A poem/song by me.

[Jeff O'Connor]

"Love Whispers Loudly"

(I wrote it just now, finished it about two minutes ago, actually. I just wanted to see what a few people think. And yes, it's long. Anything I ever write... is long. Hey, that's why I imagine a world where Farscape never ends.)



Only you can see me for who I am
Only I can show you how I feel for you
Savage feelings rush within me
And I know the truth is here at last

If there were a way to find you from where I stand, I would come to you with open arms and smile...

If there were a way in this world to do it, I would replace those empty dreams of yours with that which you desire...

Ugliness and negativity are just the short-hand means by which we escape from this world of pain and sorrows...

I think I'm falling for you, my sweet embrace, but I barely even know your name...

Red like the color of your jacket
Blue like the color of the sky
Gold is the hue of your majestic sense of worth
And it's a rush of dignity to know you're alive

We so calmly hope for more tomorrows to come to us with blinded values of the lives we choose to lead...

We so foolishly get caught in what we do, and don't know that it's too late to start again until we bleed...

It's such a waste of human life to let it all slip away, such a blasphemy and boundary of shame...

I think I'm falling for you, my sweet embrace, but I barely even know your name...

Crying out I weep
Crying when I sleep
Feeble thoughts erase my former wisdom

Dying so I creep
I'm waiting for that sweep
Off my feet and into your timeless hold

Leaning down in pain
In me no painless limb or vein
I'm leaning on you for all eternity

When all these thoughts of mine are slain
And only memories remain
I'm hoping we'll be fast asleep here and forever

You unlocked the heart that holds dear all the sadness and shielded weakness of yesterday...

You unlocked the heart that is yours truly and with pride I want to be free but still be held...

If there were a will, a way, tomorrow, today, to cast away the fears and be with you... I'd find it, for us, I'd carry us away, to the shores and we would stay, by the waves of harmony...

I think I'm falling for you, my sweet embrace, but I barely even know your name...

Love whispers loudly...

[trubador]

A really good effort there, Jeff. :aok:

You call it a poem/song. Is there music? If so... up-tempo or ballad?

If not, then it's a lyric waiting for music to be married to it (I should know... I've got dozens of my own). One thing, though... (and I know I'm being picky, but that's the lyricist in me :P )... it should be "If there was a way..."

Maybe also a tweek of the line "If there were a way in this world to do it, I would replace those empty dreams of yours with that which you desire..."

Keep at it! I was 11 or 12 when I first started lyric writing. (It wasn't pretty... the second song I ever wrote was "Percolator Man" about a guy selling coffee percolators door-to-door :roflmao: ) It was all uphill from there. :D

[Dane]

I not talented at writing music, but I like listning to it, and I think that a ballad can go a long way, especially when it's this good.

[faustus]

:aok:

[Jeff O'Connor]

Thanks all, and especially you, Trubs! I was hoping you'd comment. And... thanks for the suggestion! I'll edit it because you're right... and don't worry, I'm usually nit-picky about such things when I see other people make errors like that so I totally understand.

And I call it a poem/song because it's basically, yeah, lyrics... but there's no music to it. At least not yet. I'd love to make music to it or find someone who would, or whatever... but for now, it just looks like there'd be music to go with it. :D :O

[Clarsax]

very nice!