Farscape Technology Everyday Uses [Archive] - Page 3

Jude

12-08-2003, 03:57 PM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
First your cousin, and now em moi? Me thinks you might want to rethink said position, as I do have a highly trained ex PK assassin on retainer. And she's pregnant to boot. So if you really think this Louie the Lug stands a chance, go ahead, make Jude's day...[/SIZE]

What have those Crichtons been telling you?! I was pregnant... I sold my embryo...I can't say why. I'd be risking my life...I don't need any more people chasing me across the universe... I heard rumors that payment for my capture is worth almost as much as Crichtons! Which is where the Crichton I hung onto comes in... his capture in exchange for my freedom. As they say...or he said to me "All's fair in love and war."

Don't worry Selena, I'm not cruel to him... I feed him twice a day and he gets regular exercise!

Oh yes...
I still haven't recieved my ship even though it seems you recieved payment.
It appears you staff are on the steal again, and at my inconveneance. Still I am willing to overlook this if you send me a Vigilante ship, and I will give you my prowler... it only seems fair...

Edited for frelling typos - still its late over here in England

Selena

12-08-2003, 05:11 PM

I didn't want to let on but a number of items I purchased from my Trusted Friends at Uncharted Territories took an awfully long time to arrive. One of the Hynerians I ordered is still not here. I figure that must be the one that is trying to reclaim his kingdom. Sigh ... it would have been nice having an actual royal fetching and carrying for me even if it was only for a short time.
But I digress ... yes the actual shipping is extremely slow. I'm glad I'm not relying on the Crackers shipment for sustenance as we would have all starved to death by now.
Come to think of it...
:think:
I don't think I've received anything I've ordered except one Hynerian. But their "no-service department" is very friendly and always makes you feel like you're complaining about trivial matters. Hmmm I better check into this further. Let me get back to you.

Frunium Slip

12-08-2003, 06:17 PM

Originally posted by Selena
:rollin: :lol Thank you for cheering me up ... that didn't cost you anything ... did it? :eh:

No, it didn't cost you a thing, but you sure do use this emoticon a lot when posting to me: :eh:

Originally posted by Selena
I don't think I've received anything I've ordered except one Hynerian. But their "no-service department" is very friendly and always makes you feel like you're complaining about trivial matters.

I like it! Our "no-sevice department", you don't mind if I use that do you? We actually pay the beings in the complaint department, seems that really helps motivate the staff. Would it help if I said the products are in the intergalactic mail? What if I offered 'free shipping' on all products you don't actually receive? Are you sure you didn't get any of 'em? Maybe you just misplaced the items, check around that still unfinished shed, I'm sure you'll find something...

Would it help if I stated that I feel your pain, not that I'm admitting to doing anything wrong, or actually changing the way I act, but I will state that I feel your pain until you let me slide on the matter.

Hey if it's good enough for the President it's good enough for me...

Originally posted by Jude
I still haven't recieved my ship even though it seems you recieved payment. It appears you staff are on the steal again, and at my inconvenience.

What the frell is this now, is there a full moon or something? Everybody's jumping on your trusted friends, with both feet, wearing thigh-high spiked heel boots, in the ever stylish black of course...

And steal is such an ugly word, we like to use aquire with our usual methods.

Originally posted by Jude
Still I am willing to overlook this if you send me a Vigilante ship, and I will give you my prowler... it only seems fair...

Fair, smair, Cher, whatever. 5 Crichtons, 700 credits, 5 assassination jobs, and one Prowler, that's the price today for a Vigilante, might have been less, but you said you were desperate, so today the price is no less than 5 Crichtons, 700 credits, 5 assassination jobs, and one Prowler, today only. Tommorrow we might have to ask for more...

And who in their right mind would trust your friends at Uncharted Territories? Wait, did that come out right? I mean, who else can you trust besides your friends at Uncharted Territories? Wait, don't think about that, just trust your friends at Uncharted Territories, yeah that's the ticket, trust, my word is my bond, or some yotz like that.

PS Jude go to bed, it is late in England...

Frelling hezmana, how the yotz can you spell a word right, and later in the very same line spell it wrong?

Frunium Slip

12-08-2003, 07:06 PM

Are you in need of a more secure holding cell? Wish just once you could banish your progeny to their room and know they were going to stay there? Maybe you need a place to keep that significant other, at least until they can settle, settle. Or, you just might need something to hold two frelling greebols that are questioning your honesty, as if that was ever in doubt. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the product for you! Call now and order your very own Tavloid Holding Cell Assessory Kit, that's Tavlek! Whatever. Your kit will ensure that none of your prisoners ever escape, and it is oh so easy to apply! Sure it looks just like a big tub of mud, but that's just because it is! And it is ever so effective at holding that detained being, from a two foot little slug, to a four throated multi-tenacled critter! Just dig an almost insignificant hole, large enough to securely encapsulate the torso of your detained being, apply the kit, wait a few arns until the kit product hardens, and presto! the most secure holding cell, ever!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-MUD-PIES

Warning under no circumstances is this product warrantied for use with the infamous god-like aliens. Not that it's warrantied for anything else for that matter. Please ensure that kit has hardened to a dense consistency before letting the little greebols out of your sight, just as a security precaution.

Tavloid Holding Cell Assessory Kits, that's Tavlek! whatever, may have some redeeming properties when applied as a facial deep cleansing cream, maybe, but well just take the experts word on that one.

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be safe, watch out for those drannits who spit venom during full moons, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

12-09-2003, 06:08 AM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
.... I like it! Our "no-sevice department", you don't mind if I use that do you?...
Of course I don't mind if you use it ... but I expect a really good deal on my next purchase.:D

... Would it help if I said the products are in the intergalactic mail? What if I offered 'free shipping' on all products you don't actually receive? Are you sure you didn't get any of 'em? Maybe you just misplaced the items, check around that still unfinished shed, I'm sure you'll find something...

