck... no problem with that... 2 arrives at the house about 8am and the three of us start to load the U-Haul with the First Load. We get 2's van and the U-Haul truck fully loaded at about 10am... when the youth group are supposed to arrive. sis-in-law's bro-in-law is still MIA. Well... 2 kids arrive to help move... out of 20 that were supposed to show up. Fine... that is just more work that 2 and I have to do... whatever. The problem is that the house ISN'T even fully packed. And 1's dad-in-law would rather clean the bathroom than help pack. Sis-in-law is nowhere to be seen... this is getting frelling rediculous.

So, we take the first loads the 7 miles to the new house... and start unloading it. By then two of 1's friends/co-workers arrive... thankfully... to help us. We get the truck and van unloaded... and make the run back to the old house to get the next load... expecting the house to be more or less packed as sis-in-law arrived just as we were leaving the first time. So at 11am... we start loading the 2nd run. On this run... 1 and I were loading a heavy P.O.S. loveseat hideabed when 1 drops it. My right hand gets stuck inside it and is wrenched and twisted. I pull my had out and walk away... incredibly p*ssed. 1 says..."walk it off... it isn't hurt." I wanted to pound him into the ground... ARGH!!!!. My wrist start to swell a little so I grab some electrical tape and proceed to wrap my wrist with it. To give is some support and to prevent further swelling. I then get back to work lifting the heavy dren... but hey... I ignore the wrist and just work.
At around 12.30pm, my mother and father and grandmother arrive at the house... they are just stopping on the way to the family Christmas party that is set for later that afternoon. After talking with them for a little while, they take off and we leave for the new house. 1's brother-in-law still hasn't shown up. There is about another 1/2 load to go, plus the jungle gym and other stuff.

Get the second load into the new house... and 1's buddies/co-workers leave around 2pm. That leaves 1, 2 and I to finish up.

by now, I am almost to muscle fatigue. 2's knee is getting really loose(he has had a few surgeries on his knee as have I) and all three of us are starting to get on each others nerves. But on the plus side... there were no punches thrown between the three of us... which is a good thing.

At 3pm we finish the 3rd run of the day... and sis-in-law is STILL not around... and 1's bro-in-law STILL HAS YET TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE. this has :g2f: so I ask where he is... as his wife is there. She says that he is at home watching a football game or something... and I was like... wait... there isn't an games until the Bowl games start... I couldn't think of a game that was played today... whatever.

So we leave the playset for tomorrow... as none of us have the engery to lift that heavy piece of dren. Besides... I still had to take the damn dog for a walk... tomorrow he is gone forever... Yeah.

My dilemma... should I mention ANY of my thoughts of anger at my brothers in-laws LACK of any tact or should I just chalk it up to life? the reason I am asking... is that 1's brother-in-law wants us... 1,2 and I to help him move some stuff. I am incredibly close to telling him to F' off and move it his own damn self. I am no-ones carpet. well... maybe family's at times... but... he ain't my family. And I really, really want to tell my sis-in-law off... but... that would be... well... bad. screw this complications... it is like a soap opera.

[Frunium Slip]

You know you could always say yes, then, miraculously, you're favorite team just happens to be playing that must see game on TV, I mean, what else can you possibly do...

What comes around, goes around, I always say...

[MrFlibble]

Frunium Slip has hit it right on the head!

IMHO, don't say anything to 1's in-laws. It will only create tension.

[who45]

If it were me, I wouldn't say anything no matter how pissed you are which you had every right to be, because like Mr. Flibble said it might cause some tension.However, I wouldn't help tomorrow. Tell them that you just don't think you can do it because of your wrist and everything. Let mr. macho, who didn't feel the need to show, do most of the work that's left. I think you did more than your share. I think sis-in-law should help too, but I think that's another story right. That's just my 2 cents worth.

[sny]

Originally posted by grinner

My dilemma... should I mention ANY of my thoughts of anger at my brothers in-laws LACK of any tact or should I just chalk it up to life? the reason I am asking... is that 1's brother-in-law wants us... 1,2 and I to help him move some stuff. I am incredibly close to telling him to F' off and move it his own damn self. I am no-ones carpet. well... maybe family's at times... but... he ain't my family. And I really, really want to tell my sis-in-law off... but... that would be... well... bad. screw this complications... it is like a soap opera.

