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grinner
05-11-2005, 03:59 PM
Kids Say The Darndest Things!
Most grade school teachers agree that kids say the darndest things. Here are some examples:

The future of "I give" is "I take."

The parts of speech are lungs and air.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosqitoes.

A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

Define H2O and CO2. H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 oppossums.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

BrowderChick
05-11-2005, 04:04 PM
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

:lol

who45
05-11-2005, 04:14 PM
:rollin: Some of these sound like my class answers :lol

BrowderChick
05-11-2005, 04:22 PM
:yes: :lol

kymom5613
05-12-2005, 07:25 AM
ahhhh, the public education system here in the US...and I for just a microsecond questioned why I'm paying a small fortune to have my kids in private school...The mighty Grinner graciously provides my answer...
Thanks hon!!!
:)

scrape_medic
05-12-2005, 07:30 AM
small g kymom, small g....

quick before he notices.:innocent: nah, nothing going on here, move along..

kymom5613
05-12-2005, 07:40 AM
When in reverence, I MUST capitalize... Hope that I will be forgiven for this transgression... *bows down* (ouch!! It's like trying to fold a grapefruit!!!)

scrape_medic
05-12-2005, 07:45 AM
No, don't do that!!!:lol

kymom5613
05-12-2005, 07:48 AM
Now the baby's pummeling my bladder!!!
That little girl will be the next Muhammad Ali if I can get her the proper training!
(I'm in the right city for it, as here's where the "Louisville Lip" came from!!!)
*note to self, I'm halfway through this pregnancy, need to learn to LEAN to the side when reaching down or doing some bowing & scraping!!! lol

scrape_medic
05-12-2005, 07:51 AM
Or get a stick with a grab on the end of it........and no more bowing and scraping...:no:

kymom5613
05-12-2005, 07:52 AM
hmmm...stick to beat the hubby and other kiddos with...thanks for the tip!!! lol

who45
05-29-2005, 10:17 PM
A friend sent me these in an email....thought I'd share. :D

Why Parents Get Gray Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me"

************************************************** ***
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

************************************************** *****
One day a guy was driving with his four-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"

BrowderChick
05-29-2005, 10:21 PM
:rollin:

faustus
05-30-2005, 04:58 AM
that's brilliant