You didn't buy "the krendars are in the intergalactic mail" when I was paying you and the payment was delayed a couple of days so why should I?

I assure you that the items we're talking about are NOT in my shed. It would be pretty hard to hide a prowler in a 12 X 12 shed even if there's no roof on it and as I spent quite some time cleaning out the garage this past week-end I know it's not in there either.

I would like to take this opportunity to mention that the first Hynerian you sent me is eating me out of house and home. The paperwork that came with him didn't mention this feature and I feel that it would be wise to put this at the top of the waybill in rather large print .... "Warning! This creature will eat his bodyweight three times per day".

I should mention too, that he's very beligerent most of the time and does not want to do anything much. The only comic relief we get are the bad smells he makes which makes my friends talk like Daffy Duck and he does entertain the cat on occasion.

Finally, I have discovered he has a penchant for taking things :fear: that do not belong to him which he then stashes in his room! I've had to put everything I value under lock and key.

Frunium Slip

12-09-2003, 09:35 PM

Originally posted by Selena
Of course I don't mind if you use it ... but I expect a really good deal on my next purchase.

Hey, they're all great deals, I myself, have never been disappointed with any deals that were made, and I can be pretty picky...

You didn't buy "the krendars are in the intergalactic mail" when I was paying you and the payment was delayed a couple of days so why should I?

Still feeling your pain, and boy it goes deep, wait a microt, is this a tear welling up in my eye, quick get a close up! Oh, wait, it was just a spec of sand, but it could have been an actual tear, I swear!

Usually at those pathetic greebols who tick me off...

And about those wonderful Hynerians, you know, those slugs we talked you into buying, well, the garbage disposal was an added bonus! And they are not belligerent, they are moody, and as far as that laziness thing, they usual are just saving themselves for when the going really gets tough, no sense wearing yourself out until you actually really need to. Then it's amscray, as they go to great lengths and enormous effort to save their own near worthless hides.

About that three finger discount, well, you never have to wonder where are your missing stuff is, just look in that drannit's quarters. Although it never hurts to put things under lock and key, but maybe it would be more effective to place the items actually into something that can be locked, versus just placing a lock on top of them...

PS wouldn't hurt to keep the key seperate from the lock to, just so it isn't quite as easy...

No refunds, exchanges, or recalls will be accepted on those little frelling slugs, we're still trying to get rid of a bunch of 'em...

Edited to correct one near infinitesimal typo, left the 'T' out of hings,er I mean, things...

Frunium Slip

12-09-2003, 10:09 PM

Are you addicted to drugs? Sure you can quit any time, and you only use 'em take the edge off. Sure you can. Maybe you're just addicted to all those frelling games, playing for ahns, losing track of time, frelling off at work, we know how it is, sure it looks simple, you'll only post a little, then, wham! Your addicted to some mindless trivial thread that you should have just ignored. What? No, not this thread you greebol, I'm talking about all those other useless threads, not this one! Perhaps in your lust after that elusive grab for ultimate power, you did actually try that frellin' Tavloid guantlet. That's Tavlek! Whatever. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories sympathize with you, and we know how to help! No, I mean we can really help, not our usual help. Call now and request your very own Delvian Rehabilitation Consultation and Therapy Session, the very latest in compulsive behavior disorder treatment! For an almost insignificant fee, you'll receive your very own personal interview with an esteemed Delvian Pa'u, and of the ninth level no less! During the interview, our Delvian will probe your mind, searching for clues to your wealth, er I mean, compulsive behavior, and using the exclusive Delvian excess bodily fluid, will help alleviate any fahrbot foolishness you might suffer from. Or, in some of your cases, not. Works great at removing those cravings that have been driving your addiction for all these cycles! Be your own master once again! Or not for those masochists out there among you.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-SEALED-WITH-A-KISS

Warning some crazed lunatic type beings may be able to resist the therapy treatments. Additionally there may be some pain associated with the withdrawal process, especially after you see what is left in your account. But fear not, as our esteemed Delvian can help assuage that pain, with some scented candles, a few prayers, and a couple of gratuitious gropes, I mean, gentle pressure at specific points, and for those who haven't even gotten to first base, well, you'll be completely taken by the exclusive application method of that ever popular excess bodily fluid.

In the very highly unlikely event of your not being completely satisfied with this service, please feel free to call our trademarked No-Service Department, (thanks Selena!) and moan away about your unfortunate predicament. You won't receive any refund, exchange, or sympathy, but you can always call, and our staff will listen to you whine, at 10 Krendars a minute. Just so you'll feel better.

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where we feel your pain, well, not exactly, but we do feel a slight discomfort, probably something we ate, and as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

12-10-2003, 06:58 PM

Are you looking for a present to get that being who has everything? Have you been stressing for ahns, just trying to think of anything? Sure the holidays are way too commercialized, but where would you be in society if you didn't purchase aforementioned gifts? A pariah, oh, sorry, you already are one, not that there's anything wrong with that, but you wouldn't want to sink lower now would you? Of course you would, I mean, wouldn't! And your friends at Uncharted Territories are here to take advantage of that sappiness, I mean, help you out of this situation. Call now and order a Delvian Blue Mask Ornament and Home Decor Accessory in our limited time exclusive offer! Aesthetic, beautiful, a delight to behold, and now available in the ever stylish black, these masks will be the hit of the holidays! Everyone wants some! Of the masks, greebol. And they go great with any motif!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-BRITTLE-GLASS

Warning all your friends will want some, frell, I want some, and you can get some, just by placing your order today! You know you want it, so get it! Yotz! Don't buy one, buy two! Hezmana! Buy a crate of them and have lethal flying glass fights all over your lovely abode!

