i just don't get it...**Warning!!**

[KellEy.. "red"]

I found out this morning that a very close and dear friend of my family took his own life.. He was a physician for 60+ years.. married to the same woman for about as long.. He saved my life twice, my husband's life 3 times.. He brought so many new lives into this world.. He was a good man... Then, with no real explanation that we can conjure, he leaves his wife with a kiss and while she is in the shower, puts a note on her laptop, exits his home, goes under his carport and shoots himself in the head.. I just don't get it..

Yes, he had some medical problems, but he was over 80 years old... I just can't seem to wrap my brain around this.. He was a devout Catholic, so he KNEW that he was taking his chances doing this.. Plus, the fact that today is Ash Wednesday and the first day of Lent.. well.. I just don't get it...

I feel such profound sadness.. This man treated my mother when she was a child.. treated my sister and me when we were children.. even saw my son when he was a baby and diagnosed a severe allergic reaction, so he saved his life, too... I just don't get it...

And then I get irritated when there are people (some from my own family) that say he is going to Hell for taking his life.. I find this extremely narrow-minded.. His ENTIRE life negated.. All of the wonderful things he did, negated.. All the lives he brought into this world and those he saved, no matter.. He took his own life, all of that is GONE.. Congratulations, Doc, you go to Hell... Pardon me for saying so, but I find that to be a crock of shit!!!!! I don't buy it... and I just don't get it...

I'm lost right now.. The grief is just now starting to rear its ugly head -- some 11 hours after I find out -- and I just don't get it...

[BrowderChick]

Kel :hug: for you....I am here if you want to talk :hug:

[KellEy.. "red"]

is it wrong for me to keep thinking, "WHY did you do this??? HOW could you do this to your wife? your family?".... and i feel a bit guilty for being a bit angry at him... i don't have a lot of experience with dealing with death on such a close, personal level, so i'm not really sure just HOW i should feel... i lost an aunt and uncle, but they had been suffering for a while, so it was almost a relief when they passed away.. but this... *shakes head*

*confused*

[Kurt_eh]

My dad's brother did the car exhaust thing.

It was quite sad, because when he went to clean up uncle Sig's effects, he had to explain to a little girl why Mr. Fix-it couldn't fix her bike that day. :(

[DentArthurDent]

Sorry Kelly,

It's hard to find any faith in anything when someone does something like this. But my words are to say a prayer for him to be forgiven, and trust to grace. Perhaps it will help you to concentrate your energy on his wife, since it is she who bears the most pain. You may tell your family that it is not their place to pass judgemnt on this man, it is his God's. There is a difference between being discerning and being judgemental. Seems like I remember some story about being without sin and casting stones.

Anyway {{{{{{{{{{Kelly}}}}}}}}}} I pray for your strength and the strength of all involved... David

[Mrelia]

I'll never understand how someone can take their own life. But those people are way out of line to say he'll go to hell for doing so, the only one who has any right to judge the man is God. I think that someone who has done as much good in the world as you describe will only find acceptance and love.

[who45]

So sorry Kelley. It's a hard thing to deal with and understand when someone you know and love takes their life. Just know that you have friends here. I'm always here as well if you need to talk.:hug:

[Antrobus]

I don't believe that a loving Higher Power would ever abandon a soul because of suicide.

You can't try and second guess why this man comitted suicide. And although one may feel angry and hurt about it, you have to realize that he made a choice to end his life.

My advice is to grieve for him and his family and when the time is right (you'll know when) just let go of all the troubled thoughts you're having now. Sometime, when you least expect it, you may gain an understanding of his act and then find peace of mind.

[Zantar]

I dont think he is going to hell because of suicide. there was probably some reason we just dont know...and besides a lifetime of good makes up for some mistakes.

[AgentSun]

Mrelia is right. God judges, not man. don't pay attention to them, whether they believe what they're saying or not. only God knows and only God can judge. i will pray for you and his family, especially his poor wife whose pain i cannot imagine.

[Harveylives]

I'm so so sorry to hear that. My uncle did the rope thing. The saddest thing for me other than losing him, were all the questions that were left unanswered. My prayers are with you.

[dktigger]

KellEy,,I'm sorry that you've had to go thru this. It's a hard thing to deal with. The mental fog that you experience, not being able to recognize any singular emotion. You feel sadness, and anger, and guilt. You may find yourself questioning your own personal beliefs, and trying to analize why a person would come to the conclusion, that he/she had no alternative but to end it all.

Just responding to this post, has brought up feelings, and memories of a dear friend of mine. It still hurts, after 27 years. But I'm not afraid of the way I feel, because I know that I STILL CAN feel. That is the most important thing to me. I can feel.
I can feel angry, sad, guilty and yes even happy. It's a strange world, a lot of things change, and not every change in life is a pleasant one. I'm deeply sorry for your loss, but remember that every day that you "live on", is a day that you FEEL.


Take care!

Dan

[KellEy.. "red"]

thank you to everyone thus far that has extended their wonderful thoughts and ideas and concerns.. i show this site to my mom every single day.. although she isn't a farscape fan, she is constantly amazed by the intelligent, amazing people i've been fortunate enough to discover and be in the company of..

she is having a more difficult time with this than i am.. she knew the man for 50 years.. we found out right before we were to go on the air this morning to do our morning show, and i was the one that had to tell her.. i think that was more difficult than finding out myself.. i don't think i'll ever forget the look of absolute disbelief and tragic sadness that was in her eyes and on her face..

i plan on showing her this tomorrow.. and i hope that she can find some solace in knowing that other people have experienced the same grief and have come through it...

if anyone else has words, please share them.. i'm trying so very hard to come to grips with the fact that he is gone.. that i will never again see his face, his smile, hear his voice...

thank you for your love.. it means more than you will ever know and more than i could ever express..

[Kurt_eh]

Speaking of someone's passing is one of the hardest things one can do. My mom lost her fight with cancer over 10 years ago and it's still hard to talk about...

It's very strong of you to be in here Kell. :hug:

[KellEy.. "red"]

Originally posted by Kurt_eh
Speaking of someone's passing is one of the hardest things one can do. My mom lost her fight with cancer over 10 years ago and it's still hard to talk about...

It's very strong of you to be in here Kell. :hug:

it was the only place i could think of to go.. and the only place i wanted to be...

[Kurt_eh]

:hugz:

[Darth Buddha]

There could be reasons that make his actions less shocking... For example, an Alzheimer's diagnosis (should I ever get one, I'm eating the gun while I'm still lucid).

As a doctor he would know better than most what he would end up putting his family through. To a degree, that is an honorable

While I'm not a proponent, I can see a variety of cases where suicide could be considered merciful to one's self as well as those around you.

Remember, in the good old days that religious prohibitions were against suicide were created, folks with these conditions wouldn't have survived a tenth as long as they do now... they just died without lingering.

[scrape_medic]

they say that suicide is a selfish act, whilst it may be good for you, it is no good for the ones that get left behind.....I dunno.....I guess it depends on the reasons.
Trouble is you don't know those reasons, so you have no insight as to why he did this. That is going to leave you with alot of unanswered questions, and that is going to hurt.

Anger, well why not, shock, denial, sorrow, acceptance and recovery all have thier part in the bereavement process. So don't feel bad if you have any or all of those feelings, or some others that are not mentioned here.

You know that we all love you here, and whatever your feeling, we will forgive you for them, just don't beat yourself up about them.

Remember him fondly, as I am sure you will be able to do so in time. He meant alot to you and that is the emotion that will win out in the end.

love and hugs to you Kelley

[janey_13]

Sorry to here that. I've know several people who have committed suicide and it's very difficult to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with you and his family. :hug:

[recklesshumor]

Although there is never anything positive about a suicide - just by telling this story, Kel, you have made some of us (well, me anyway) realize that we should appreciate the people we love while they are here. We should never take anyone for granted, because they could be gone tomorrow. Everyone has their own inner struggle, and even though we may never understand why people make the choices they make, we can learn to accept what has happened and let it teach us to love those around us with ferocity.

[trinamick]

My heart goes out to you. My cousin committed suicide, and it was by far the hardest thing his family ever had to deal with. Those left behind need the support of those that love them during this difficult time. You may not be able to think of the perfect thing to say, but your presence is always appreciated. We will keep all of you in our prayers. :hugz: