ARGH! RANTING AND VENTING!!

[AgentSun]

maybe it's just me but my mom seems to have a big problem with the fact that i'm 19 years old, in college, and am able to fend for myself without her behind me going "thats not a right choice"...

i get a month (approximately) for christmas break and my boyfriend invited me to spend time at his house and meet his family...i called up my parents to see what they thought of me leaving and i thought they were fine with it. come to find out, they don't like the idea and since they don't want me driving so far to get there, he was going to come down to pick me up...and my mother doesn't like the idea that we're going to be driving so far...and then we presented the idea of flying up there but noooo my mom doesnt want to do that either.

there's a no win situation for her, i guess! no you shouldnt go, no you cant go, why? because your decisions don't matter!! thats what she said! she said that i was going there "for no reason" and that another time would probably be better because we dont have to "worry about weather" and while weather IS a factor in safety, i hate that my mother's approach to this is "i know better than you do because you're a silly teenager who can't make wise choices"

ARGH!!!!

[eta_carinae]

How far would this drive be?

[Nicola]

I bet your Mom is missing you a lot, and wants you home for Christmas. She isn't saying that, 'cause she thinks you know it already. She is just throwing out objections to your plans, hoping you will come to that conclusion.

Are you planning on spending Christmas with your boyfriends family, or is it just a few days during the vacation?

It could also be that she is worried about how serious you are with your boyfriend (I mean you are going to "meet the family") and this could be another step that your parents (not necessarily you) are not ready to make yet.

Best advice? Don't get upset. Just say, "I will be at my boyfriends home from such and such a date, to such and such a date, and I will be home with you and Dad from when to when".

Don't forget to let them know you love them.

[talyn3]

Originally posted by eta_carinae
How far would this drive be?

exactly what I was thinking.

You might also consider that no matter what you do, your parents, mother's espeically, don't like letting kids go. If your bold, try to explain things rationaly and calmly to her, it might work "We'll be fine. We'll drive slower" stuff like that.

[Judith]

Are you by any chance the youngest child in your family?

[VBKatLou]

Originally posted by AgentSun
"i know better than you do because you're a silly teenager who can't make wise choices"
ARGH!!!!

But you ARE a silly teenager who can't make wise choices. :rollin:

You and your parents only have a couple of more years where you can still be the "kid" coming home for Christmas. Spend all your Christmas with them. You can spend Christmas with a boyfriend(s) for the next 50 years of your life. :)

[BrowderChick]

Oh I remember those times. When I was 19 I actually moved away from home. 600 miles away. My mom called me everynight at 11pm. If I didnt answer she would call the police and I would come home to see my door busted in. Can you imagine? We get along great now and she offered me an apt above her and I said no thanks. She has since sold the house and moved to FL. I see her 4 months a year during the summer. I miss her but I cant live with her. I am 34 and she still calls me everynight to see if I need anything. It was a bother then but its a comfort now. I say chuck it up and try to make her understand that you wont be at your bf's place forever. You will check in with her while you are on the road and when you get there and while you are there and when you leave and all that stuff. Call her every half hour to make her see that you are ok. Yeah you are 19 and are still a silly kid :). But she also needs to see that you can be an adult too. This may be your way of proving it to her that you are mature. But always remember to call her often and tell her " I love you Mommy".

[SweetpeaAeryn]

I know exactly how you feel, AgentSun. My mother treats me exactly the same way. I am also 19 and in college. I went to college 4 hours away last year and my parents hated it. Now I'm only 45 minutes away and we get along a little better. My parents also HATE my boyfriend with a passion that is matched by no other.

One question: Have your parents met your boyfriend? That could be a huge factor in it. Plus, they see all those movies and hear on the news that teens only do bad things or things that they do not agree we should be doing. (alcohol, sex, drugs, whatever)

I hear it gets better. Hang in there. And you're always more than welcome to vent to me.

[trinamick]

Trust me, it will get better. I had the most protective mother on the planet. One night after I was long out of school (but still living at home), I was at my cousin's house, hanging out with his roommates. I walked out the door at about 1:30 a.m. My mother was sitting in the car across the street in her nightgown! I beat her home, and was sitting in the living room when she walked in. I said, "Out a little late, don't ya think?" Wrong time to be a smartmouth!

Even after I moved out, my mother still used to drive by my house and check up on me. I'm the youngest, and she wasn't used to living by herself. Now if she doesn't call at least once during the day, I start to think maybe something's wrong with her, lol!