Additional bonus! All masks shatter into millions of tiny sharp glass shards, for when you really have to make a point, you just want to wake up from that semi-comatose state you are perpetually in, you need to snap back into reality as you can barely function in this one, or you just want to make pretty patterns of razor sharp shivs that make all kinds of pretty colors as the light hits them just right. Or not. Great fun when breaking your significant other's treasured piece, right in front of them, just to watch their expression! It's priceless!

Yet another fine product brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, watch out for those sharp flying objects, don't forget to duck, and as always, have a nice day!

PS no throwing weighted, potentially dangerous sharp objects at your trusted friends, no matter how delayed your shipment might be. It just wouldn't be right...

Edited to adjust the italics that were just frelled, what is up with that no, I mean, know? It must have been late, yeah, late...

Selena

12-11-2003, 06:18 AM

:snicker: :roflmao: :roll:

BTW did you find out what happened to my prowler - that I know I ordered eons ago - but still hasn't shown up? You did mention something about shipping via intergalactic wormhole and I am now wondering if that was a safe delivery route.
I then started to think about a certain Peacekeeper chick with attitude that has been frequenting your establishment of late and was wondering if you had mixed up our orders.
What are you not telling me?:eh:

Frunium Slip

12-11-2003, 09:14 PM

:eh: There you go again with that emoticon, it seems you don't completely trust us, your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories. We're trustworthy, it says so in all our tag lines.

Missing Prowler? Ah, we did experience just a little difficulty with delivering Prowlers via intergalactic wormhole, seems the transporting pilots had a few, mishaps. But we are currently flushing out any remains, er, I mean, detailing the Prowlers for subsequent delivery. Unfortunately, with the volume of business we do, there were quite a few orders that became just a little backlogged, we are endeavoring to alleviate this problem with the utmost urgency. Luckily, we did not post an actual delivery date, although our best estimates were just a tad off.

Thank you for your concern and understanding patience, not to mention the credits, we now return you to your previous thread, already in progress...

Are you constantly suspicious of all those drannits around you? Are friends, relatives, and those deceitful co-workers constantly scheming behind your back? Sure, they say you're imagining things, but that's just to distract you from all the shenanigans that they are plotting. And let's not even mention that greebol of a boss, yotz, what are you gonna do, surrounded by all that dren? I mean who can you trust? I mean, really trust? You know that the galaxies are going to hezmana in a small vegetation container when you even begin doubting the actions of reputable, basically honest, well intentioned tradesmen, such as ourselves. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the answer for you! Learn all about your inner demons, your paranoia, and your inner Hynerian child that causes all that trouble. Deal with your fears head on, never get sidetracked by any neural clone wanna be guardian angels of death, ever again! How? Easy! Just call now and set up your appointment to see the infamous Dr. Edith Anderson, Erp's finest psychologist, philosopher, keeper of hope for all hoomans, and the esteemed author of such books as What Makes Us Tick: A Study of Evil, and Those Demons that Hound You: Your Friends and Enemies may be Closer than You Think. Dr. Anderson is trained at dissecting those inane ramblings that occupy the nether regions of that void you call neural tissue, extracting those fahrbot ideas that are the deep rooted cause of all your fears, and she can determine the best facility for dealing with atypical beings, just like you! The number one psychoanalysis center for whack jobs, serial killers, homicidal maniacs, and intergalactic terrorists in the known universe!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-WHEN-DID-YOU-GET-OUT?

Warning Dr. Anderson holds back nothing in her astute, accurate analysis of the inner neural workings of psychotic beings, she just tells it like it is. She can be blunt, caustic, and even possibly a might insensitive, but you're frelling nuts, so who cares? Most test subjects, er, I mean, patients, will be sent to neural medical centers for more intensive study. Those deemed worthy may even be dissected for training purposes to instill further medical knowledge to trainee staff, with some compensation awarded to survivors.

So if you really are having difficulty functioning in this time space continuum, please, don't hesitate to call, the life you might save may be your own, but probably not. Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, do seek help, before you hurt yourself or others around you, remember, we're the professionals, and as always, have a nice day!

Jude

12-12-2003, 08:56 AM

Got my ship today...
Thanks.
Oh and about your delivery guy... he had an...accident. Sorry!

Frunium Slip

12-12-2003, 10:13 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Got my ship today...

Well praise the goddess, somebpody actually received something, it was looking mighty grim for your trusted friends...

Thanks.

You're welcome, especially since you're a loyal customer. You're especially welcome to spend more credits buying through us...

Oh and about your delivery guy... he had an...accident. Sorry!

Frelling insurance company is getting suspicious, maybe I should actually have one of the relatives be the sole beneficiary, just once. Nah. BTW was that an 'accident' or just an accident? And it doesn't count as one of our five hits on retainer, I'm not counting it...

Jude

12-13-2003, 01:57 AM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
BTW was that an 'accident' or just an accident? And it doesn't count as one of our five hits on retainer, I'm not counting it...

Uh... the one where I kinda killed him...

Selena

12-13-2003, 02:58 PM

My next door neighbor is driving the entire neighborhood fahrbots.:pissed: They have 5 dogs that never shut up ... that's bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ... 24/7!
Now, I personally don't ever advocate cruelty to animals, but we all got to wondering if there was someone you knew, who could maybe eliminate the neighbor or make it clear to them that 6 months of this noise - day and night is enough?
A group of us in the neighborhood would be happy to come up with an extermination fee or at least a goodly number of krendars for a little peace and quiet persuation.
We've tried everything else that has not worked, so we're turning to our 'trusted friends' at Uncharted Territories to help us out.
I would have spoken to my uncle Pauly but Big Louie is still in the intensive care unit and hence out of action.

Jude

12-13-2003, 04:44 PM

Originally posted by Selena
I would have spoken to my uncle Pauly but Big Louie is still in the intensive care unit and hence out of action.

Um it wasn't Laura that did it... it was someone else... Lt Nicola. Scary looking PK...

