Need Prayers, Good Thoughts...Badly.

[AgentSun]

so my bf and i were talking last night....we've been apart the whole summer, and though we didn't know it, we've been both thinking about each other...what if he's not the one, what if she's not the one, type stuff. we're really young. who knows if he's the one? i'm not sure yet, but hopefully i will be sure that he is or he isn't.

basically, we decided (well him more than i, since i was listening) to take a break from a relationship. it's not a very long time, i guess, but it hurts so much because the possibility of us not feeling the same way about each other, at the end of a break, is so scary. we love each other so much...but is it still worth it if we're not in it 100% and are not completely sure that we're the ones intended for each other?

i miss him so much. and we're going to be friends...but it hurts so much cause i don't know how i will be able to look at him and not tell him i love him. and i don't know how long this will take for both of us to decide one way or another....and i hope that i find out soon what the answer is, because i know there's one person out there for me...i don't know if it's him. i want it to be him, but that doesn't matter if he isn't. i feel so completely empty now...i can't think about anything, i can't focus on anything. it hurts just to write about it because i know that i'll have to see him every day no matter what...we have classes together. he wants us to just take a step back from being in a relationship, and be friends while we pray and figure this all out. and i want him in my life, even if he's just a friend. he's too awesome of a person for me to not have in my life.

we're not breaking up...but we're in limbo. we're trying to figure out and determine whether we really are meant for each other. and it hurts a lot because i agreed to go on a break because i told him i'd do anything to make him happy...and if this is what he needs and what i need (though i would've preferred working through it without a break) then i'll do it.

i just really really need prayers and thoughts right now, because it's so scary to imagine that he might not come back to me. or that i might not go back to him. we love each other so much...and this is hitting me like a mack truck. i don't know what to do now...if i should take down all the pictures, or if i should give him back the things he gave me. i don't know what to do.

but i do know that we're friends....if we remain that way, then i'll have to deal. if we go back to each other, then i'll deal.

[eta_carinae]

Oh dear. I'm so sorry for you AgentSun! But you know, I don't think I've ever been in a relationship where I haven't wondered "what if?" You just have to think about if you would be happier without each other than you are with each other, I guess. And if the answer is not no, then maybe you need to re-evaluate. That really sucks. My boyfriend and I took a break once, and we were both miserable. Which was good to learn, I guess. Every relationship has it's ups and downs. If it didn't, I would think that was strange.

I wouldn't throw away or give back the stuff he has given you yet, because, for one thing, he did give them to you. And you don't know where you are going yet. It's tough when you are in a serious relationship and still pretty young. I hope everything works out for you both :hug:

[La Bomba]

I'm so sorry to hear about this AS. I know turning points like these in relationships can be very painful. I'm sending you a boatload of good vibes and thoughts that you get past this bumpy road with a minimum of heartache. :hug:

[I-am-so-Johns-girl]

Sending loving thoughts and tons of good vibes to you! :hug2: Just remember that you are a great person and if your current BF can't see that, I'm sure there's someone out there who will! ;) Try to always move foward in your life. Be open to new people and new circumstances because you will always learn from them. :D

[NYPinTA]

:hug:

[Col.Batguano]

Sounds like to me you 2 want paradise but don't want to work for it.
relationships take work, and long distance ones take even more work.
this well I don't know lets see maybe attitude is going to end badly and not the way you think.
Also it sounds like you are afraid of getting in a long distance fight.
a fight is inevitable, it's the furnace of a relationship that gets rid of all the shit.

this is like a car reck waiting to happen.
there is nothing your friends (on line or otherwise) can do but watch.
and to Hell with the bubble gum philosophy, best wishes and prayers sounds like to me your going to just let it all fall apart.
this little thing called love just doesn't happen on it's own, it takes an effort and a fight.

Hey you watch Farscape, most relationships start out a little like John and Aeryn's,
it isn't always pretty with Hearts and Roses and Yots.
one of my best Buddies is for all intensive purposes, Married (even if they never had a ceremony or a license), him and his lady are permanently attached at the Heart,
But when they where first going out, Holy Crap, the Fighting, the Jealousy, the nit picking, nagging, breaking up, getting together.
It is the Dance.
and if you think that breaking up will be the end of it, do I have a personal story for you.

years ago I was flirting with this wonderful girl for a long time, we really clicked but nether one of us would go the next step because we didn't want to get into the fiery pit of a beginning relationship, so she ended up going with a guy who would just bend with every little breeze, and told her what she wanted to hear, and they eventually got married.
That was 4 years ago, the marriage is falling apart because they have nothing in common, and resent each other for having to give up an important part of there lives to stay in a marriage of convenience.

guess who she is flirting with again ...

Agent Sun, you have to hash it out, it's not all hearts and Roses, so get over the poor me Broken Hearted self absorbed Horse Shit, and Fight for your man.
you call him up and tell him how you feel about him, and get over the commitment and/or Long distance fear.
if your going to break up do it right with no questions remaining.
and don't believe that a pretty young lady such as your self can't end up single .
and don't tell me that is what the separation is about, that's just an excuse to not deal with your fear.
Big problems arise from little ones.
water then with tears fertilize them with indifference and they grow.
and you need to grow, not your problems.