It just takes time to get past that stage where mom's holding the spring too tight and kid wants her to let loose. My mother & I could never live together again, but we get along a lot better now. Once she figures out that you can take care of yourself and be responsible, she'll lighten up. Hang in there! :D

[Lord Loser]

While this is all "advice", I'll tell you how to break her in all at once. You need to come stumbling home drunker than a skunk with a sagareete :smokin: dangling from your lips cussing like a sailor and show them your new "Hell's Spawn" tatoo in the crack of your eema. After they realize that their worst fears have come to pass, they won't have anything else to fear, so all they will be left with is that sad feeling that it's all their fault, if only they could have raised you better. Once they place the guilt on themselves, you're home free. And THAT's the correct answer... :P

[trinamick]

:spew: There's some advice every mother would love to hear! Personal experience, LL?

[Lord Loser]

Originally posted by trinamick
:spew: There's some advice every mother would love to hear! Personal experience, LL? Woulda, coulda, shoulda...

[AgentSun]

ok to field all the questions here:

I bet your Mom is missing you a lot, and wants you home for Christmas. She isn't saying that, 'cause she thinks you know it already. She is just throwing out objections to your plans, hoping you will come to that conclusion.

yeah maybe. but i have 25 days off for christmas!!! she'll see me plenty!

Are you planning on spending Christmas with your boyfriends family, or is it just a few days during the vacation?

i'll just be spending about a week there...IF she decides to stop being a vacation nazi. (no offense to nazis)

It could also be that she is worried about how serious you are with your boyfriend (I mean you are going to "meet the family") and this could be another step that your parents (not necessarily you) are not ready to make yet.

maybe. but they've already met him and they like him and i think that despite our young age, we've pretty much decided that there's no casual dating involved. we're pretty serious about taking care of a relationship.

Are you by any chance the youngest child in your family?

WORSE. ONLY child.

One question: Have your parents met your boyfriend?

yep, they met him within the first 2 weeks we started going out, because they were coming down to get me for thanksgiving break and they met him then and even took both of us out for dinner. and they like him.

its not him thats the problem, its the distance and the drive.

and it's 5.5 to 6 hours from there to here...

[Judith]

I'm sorry. If you and your boyfriend are serious, then it's important that you get to meet his family. I hope you get to go.

[Sunderflame]

Oh my......that's just part of being a mom.....believe me once you give her a grandaughter, she'll be out of your hair and have a new little girl.....alway's remember that...then that little girl will become six or seven and will become a brat just like you all do..
My kid's are grown but I'm glad they're out of the house...and just come for short visits...
I know this is serious to you but it all sounds so familar....Just chill and know that your mom know's you are just getting all grown up and she need's to know that you know,she is your mom and you'll alway's need her and love her come hell or high water...Alway's call so she'll feel better..one day she'll be gone.:smokin: :rollin:

[Judith]

Originally posted by Sunderflame
Oh my......that's just part of being a mom.....believe me once you give her a grandaughter, she'll be out of your hair and have a new little girl.....alway's remember that...then that little girl will become six or seven and will become a brat just like you all do..


When I was in trouble, my mom would always tell me that she hoped one day I'd have a daughter like me.

I always told her that if I did, I'd consider myself lucky. :D

[AgentSun]

I always told her that if I did, I'd consider myself lucky.

haha thats great. i'd be lucky if i ever had a daughter like me...i don't know, with my sarcasm i think i'd raise the strangest farscape fans ever.

i sent my mom a long detailed email about my plans and ideas on how i could avoid bad weather, at the same time making it really obvious that i'm not stupid enough to go anyways if there's a snowstorm...

[Nicola]

Originally posted by AgentSun
i'll just be spending about a week there...IF she decides to stop being a vacation nazi. (no offense to nazis)

AgentSun, you are 19.

Just tell your Mom what your plans are. Don't ask permission and don't be confrontational. Just say when you will be home, and where you will be when you are not at home. So she doesn't worry.

And don't forget to tell your parents that you love them. That is a biggie.

[BrowderChick]

Originally posted by Judith_Shakespeare
When I was in trouble, my mom would always tell me that she hoped one day I'd have a daughter like me.