Selena

12-13-2003, 04:49 PM

:eh: Oh, so you know something about who did the hit on Big Louie! Uncle Pauly would love to talk to you :bballbat: if you could spare him a couple or three hours!

Jude

12-13-2003, 04:52 PM

Yes... I know who did it... I know the person very well...

Selena

12-13-2003, 04:55 PM

Just a little advice here ... that's not something I would be talking about too freely :shutup: if you get my meaning.

Frunium Slip

12-13-2003, 06:01 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Uh... the one where I kinda killed him...

Still not counting it as one of our five hits on retainer, well, I'm not counting it, anyway...

Originally posted by Selena
A group of us in the neighborhood would be happy to come up with an extermination fee or at least a goodly number of krendars for a little peace and quiet persuation.
We've tried everything else that has not worked, so we're turning to our 'trusted friends' at Uncharted Territories to help us out.

As well you should, especially if you do indeed have a goodly number of Krendars. And handling little domestic issues such as this, are what our infamous AMTs are all about, well, that and acquiring fine products, which reminds me, does this neighbor have anything of value worth looting, er, I mean, acquiring? Might as well make the tactful inquiry as profitable as possible, and we won't guarantee, but we will promise to handle the matter. If we can take out the ruler of over 600 billion, what's some drannit on a little rock for us?

I would have spoken to my uncle Pauly but Big Louie is still in the intensive care unit and hence out of action.

Don't go there, certain ex-Peacekeeper assassins are now under the protection umbrella of the Uncharted Territories Protection Agency, and while under retainer, you frell with them, you frell with us, and if I were you, I would not frell with us...

Which reminds me, let's get back to our thread, already in progress...

Are you in need of a little extra security? Need that additional protection to get through this crazy tough world? Sure you're popular, but let's face it, there are homocidal maniacs wandering the territories, so why take the chance? Well we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, have the service for you! Call now and have yourself placed under the friendly hands of our exclusive Uncharted Territories Protection Agency! Never worry about bad guy ruffians you see again, as all the bad guy ruffians will be there assuring your very own protection! Walk the desolate streets of that dren-hole of a rock you call home, without a single worry in the universe, for as long as you make the payments for the service! Our infamous Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen will scare the yotz out of your friends, your relatives, any commerce traders, beggars, and even your dreaded mother-in-law! Don't hesitate, your care free life awaits!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-INTIMIDATE

Don't forget to take your trusty UTPA goon with you, especially when withdrawing credits from that fine banking institution you deal with, just so's we can scope it out, er, I mean, assure your safety when dealing with that cash, and most assuredly when aforementioned cash is being used to pay us!

Remember, if you do want to fall in under our blanket protection racket, uh, business, please make all your payments timely, as we would regret to have any unfortunate incidents occur.

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool, be safe with your new found friends, and as always, have a nice day! At least as long as you keep making the payments...

Edited to fix dren-hole, while it is wholly probable it might have been a typo, the w in whole, while silent, does carry with it a slight deviation in meaning, not that any of the greebols would have noticed, but I sure did. So how come I can catch these errors when reading, but not when typing the dren in? What's up with that?

Jude

12-14-2003, 05:29 AM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Don't go there, certain ex-Peacekeeper assassins are now under the protection umbrella of the Uncharted Territories Protection Agency, and while under retainer, you frell with them, you frell with us, and if I were you, I would not frell with us...

Am I being charged for this protection?

Frunium Slip

12-14-2003, 02:48 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Am I being charged for this protection?

Well, actually no. Consider it a courtesy benefit while we protect our investment, five assassinations on retainer has certain inate value, which we do not wish jeopardized by some third party. So while you are under this retainer, you automatically fall under the protection of the UTPA...

It's just our way of saying thanks, sort of...

Edited to put the 'F' back in fall, just so's it doesn't look like we cover every frellin' greebol in the known galaxies...

Jude

12-14-2003, 04:56 PM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Well, actually no. Consider it a courtesy benefit while we protect our investment, five assassinations on retainer has certain inate value, which we do not wish jeopardized by some third party. So while you are under this retainer, you automatically all under the protection of the UTPA...

It's just our way of saying thanks, sort of...

Wow, I should be thanking you. Just remember, if you need anyone sorting out...
Oh, and does this cover my Crichton slave? I figure I may need him alive for potential leverage...

Frunium Slip

12-15-2003, 03:25 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Wow, I should be thanking you. Just remember, if you need anyone sorting out...
Oh, and does this cover my Crichton slave? I figure I may need him alive for potential leverage...

Well, usually we'd just tell you to frell off, but since you've proven so valuable, especially that little Bishan thing, and I have been taking classes on how to interact better with others, not to mention that the Peacekeepers have given the aforementioned Crichton an unconditional pardon, eliminating any hope for a reward, well, then, sure, why not. We'd probably have to step in anyway, since any threat to him might also possibly endanger our own investment, er I mean, you. Just cause we're all heart, yeah, all heart...

Jude

12-15-2003, 03:49 PM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Well, usually we'd just tell you to frell off, but since you've proven so valuable, especially that little Bishan thing, and I have been taking classes on how to interact better with others, not to mention that the Peacekeepers have given the aforementioned Crichton an unconditional pardon, eliminating any hope for a reward, well, then, sure, why not.

Well thank you. You will be rewarded.

Frunium Slip

12-15-2003, 04:33 PM

You're welcome, and I don't know about a reward, but I am considered 'gifted' by some.

Now without further ado, back to our thread, already in progress...

