A Child's Christmas in Space by Tom Servo

[malachilenomade]

With the holidays upon us, it's time once again for our annual holiday tradition, A Child's Christmas in Space by Tom Servo.:servo:
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:servo:Tom: It's quiet in the cold of our own little orbit, starless and bible black. And as I look down on the big blue bean we would call home I think it so near, yet... oh, I wish on that star and I hope that in a little snow-covered house with a warm hearth and a loving family, maybe some kid is looking up tonight and wishing upon us. Oh, and how I hope sweet Santa will fly by tonight, because if he does I'm gonna reach right out and hug that big guy. Oh, for the sound of hooves against the steel hull of the ship. Oh, to see the rosy face of Santa in the porthole, offering me a Coke and a smile... (gradually becoming upset) ...of course, his cheeks WOULD be rosy because it's a VACUUM out there! I mean, Santa's HEART would explode! (becoming hysterical) But HE wouldn't feel it because the capillaries in his brain would pop like little firecrackers (Joel tries to calm him down) due to the blood boiling away in his face like pudding in a copper...OH THE HUMANITY!! (Now both Joel and Crow are trying to calm him down.) And his jolly old belly would start bubbling like a roasted marshmallow, eyes bulging and popping out... AND THE REINDEER--OH THE REINDEER!!!--keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails! Prancer--BOOM! Dancer--BOOM!
Joel: HEY!
Crow: Tom!
Joel: Tom, take it easy! Santa's gonna be okay, buddy.
Tom: You sure?
Joel: Yeah, give him a little credit, okay?
Tom: Phew, what a relief!
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Still, my favorite one was Crow :crow: being asked what he wanted for Christmas:
Crow: I wanna decide who lives and who dies
Joel: Ooooh, I don't think so
(Joel taps commercial sign)

:santa: :joy:

[DRD2001]

Joel: I think it's kind of hot to be wearing these scarves in here.
Tom: Oh, yeah.
Crow: Well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a scarf. Catch your death!
Joel: Man, you were like one of those kids I remember in high school that used to sell the most candybars for the marching band.
Tom: Yeah, and you'd be president of the Swing Choir, too.
Crow: Ha ha! Ah, thanks, Joel Robinson. Thanks, Tom Servo.
Tom: What a kiss-up, this guy.
Crow: Okay, now if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we can rehearse my new song.
Joel: You wrote a Christmas song?
Crow: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition! Ha ha ha!
Tom (reads sheet music): Um, wait a minute. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas?"
Crow: Oh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, “Roadhouse.”
Tom: C'mon, what the heck does PATRICK SWAYZE have to do with CHRISTMAS?
Crow: Hey you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine, ok?
Tom: Oh, jeeessz!
Joel: Hey, cmon, Tom Servo, it seems like a nice enough sentiment and we can give it a shot. C'mon.
Crow: All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, 12/8 time, uh, key of A-flat major!
Tom: Oh, good!
Crow: Uh, cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Uh, okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? Your part's written out. Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, by Crow T. Robot.
Joel (reading music sheet, as Letterman): "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
Crow: Right. Hit it, Cambot!
Tom: Oh! Oh, I start. I get it. Hmm.
Crow: I'm sorry.
Tom: Pick it up. (singing)
Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
Crow: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.
Joel: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
Bots: We'll decorate a barstool and gather round and sing.
Tom: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Crow: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!
Joel (interrupting): Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop the music. Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.
Crow: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong in Christmas?
Joel: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.
Tom: Yeah!
Crow: Well, then grab hold o' your socks, Joel Robinson, and read on!
Tom: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot. (music)...Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.
Crow: Thank you.
Tom: I like that. (singing)
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar.
Crow: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
Joel: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.
Bots: I think that that right jolly old elf had better make out his will ohh!
All: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...this can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them AAALLLLLLLLLL!"
Tom: La la la laa ha HAAA!
Crow: How long before it becomes a standard?
Joel: I think you gotta come with me. C'mon. (Grabs Crow and exits.)
Crow: Waaaaah!
Tom: We'll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh heh heh!