I always told her that if I did, I'd consider myself lucky. :D

I was told that too. I think its a line that you get as soon as you have kids. Including the line from dad "if I have to come back there......." Meaning everyone in the car causing trouble. I am the youngest of 7 kids. I am still the baby and I am still spoiled. My mom got her wish. My daughter is just like me. Even looks like me. Scares the heck out of me. I am raising her not to do all the things I did. :) You know, been there, done that. I will know if she does. :):):):):):)

[Sunderflame]

Sweetie enjoy 19 now! Quit whining. These are the magic years that you'll never have again....get on with it...Plain and simple....Don't make a montain out of a mole hill. I'm just trying to keep it real.....hahahhaaWhat fun I have driving my daughter nuts with FARSCAPE plus when I my grandaugher visits, Pooky and I go up into my bathroom....put on the Farscape CD and sing to it full blast....she's spoiled...We watch Farscape together....what a thrill....go have fun give your mom some Farscape Love...yeeeeeehahahahhaahhaahhahh

[eta_carinae]

The thought of having a child exactly like me frightens me. I was TERRIBEL. And I don't mean that in a good way. I wasn't one of the bad kids per se, but I did hang out with them and scared the crap out of my mother. Plus, I had a very big, sarcastic mouth. Actually, I still do :D

I don't know if I would have the patience for a child like me, my Mom and I fought every day. Every single day, for several years when I was a teenager. Moving out of the house was the best thing I ever did for our relationship, and I really think that is because she was curesd with a child that was just like her :elol:

[talyn3]

Sneak out the window, and make a break for it.

Run, Girl, Run!!!!



Even better- Take your Mom's car for your trip as a joke.

[Selena]

As a Mom that has gone through the fledglings leaving the nest ~ 4 times ... and it does not get easier with time or the number of offspring one has, I can only say, if you were my daughter (and only child) I would be missing you like crazy, seeing as you're in college.

I'd be dying to see you and hear everything about school, your life, your hopes and dreams even if you've told me about these things over the phone. I'd also be dying to have you at home for Christmas and have probably been planning, for months, everything that we were going to do when you got home.

I'd be worried out of my mind that you're driving over the holidays because I know how many idiots are on the road at this time of the year and how many of them are drunk from Christmas cheer. I'd also be concerned that the roads are icy and dangerous and because I love you so much, I can't bear the thought that something might happen to you while you're on the road.

I know that you are a wise, young woman who is growing up, right before my eyes, but I am very afraid that I will lose the relationship we have. I'm afraid that you'll forget all about home and your family, as life carries you in it's busy stream.

I've missed your laugh, the funny things you say and that way you smile. I've missed your hugs and a kiss on the cheek and I miss the way you look when you're asleep.

And although I'm not telling you perhaps my life is not at all fun since you went to college and I am utterly lost around the house, which seems like one of those art museums where the silence is deafening.
And that's why I'm being a pain about you not being home for Christmas.

[AgentSun]

::sniffle:: selena, are you my mommy?

your kids have a great mother :)

i think you need to write for hallmark.

[UTChick]

Selena speaks the words of a Mom. Communication, though can be the tool to help you out. Talk to your mom about your contigency plans for travelling. Acknowledge the things that Selena has talked about. They are important & acknowledging them to your Mom will be helpful to her. She'll know you haven't & won't forget her.

Believe it or not, this time period (you being independent & becoming a full adult) is very difficult for a parent. It means redefining the relationship you've had for the past 19 years. That is not easily done & some people never accomplish it. If you can, it makes for a fantastic relationship. It's not easy transcending the parent/child relationship into an adult/adult relationship. Good luck - allow her time, too!!:aok:

[Selena]

Originally posted by AgentSun
::sniffle:: selena, are you my mommy?

your kids have a great mother :)

i think you need to write for hallmark.
Unfortunately no. But I do have one daughter and she's 10,000 miles away this Christmas (as has been the trend on most Christmases past).

If you must be away this Christmas may I suggest that you call her as soon as you get to where you're going just so she knows your safe. Then if you can, surprise her with a call, early on Christmas day and share something special that the two of you have in the past.

Nothing feels worse as a Mom, than to spend the whole of Christmas day and the phone never rings. Trust me on that, I know.

[JadedLegend3]

Originally posted by VBKatLou
But you ARE a silly teenager who can't make wise choices. :rollin:

You and your parents only have a couple of more years where you can still be the "kid" coming home for Christmas. Spend all your Christmas with them. You can spend Christmas with a boyfriend(s) for the next 50 years of your life. :)


I completely agree.

Read Selena's post, too.

Jacqui :love:

[AgentSun]

well i'll be home for christmas. i'm planning to leave after christmas and come back after new years. there's no way i'd leave family DURING christmas.