Have you always had your eye on that Quantum Singularity, but just haven't quite figured out to take it home with you? We know, it seems so simple, but just as you get that delivery being close enough to pick it up, frelling greebol gets sucked in, and you are no closer to your prize. It is just so felling annoying to be that close, and yet still so far away. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the product for you! Call now and order your very own Ilonic Containment Field, never have to pass up on that once in a lifetime singularity offer ever again, and without the loss of life to which you've grown way too accustomed. Simple to use, very effective, and conveniently packaged in an ever stylish black laptop style container, your new containment field is the must have item when transporting those ever dangerous black holes, and I'm not talking about those frellnick friends of your that always need currency, either! Is it safe? Well, if you do happen to be travelling with the singularity, and the field fails, no problem! Just drop right by our convenient claims office, file the necessary 35,000 easy to follow forms, wait the standard 200 cycle processing time, and we'll then replace the field, at no extra charge! But you do have to travelling with the singularity at the time, no exceptions. And just for the record, we have not had any survivors to file any complaints, ever!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! ARE-U-FAHRBOT?!

Warning, Quantum Singularities are generally considered a hazardous product, please check local laws where applicable. If possession of said object is prohibited in your community, as well as any devices that may allow for transportation of said illegal item, surcharges will apply. Also, never, ever fire upon the black hole while it is in containment. If one of your crew does happen to fire upon said object, we suggest you mildly state would you please stop shooting at the Quantum Singularity. It would undoubtedly be in everyone's best interest.

And that transient anomaly your ship is experiencing, it is just some rather negligible phase imbalance, probably just a phase coupler overload. Absolutely nothing for you to worry about, at all.

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where if you want it now, and it just happens to be on the shady side of illegal, we'll just charge you more and ship away! And as always, have a nice day!

Edited because I just didn't like the way one sentence fragment sounded, thought of a better way to put it, if that's the right phrase...

Jude

12-15-2003, 04:48 PM

Its a nice thank you... I am not about to kill you. Just reward you.

Frunium Slip

12-16-2003, 08:40 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Its a nice thank you... I am not about to kill you. Just reward you.

In this line of work we get a few 'threats' but it usually doesn't amount to much. Especially if you're a moving target, it just helps, not that your friends or running or anything, hey, we're not scared of nuttin', but we do have business concerns, yeah, that's it, business concerns. And it's easy, 'cause there ain't much to run from when you're the baddest frellnick in the valley, if you know what I mean, reminds me of a song I heard...

Tennessee Ernie Ford - Sixteen Tons

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood
Muscle and blood and skin and bones
A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the straw boss said "Well, a-bless my soul"

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain
Fightin' and trouble are my middle name
I was raised in the canebrake* by an ol' mama lion
Cain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin', better step aside
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don't a-get you, then the left one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store.

Just love that line about stepping aside. Although many beings in the known galaxies think of your trusted friends as the company store. Can't imagine why? And most curious, all those who have actually made a purchase from us tend to think that way. Most curious...

But wait! Did I hear the word reward? Well, speaking for myself, which is actually the only being I can truly speak for by the way, we likes rewards, almost as much as bribes. And with the intergalactic holidays coming up too! This is gonna be a wonderful time of the year! Really looking forward to my reward, wait, it doesn't have anything to do with turning in your trusted friend does it? I mean, that was all a intergalactic misunderstanding. I'm almost completely innocent of all charges, basically...

Frunium Slip

12-16-2003, 09:43 PM

Are any of your neighbors driving you fahrbot? Maybe it's just their pesky animals, little drannits that won't shup up, ever! Perhaps it's just everything around you, the stress of work, the stress of the holidays, the stress of your atypical abode-life. What I'm stressing here is stress, and your friends at Uncharted Territories can help! Lessen the stress, greebol. Call now to reserve your vacation of a lifetime at our latest exclusive resort the Scorvian Neural Rest and Revitalization Health Spa! The place to go to relax, try some sporting events, nothing to difficult, or just get liquored up like those frelling kickers in that peculiar Erp game of Foolsball that we've heard about.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-ANOTHER-MISTAKE!

Scorvians are known for their sporting enthusiasm! Just try some full contact sparring, it's great for relaxing the mind, especially when you become unconscious! And what's a few scrapes and bruises among friends? At the SNRRHS there's always time for rest and revitalization! It's what Scorvians do best, next to spying, causing trouble, mass extermination, and that little intergalactic war thing with the Ilonics.

Scorvians are known for their mostly pleasant demeanor too! And don't forget that Scorvian Neural Tummy Mouth Nuzzle, that always makes me laugh. Visit the resort alone, and you just might meet up with an interesting alien species, although all you'll usually see are Scorvians, so that might not be the best thing.

Warning, Ilonic specie might just want to avoid this little resort, as Scorvians and Ilonics don’t really get along. Just might want to throw in Luxans too. Maybe Nebarri. Possibly Sebaceans. All Scarrans. Perhaps a couple of other species too. Oh, yeah, if you just happen to be that frelling intergalactic terrorist who blew apart that Scorvian cruiser, you might want to stay away too.

Claiming yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where it's good to keep friends close, but enemies closer. Closer to six feet under, but that's just my opinion. And as always, have a nice day!

Selena

12-17-2003, 07:39 AM

I was looking for a vacation! Something with a little R & R but the Scorvian Neural Rest and Revitalization Health Spa sounds a little too exciting for the kind of vacation I was hoping to have. Do you have anything else with a little less excitement and possibly a tour to some exotic ports?

Jude

12-17-2003, 07:39 AM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Really looking forward to my reward, wait, it doesn't have anything to do with turning in your trusted friend does it? I mean, that was all a intergalactic misunderstanding. I'm almost completely innocent of all charges, basically...

Now thats an idea I never thought of... now I wonder how that would work.
Yes, well. You should of recieved it by now...in the form of a Nebari girl named Chiana (I thank Crichton for that...leading me right to the criminals of the UT's). She costs nothing to maintain by the way, so Merry Xmas and enjoy!

Frunium Slip

12-17-2003, 09:01 PM

Originally posted by Selena
I was looking for a vacation! Something with a little R & R but the Scorvian Neural Rest and Revitalization Health Spa sounds a little too exciting for the kind of vacation I was hoping to have. Do you have anything else with a little less excitement and possibly a tour to some exotic ports?