I'll whip out my Miss Manners side and go with "be truthful, but at least somewhat tactful". When and if they ask for help moving anything, smile sweetly and simply tell them "Sorry, but after injuring myself badly and being left in the lurch repeatedly by those who promised assistance during some past moves I was involved in, I've decided I'm now completely out of the free moving business, including family. You wouldn't believe how many people who promise to help with a move just don't show up, with absolutely no word of warning or explanation. My knee, and now, my wrist, just aren't worth the hassle I go through for what little help I offer. Be glad to recommend a professional mover, though." Best done with the "butter won't melt in my mouth" innocent look. You get all the satisfaction of telling them off, because you are, in a sense, but they can't possibly complain about it, since they're the ones who left you in the lurch. Some people might call it passive-aggressive behavior. I prefer "tactful comeuppance."

Seriously, now, what's done is done, no point in starting a huge fight over it, I guess. Sucks, because you got stuck doing more than you bargained for and got injured in the process, but seeing as everyone was supposedly volunteering their time and labor out of the goodness of their hearts, not much you can do. Could be that the movees overstated the amount of "definitely committed" help that they had coming. Maybe, giving the no-shows the benefit of the doubt, they all had the idea that you were crawling in help, assuming everyone but them had shown up as promised, when in reality, you were at least 18 down off the projected number. Perhaps it would have been better to call them on the spot that day, plead short-handedness and ask why they weren't fulfilling their promises, but now, the time's kind of past on that one. See, then, you could have possibly shamed them into showing up as promised. Now, all you'll do is start a fight, most likely. Not that it's much better if they were sitting at home going "Ahhh, they've got all those youth group kids helpin', why should I go?", but it's better than imagining they outright stood you up on purpose, knowing you were shorthanded.

I know that carpet feeling. Not a good one. I hate feeling like I've been "had" because I was too nice to say no. Or complain. Luckily, since I'm a 5'2" female, I don't often get asked to help people move. I'm only good for small things, like table lamps and small boxes. Why, I could barely drag that double bagged corpse 100 yards from the highway that time in the desert...

Stacie

[grinner]

all well and good Stacie... but as my signature states... Quoting Cordy... Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

I don't have the tact... I unfortunately speak my mind... so I will probably just nod my head and smile and just think the bad thoughts.

[Lord Loser]

Originally posted by sny
Why, I could barely drag that double bagged corpse 100 yards from the highway that time in the desert...

Stacie There's your problem sny, you always dump dead bodies off on SIDE roads. Don't have to drag them that way...

And grin, just blow him off. Don't say anything, let everyone think you're coming then don't show up. When you receive the inevitable phone call. Just tell them you decided not to come.

[BlackThorn]

Mines work great as well, and around here (old silver mining country) there are plenty of them near and not so near side roads.

[Frunium Slip]

well that would explain where the bodies went...

[grinner]

One of the best ways is to go to a Metal Foundry and throw the bodies into molten Metal... bodies just carbonize. Nothing left but a flash of bright light.

[BlackThorn]

Ah, yes. That's the best, but unfortunately, there are a shortage of accessible ones around here.

[who45]

Mmmmm...so next time I see ex jerk, my former friend and ex jerk's mother I need lots of rope right? Maybe we should delete this post...you know to get rid of evidence.

[grinner]

:g2f: us? Nah...

[Lord Loser]

Don't you mean current jerk, former friend and *edited for content*'s mother?

Blackie, you need to stay away from this thread, we'd hate to have them reopen the investigation... :innocent:

[who45]

Originally posted by grinner
:g2f: us? Nah... never :innocent: borrowed your smilie.

[BlackThorn]

Nah, I haven't needed to use the mines yet. I just used to do a lot of hiking out in the BLM land around here and always remembered those mines as being a great place. Especially the really unstable ones that drop straight down 50 feet. Don't want to go in those ones no matter how careful you are because a sneeze would cause them to collapse.

[who45]

Well then, if your ever that way, please don't sneeze.

[grinner]

ah...





AH.....



AHHH........



CHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frunium Slip]

SomeBODY down in that hole need a hankie?

[who45]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
SomeBODY down in that hole need a hankie? :lol

[BlackThorn]

That last time I checked, SomeBODY wasn't in the hole.

You might want to ask Mr. Body. I think you can find him in the study.

[who45]

Originally posted by BlackThorn
That last time I checked, SomeBODY wasn't in the hole.

You might want to ask Mr. Body. I think you can find him in the study.

I think there might be a missing candlestick down there too.

[grinner]

what about Colonel Mustard??? I would have sworn he was the one missing... with the rope in the library.

[Lord Loser]

I swear it wasn't the lead pipe... :innocent:

[who45]

Originally posted by Lord Loser
I swear it wasn't the lead pipe... :innocent:

Been fighting off those sheep again,LL.:D

[BlackThorn]

*Quietly covers the knife on her desk with a piece of paper* :innocent:

[grinner]

:spew:...

BURN!!!!

[Lord Loser]

...you otta be ashamed... :g2f:

Don't you southerners know anything? You don't fight sheep off. You simply tap them on the head with the pipe until they are dazed and confused. Kind'a like a poor man's roofie...

[Harveylives]

Grinner, you have more patience than I. I would have dropped by the guys house with the Uhaul, and confronted him. I then would have called somebody to give me a ride home and left the Uhaul there. I think that would be tactfully done.

[who45]

Originally posted by Lord Loser
...you otta be ashamed... :g2f:

Don't you southerners know anything? You don't fight sheep off. You simply tap them on the head with the pipe until they are dazed and confused. Kind'a like a poor man's roofie...

That's what we southerners pay you for. Don't you know we don't do maual labor. We sit on our porches drinking lemonade and make fun of people chasing sheep with a lead pipes.

[BlackThorn]

Feel free to come down to Nevada, LL -- Where men are men, and sheep are afraid.

[grinner]

it is still FAMILY. That is the cause of all the problems? I don't know... my parents raised us to help each other out. But I seem to get the short end of the stick. I fix their cars... I help them move... I watch their dogs(even though I am allergic to them)... and when I need help... I can count on 2, I used to be able to count of 5, but he moved to Washington State. 3... well 3 and I have a weird relationship... probably because we are to alike.

But 1 and I have a different relationship... he let me live in his house while I was in college... and only charged me $200 a month for rent and utilities... which wasn't bad. And he did put up with a lot of shite from me... but still I think that should be a limit to everything. I would have loved a frelling beer... but nooo... sis-in-law doesn't like beer so... no beer for me.

[grinner]

Originally posted by BlackThorn
Feel free to come down to Nevada, LL -- Where men are men, and sheep are afraid. I thought that was New Zealand?

[BlackThorn]

Me too, until I moved here from So Cal. My first day here, I walked into a restaurant/bar and the first thing I saw was a sign above the bar with that phrase.

[Lord Loser]

Originally posted by BlackThorn
Feel free to come down to Nevada, LL -- Where men are men, and sheep are afraid. I do drop into Nevada quite often, on other business I'm afraid...

[sny]

Originally posted by grinner
it is still FAMILY. That is the cause of all the problems? I don't know... my parents raised us to help each other out.

If you feel guilty, offer to donate some money to help hire the movers. Or to chase a sheep with a lead pipe. Problem solved. (And people say we can't stay on topic...)

Or bring them an entire UHAUL of sheep.

Stacie

[BlackThorn]

Originally posted by Lord Loser
I do drop into Nevada quite often, on other business I'm afraid... :eek:

[Lord Loser]

Originally posted by sny
If you feel guilty, offer to donate some money to help hire the movers. Or to chase a sheep with a lead pipe. Problem solved. (And people say we can't stay on topic...)

Or bring them an entire UHAUL of sheep.

Stacie Man, what is with you people! :g2f: You never chase sheep, you have to sneak up on them...

[who45]

Originally posted by Lord Loser
Man, what is with you people! :g2f: You never chase sheep, you have to sneak up on them...

Now see, I could make so many comments to that, but we are supposed to watch our innuendoes so...I'll leave it alone.

[Lord Loser]

You all think it's easy pitching up softballs for everyone to knock out of the park, but it takes skill I tells ya...

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by grinner
I would have loved a frelling beer... but nooo... sis-in-law doesn't like beer so... no beer for me.

Wait a frellin' microt, you had to help move and were not offered a brew? What's up wid dat? I think that is illegal in some states...

[sny]

Originally posted by Lord Loser
Man, what is with you people! :g2f: You never chase sheep, you have to sneak up on them...

I thought half the fun was supposed to be "the thrill of the chase". And you only do it in a fenced in area, so you can chase 'em to a corner! Or so I've heard.

Stacie

[atlantagirl]

Grinner,

I don't think either festering discontent or explosive outbursts are the best answer if you actually want to continue to maintain a workable family relationship with these people. Either you'll p*ss them off or you'll be so p*ssed off that you won't ever want to be around them.

When the slacker brother-in-law calls for help, just let him know honestly that you didn't appreciate him leaving you and the others in the lurch and that since you were forced to do his share this time, you think it's only fair that he do his share plus yours next time. There's really no need to be nasty and there's no need to just swallow it and do something that will only make you angrier.

And next time, when the work is too much for the labor force available, or one of you hurts yourself, maybe you and the other guys might consider saying, "We can't do this alone -- either we need to get more help now, or we need to do this at another time when more people can help." It sounds as though there were a number of other people around at different points during the day. Did you mention any of these problems to them at the time? Did you say, "The house isn't packed! Y'all finish packing today and we'll finish helping you move tomorrow." Or mention to your relatives who dropped by that more help was needed? Or get the slacker's wife to call him and tell him he was needed? It sounds from your side of the story that everyone around you let you down today, but perhaps they didn't actually realize that their assistance was truly needed. Perhaps you guys were giving off a vibe of "we're handling this!" and they thought y'all had everything under control.

Honesty (occasionally mixed with a little tact if at all possible -- I know it's hard) is a good policy most of the time, but it helps if it's used consistently. Hiding the growing anger that you feel until you eventually explode isn't helpful to anyone.

Okay, the couch is closed. That'll be $100 please. ;)

[trubador]

Grin --- straight and simple, to the point, and calmly. "I freed up my entire Saturday to help, and ended up doing more than my fair share to help you guys out. Get Mr. Football to help today. He had his fill of the sports on Saturday. Get Mr. Father-In-Law to help. I'm sure the bathroom is so sparkling clean by now that you can eat off the bathroom floor. Get the other 18 kids from the youth group that didn't show up on Saturday. But, I've got plans today (Sunday), and my wrist (thanks to that not-so lovely loveseat) still hurts like a sonovabitch. Sorry. Gotta go. Ohh, and here's your dog back. 'Bye. Have fun. And Happy Holidays."

[harveywhispers]

grinner,

I find that it is best not to let the thoughts fester. My preference is to just state the unvarnished facts, and let the guilty parties stew in their own juices for a while. The important thing to remember is that you must remain both civil, and rational when stating your case. Playing your cards in this manner allows you to prevent the thoughts from growing worse, and lets the "help abusers" know that you are on to their game.

Note:

The above tactics work, but they may also be the reason my family likes to assign "handlers" for me in certain situations.:pissed:

Tact = A gift my mother still wishes she could give me. :ewink:

[eta_carinae]

Originally posted by grinner
all well and good Stacie... but as my signature states... Quoting Cordy... Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

I don't have the tact... I unfortunately speak my mind... so I will probably just nod my head and smile and just think the bad thoughts.

Telling the truth doesn't mean you have to be rude or obnoxious about it, and having tact doesn't mean you have to lie. For example, if a friend asks if an outfit that she has tried on looks good and it really doesn't you could either, a) tell her she looks like a hideous cow, or b) tell her that it is not really flattering on her and maybe she should try something else (a girly example, I know).

I would suggest you tell the no-show that you are unable to help him move, same as he was unable to help this time. Truthful, yet not mean. Perhaps you want to expand, maybe not. Actually, it would probably be better if you didn't, with your disdane for tact and all ;) It would be unfortuante to ruin a relationship with a family member over something like moving. Tough situation, I feel for ya.

[VBKatLou]

Originally posted by grinner
I don't have the tact... I unfortunately speak my mind...

Me too. :rollin:

grinner -

Just chalk it up to 'it's family'. It's Christmas. Be nice. After all, he did help you out while you were in college.

Having a baby requires a period of adjustment for the parents. Having twins is even more stressful. Having twins and moving to a new residence bumps up the stress even more (not to mention it's nuts - why didn't they move while she was three months pregnant instead of waiting till now). When people are under stress they tend to get a bit self-absorbed and forget that other people have a life too.

And look at it this way. At the end of the day you got to go home. Your brother was stuck with a crabby wife, screaming babies, a house that still needed to be put together and NO BEER. Take care of your hand and count your blessings.

And BTW - despite your allergies, you know darn well you're gonna miss that dog. :rollin:

[grinner]

Originally posted by VBKatLou


And BTW - despite your allergies, you know darn well you're gonna miss that dog. :rollin: nope... I don't think so.

I woke up this morning to Brother 2 calling me about Saddam's capture( :woohoo: ) and it honestly HURT to get out of bed.

I do know that all we have to move today... and all I am helping to move today is the Playset. Then I am walking over to the new house and giving the damn dog back to them. And that is it.

[who45]

Originally posted by grinner
nope... I don't think so.

I woke up this morning to Brother 2 calling me about Saddam's capture( :woohoo: ) and it honestly HURT to get out of bed.

I do know that all we have to move today... and all I am helping to move today is the Playset. Then I am walking over to the new house and giving the damn dog back to them. And that is it.

Just think, when you get home you wont have to go back out into the cold to walk him and maybe you'll get to breath easier again. Hope it goes better today.:)

[BrowderChick]

grinner--

How is your wrist doing today? I hope it doesn't hurt as much. Watch your knees too, bud. I think you need to take a day off and relax. You did more than your share and I think someone else needs to take your place. Let them know that you are hurt physically and can't move anymore stuff. Be honest. I don't think it was right of them to take advantage of you like that. You are not thier carpet to be walked over. And to Mr. Football, I would let him handle the rest of this now. Let him do something for a change. I think his chair is warm enough. And I don't remember any games that were supposed to be on either. What a loser to do that to you.

[scrape_medic]

Grinner

Offer to help your non-folks to move. Stagger in there stinking of Jack Daniels and offer to carry their best china despite thier repeated protests. When they eventually as you why you are so drunk, tell them that because no one came to help you, you hurt your wrist and ad the painkillers did not help so you had to resort to alcohol.
If you could manage to drop a few not so valuable items all the better.
They may never want to talk to you again but at least they will never ask you for another favour.

[who45]

Originally posted by scrape_medic
Grinner

Offer to help your non-folks to move. Stagger in there stinking of Jack Daniels and offer to carry their best china despite thier repeated protests. When they eventually as you why you are so drunk, tell them that because no one came to help you, you hurt your wrist and ad the painkillers did not help so you had to resort to alcohol.
If you could manage to drop a few not so valuable items all the better.
They may never want to talk to you again but at least they will never ask you for another favour. :lol

[grinner]

Well, it took 3 arns, but everything 1 needed to move, we moved. The playset is moved... and there was only one argument all weekend... which is a pretty good weekend for us. When we work together... there are usually tools being thrown at each other and vengeful words spoken. This went pretty well. I did find out the REAL reason that the lazy bastard didn't help... he supposedly has a bad back... and it hurts to lift stuff... Frell that... I have 2 bad knees and a frelled up shoulder and I still moved stuff. What a wimp.

[BrowderChick]

And don't forget that you mangled you hand in the process and still kept going. Kudos to you!!!!

[trubador]

Yeah, but... did yah kiss the pootch good riddance??? :puppy:

[grinner]

nope... I unfortunately have him for 1 more night... tomorrow he is over there.

whatever...