[mgraylorn]

AgentSun, I'm sorry you are hurting so much - I've been in relationships where I wanted it to continue and the other person did not - so I can relate to your pain. But maybe you two do need a break to figure out who each of you are. We only hear your side of things, so I can't speak about him, but maybe you are a bit too wrapped up in the relationship, its swallowing you up. You need a chance to find out the wonderful and unique person that you are. If you can be happy and proud of yourself, your self confidence will be attractive to others. And likewise he needs a chance to find out who he is. You say you are both young. I KNOW I was not ready for a permanent committment when I was in my early 20s. I had to experience life until I was in my late 30s before I was ready (but then, I'm a late bloomer).

As you say, its only a break for a little while. Involve yourself in outside activities and with other people in group settings. Learn about who you are. Don't just dwell on missing your boyfriend. If you both do that you will each have much more to bring to a relationship, if you decide you want to get back together, or in relationships with someone else. Maybe you will get back together. Maybe you won't. Can you think of anything more terrible than being locked in a marriage to someone you've outgrown, especially if there are children involved? You need to experience life so you both can say, yes this is the person I want to be with. You don't want to get locked in and then wish you were with someone else. Life is too short for that.

It sounds like your boyfriend is a straight up guy. He talked with you about his feelings and worries. He cares for you and respects you. That's a tribute to both of you. He could have said, "sure whatever", and then ran around behind your back. And it shows a level of maturity on your part that you agreed to the temporary separation, instead of throwing a hysterical fit.

Lots of best wishes during this difficult time. Go out with friends (other than him), do things, try to find some fun and interesting things in your life. Discover yourself. That's the best thing you can do. It hurts a lot now, but it will get better.

[Jul]

:hug:

[LT Garrix]

AS, this is one of the hard parts about a long distance relationship. You both experienced things over the summer that have changed you. With those changes it is very hard to pick up right where you left off, because you aren't the same person you were back in May.

The others have given some good advice. One more bit, like they said, don't dwell on the relationship and think that your life may be over because of the break. It's okay to still be friends, just remember that you shouldn't spend all your time together.

In your early 20s you are still working on your personal identity. Odds are he felt like he was losing a bit of his sense of individuality and just wants some time to assert himself as an individual. Give him that time and space and he will respect you more.

If this is truly meant to be, you will get back together. If it isn't, better to find out now rather than when there are children involved.

[AgentSun]

break over.

yep, you heard me. the break is over. we spent most of the day talking about our relationship....he told me some things that hurt me a lot. things that he did over the summer. but i've forgiven him. everyone gets a second change...no one deserves forgiveness and a second chance, but if i was given one by God, then i have to give him one. and i have. it still hurts, but we'll handle it. meanwhile, we're going to work on being better people. and we're going to do it together.

your prayers and good vibes helped a lot. it was nice knowing that you guys were all here. thanks for that. you guys are a family to me.

[La Bomba]

You are to us, too AS. :hug:

I'm glad things have taken a positive turn.

[MrVesham]

Forgiveness is the ultimate Good Bandaid - at least when used before the gunshots and knife wounds. I'm glad you've chosen to go in that direction (even if it does mean you're still on the unstalkable rolls). :D

[Darth Buddha]

AgentSun, consider this... even should you break up at some point, it is entirely possible that you might return to each other much later. I know folks who have gotten back together after college who dated off an on when they were sixteen.

While the "climate" where you are is probably more geared toward "the marrying kind", it would be pretty unusual for you to go straight through four years of college. Though I did so... and it was a mistake.

So, even though it might hurt, should there be a break later on, remember that it may lead you to be wiser in future relationships, or even could lead you to getting back together with those "is he/she the one" questions answered.

[Col.Batguano]

break over.

yep, you heard me. the break is over. we spent most of the day talking about our relationship....he told me some things that hurt me a lot. things that he did over the summer. but i've forgiven him. everyone gets a second change...no one deserves forgiveness and a second chance, but if i was given one by God, then i have to give him one. and i have. it still hurts, but we'll handle it. meanwhile, we're going to work on being better people. and we're going to do it together.

That's my girl,
I know it hurts but that is what you have to do.
it is painful, but all growth is painful.
and nothing worth anything comes easy.


:aok:

[faustus]

well there you go he just couldn't go without you for longer than a day.
what does that tell you? ;)

[scaperbuddy]

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers AgentSun. Remember to always keep the line of communication open in your relationship. I'm glad your boyfriend is doing that. Looks like in the space of a day absence made the heart grow fonder!

[fermicat]

AgentSun, consider this... even should you break up at some point, it is entirely possible that you might return to each other much later. I know folks who have gotten back together after college who dated off an on when they were sixteen.

That is a good point, and one that I can personally verify. My husband and I were friends back around 1990 in graduate school (well, he wanted to be more than friends back then and I didn't). After I left school, we didn't have any contact for more than 10 years. A few years ago I found his email address while doing some recreational surfing and sent him a "how's it going" message. We hit it off (both of us this time) and things were a bit more than just friends and we dated 2.5 years and then got married last month!

About the breakup/back together thing, a lot of us (including me) have been there and know how it makes you feel. I'm very sorry that it hurts so much and that you had to be upset like that. I wish I could say it will never happen again, but it is a part of life and for most of us it happens many times over various events. Hang it, and enjoy what you've got right now. Every relationship is an opportunity to learn about yourself and about other people, and the experiences are therefore valuable no matter what the ultimate outcome. Use what you learn to help you later on make a good choice of who to marry (whether it is this person, or someone you haven't met yet).

--ferms

[Clarsax]

:hugz: :hug: :hug: