feeling blue and lonely

[zahncrelnik]

I am really down. There is not much in the future for me to look forward to.
No one calls me, no one invites me anyplace. I can't help thinking that I must be a bad person, but I don't know what I have done wrong. Don't we all need human contact? I have none. Work is just work, I have no friends there. Home is me alone.
I was the youngest and an only child at the same time: that is to say that I am just half of a sister and much, much younger. My cousins are much older, and those in my generation (age group) have been taught that I am a 'second cousin tiwce removed' and that that means that we are not related at all -so I do not exist at all for them. I have no boyfriend, no children, no pets. Those who called themselves my 'friends' in high school have long since disappeared.
If you think you are lonely you should walk a mile in my shoes.
If anyone does include me they always do or say things that make me feel like the 'fifth wheel'.
I don't know what I have done to deserve to be so alone.

[BrowderChick]

:hug: Thats not true. You have alot of friends here. :yes: If you want to chat, PM me. :hug:

[Nicola]

Hey Zahncrelnik!

You know you have friends here. You have been through a lot the last while - now is the time to start rebuilding. Join a club or two. Take some classes. And Burbank is not that long away.... ;)

You are not alone.

[TheBladeRoden]

awwww :hug: we can be alone together!

[freckle]

You need to get out and make your own circle of freinds,they wont come looking for you if they dont know you exist.
Get out of the house.
Talk to people, anyone, people with dogs, the cashier at the local store, babies in prams, your barman, anyone who will listen.
Try some volunteer work.
Look up local newspapers for community events, get involved.If you busy yourself i bet youll make loads of freinds without even realising!
Introduce yourself to people by name, find a common interest...scifi for example.
You have tons of freinds here as Browderchick says and you can always talk to us.Now go out and befreind someone!! :)

[StephX]

:hug:

I know you how feel. I'm an only child and an army brat, myself, and, I've spent many months alone (not including parents of course) in the process of all those moves.

Frelling "Message in a Bottle" by the Police was my theme song as a kid.

It took me a long time to build up some relationships in school to just end up leaving them a year later. I have lots of sad childhood friends all over the country (I was always able to make tight friends with at least one person).


:hug:

It will be ok. Get out of your house and be with people. Ask a work friend if they'd like to do something.

Come here, chat with us. :) We're here for you!

[mfa96]

:hug:

We've all been there at one time or another. It will get better, just hang in there, and here....

[arthurfrdent]

no much to add, except really try the volunteer type stuff... some of the truly lonely people I have ever met are the aged, whose friends, spouse, pets have all died. To let your own sense of compassion come out, to give yourself away, is to find a wellspring of life within you. Then you may feel better, and want to go make some friends in your own age group. I have felt the way you do, we prolly all have... I am the tender among all my friends, I am the one that calls, to see how things are. Once in a while I feel that "isn't ANYONE interested in talking to me?" I am not saying it isn't a legtitmate feeling, but how much energy do you spend worrying about that?

as everyone says, you can come here... it doesn't replace that need for real contact, for real conversation, but it IS a bridge to it...

hang in there kid... this too shall pass, it seems slow because you are inside the story...

:hugs: ;)

[Delaron]

Speaking as one who knows. I can say that for the lonely, sometimes its not as simple as going out and talking to people. Some people (myself included) do not have the social skills, nor the drive to go out and be social. From my own experiences, I know I would be alone, and lonely if I thought I was alone and lonely. I do not have many friends, I do not mix with my family often. The twist comes in from the depression that someone can give in to because they think they need human contact.

Advice from me might be, you don't NEED people to make you feel apart of something. Even if you had friends, and had things to do outside of work, you might still be lonely. Some of you might say 'oh, thats sad' well don't pity, make your own way. To the poster, I say, make your own way. If someones inviting you along, they invited you along. If they say something that you think means something, then ask about it in a true fashion, don't let it stew. I would rather know something and deal with it, than let someone keep doing it to me over and over again, cementing the depression further that someone doesn't REALLY want you along. Also your going to have to learn the polite from the truth when doing such things.

Course sometimes people just post things to get attention. And sometimes the woe is me is too much drama when they really have a life with people out there. Its just that the 'depressed' just refuse to accept anything, and think theres conspiracy theorys about who doesn't like them, and thier life is meaningless. If this is such a case, nothings ever as bad as you think, and not as bright as the opposite think...

[Owlman]

Hey zahn, I will be more than happy to FedEx some of my crazy friends to you. I've had my fill of them.

Hang in there, things will get better. :)

[Clarsax]

:hug: :hug: I know exactly what you're going through.

You have lots of friends here to talk to. You need to get out and meet people, because people only rarely come to you. Join a club, start a new sport, take some classes at a community college, do volunteer work, and look for opportunities to meet with people who have similar interests. Things will get better, just hang in there and keep trying. :hug: :hug:

[zahncrelnik]

thanks everyone, it means a lot to me that you all care

[Boron]

Hey Zahn!!
You sound like me. I moved to the country ten years ago, and the isolation (I had gotten divorced, and after being married for 12 years, no social life) did not bother me much until I had to stop working. Then I was just at home alone all the time, and you know how that goes. People do need conversation now and then.
I finally got the VA to send me back to school, which is starting Monday. The isolation doesn't bother me like it did at first. My first suggestion is to get interested in a hobby, or school, or something like that. The workplace is sometimes a good place to make friends, (depending on who you work with.)
This site is a really good place to get your mind off things, but like someone said, it doesn't replace face to face conversation.
Hang in there, things will sort themselves out, they always do!!!

[zahncrelnik]

I used to be a good listener, but I lost that ability somehow :shrug: don't know what happened, but I am working on 'shut up and listen'.
I just don't have the ability to make small talk and that makes it difficult to make friends in a new workplace.
I think that sometimes I come on too strong and that puts people off.
Sometimes I can be that person who is talking and can't shut up, but it
is because I have no one to talk to.

Grandma (who raised me) passed away in June-- she was my best friend for over 10 years. We told each other everything. Even the last couple of years when the Alzheimer's tried to take her away -I could talk to her. Gran really looked forward to my weekly visit to tell her all the things that went on during the week. Now there is no one I can really talk to. I mean that Gran and I had 'inside' jokes and sometimes talked about things that you can't discuss with just anyone. I hope that everyone has had someone like that in their lives. I also hope that I find another confidante like her.

[BrowderChick]

:hug:

[JadeScape]

hang in there Z....:hug:...:hug:

[jerseygirl]

Boy do I know how you feel sometimes! I have a theory that there are some people who are people magnets (others just want to be around them) and others who just can't seem to attract people. Maybe it's pheromones, maybe it's some other weird bio-magnetic force. But it's true. Think about high school - there were always a bunch of kids who were the "popular" ones, or a few kids whose houses were always the ones you went to.

I'm a very friendly person, outgoing and all that. People I know pretty much all like me, they think I'm fun to be around. But for whatever reason, I'm not someone they tend to include in activities. It's not anything we've done, Z, it's just something about us we have no control over. It means we have to work harder than others to have a social life. So I do.

A couple more things: you said you have no pets. Why not get one? Animals are spectacular companions. I'm a cat person myself, but I know that lots of people who have dogs meet other dog owners when they take their pets out to the park. And when dog people get together, well, you can't shut them up. And pets love you unconditionally. No matter what kind of a day you've had, or how bad you feel about yourself, they don't care. They think you're the greatest no matter what.

Finally: if you really feel the way you do - you're not making things sound worse than they really are - please see a mental health professional. The kind of depression you're talking about can be debilitating. It can be serious and dangerous. The upside is, it's treatable. And even though you may now feel like nothing will ever change, you'll be amazed at how much better you can feel.

[Owlman]

If that's true, then I'm a crazy/drug addict magnet, at least when it comes to women.

[jerseygirl]

Geez, you poor frellnik!

[Snoogans]

A lot of great advice has been offered to you and now you need to decide what it will take to make you happy. You are the only one who can do that. There are so many things to do in life and they are just waiting for you to try them, plus all the places out there you can meet new and interesting people. As many of the people here have already pointed out, you need to be a little more proactive in your own cause. Happiness never finds you, you have to find it. Good luck in your search :)

[Boron]

I used to be a good listener, but I lost that ability somehow :shrug: don't know what happened, but I am working on 'shut up and listen'.
I just don't have the ability to make small talk and that makes it difficult to make friends in a new workplace.
I think that sometimes I come on too strong and that puts people off.
Sometimes I can be that person who is talking and can't shut up, but it
is because I have no one to talk to.

Grandma (who raised me) passed away in June-- she was my best friend for over 10 years. We told each other everything. Even the last couple of years when the Alzheimer's tried to take her away -I could talk to her. Gran really looked forward to my weekly visit to tell her all the things that went on during the week. Now there is no one I can really talk to. I mean that Gran and I had 'inside' jokes and sometimes talked about things that you can't discuss with just anyone. I hope that everyone has had someone like that in their lives. I also hope that I find another confidante like her.

Zahn, I think part of the problem may be that you are still grieving for your grandmother, and that is natural. When I lost my mother, I thought I would go, too. Get involved in something, or if nothing helps, seek professional help. You can talk to us anytime, and if you really feel bad, PM me and I will call you at home, or something. We love you.

[Zimtsternchen]

You are not alone. :) Keep reaching out. They say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Same goes with friends. Don't be discouraged when you go out and don't find someone immediately. Try other places then. If like me you don't like to go to bars, look around until you find one where at least you like the music. I hated it- but sitting at home drove me crazy and then I ended up meeting the most interesting people after all. You don't even have to get close contact right away- sometimes it feels just good to know there are others out there. Think about things you maybe always wanted to do but never did- dunno, horseriding, martial arts, it doesn't matter- you can do those just for yourself. Whatever you do, you'll be better off being busy. Pets are definitely a great idea. Hope you can have one. Or maybe there's a place you always wanted to travel. Love yourself.
Noone can take your grandma' place. But there might be someone else out there who is just as lonely as you are. You don't know. Keep reaching out, and in the meantime you'll always have us. :)

[Nicola]

Book Clubs. Go to your local library and check and see if they host a book club. (Of course, while you are there don't forget to fill out a form requesting Farscape :innocent: ;) )

Maybe even volunteer at the library. Friends can be found in all sorts of places. :D

[Egraine]

Sweetie...you sound as though you are clinically depressed. This is really something that you need to discuss with your family physician. You've lost someone near to your heart. Often the loss, coupled with the loneliness will take it's toll. Getting out of bed is near impossible. You don't relate to others. The woes of the world feel like they are solidly on YOUR shoulders.

Please....go talk to your doctor. Perhaps for a short time you may need antidepressants. Believe me.....it doesn't have to be for a lifetime, merely to get you through a tough patch. I have several friends who benefited greatly from them. One, also after a loss. One suffers from Seasonal Depression and only needs them in the winter.

You may also benefit from talking with a couselor or therapist. Sometimes there is something at the heart of the matter that you are not seeing, although losing one's grandmother and best friend is a huge loss.

In the meantime, we're here for you, Sweetie. Scapers look after their own.

Very big hugs,
Egraine



I used to be a good listener, but I lost that ability somehow :shrug: don't know what happened, but I am working on 'shut up and listen'.
I just don't have the ability to make small talk and that makes it difficult to make friends in a new workplace.
I think that sometimes I come on too strong and that puts people off.
Sometimes I can be that person who is talking and can't shut up, but it
is because I have no one to talk to.

Grandma (who raised me) passed away in June-- she was my best friend for over 10 years. We told each other everything. Even the last couple of years when the Alzheimer's tried to take her away -I could talk to her. Gran really looked forward to my weekly visit to tell her all the things that went on during the week. Now there is no one I can really talk to. I mean that Gran and I had 'inside' jokes and sometimes talked about things that you can't discuss with just anyone. I hope that everyone has had someone like that in their lives. I also hope that I find another confidante like her.

[MotorWerk]

May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun
fall upon your home
and the hand of a friend
always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on
May blue be the skies above you
May the sun shine warm
upon your face,
and the rain fall softly on your back.

May pure be the joys that surround you
May true be the hearts that love you
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in
the palm of his hand.

(based on old irish blessings)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

for a copy of the song (legally, of course (I co-produced it after all)) contact me in pm. please do; its a good tune.

[zahncrelnik]

..... you said you have no pets. Why not get one? Animals are spectacular companions. I'm a cat person myself, but I know that lots of people who have dogs meet other dog owners when they take their pets out to the park. And when dog people get together, well, you can't shut them up. And pets love you unconditionally. No matter what kind of a day you've had, or how bad you feel about yourself, they don't care. They think you're the greatest no matter what.


I had a dog. A mini-dachshund, a hot-dog or a chilly-dog -depending on the time of year. She was terrific, best dog I ever owned. I would be so very to ever find another dog as perfect as she was. That is part of the reason I have not yet gotten another dog -Jossy was perfect!! Also, Jossy was with me for exactly 16 years (to the day), and as much I would glady have her back with me -I am free. I don't have to rush home to let the dog out and I don't have to worry about the poor thing home alone. One other thing is that I suffered from separation anxiety so bad with Jossy, I never went on any trips, unless I could bring her with me. I'm just not ready for another attachment like that with a pet. I do miss her an awful lot. But, it doesn't make me sad to talk about Jossy any more, it makes me feel good.