I got hit on today!

[mgraylorn]

Here's the story. In the building where I work, the janitorial staff is contracted out for really low wages, so we end up getting a lot of foreigners who are about the only people willing to work for such crappy wages.

Our current janitor is an older man who is Mexican or Central American, and he speaks very little Engish. One day he came into my office (the office is divided into several cubes) and no one was there but me. This janitor was looking for someone to call his phone company to find out why he didn't have phone service when he had paid his bill. Since I was the only person in at the time, I got to be "It".

I agreed to help him because I felt sorry for him with his bad English, because even if you speak the language, going through phone menues and getting help can be difficult.

Just as an aside, I got really annoyed by this off brand phone service because they had no one in their customer service or repair departments who spoke Spanish. The also didn't want to let me speak on his behalf, because I wasn't listed on his phone bill. I for sure was not going to do that, because I wasn't about to assume any responsibilty for his phone bills.

Anyway after much hassling around, they did let me speak for him. It turned out he was paid up, and the external phone line was good. So either he had a bad phone, or the apartment wiring was bad. After much effort I managed to convey that he should buy a new phone and try it, and if that didn't work he should contact his landlord. This evolved over several days, and I discovered Google translation for me to explain in English and have it come out Spanish, which fortunately the janitor could read Spanish. He also had me write up in English a note for his landlord to explain what he needed, ie the building wiring checked.

Just to be nice, I would ask him every couple of days how it was going. He was very grateful, and would occasionally hold my hand, which I interpreted as gratitude. When I was writing out the note for his landlord, the janitor was petting my hair and saying it was pretty. Now I am 48 and this guy is probably in his mid to late 50s, so again I chaulked it up to gratitude and different customs.

Well today he started getting more friendly. More hair petting, hand kissing and then kissing my forehead and trying to kiss down my cheek, while he was saying I was very pretty. I backed off and told him I was married. I had a husband. I was not going to give him a chance, I had a husband. I don't think I was getting through to him that this was a definite NO!

Like I said, I'm 48 and have not been hit on in years (thank god). This janitor is shorter than me and of slight build, I probably weigh more than him, so I think I could inflict serious damage if I had a mind to. I don't want to get nasty, but I don't want any more advances either. I also don't want to call his supervisor unless he gets to be a real pest, because it would probably get him fired.

Tomorrow I am bringing in lots of pictures of me with my designated spousal unit to post around my cube.

And I think I am going to be out of the office when the janitor comes to get the trash for several days.

Any Latinos out there with advise on how to get across to this guy I'm not and never will be interested?

[eta_carinae]

Hmmmm. I've found that Latino men tend to be MUCH more forward than most of the other guys I'm around. It's a cultural thing, I think. I don't know what else you could do besides be very straightforward with him and tell him you're not interested. And avoiding him for a few days will probably help get the idea across. Unfortunately, I'm not that knowledgable on the subject, so I don't know what else to tell you! I hope it works out for you though. It would be terrible to be uncomfortable at work because you don't want to run into him again :dunno:

[zahncrelnik]

Well today he started getting more friendly. More hair petting, hand kissing and then kissing my forehead and trying to kiss down my cheek, while he was saying I was very pretty. I backed off and told him I was married. I had a husband. I was not going to give him a chance, I had a husband. I don't think I was getting through to him that this was a definite NO!

...........

Tomorrow I am bringing in lots of pictures of me with my designated spousal unit to post around my cube.

And I think I am going to be out of the office when the janitor comes to get the trash for several days.

I think you are doing/saying all the right things to get your message across.
Good luck with this. Keep us posted.

[Mazinkaiser]

We're not all that bad

[zahncrelnik]

We're not all that bad

I agree. I have some men friends who just like to get
together and talk, no strings, no flings.
So, I would not put all men in one category.

[Mazinkaiser]

I'm latin, and yes most latin guys can be aggresive, but I won't say all of us are.

