One star Amazon reviews of Time's 100 Best Novels

[Jim Reaper]

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/reviews/lone_star_statements.php

This is unbelievable...:lol

The Grapes of Wrath (1939)

Author: John Steinbeck

“While the story did have a great moral to go along with it, it was about dirt! Dirt and migrating. Dirt and migrating and more dirt.”


1984 (1948)

Author: George Orwell

“Don’t listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between “serious” works of literature like this one and allegedly “lesser” novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are “better” than any others, and the concept of a “great novel” is an intellectual hoax. This book isn’t as good as Harry Potter in MY opinion, and no one can refute me. Tastes are relative!”


The Lord of the Rings (1954)

Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

“The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs.”


Mrs. Dalloway (1925)

Author: Virginia Woolf

“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”

[ctheokas]

Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

Author: Kurt Vonnegut

“In the novel, they often speak of a planet called Tralfamadore, where he was displayed in a zoo with a former movie star by the name of Montana Wildhack. I thought that the very concept of a man who was kidnapped by aliens was truly unbelievable and a tad ludicrous. I did not find the idea of aliens kidnapping a human and putting them in a zoo very plausible. While some of the Tralfamadorians’ concept of death and living in a moment would be comforting for a war veteran, I found it relatively odd. I do not believe that an alien can kidnap someone and house them in a zoo for years at a time, while it is only a microsecond on earth. I also do not believe that a person has seven parents.”

I haven't the words.

[Mrelia]

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (1950)

Author: C.S. Lewis

“I bought these books to have something nice to read to my grandkids. I had to stop, however, because the books are nothing more than advertisements for “Turkish Delight,” a candy popular in the U.K. The whole point of buying books for my grandkids was to give them a break from advertising, and here (throughout) are ads for this “Turkish Delight”! How much money is this Mr. Lewis getting from the Cadbury’s chocolate company anyway? This man must be laughing to the bank.”


:rollin:

Suddenly, I want some of this "Turkish Delight"!

[Zutulu]

Tropic of Cancer (1934)

Author: Henry Miller

“This book is one of the worst books I have ever read. I got to about page 3-4.”
:roflmao:

[StephX]

Gone With the Wind (1936)

Author: Margaret Mitchell

“Well, it’s a girl’s world. The world of Gloria Steinem and the popular feminism, as distilled on TV (including CBC shows, not all fundamentalist Hollywood garbage) of my youth is GONE. Now the girls run the show. You’re not allowed to call them sluts. And it’s impossible to call them virgins. They’re all doing Rhett Butler. So what are they? Idiots… Hope you like the Gangstas. It’s what you deserve.”

???????????

[fiona-maria]

Turkish Delight is known as loukoumi in Greece. I never saw it in England.

[BlackThorn]

The Lord of the Rings (1954)

Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

“The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs.”

That has got to be a writer. In fact, I may have run across that person, a critter who told someone they were using too many adverbs when there were two in ten pages. :yes: Gotta be.

[Ka D'Argo]

The Kurt Vonnegut one had me laughing out loud!!! He is my favorite author and for someone to critique his work like that it is obvious they have never lifted a Vonnegut book before.

[Nicola]

Go Tell it on the Mountain (1953)

Author: James Baldwin

“Go tell it on the mountain was an extremely frustrating book. While the themes and some of the events were good (i.e., racism, abuse, religion), the way it was written made the book unenjoyable for me. I found that the way the book was written made it this way for others as well. I don’t think this is just a coincidence. If the book was written differently I probably would have found it enjoyable.”

If the book was written differently???

Yeah... okay. *shakes head*

[Kurt_eh]

The Grapes of Wrath (1939)

Author: John Steinbeck

“While the story did have a great moral to go along with it, it was about dirt! Dirt and migrating. Dirt and migrating and more dirt.”


Just how can any novel (or film) about wrath be any good without the explitive:

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaan! :D

[scrape_medic]

Turkish Delight is known as loukoumi in Greece. I never saw it in England.
It is in every shop. There is a variation that is covered in chocolate and not as aromatic as the stuff you buy in the middle east. That is a highly scented, rose or other flower flavoured jelly cube covered in icing sugar, which gets every where when you try and eat it....:D Yum yum.

http://www.cadbury.co.uk/EN/CTB2003/about_chocolate/brand_stories/turkish.htm

http://www.turkish-delight.com/

[Kurt_eh]

Jack Lewis was way ahead of his time. Just think of all the paid product placement he got from Turkish Delight and Ginger-Beer! :D

And don't forget those Lampost Tree royalties! ;)

[Nicola]

And don't forget those Lampost Tree royalties! ;)

:rollin: Yep... them royalties must just be rollin' in. ;)

[Kurt_eh]

And the product placement from the custom wardrobe company.

Only I wonder why, in the movie, they didn't have the mirrors on the door.

Probably something to do with everyone seeing the cameras and crew in the mirror, perhaps? ;)

[Mrelia]

OK, after all this I had to go on Amazon.com and start checking out some classics to see how they measured up:

Of Mice and Men:
Starts Out Good but Declines Throughout the Book
During the first chapter of the book. It hooks you right away. From the moment the characters arrive at the barn it declines. If you have ever seen "Pinky and the Brain" these are the characters. Except Lennie is more stupid than Pinky! My two year old cousin has more common sense than Lennie. The book is highly illogical.


Captains Courageous
WARNING! Do not buy this book!, November 17, 1999
Reviewer: A reader
This book is by far the stupidest, most boring and hard to understand books in the history of all books. It was like torture having to read this pointless book. The characters do not make any sense when talking! See if you can figure this out: "Lay a-holt o' that tackle, then. Behind ye!" And does anyone know what "Pshaw!" means? This is a boring book and I would never hope that a poor soul has to ever read this book again in the history of mankind!

Little House on the Prairie
zzzzzzz...., May 2, 2005
I hated this book when I was little, and having re-read it as an adult, I hate it even more. While it is a children's book, I think that Wilder's painfully simple prose would put any fourth grader to sleep. Reading the unendingly dull chapters about Pa building the house, the door, the fireplace and the well made me want to burn the log cabin down. And I still can't believe that Ma ironed on the wagon in the middle of the prairie. (wtf?) If you want to read a true children's classic I recommend The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Winnie-the-Pooh, The Secret Garden or Charlotte's Web. I only recommend reading Wilder's books to your children when they can't fall asleep.

Hey, not a bad idea! Let's check those out!


Winnie-the-Pooh
Winnie the Pooh has to be one of the greatest all time books. The characters, the silly little things that they do, the adventures and misadventures they have, a honey loving bear and the way it is written. Then i woke up. If anyone thinks the idea of a bunch of animals poncing about a forest is a good idea then God help them. The characters wouldn't know how to be decent even if their stupid little worhtless lives depended on it. The honey loving bear is just stupid. A bear that likes honey HUH!!!! What complete and utter trash. It would some up why he is so fat though. The writer should have his hands chopped off for the execution of this poor idea. His idea altogether should warrant him a jail sentence and they should throw away the key. Actually better not someone might find it and let him out better dissolve it in some acid. If the person who invented reading and writing read this he would be spinning in his grave with disgust.

Charlotte's Web
Pure drivel
This book was absolutely the worst thing I ever read. My children were scared, horrified, and bored. I found the book to pontificate needlessly, to overdress otherwise humorous and warm situations with disgusting psycho-sexual overtones, and to instill, in myself (at least for a day) and my children (forever?), a feeling of hollow sadness and bitterness at this calous author.

Tom Sawyer
crap
what kind of crap is this? People call this man the beloved author of the century and greatest american writer. yea right. This book is garbage. The characters are stupid. The plot is so basic and boring that anbody could understand it. This book also has a lot of racism in it towards african americans in this time period considering it was published after the civil war. The N word is used a lot by Tom. Overall this book is complete meanigless dribble and brings America to more shame. Sad. If u would like a good author to read check out Orson Scott Card.


What can ya'll find?

[BritAngie]

Turkish Delight is known as loukoumi in Greece. I never saw it in England.

Turkish delight is all over the place here! :) I love fry's and cadbury's versions and the stuff just dusted in icing sugar. a real Xmas fave!Yum!

[Alexxia]

As a student of literature, these reviews make me sad. :(

[taj]

Wow, since I read...oh everything I can get my hands on. This is just...well, sad and patetic. Arewe seeing a tren toward "action and no thought"? That would be the worst thing that could happen to literature, shallow readers.

[StephX]

Hee I thought to dredge up this old post becuase of a 2 star review of Elvis's 30 Greatest Hits CD titled Another Green Day Rip Off (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00006AG5N/ref=m_art_li_1/002-2692308-0269611?s=music&v=glance&n=5174) :rolleyes: :trout:

I'm sure alot of you listen to Elvis and think "Why does this sound so familiar?" I'll tell you why. Elvis is just like every other artist who copies Green Day's horrible pop/punk style and fails at it. Ever since his first single, he has been copying their style. I bet ur asking urself "how does he copy green day if they came like 30 years later?" Well, green day is the past, present, and future; mainstream music has pushed them farther than any band to influence bands way before their time. Green Day must be stopped before too many people rip them off!

[TalynLives]

Haha. That's obviously meant not to be taken seriously.

Though some days I expect to open a history book and see people wearing Gap clothes everywhere.

[StephX]

lol Yeah, you'd hope that was a joke.

There are other funny ones in there...like a few "from a kid" that say his music is a little dated.

dur!

[Eiley]

I love the guy who read Lord of the Flies because he likes Survivor. Idiot.


I don't agree with all of the comments on Native Son, but I really disliked it when I read it in highschool.


Love the Hemingway review. I can't read Hemingway. The only book by him I've even been able to get through is The Old Man and the Sea. I think that's because it's so short it doesn't have time to bore me to death. If you really realy like reading about every single leaf on a tree, the shape and color of each, then Hemingway is for you.

[marandken]

The boy and I read "Captains Courageous" when he was 9. He got it just fine.

However, here's a travesty from his 6th grade reading class. They've taken Romeo and Juliet and 'translated' it to more "palitable" english and now claim they're teaching Shakespeare. Again, we took our average Boy to see Shakespeare in the park and he got it just fine. If they want to translate R/J, just read West Side Story for frells sake.

And they wonder why we fall behind...

[Alexxia]

Translate Shakespeare? You don't read Shakespeare for the story! You read him for the language! Feeling...faint....

[marandken]

I'm still looking for it. There's a stain in our dining room ceiling where the top of my head blew off when he showed this to me.

ETA: That's why I have the helmet :D

[Clarsax]

This would be funny if it wasn't so sad. It's hard to believe how ignorant some people can be. Where I live, the school board is actually thinking of doing away with teaching of Shakespeare, Hemingway, and all the other classics in favor of more modern books.