I have some bad news

[Jen10122]

I have some really bad news. My mom lost her job yet again. It seems like my mom can't keep a job for the life of her. So, hear I go again back in to hell on Earth. And I'm not really sure how much longer I will have the net and cable. I mite be living with my dad and step-mom by the end of the month because we are so broke. I'm not really sure if I can come to New Orleans any more because I will now have to gave all the money I have saved for the trip to my mom. I just really hate my life right now and the economy really sucks for people my mom's age.

Jen

[jayelsee]

Jen, hang in there. I don't want to give you a lot of platitudes, because it is, indeed, hard for a lot of people economy-wise these days. But keep your hope that it will get better, and work hard to make that true over the long haul. You will have more control over your life when you are older. Your mom must be feeling awful now.

[NYPinTA]

:hug: Wish I had some good advice. Just hang in there and you can always come here to vent if needed.

[VBKatLou]

:hug:

That really sucks Jen. You're right. It's really hard for older people in the work force. Hope the future holds something better for you and your mom. And like the others said, you can always come here for some comfort and support.

[SweetpeaAeryn]

:hug:

I don't know what to say... just know we're here for you.

[Jen10122]

Hi all,

Thanx for all the best wishes and support. I really need it right now. I'm getting to the point where I'm really starting to hate NYC. I'm having that feeling where my mom wouldn't get another job because there is 8.4% of this city out of work.

[Clarsax]

There's not much advice I could give. The economy is awful for a lot of people right now. But we're all here for you. I hope things get better and it all works out soon. :hug:

[Jen10122]

I've been in this hell 10 months before my mom found that job. I just hope and pray that I don't have to go thru this another 10 months before she finds another job. I just can't take this much longer. I'm getting tried of living like this.

[Jen10122]

I just feel like I don't know what to do any more. I feel like giving up on life because nothing seems to be working out for me and my mom. I just wish something good would happen to me right now. I feel like everything is going so wrong right now for me and my mom. I would even be willing to move out. I just don't know where to go. That is why I'm still living with my mom at this age. If I knew of anyone that need aroomate. I would move in with them just to get out of this hell I'm in.

[Jen10122]

I just really can't take my mom's sh*t anymore. I just hard to treat my mom like a kid because she wouldn't take her meds. And she wouldn't take her meds. because she doesn't have a will to live anymore. So, she just wants to die. If I had a way out of here I would take it. I just can't live like this anymore.

[Nicola]

Jen10122,

I have absolutely no good advice, other than to keep venting here. We are listening.

:hug:

[BlackThorn]

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and hop everything turns out well for you. :hug:

And remember what Crichton's grandmother said, "Wait for the wheel." Things can change.

[trubador]

:cry2: :hug: :)

[GcleffGinger]

Hey Scapers, we need to really step in here. We are all giving people and she needs us in many ways.:hugz:

Jen, you need to find another adult, your mom's doctor, a neighbor, an aunt or uncle, grandparent. Someone needs to step in. You shouldn't have to be the parent here. There has to be another adult to help. Yes, it may be a matter of contacting your dad. Your mom sounds very ill now and needs help.

Think, think, think, pray for clarity because your own emotional closeness to the situation may make it extra hard. Keep posting here, we're listening.:multi:

And mostly, you are a brave young lady, and you have strengths you have not even found. I have faith in you and in God to watch over you. He is there, believe me. We scapers are united to hold you up and support you. We'll help where we can.

How can I help, Jen?:help:

[Jen10122]

Originally posted by GcleffGinger
Hey Scapers, we need to really step in here. We are all giving people and she needs us in many ways.:hugz:

Jen, you need to find another adult, your mom's doctor, a neighbor, an aunt or uncle, grandparent. Someone needs to step in. You shouldn't have to be the parent here. There has to be another adult to help. Yes, it may be a matter of contacting your dad. Your mom sounds very ill now and needs help.

Think, think, think, pray for clarity because your own emotional closeness to the situation may make it extra hard. Keep posting here, we're listening.:multi:

And mostly, you are a brave young lady, and you have strengths you have not even found. I have faith in you and in God to watch over you. He is there, believe me. We scapers are united to hold you up and support you. We'll help where we can.

How can I help, Jen?:help:

Hi,

Thanx for the nice post. I'm glad I know you all. I just need your prays and good wishes. I am trying to get help for my mom, but it's not that easy. And all of my grandparents are dead. They died was I was younger. This is taking my life. I feel like I'm older then I am.

[Jen10122]

my mom more then likely will not get more unemployment since it expire on Easter Sunday. So, we are just living on my mom's IRA and my dog walking money. My mom really can't afford me anymore. That is why I will have to move out, I just don't do know where I can go. I sorry for doing this on list again. I just wish I had some where to go or live because then my mom would be alb to afford to live if I wasn't here anymore

[janey_13]

:hugz:

[trinamick]

We're here to listen any time you need to vent. Just hang in there. There's a lot of pressure being put on your shoulders, and it's not easy to handle on your own. Is there any professional (doctor, counselor, priest, etc.) that you can talk to or that can offer counsel for your mother? We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers. :hugz:

[DeeGroovy]

Jen,

I am so sorry for all you are going through. I know how painful it is because I had a similar situation when I was a teen.

I do think you are very brave and wise - especially reaching out for help. And I will just say that I agree with some of what the others have said here - that is important to try and find an adult who you like and trust, who you can talk to. Do you have a neighbor? A friend's parent? A doctor? You mentioned that your mother is on medication...do you know her doctor? Would you be able to talk to him or her?

I also know there are emergency hotlines - I don't know any names in NYC. If you are feeling in great need, you can call one of these places. There is no shame in it and more often than that, the people on the other end are trained to not only offer support but to help guide you to services in your area that may help.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[DRD2001]

I wish I had some good advice to give, but I haven't got any. At least nothing that has not already been said by everyone else. But if we can help you here, in any way, let us know. :hug:

[Clarsax]

:hugz: We're all here for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[UTChick]

Jen,

You said that you do dog walking - what about trying to expand your business? Also, can you put in an ad in the paper asking if someone needs a roommate?

Any possibility about looking for jobs like nanny, etc - where it includes living expenses? What about house sitting/animal pet sitting? Many of those also allow you to stay at their homes.

You can even check out places like youth hostels, etc - sometimes they'll pay you & offer you a room there, if you tend to the place & oversee it. National parks/campgrounds will do the same thing.

The barter system isn't dead - that might be a viable option for you to use to be able to move out.

What you describe about your mother sounds typical of mental distress. That's something you can't make your mother do - it has to come from her. You can only be responsible for your actions - not hers. Live your life, not hers. You always have the power of choice - it doesn't mean you'll like the choices you have, but you have the power. Right down EVERY single option you have - no matter how crazy it may be. Then you'll be able to see some of your choices. Some might be harder to obtain - you might want to write down what will be necessary to obtain it. Then work on a direction you want to go.

You do have the CHOICE - the power to direct your own life!! Seize it!! Don't let your mother's issues sap you!

Good luck - you know we're here to help in anyway we can. You might have to be very specific in asking for what you want - we're not mindreaders!!! I'm praying for you!!

[Jen10122]

Hi all,

I'm back again. I help my mom search for job today. We only find one or two jobs here in NYC. The problem is that the only thing my mom can do is constumer service. And all of that type of job is their in Upstate NY, Conneticut, NJ or on Long Island or in other states. So, my mom is getting to the point where she doesn't want to look for work anymore.

[grinner]

Why is it that the only thing your mother can do is Customer Service?

[Jen10122]

Originally posted by grinner
Why is it that the only thing your mother can do is Customer Service?

because she doesn't have the skills to do anything else. That's all she done for most of her life.

[Jen10122]

My mom just doesn't have the skills for this job market. All the skills she has is typing 45 wpm, data entry, can handle custumers if they have any questions or problems with the merchandise and
can do very little excel. This all of her skills and that not enough for this job market today. And that is why I said that she can only do custumer service because that is what is has the skills for and no, my mom never went to college. She had me instead of going to college.

[DRD2001]

Customer service is very important, but it can translate into different forms of jobs. The hotel industry is one such field where good telephone skill are vital. There is also work in the medical field which does not involve medicine, like scheduling appointments and surgeries, customer service, accounts payable and receivable, housekeeping and maintenance (this requires some skills, but many hospitals are willing to train, because they like women to do the repairs in the maternity areas and in ladies restrooms). All these that I've listed have many entry level positions which require minimal skills and training.

I feel for you and your mother. It can be a very depressing time. I have no clue as to the NY job market. Use your local library as a resource. They list many jobs, often offer classes on resume writing, have computer services available and I have always found the librarians very helpful and supportive. Two books which jump to my mind are "What Color is Your Parachute" and "Imagine Loving Your Job." Even if your mother isn't interested, you should check it out for yourself, because there is so much good advice in both books.

:hug: Good Luck Jen

[VBKatLou]

Jen. I know that it's very hard for both you and your mom right now. You mentioned earlier that you might have to live with your dad and step-mother. I don't know what your relationship is with your father (good/bad/whatever), but you might want to think about moving in with them for just awhile. It sounds like it will put less pressure on you and your mom. Maybe you can both spend some time getting yourself in better shape financially. While you're at your dad's, maybe you could do some of the things UTChick said like trying to get more dog walking clients. Or maybe look for another part time job. Your mom could do the same. Do they live far away from your mom? Would you still get to see her and spend some time helping her out? Just something to think about.

You and your mom are in my prayers. :)

[Jen10122]

This is Jen's mother. I am out of work for more than a year. I was a customer service rep. I have looked for jobs in this field but either they are out of my area and require me to move or they involve sales or college. I never went to college. It is also difficult to find work since I will be 50 on June 2. Alot of places won't hire due to my age. I have gone on interviews for jobs I was fully qualified for and yet never got hired. I feel the jobs went to someone younger or who had college experience. I can't do A/R or A/P since I was never good in math and have no expierence in that field. It maybe entry but you still have to be able to do some math. I have failed all math tests. Housekeeping does not pay what I need to survive on here in NYC. My minimal monthly bills are $2,500 a month. That is without the unseen needs. I know I maybe reduced to doing such things as a maid in a hotel. But that still won't support me. Also the unemployment rate here in NYC is 8 %. It is high and difficult since so many are looking for work. I feel that the money I have left in my IRA will have to support both me and Jennifer since I have no hope of finding any work. How long that will last I don't know. Once that happens I will have no choice but to go on welfare. I will be sent to a shelter and heaven knows what will happen to me there. I just have no hope left of finding anything I can do out there.

[Jen10122]

Originally posted by VBKatLou
Jen. I know that it's very hard for both you and your mom right now. You mentioned earlier that you might have to live with your dad and step-mother. I don't know what your relationship is with your father (good/bad/whatever), but you might want to think about moving in with them for just awhile. It sounds like it will put less pressure on you and your mom. Maybe you can both spend some time getting yourself in better shape financially. While you're at your dad's, maybe you could do some of the things UTChick said like trying to get more dog walking clients. Or maybe look for another part time job. Your mom could do the same. Do they live far away from your mom? Would you still get to see her and spend some time helping her out? Just something to think about.

You and your mom are in my prayers. :)

I don't have a really good relationship with my dad. I hardly even know him since he wasn't around much, when my parents were married. He would go and do anythings in stead of stay home with me. And my dad live in Cin, OH and my mom lives her in NYC. So, there would be no way for me to see my mom if I were to move there. And I can't live that far from my mom.

[DRD2001]

Are there any social organizations that might be able to help? Like I said, I'm not familiar with NYC, but it is all I can think of right now. I'm afraid suggestions are all I have. That and prayers for you. I haven't been in your situation, but I have been close to it. I lived in my car for about 6 weeks and developed a fondness for uncooked Campbells Chunky soups.
:hug: Hang in there. Things will get better.

[Jen10122]

There are no social organizations here. I also don't have a car that I could live in. If I lost this apartment I would never be able to afford to live anywhere else. The rents here are triple what I pay. So if I am not able to find work and use all my funds I will be forced to live in a shelter. Here the shelters are nlot good. There is no security. You just as well sign your death warrant if you live in one. As for GOD I have don't believe in HIM any more. If HE existed I wouldn't be in this situation.
I don't see how things can get better if I have nothing to live on but $40,000 until I find work. I will be spending this money and have no way of adding to it. So as time passes so does my money. Eventually it will all be gone and I will still have no work since I can't find any jobs out there. I also can't move since I don't want to spend this money any more quickly than I have to. I will have spent a large portion to move and still have no guarantee of finding work in another location. Then my money will disappear there. Then I will be homeless in a strange area. So I can't even move. I also need areas near public transportation since I don't know when or if ever I would be able to afford a car.
All these things considered doesn't give me any hope for finding work and security.
Mary (Jen's mom)

[Clarsax]

Hang in there, and don't give up! :hug:

Have you looked at temporary agencies for work? I spent some time working as a temp and the skill level they need isn't too high. I read somewhere in here that you can type and have some data entry and customer service skills. When I was working as an office temp, about all I was required to do was answer phones, get the mail, and do a little typing, but the pay was pretty good and I was able to get by. I would think that temporary agencies would be more open to people of all age groups since they work through temporary assignments and don't expect thier employees to stay with them for years and years. I don't know quite what the situation is where you live, but if there are any agencies in your area perhaps they can help for a while. Good luck, and keep trying! I hope things start going better for you! :hug:

[AgentSun]

jen i am so sorry for your financial troubles right now. things will pass! if you are looking for work, Clarsax has some great advice. companies are always looking for temps for one or two days or even a week. if you aren't really skilled for secretarial work, then retail is always an option.

i think my mom's advice once was to never work in the food industry, whether it was a waitress or whatever. that said, if you need to work in a restaurant, try being a hostess. all it requires is people skills and comfortable heels to walk around in, to seat people.

[Jen10122]

Hi all,

remember you asked how you could help? Well, here is a way you could help us and it would mean alot to us if you did help. Well, remember I that we would like to move? Well, we still do but we need your help in researching where to move to. If you live in one of theses areas please reply to this post. CT,PA,OH,KY,MA or MD. By answering thes questions: 1)What does the area look like? 2)What is the job market like? 3) Is there public transportation? 4) How often does it run? 5) How do I get to doctors? 6) What is the medical coverage like? 7) What is the rents for the apts? 8) Are the Apts near public transportation?

[herdthinner]

I live in MA, the North Shore area, which is above Boston. To my knowledge, Boston is the city with most/all the public trans. The surrounding areas pretty much require cars to get around, unless that's just my southern CA roots showing (we/they drive EVERYwhere!).

Schedules for public transport are at http://www.mbta.com/

Boston the city is, as you can imagine, rather expensive to live IN, but most cities and towns have train stations for commuting to the city. The South Shore is apparently cheaper overall than the North Shore for housing, but I could be wrong on that.

I couldn't say what ALL rent is for ALL areas, but I lived in Framingham for about $600 (my half w/roommate), and that was walking distance to the train station. My friend lives in Mansfield and is also right by a station. The station nearest me NOW, though, requires a car drive.**

Medical care is good, thanks to hospitals like Mass General - at least I've always gotten good care since moving here.

I've been out of work for over a year now, but have worked sporadically on temp assignments (office agencies) and contracts (tech work, my real field).

Unemployment here is, alas, higher than in any other state, but it also depends on which industry you're looking for. Tech has suffered more than anywhere else, I think, but other industries have improved. Biotech and manufacturing come to mind.

I'm set up with MANY temp agencies and tech recruiters, so don't limit yourself to one or two.


**Y'know, worst-case scenario, I've got two bedrooms here, and the living room couch is a sleeper. I've also got a full basement and full attic for storage. Just tossing that out.

[Clarsax]

Hi Jen. I'm glad I can help with something. I live in the Cleveland area so that's about all the Ohio information I can offer. But here it is.

What the area looks like - I'm not quite sure just what you want to know, but Cleveland is a fairly nice place. Cleveland is right by Lake Erie. It's got a downtown business district that includes lots of museums, an expo center, music halls and a playhouse, and there is also a fairly large area filled with clubs and a few dance halls. The Cleveland Metroparks is a huge area spanning most of northern Ohio. It includes dozens of parks throughout the area with lots of trails, forests, and wildlife. There are a lot of residential areas surrounding downtown Cleveland, houses mainly, and there isn't quite as much to do here at night. I hope that gives you some idea of what the place is like. I listed a site farther down that has listings on jobs, and it also has information on Cleveland and what it has to offer.

Job market - unfortunately, like just about everywhere else, jobs are hard to find in Ohio. I've been looking for a year so I've had plenty of time to look at the classifieds. As far as that goes, here's a brief list of jobs I've noticed coming up the most frequently: Office assistants, data processors (most of the companies have been asking for skills in Excel and PowerPoint for this), legal secretaries, general office secretaries, customer service (reps and phones mainly), and administrative assistants. Other than that, most of the jobs I've seen in this area are the types that require either trade skills or an advanced degree. One website I've been using in my job search a lot is http://cleveland.careerboard.com/cgi-bin/a/searchjobs_quick.cgi They've got a pretty broad range of just about every job type imaginable available in the Cleveland and Akron areas, plus information on relocation to Cleveland, the types of entertainment available here, and lots of other information.

Transportation - within Cleveland the transportation isn't too bad. We've got an RTA system of buses that runs all the time, about every twenty minutes and could take you to just about anywhere in the Cleveland area. In addition, some suburbs also have busing that can take you into the city. Cleveland transportation isn't known to be among the best, but what transportation there is usually runs throughout the day and most of the night. This is the main site for the RTA and busing schedule, and it will give you a better idea of what kind of transportation is available: http://www.gcrta.org/

Apartments - Once again, I scanned through the classifieds. On average, the apartments I saw ranged from 450-650 a month. A few were advertised as being close to bus routes and the RTA system, and others I imagine are in walking distance. I'm not too sure about exactly how many are close to public transportation, but on a rough estimate, I'd say about 2/3 to 1/2 aren't.

Doctors and medical coverage - its fairly good. We've got the Cleveland Clinic out here, which has a lot of branches in different cities, and has a reputation for being one of the best in the country. Besides that, there are doctors offices just about everywhere, so getting to them shouldn't be too difficult depending on the transportation and where you live. The rest really depends on the type of job offered, but most that I've seen, when they offer benefits, will usually offer medical and dental, and sometimes visual.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

[Jen10122]

Hi all,

Thanx for the info. but, my mom decided to stay here in NYC because this is where her sister lives and she feels that this is her safe zone. And her sister talked her out of moving. My mom feels that if she did move that she would be alone and atleast here she has her sister for support and that if all of her money runs out that she could live with her sister. She wouldn't have that type of support anywhere else she moved too. And yes, there are still on Customer Service in NYC.

[VBKatLou]

Well, Jen,

It sounds like your mom is looking into alternatives and that's good. And it's nice that you have some family in NYC to turn to if it becomes necessary. I hope you're mom finds work soon and your lives can be turned around for the best. :)