PDA

View Full Version : Tall Tales from the Office


generic_screenname
05-27-2004, 08:04 PM
It can't be. No way. There can't be another thread about everyone's favorite least favorite co-worker.


But here it is. Immortalized in haikus (http://www.watchfarscape.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18747&highlight=haikus), studied in series of rants (http://www.watchfarscape.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19938&highlight=office+ranting), Joe has now grown to the mythic proportions by which he views himself.

Mention to him that you stayed at work late, and he'll inform you that your feat is nothing compared to his mighty work ethic. Why, he used to work 80 hour weeks. Back at his old job.

One of my co-workers was talking about a time he was so busy at work that he didn't have a day off in three months.

"That's nothing." Joe says. "I once went three years." They even had his eyelids removed to keep him from wasting precious hours on sleep.

The workload has been pretty heavy for all of us the past few months. When there's only four employees (3 Johns and Joe), the work can pile up pretty fast. But that Joe, he must be working harder then the rest of us, and he let's it be known by letting out a frustrated sigh several times an hour and repeatedly dropping the F-bomb. To really drive the point home that he's just flooded with work, he'll say "Shoot me now and get it over with." You know, because he just has so much work to do and the clients are so difficult to work with.

I don't know when he used to work 80 hour weeks, but now he leaves every day at ten minutes to five. I can't imagine where he got his energy from back then, because he also used to ride his bike for miles upon miles. I'll bet he still would, too, but every time John T--who happens to be an avid biker--invites him to go moutain biking, he always as some kind of family emergency to address.

It is rather strange that someone of this Herculean will to get the job done always leaves early. Even moreso concidering he frequently says "I'll be here tonight with my sleeping bag and a flashlight, Cameron." Yes, he actually says that. And yes, it is stupid to say you'll bring a flashlight, because if you were staying late at night, you'd just leave the studio lights on. By the way, John M lives far away from the city and has indeed stayed the night on several occassions. Joe has never actually brought in his sleeping bag.

Last week, Joe had to leave work early, because a relative of his wife was having an operation, but he said that he'd probably come back later at night. We all wanted to know if he really was going to come back, so John the biker (I should say cyclist, or you'll get the wrong mental image) taped a large piece of paper to Joe's monitor. If Joe was going to do work, he'd obviously have to take the paper off his screen.

John got work early the next morning and saw the paper still taped to Joe's screen. he asked Joe if he came back that night.

"Yeah, I stayed for a couple hours. I was f*cking tired!"

John didn't let Joe in that he had just cought him in a lie, but he told the rest of us and we laughed.

And the legend of Joe the ultimate workaholic grows on....

Jeff O'Connor
05-27-2004, 08:25 PM
That Joe!

I-am-so-Johns-girl
05-27-2004, 08:25 PM
There's always a "Joe" in every office. :yes:
I suggest you just kill Joe. :wb: :boom: :trout: :bigger: :jedi: :tonbricks :signlol:

Jeff O'Connor
05-27-2004, 08:40 PM
Kill Joe Volumes I and II...

More David Carraddine anyone? I'm sure he could Kung Fu his way through Joe any day!

generic_screenname
05-28-2004, 07:24 AM
No killing! Cripes...anyway, he could probably take you. Yep, him and his giant blue ox once outran a steam engine while spreading appleseeds across the countryside and wrestling tornadoes.

abbadon
05-28-2004, 07:39 AM
There's always a "Joe" in every office. :yes:
I suggest you just kill Joe. :wb: :boom: :trout: :bigger: :jedi: :tonbricks :signlol:

No killing! Cripes...anyway, he could probably take you.

Ahh But Could He take Her....?

recklesshumor
05-28-2004, 07:48 AM
I would start giving him coffee and baking him cupcakes. "Here, Joe! You really must try these muffins." If that doesn't freak him out, then you might try talking to an imaginary friend a lot. Works for me.

Mrelia
05-28-2004, 08:00 AM
You think your co-worker is bad, well mine is soooo much worse...just kidding.

I heard this story through the rumor mill, so some of this may be inaccurate or have incomplete info, but here goes:

I do have one co-worker "BB" who's been screwing up in her job a lot lately, just little things, but we've cut her some slack because she's recently had a messy break-up. She got in trouble when her boss caught a co-worker clocking out for her. The co-worker, "CC" said that BB had left a couple hours before after finishing her work for the day and had asked her to clock her out at the end of the day. CC knew she shouldn't, but is a very nice gal who doesn't like to stir up trouble. They suspended BB for a couple days. She came into the office on deadline during her suspension and occupied her computer station, not doing anything, while BB was trying to do both their jobs around her.
Talk about tacky!
The poor girl did not deliberately rat the woman out and most certainly should have never been put in that position anyway. Everytime I see BB the fish-face, I just wanna send her to work with Joe!

abbadon
05-28-2004, 09:11 AM
I would start giving him coffee and baking him cupcakes. "Here, Joe! You really must try these muffins." If that doesn't freak him out, then you might try talking to an imaginary friend a lot. Works for me.


I would be MORE than happy to come and Annoy you recklesshumor if it meant I got Lots of coffee and Muffins.......mmmmmmuffins

recklesshumor
05-28-2004, 09:32 AM
Yeah, but you don't know what's in the muffins! That's the point!