[TheBladeRoden]

That's interesting, because "no" means the same thing in Spanish as it does in English. Try "nunca" or "no mas" or "no hablas al la me por la futura"

[Mazinkaiser]

"no hablas al la me por la futura"

No me hables en el futuro.

[harveywhispers]

I know this borders more on scary, as opposed to funny...Yet, it still gave me a giggle.

[mgraylorn]

Well as I say, I was surprised. I was just doing him a favor to be nice and had no idea he would get ideas.

I'm not saying all men, or all Latino men would behave this way. This guy did. I was just wondering if there was a more culturally appropriate way to nicely say I'm not interested, since he didn't seem to get it in English.

I'm not singling out Latinos, this guy just happened to be one. I'd have reacted the same way if he had been Canadian, eh?

I've always been nice to our janitors, male, female, foreign, U.S. born. I figure even if it is their job to pick up my trash, it is still polite to say hello, how are you, and thank you. None of them have reacted this way before. The best janitor we had was a Latino a year ago. He was very friendly and did not make advances. He was even starting to teach me a few Spanish phrases. Unfortunately he left to go back home.

[TheBladeRoden]

No me hables en el futuro.
If he can't speak good English to her he doesn't deserve good Spanish in return.

[LiLOrion]

When I was writing out the note for his landlord, the janitor was petting my hair and saying it was pretty.

Thats a bit more than friendly.
My friend did that once, trying to be funny and he almost got a swift elbow to his tender place.

I'm remembering the SNL ep where the waiters were licking the face of a lady patron, dry humping her, etc. and chalked it up to them being Italian and having different customs.

Considering the language barrier you really cant do much more than what you did, which was say - NO. Unless you go onto Google again and try to get something translated into spanish.

[trubador]

I'm getting an image of Pepe le Pew, here... :shrug: :rollin:

[Kurt_eh]

Well as I say, I was surprised. I was just doing him a favor to be nice and had no idea he would get ideas.

I'm not saying all men, or all Latino men would behave this way. This guy did. I was just wondering if there was a more culturally appropriate way to nicely say I'm not interested, since he didn't seem to get it in English.

I'm not singling out Latinos, this guy just happened to be one. I'd have reacted the same way if he had been Canadian, eh?


:lech: :innocent: What? No? :( :bawl:

[MrVesham]

I think it's goin' around. I'm a little geeky elf-troll hybrid lookin' guy and I've been getting grinned at and chatted up lately by girls around the university. Not in the usual creepy making-fun-of-the-ugly-kid this-is-why-high-school-made-me-socially-paranoid way, but in a warm touchy kinda way.

It's... eh... different.

Ahn. Maybe there's a worldwide dare goin' on or something.

[Zantar]

I think it's goin' around. I'm a little geeky elf-troll hybrid lookin' guy and I've been getting grinned at and chatted up lately by girls around the university. Not in the usual creepy making-fun-of-the-ugly-kid this-is-why-high-school-made-me-socially-paranoid way, but in a warm touchy kinda way.

It's... eh... different.

Ahn. Maybe there's a worldwide dare goin' on or something.

I know what you mean. Noone ever flirted with me in high school...but at college i get it pretty often. Sadly im to dense to notice it when its going on and get told afterward. Only one girl that i do notice with and that is a err complicated situation:).

[Spedoinkel]

If only that were true, Vesham

[Lord Loser]

I think he's got a point, Spee

[I-am-so-Johns-girl]

I'm getting an image of Pepe le Pew, here... :shrug: :rollin:
Me too!!!! :rollin:

[Antrobus]

I'm latin

You are? I thought you looked like Charlie Brown! ;)

For all the females of the species out there - you can always have gay men for friends and never have to worry about being hit on!! :D

[Spedoinkel]

I think he's got a point, Spee
So, I'm the only one not getting hit on?

[Lord Loser]

Erm... :innocent:

But look on the bright side, when you find one who does, given your av mooning her, she'll be a keeper... :P

[Spedoinkel]

Hmm, good point.

[Egg]

just be natural walk up to him grab him by the balls , shout out loud belittle him for everyone to see, and feel like you are the victim. Or just say no at the start and stop teasing!

[Egg]

what is worse is not being hit on , it's life deal with it , enjoy the attention, if you don't like it , from that person ,you move on, cos the next one might do almost the same but because you like that person, you think it's great

[mgraylorn]

Kurt, I was hoping my Canadian line would attract your attention! You are such a cute little thing, women probably fall all over you!

MrVesham, by the time you get to college some women realize smart is sexy, so geek is cool. I think you must be a late bloomer. Same thing happened to my designated spousal unit, but girls didn't start noticing him until he was a grad student. By the time I caught him he was a professor and I had to beat the competition off with a stick.

I'm domestically happy and not looking for a change, or a slice on the side. I don't want to be hit on. (But I might not mind if it was Patrick Stewart, or Sayid.)


I've pinned up a couple of pictures of said designated spousal unit in prominent locations in my work cube. One is of him and me cuddled up, the other is with one of our cats. I hope we look appropriately domestically happy.

I'm going to be out of the office when the janitor comes today.

[Judith]

Or just say no at the start and stop teasing!


What the fuck?

[mgraylorn]

I'm not sure who's comments Egg directed his/her posts, so I assumed it wasn't at me. If it was, I assure you, I in no way flirted with this janitor or did anything to encourage him. I pushed him off, and I did tell him firmly that I was married, had a husband, he had absolutely no chance with me. I don't think there is any reason to make a scene out of it, unless the person becomes a pest or crosses way over the line (like if he had grabbed my looma). After all, he came to my office (I just happened to be the only one there at the time, I think he was actually looking for the administrative assistant), looking for help with his phone service. I don't think helping him with this problem was leading him on.

I also assure you, I will not tollerate him touching me in the future, at all. I know that in some cultures, people are a lot more physical contact oriented, and so I try not to push my WASP uptight culture on foreigners and assume the worst, until it is clear the intent is other than platonic. I probably err on the side of assuming the best of people, but don't mistake that for a tease. I've had friends who were foreigners who where touchy-feely and they were just being friendly, nothing else intended. It is part of their culture. I also am old, gray haired, pudgy, don't wear makeup, and here in winter I wear baggy oversize clothing in layers to keep warm - I don't consider myself a prime target for lust and I don't have a lot of experience with guys hitting on me.

Today when I heard the janitor come in to my office I behaved as any rational adult would. I fled through the back door of my office and up to the third floor of the building which he had already done. I hid out there for 25 minutes until I was sure he was finished with my floor and gone. I think I will be doing this for a few days.

[kellialwyd]

what is worse is not being hit on , it's life deal with it , enjoy the attention, if you don't like it , from that person ,you move on, cos the next one might do almost the same but because you like that person, you think it's great
Can't agree with you there. When someone invades your personal space and touches you in an inappropriate way which is any way that is uninvited, you should not have to deal with it. You should be able to say back off buddy boy and have them back off. Anything else is harassment and NOT cute in any way. Bottom line here is consent. If you don't give it, then he or she shouldn't be doing it.

[Kurt_eh]

kellialwyd is right, and I've nothing further to add to that.

mg, I think you shouldn't be avoiding him. Just make sure that there's someone else around while he's in the area. He should get comfortable with the fact that you have no interest. As long as someone is around, it'll be okay, and not akward. Don't be afraid.

As for your other comments, that didn't really start happening until quite recently... Guess I'm a late bloomer too... ;)

[Judith]

Also, if you're going to be working late, and you're going to be the only one around, I would really suggest on filling in a trusted coworker, as well as your husband (don't know if you already have) in on what is going on. Not saying this dude is going to stalk you...it probably is, just like you said on account of cultural difference or whatever. But just in case...because you can never be too safe...you should make sure the people in your life are aware of what's going on.