[malachilenomade]

:wingnut: :signbravo

Another great one from that episode :signbravo

"I think that that right jolly old elf had better make out his will" :roflmao:

Crow: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!

anyone have lines from 521: Santa Claus? I haven't seen it yet

[DRD2001]

"Ah, the classic battle between Evil and -- the narrator." - Crow #521(SC)

"A pentagram, and reindeer laughing. You figure it out." -Tom Servo #521(SC)

"'Dear Santa Claus: Please bring me a little brother.' Oh ho ho ho! Can do! Can do!" -Crow (as Santa Claus). #521(SC)

Santa Clause Conquers the Martians

And no one on Earth will ever know that Santa was kidnapped by Martians!" "Do you realize what you just said?" -Voldar/Joel. #321(SCCtM)

"And now, for your enjoyment, some suggestive scenes of jets refueling. Oh-h-h-h..."-Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)

'Dear Hair Club for Men: I need help big-time...'" -Joel (as bald military guy). #321(SCCtM)

[I-am-so-Johns-girl]

Love those guys! :love:

[DRD2001]

I love MST3K. There is no better show for a laugh. Some local DJs did a MST treatment to a movie that was hilarious. It was from the 70s, so they had a lingo counter everytime someone said, groovy, crazy, outtasite man or heavy. Dang I wish I had a copy of that.


More quotes
Think it's really a good idea to jingle *all* the way?" -Tom Servo. #521(SC)

Well *this* is good old-fashioned nightmare fuel." -Crow. #521(SC)

What, no headbutt this morning? Honeymoon over?" -Crow (as Keemar) #321 (SCCtM)

When she thinks of the mass media, she touches herself!" -Tom Servo #321 (SCCtM)

Why do you think they call him 'Droppo'?" -Joel #321 (SCCtM)

[malachilenomade]

"A pentagram, and reindeer laughing. You figure it out." -Tom Servo #521(SC)

:spew: :roflmao:

"Ah, MISTER Claus... you have a nasty habit of surviving!" - Crow, as Voldar (SCvstM)

"Get the HELL out of my shop!" - Crow, as Santa Claus (SCvstM)

"Ah-ha-ha... we're having her committed." Crow, as Santa Claus (SCvstM)

(can ya tell that Crow's my favorite :))

[DRD2001]

Crow is freaking awesome. Tom is too sensitive sometimes, but he does write the best songs. Crow's sarcasm is so dead on, but what else would you expect from a woman ;) . And Trace was right, you really can get away with saying some aweful things if you use a puppet to say them.

I've got Monday off. I think I'll have a Turkey Christmas celebration and play my copies of Santa Clause and Santa Clause Conquers the Martians. :lol

[malachilenomade]

Crow is freaking awesome. Tom is too sensitive sometimes, but he does write the best songs. Crow's sarcasm is so dead on, but what else would you expect from a woman ;) . And Trace was right, you really can get away with saying some aweful things if you use a puppet to say them.

I've got Monday off. I think I'll have a Turkey Christmas celebration and play my copies of Santa Clause and Santa Clause Conquers the Martians. :lol

HEY!!! When did they say Crow was a woman?! :confused:

I wish I had that Santa Clause one... all I have is Santa Clause vs The Martians. And there is no way on earth that Gary would be able to cut me a copy and get it to me in time :no: Can't afford it now anyway... but I REALLY need to get back into ordering DVDs from him.

Hey, have you ordered anything from him yet? His turn-around time is outstanding! I would usually order something from him on Friday and I'd have it the next friday!! :aok:

[DRD2001]

I gave my Xmas list to Santa. If I don't get some from him, then I have an anniversary and Valentines day coming up.

I've got both on VHS, but they probably look like dren.

In one ep, Joel mentions that Crow stands for Cybernetic Robotic Operating (I think) Woman. Apparently things didn't work out as expected. I think it may have been the Devil Dogs one. Not sure.

[malachilenomade]

In one ep, Joel mentions that Crow stands for Cybernetic Robotic Operating (I think) Woman. Apparently things didn't work out as expected. I think it may have been the Devil Dogs one. Not sure.


The one with the devil dogs? Hmmmmm, I'll have to check back on that one... I have that ep (it's the first Comedy Central episode, if I'm not mistaken.. The Crawling Eye with the guy from Rat Patrol)

[malachilenomade]

Hey, and it just so happens that today was the premiere for SCvstM :D

1991: Episode 321- SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS first shown.

[DRD2001]

Well it is the holiday season. :crow: I'll have to find my music CD to play in the car tomorrow.

I would so love to see some new eps. :sigh:

[malachilenomade]

I would so love to see some new eps. :sigh:

Yeah, really! But they couldn't be on Sci-Fi... the reps at Sci-Fi ruined that show.... they had to make the host segments as an on-going storyline, so when you see reruns (when they played the reruns), it was all out of sequence and Sci-Fi had final say on the movies that were used and what was said during the movies. The Comedy Central days were better, really, because Best Brains were given free run of what to watch and say :aok:

[DRD2001]

Yeah, but Comedy Central just didn't get it. Rumor was, they deliberately killed the show cause the exec in charge just didn't like it.

If I ever find my Ace & TJ copy of Pray for the Wildcats, I'll loan it to you. Andy Griffith, William Shatner, Robert Reid and some wimpy obnoxious guy go dirtbiking. Ace and TJ did some great rips on it, including drawing on the screen and dubbing in new music. :lol

[Owlman]

I wish I had remembered MST3K when I was making my Christmas List!

Mike was the best though.

[malachilenomade]

If I ever find my Ace & TJ copy of Pray for the Wildcats, I'll loan it to you. Andy Griffith, William Shatner, Robert Reid and some wimpy obnoxious guy go dirtbiking. Ace and TJ did some great rips on it, including drawing on the screen and dubbing in new music. :lol

:eek: That sounds frightening :D THANKS! :)

[Twich]

Yeah, but Comedy Central just didn't get it. Rumor was, they deliberately killed the show cause the exec in charge just didn't like it.

If I ever find my Ace & TJ copy of Pray for the Wildcats, I'll loan it to you. Andy Griffith, William Shatner, Robert Reid and some wimpy obnoxious guy go dirtbiking. Ace and TJ did some great rips on it, including drawing on the screen and dubbing in new music. :lol


That sounds fan-frelling tastic!!!! Holy crud...Andy Griffith AND Wiiliam Shatner,,,

Somewhere I have "I was a teenage werewolf" with Michael Landon....

[DRD2001]

Pray for the Wildcats was such utter dren! Griffith is an old man who acts like he is 20. Shatner is married, having an affair with his best friends wife and is dying. The annoying guy won't commit to his girlfriend, cause "We're soaring man. I'm hip, I'm in the groove. Don't bring me down." Reid plays an idiot. Griffith is the bad guy who assaults women and kills people. Really too dang aweful, and too dang funny. Very very dated. Oh, Angie Dickinson is in it too.

[Twich]

Stop it! You're killing me! That sounds like a classic!!!!!

[malachilenomade]

WOW that sounds bad :D Definitely something that MST3K would have done!!

Every time I see the name Robert Reid, I think of "Bloodlust" ;)

"You know, on his resume, Robert Reid listed this as the Odyssey" (I think it was)

"Hey, everybody! Look who's here! It's Robert Reid!"

"Later that same drink...." (that one got HUGE laughs from a friend of mine when she saw it the first time)

[DRD2001]

Movie = horrific
Spoof = gut busting funny

Best part. In a Mexican cantina, a 17 year old girl is doing some sort of shimmy dance. Old dirty unshaven Griffith starts to shimmy and dance after her. They dubbed in the Andy Griffith theme song, so that is the music he ends up shimmying to. AND IT FIT WITH THE MUSIC. :lol Oh geez, I still laugh just thinking about it years later. :roflmao:

[malachilenomade]

Oh yeah!! Definitely need a copy of that :D