Jeff O'Connor
05-28-2004, 09:35 AM
Yeah, but you don't know what's in the muffins! That's the point!

Soylent Green is muffins!!!

generic_screenname
05-28-2004, 09:36 AM
It's not rat feces is it? I hate when people put rat feces in muffins.

Jeff O'Connor
05-28-2004, 09:40 AM
No, it's just Soylent Green. And we all know that Soylent Green is okay.

generic_screenname
05-28-2004, 09:58 AM
Ever see that skit on SNL with Phil Hartman as Charleton Heston in the Soylent Green sequels?

Soylent Green is still made of people! They said they were going to change the recipe, but they lied!!!

Jeff O'Connor
05-28-2004, 10:20 AM
HAHAHAH! No, I haven't! I gotta see that!

AgentSun
05-28-2004, 10:22 AM
great poster, abbadon!

recklesshumor
05-28-2004, 10:33 AM
No. No rat feces (don't even WANT to know that story). No soylent green, either. Typically, I prefer St. Augustine sod. Mmmm ... lawn muffins.

I-am-so-Johns-girl
05-28-2004, 10:34 AM
Awww...come on g_s...just kill him!!! :irate: :yes: :aok: :lol

generic_screenname
05-28-2004, 10:34 AM
Lawn muffins? That sure sounds like feces to me!

From now on, dog poop will be known as "lawn muffins"

Digger
05-28-2004, 10:59 AM
(3 Johns and Joe)

Coming this fall, on NBC, it's "3 John's and a Joe". The story of 3 (mostly) normal guys, John A, John B and John C and Joe, the raving ignaoramous they work with. See John A tell all his friends on an internet chatboard all about Joe's annoying habits. See John B catch Joe in lies about his work habits. See John C go to the Combat Zone (oops! That's a different show!). And see Joe, the bane of their existence make such witty remarks as "Excellent Smithers. All we need now is the Jade Monkey" and "Holy D'artagnon Batman!"

VBKatLou
05-28-2004, 11:00 AM
Oh wow! I haven't seen a Joe story for a long time.

I've got your muffin right here :D

If Joe were dead then there wouldn't be any more Joe stories. I prefer Joe alive because sometimes I can use a good laugh. g_s, I appreciate the sacrifice you and your co-workers are making by working with Joe just so I can have a little humor in my day.

abbadon
05-28-2004, 12:02 PM
Soylent Green or not! I WANT MY MUFFINS........

mgraylorn
05-28-2004, 12:25 PM
Not poison muffins or feces muffins, but laxative muffins.

See Joe eat a muffin.
See Joe get a funny look on his face.
See Joe run.
Run Joe run.

Then you can find out if he is the sprinter he claims he is.

recklesshumor
05-28-2004, 01:05 PM
Lawn muffins. Isn't that a kind of troll? Or gnome?

Johnsgirl727
05-28-2004, 02:34 PM
Ahh But Could He take Her....?
LOVE THE POSTER! You've made my day!!:rollin::rollin::rollin: (By the way.....I could kick his ass!:D )

AgentSun
05-28-2004, 02:45 PM
okay has anyone heard the carfax commercial on the radio? it describes joe, the regretful joe, who may have just made a 10,000 dollar mistake, which is why he should have gone to carfax.com!

i thought of you.

Antrobus
05-28-2004, 05:09 PM
I have two co-workers who often huddle in the corner and pray. Now I have nothing against prayer or praying, but why would you huddle in the corner of a clinical laboratory to do it? I somehow don't think they're praying for people's bodily fluids and the work here certainly isn't that bad! So, I just don't get it.

Luckily my shift only overlaps theirs by an hour or so!

generic_screenname
05-28-2004, 06:52 PM
Are you sure they're praying? I mean, just because two people huddle in a corner shouting "Oh God! Oh God!" dosen't mean that they are praying. :lech:

trinamick
05-28-2004, 07:16 PM
:lol Just like "Hallelujah, Jesus has come!" might not be referring to an appearance by the Messiah. :lech:

Antrobus
05-28-2004, 07:35 PM
Are you sure they're praying? I mean, just because two people huddle in a corner shouting "Oh God! Oh God!" dosen't mean that they are praying.

hmmm...you don't suppose....
Well, the lab does have a problem controlling the heat! :rolleyes:

kechara420
05-29-2004, 09:57 PM
From now on, dog poop will be known as "lawn muffins"
:roflmao: g_s, thank you VERY much for that one! My mom and I are both still laughing ... :rollin:

Mrelia
05-30-2004, 09:09 AM
I once worked in an office where this guy was always helping himself...to food, drinks and the change in the coffee jar. :irate:

We used to plot to leave Ex-lax brownies in the fridge. Then we found out he's allergic to chocolate. :rolleyes:

But still, how's this...give 'em laxative food. THEN when he gets back from that, probably complaining he's hungry, offer him a drink with a "purgative" in it. He won't be hungry for awhile! :D

OR

Use a computer and good sound system to generate the mythical "brown noise". Turn it on only when he's going to be alone in the office.