Venting, ettiquate, and weddings

[Frellster]

My brother is obsessed with wedding ettiquate. Basically; I don't know if I'll be at a convention the last week of July - if not, then I can make it to a friend's wedding. My brother says that since I didn't RSVP a firm "yes" that I can't go! Mind, you - I'm going to the wedding shower tomarrow, I've been invited to the wedding, I just didn't want to respond "yes" since I'm a maybe. I'm fairly sure the bride knows I'm a maybe, I'll mention it again to her at the shower and I'm ONE person, so I don't imagine they'll be short of anything because of me (if I go). Here's the problem, my brother won't let up. He's called my cell phone five times to scream at me about this. I realize weddings are completly disproportionally important in his mind. HE insisted on sewing the brides maids dresses, making all the floral arrangments, and hand lettering all the envelopes for his own wedding (driving everyone crazy) - so this may be projection on his part. Now, since he's "ordered" me not to attend, I feel I should eshew the covention and attend the wedding just to prove that my semi-unauthorized presence doesn't ruin anything.

[grinner]

what makes him a 'wedding etiquette' expert? I think that there web sites (http://www.topweddingsites.com/wedding_etiquette.html) where you can ask questions like this... but... I don't see what the big deal is. The reception could be the only problem... but if you don't eat... it shouldn't be too bad a problem.

[LT Garrix]

Cripes! He needs to let go. I'm almost surprised that he did get married as that much of a control freak, or is it just about weddings?

IMO, as long as the bride knows it shouldn't be too big a deal. The only thing might be the reception if it is a formal sit down type, but again, communication with the bride is key.

Tell him to butt out, it isn't his wedding.

[Rhys]

If they're doing a typical catered dinner, they probably pay by the plate, and they really should have firm numbers - plus, there are seating arrangments.

You should make sure they know your situation. Don't assume that, since you mentioned it once, they know, because they've got a lot of stuff to worry about these days. You'd actually be better to give them a "yes", but note that there may be something that would keep you from going, and then make sure you buy them a present anyway, and let them know as soon as you're sure if you'll be there or not (which could open your spot for a last-minute addition).

In any case, while you're brother may be big on wedding etiquette, he seems to be lacking in more common social etiquette....

Rhys

[VBKatLou]

I think most wedding planners tell the couple to order X% more food. It's always better to have more than run out. The only people's feelings you need to be concerned about is the bride and groom, and it sounds like you're handling that.

Tell your brother to get a life.

[DRD2001]

I agree that the RSVP is most important in regards to the reception and any meals that may be served there. Talk to the bride and be honest. Say you want to attend, but you may not be able to. I, personally, would offer to pay for my meal, just in case I could not attend, then she would not be wasting her money on my meal. After that, I find a very nice wedding gift smoothes over any possible hard feelings.

Oh, and your brother is completely out of line. Slip a valium into his drink or something.

[Scarran Raptor]

My brother is obsessed with wedding ettiquate.... HE insisted on sewing the brides maids dresses, making all the floral arrangments, and hand lettering all the envelopes for his own wedding


is your brother gay or obsessively metrosexual by any chance? because no self-respecing straight guy I know would know THAT much about wedding planning, let alone sewing bridesmaid dresses ( I always thought the tradition was to get the married couple drunk to the point they puke their guts out and depending on who's family is paying, get material the color and consistency of either the bride or groom's vomit and then have blind dressmakers prone to seizures sew them) granted I'm an only child but then I'm also of the mindset that someone who's that much of a nuptial nazi deserves a firm bitchslap upside their head followed by a swift kick in the Eema or whatever else it takes to get them to shut the hell up (I understand a louisville slugger works wonders on drannits like him)

[Third EYe]

Unless you and your brother share a body, i wouldn't waste anymore thought on it.


I do what I think is best, and my brother does what he thinks is best. We rarely share the same view on things. We have both survived so far.

I'm bigger

[Frellster]

Well, I spoke with the bride. I'm actually on the list as attending and there's no problem. She did tell me its only for me, but since the invite didn't say,"and guest" I knew that anyway.

My bro seems to have calmed down a bit, though I won't run the risk of telling him what I'm going to wear!

"Obsessively metrosexual," I've never heard him called that before. His wife calls him "the male Martha Steward" - fairly creative. I call him "wuss" and he calls me "dork." Oh yeah, we are sooooo mature.

[TheBladeRoden]

Really the most involvement I'd ever put into my own wedding that just remembering to show up, and even that might be trouble.

[Mrelia]

Here's a site with stories of people with major issues: http://www.etiquettehell.com/

This one's just kinda cute: www.gothicmissmanners.com