Well, I am known as Mr. Excitement! At least in a few places, by a few beings, but basically, yeah. Hmmm... can completely understand the reluctance to visit the SNRRHS, and while it may sound intriguing, it might not be right for every being. But wait! Your friends at Uncharted Territories may have a nice trip more suited for your tastes! Call now and reserve your spot in our exclusive Zelbinion Artifact and Scenic Tour! Revisit a real Sebacean historical icon! See exactly what every being’s talking about! Check out all the rumors first hand, a pictures worth a thousand words, but what about an actual small appendages on experience! And talk about your exotic locations, we promise you've never had a vacation even remotely like this! Don't hesitate, reservations are limited!

Call out toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-IMPRESSMENT

All participants will have all meals and lodging aboard one of our state of the art luxury cruise type vessels. Complete with all necessary accoutrements, and even a few luxuries, like a bunk, one that you might have to share with no more than two or perhaps three other frellnicks we talked into doing all the heavy labor, uh, I mean, complete with our famous work out regimen, yeah, that's it, a real work out regimen, none of those candy eema weight training machines, not on this voyage! You'll bask in the afterglow of a hard days labor, leading to that ever peaceful deep sleep that only the truly weary can even envision, and it can all be yours!

And the views are spectacular on this trip! Just imagine yourself staring, riveted, at countless wonders, thoroughly entranced, for the few microts that you are allowed some free time.

Warning there may be minor manual labor involved during the scenic tour, usually involving looting, er I mean, salvaging any useful parts. Don't worry, you'll be under the guidance of one of our esteemed taskmasters, constantly.

Those spaces not completely taken during the open enrollment will be filled during our impressment procedure, so there will be no vacancies during the trip. Any lost passengers will be replaced through more recruitment at various stops along the way, guaranteeing that you'll constantly be meeting new fellow voyagers!

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun on the tour, for goddess' sake try and bring back something useful, and the taskmasters whip is not cruel, it's a sign of affection, and we think he'll have take a special liking to you. And as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

12-17-2003, 10:21 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Now thats an idea I never thought of... now I wonder how that would work.
Yes, well. You should of recieved it by now...in the form of a Nebari girl named Chiana (I thank Crichton for that...leading me right to the criminals of the UT's). She costs nothing to maintain by the way, so Merry Xmas and enjoy!

And a cute lil' Nebari nixar at that...

Ah, but the maintenance costs, sure, they all cost near nothing to maintain, and don't even get me started on that greebol that's been hounding me about her, trumpeter, trombone, it was a 't' word, definately a 't' word...

But did mine eyes spot that you have 'wanted' criminals, me thinks there may be a reward of the Krendar kind there, not that there is anything wrong with a lil' nixar, but credits, that's when your trusted friends really perk up. Do you by chance need a liason to arbitrate any deals with certain galactic authorities? We do have just a few connections, and would gladly assist, for just an almost imsignificant fee.

And just kindly ignore all that other stuff about collecting a reward on your trusted friends, there really is nothing to it, just a slight misunderstanding involving some slightly off color shipments of mostly harmless products, and even a few accidental deaths, not more than a couple of million, at most. I swear...

usually at frellnicks who annoy me...

Selena

12-18-2003, 07:03 AM

Now the Zelbinion Artifact and Scenic Tour sounds more my style although I heard a rumor that a tour group recently was turned to crispy critters by some creature that breathes fire. Is that true?

Jude

12-18-2003, 01:33 PM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Do you by chance need a liason to arbitrate any deals with certain galactic authorities? We do have just a few connections, and would gladly assist, for just an almost imsignificant fee.

Well at the moment I need the credits... you know, I have been constantly chased by some idiot trying to infect me with Heat Dilerium, and I may need the credits for the anti-dote again...

Frunium Slip

12-18-2003, 05:30 PM

Originally posted by Selena
Now the Zelbinion Artifact and Scenic Tour sounds more my style although I heard a rumor that a tour group recently was turned to crispy critters by some creature that breathes fire. Is that true?

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Where do they get these stories?

From the reports of the incident that we received, there was just a tiny little mishap when someone asked for a light, apparently the lighter malfunctioned, there was a flash, some greebol ran into the drapes, beings panicked, there were a few deaths, but on a brighter note they all did fill in their life insurance forms with your trusted friends as the sole beneficiary.

But critters that spit fire? Nah, we're pretty confident no one actually spit fire, with the possible exception of this one poor frellnick who ran into his ex-significant partner while on a cruise, now that one did get a bit messy.

But we do have a few new stewards, let's see, from a race called, give me a microt, uh, Shiites, no, Yanquis, er, Shaggy's, oh, something like that. They're ever so helpful, and especially like helping out during cocktail hours, and after dinner strolls, if you need a smoke, they'll gladly light you up, er, I mean, light one up for you.

You know, come to think about it, there might have been a couple more incidences, but I'm sure there is nothing to worry about, they're probably just isolated circumstances. you'll be safe, I swear...

Usually at frellnicks that annoy me.

Frunium Slip

12-18-2003, 10:53 PM

Originally posted by Jude
Well at the moment I need the credits... you know, I have been constantly chased by some idiot trying to infect me with Heat Dilerium, and I may need the credits for the anti-dote again...

Yeah, I remember, those Leaky things, well, if there the same greebols who came by here a while back, I wouldn't worry too much about them. I do just happen to have an exact replica of their ship, just sitting in the lot, can't imagine how we got it...

And don't worry, no one will find any bodies, there just aren't any to be found...

I told you it is part of what we do, and we are very good at it...

PS you do qualify for our discounted rate, by being associated with Uncharted Territories, however loosely the association.

PS may need a hit, er I mean, your valued presence, to visit a certain troublesome greebol from so Erp place called Idaho, frelling drannit is gettin' annoying, and I do so hate jello...

Frunium Slip

12-19-2003, 05:31 PM

Are the holidays getting you down? Well, maybe not the days themselves, but the greebols around you during these times? Wish you could just have a little more space, even for a microt, just so you can clear your head and think for a change? Frellnicks always annoying you, and what can you do? Where can you hide? Not that hiding is an option for some of you. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the answer for you! Call now and enroll yourself into our Luxan Hyperage School and Training Seminar! Get that space you so rightfully deserve, not from hiding, but because you demand it! Be the interstellar thug you've always wanted to be! Release that inner Scarran! Want something, take it! And no one will stand in your way!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-U-2-CAN-B-AN-EEMA!

Warning, Luxan Hyperage not recommended for use against Scarrans, Luxans, or those brute squad personnel. Results may vary among other races. Also not recommended training for Hynerians, as they may lose a few brain cells during seminar sessions. Would probably be more effective if by chance you did resemble a Luxan, or at least, approximate the size and rage of a Luxan.

And did we happen to mention the great stress relief benefit of flying into a blind uncontrollable rage? You're family and friends will never quite look at you the same way again. As sane.

You could put up with the same old dren every year, or you can take control of your own life! The choice is yours... WillowElfgood

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool at least until your hyperage starts, and don't blame me for the bill, you were the one that wanted the course, now just stop that, yelling, screaming, and tossing inanimate objects is just not going to make an impression on me. And as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

12-20-2003, 11:37 PM

Are you one of those religious order types that hasn't quite been cleansed of all life's little enmities? Are your carnal thoughts getting in the way of your serving your deity? Can't quite get that to do, and do not thing down correctly? Do you want to eat your cake, and have it to? Sure life's good, but what about the afterlife? But what about right now? Well, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, understand such quandaries,and we can usually figure a way to make a Krendar out of it! If you can't change your ways, change your religion! And do we have the religion for you! Call now and be ordained in the Delvian Priesthood, be one with the universe! Learn fantastic chanting, easy to do ceremonies involving lots of candles, great robes, with stunning clasps, and other ways to blend into the very essence of the goddess! And it's so simple and easy!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-HAVE-IT-YOUR-WAY!

All priesthood members must join in the Seek, the search for enlightenment and harmony, being one with the cosmos. I know, when the frell is he getting to the good part, we'll we're here. Delvian Priests have a very flexible morality! And I mean very flexible, exhibitionists can prance around showing their naked blue backsides! Wanted to kill and not lose your fine standing? Well, you can! Condemn with just a look, act mightier than thou, become a drug pusher, or apothecary, if you prefer, it's all good! Never be required to abstain from any of your usual vices! Flirt, carouse, party, drink, yotz, you can do it all!

Please note that all lower caste levels of the priesthood are not permitted any of these endeavors, as they are strictly regulated, and confined in a maximum security sanctuary, just so they can concentrate on their studies. But once you graduate to the upper levels, usually takes less than a couple of hundred cycles, then you are as free as an Hynerian donkey, or a drannit, or whatever little critter you wish to associate with.

Think of all the prestige of being an actual Delvian Priest! Have the famed Pa'u precede your very own name! Get your own Sanctity Root and start your own offshoot religion, again, it's all good!

Sanctity Roots sold seperately, check dealer for availability.

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool, have fun, be good, not that you'd have to, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

12-21-2003, 10:57 AM

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Where do they get these stories?
.....From the reports of the incident that we received, there was just a tiny little mishap when someone asked for a light, apparently the lighter malfunctioned .... But critters that spit fire? Nah, we're pretty confident no one actually spit fire ..... You know, come to think about it, there might have been a couple more incidences, but I'm sure there is nothing to worry about, they're probably just isolated circumstances.....

I'm glad you've cleared that up for me. The rumor I had heard said that these creatures did spit fire and that they had a bad attitude too ... they seemed to be under the impression and act as if the Zelbinion was their turf.
..... you'll be safe, I swear .....
Do you provide any personal safety devices to assure this safety as part of the tour package or is this just your word that you want me to believe? No offense intended just curious.

Frunium Slip

12-21-2003, 03:46 PM

Originally posted by Selena
I'm glad you've cleared that up for me. The rumor I had heard said that these creatures did spit fire and that they had a bad attitude too ... they seemed to be under the impression and act as if the Zelbinion was their turf.

Your very welcome! Well, there was a little trouble getting our exclusive rights, some Yang Shings... that's Sheyangs! Whatever, protested a little, but once we did our usual negotiating, well, what was left of them happily ceded all rights to the Zelbinion, so willingly that we actually employed the lot of them for our tours. If employment can be used as an euphemism for impressment.

Do you provide any personal safety devices to assure this safety as part of the tour package or is this just your word that you want me to believe? No offense intended just curious.

What? You're doubting my word? Uh, yeah, OK, I can see your point, no need to post instances...

Well, there always is the Delvian Heat Deflecting Paste, works well against heat sources, so I would surmise that it could be effective against an actual flame. Of course it does look horrible, and that smell, kinda like puke... What? Oh, uh hem, it is predigested to increase its potency, in other words, it is puke. Would probably curtail any interpersonal contact while on the cruise, and quite possibly cause just a few fellow travellers to lose their food cubes, if you know what I mean...

But wait! We could always provide a Tarkan Shield Belt! Much more aesthetic, form fitting, and available in the ever stylish black! It does work against lava in our experience while looting, er, I mean, acquiring certain valuable artifacts, used solely for historical purposes, I might add. But, don't you just hate when they put a 'but' in there, it only works when activated, so one would have to circumvent the power saving mode, which we could easily, er, accomplish with a lot of extra work. And cost. Plus, with the length of the cruise you would need to re-energize the belt quite a few times, and we do offer our Tarkan Shield Belt Re-energizer Kit in an exclusive deal! And it can all be yours with just a small additional deposit!

No need to thank me, your credits will do just fine! Yet another fine service provided by your ever trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be safe, don't forget to fill in those insurance policies, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

12-21-2003, 05:16 PM

hmmm ..... let me think about it!

Frunium Slip

12-22-2003, 05:32 PM

Wondering, with such a great deal, what there could possibly be to think about...

Planning an exotic trip? Somewhere a little more pleasant than that rock you live on? Want to blend in with all the other tourist greebols? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories, just might have the perfect accessory for you! Call now and order one of our exclusive Sykaran Rice Paddy Hats in our almost exclusive deal! Stylish, functional, great at keeping those solar rays out of your face, and oh so trendy, these hats are the to die for commodity of the season! Everyone will be wearing one! Don't be the last drannit on your block to order, get yours now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-NOT-SO-SCARY-HATS

These stylish hats are manufactured of the finest materials in our state of the art sweatshops, galaxies wide! And they're cheap! How do we do it? Volume! Volume! Volume!

Warning wearing of these hats may not cause the same fear rending results of some of our Scarran models. Or hats for that matter.

Great for wearing on that exotic cruise you dreamed about! But wait! There's more! Buy one of our stylish hats, and receive a discounted rate on our Zelbinion Artifact and Scenic Tour! What a deal! And it can all be yours with one simple call!

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, watch that radiation exposure, and as always, have a nice day!

Edited to correct spelling of Sykaran to match Illustrated Companion

Frunium Slip

12-23-2003, 04:32 PM

Looking for one wild hezmana of a ride, but don't have a lot of credits? Something inexpensive, easily obtainable, and yet so fast that it is near frelling uncontrollable? I mean grab your seat, grit your teeth, and prepare to check what you had for lunch, fast! I mean, ear splitting, eema puckering, cry home to your momma fast! What I really mean is so fast that the neural clone we stuck you with will be left in the next quadrant, fast! Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the vehicle for you! Call now and order your very own Sheyang One Toad Attack Pods! And is it maneuverable? Well, let's just say you'll be flying all over the place, no matter where you're going! Small, lightweight, roomy, for one, as long as you're not too big, somewhat maneuverable, and always available in the ever stylish black, your new Attack Pod will instantly get you recognition, from all your friends, neighbors, and those always helpful enforcement agents.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-KAMIKAZI!

Warning all attack pods are rated for just one individual passenger, that includes the pilot, no exceptions, except certain races such as Hynerians, who wouldn't make one being if you put three of them in it. Also, certain four throated, tentacled races, and Proprietor species, may be unsuitable for crew compartment.

Never attempt to steer your pod near any other celestial body, or craft until you are somewhat competent with the unusual control features, if control is the proper word. Some experience required for intricate maneuvering, such as taking off, landing, or even being anywhere within 50 metras of any other object.

Don't hesitate order your Attack Pod now! The preferred method of travel for all repugnant toad like creature hezmana bent on a suicide run, just to protect there scared honor. Or some yotz like that.

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool, have fun, try for once to be safe, and as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

12-27-2003, 06:40 PM

Looking for that perfect someone? Tired of all the same lame pick up lines? Wish you could do things just a little different, just to stand apart from all the other greebols? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the perfect way to nab that special someone! Call now, and order your very own copy of our latest book, The Luxan Chase: How to Date that Special Someone! And it's not just for Luxans anymore! You too can learn all the little idiosyncrasies that make being with that special Luxan someone an explosive event! All the details, right here in easy to follow bold print! The most unique way to grab your mate that we've ever seen!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-ME-UGH-CAVEMAN!

The one place to get all those oh so subtle hints, like grabbing her up, the ever popular bonk on the head, and did we mention the rare Luxan love rituals, for when you've got her in your enclave? It's all right here, in print, so easy to read, even a hyperraging Luxan could follow it!

So if you find her desirable, by all means begin the Luxan chase! The one dating ritual she won't be able to ignore!

Warning, Luxan Chase rituals may not be suitable for all races, and may even be dangerous when confronted with a Scarran in a scary hat, or deadly if facing that pregnant Peacekeeper.

Yet another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool, good luck, watch those fellip Nectar goggles, and as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

12-30-2003, 09:14 PM

Page three? Oh poor neglected thread, how could this have possibly happened? And not even being on vacation or anything. Hey Selena's on vacation! It's all her fault! Yeah! That's right, it's her fault, blame it all on her! Well... That's a relief, it's always better to finger somebody else than have to bear any unneeded responsibility.

We now take you back to our regularly scheduled mindless drivel, already in progress, what? No it is not Skeered Antics, thank you for bringing up that horror show, frelling greebol, now where was I? Oh yeah, mindless drivel...

Has an unknown calamity overtaken the pride of your fleet? Can't understand how a 'bad' ship like that could just get its eema kicked? And how to explain it to the masses, or the corporate sponsors for that matter, disasters like that just won't do. Not to mention the fact that if the pride of the fleet went down, what of that garbage scowl your residing on now? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the service for you! Call now and order your very own state of the art Peacekeeper Full Tech Survey the most rigorous field inspection in the known galaxies! Elite, dedicated, knowledgeable, and can be dressed in the ever stylish black, your survey team will scan the debris, piece together clues, and re-orchestrate the events to prevent another such catastrophe! The very procedure that just may save your eema!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-FRELLING-MESS

And all Peacekeeper Full Survey Teams come complete with some of our finest AMTs, to give protection, help loot, er I mean, salvage anything useful, and keep those detained techs in line! Reserve your very own survey team now!

Uncharted Territories reserves the right to abandon all delerict craft in the event of any forseeable danger to said personnel, or potential loss of profit margin. All Salvage Rights are inherently claimed by agents of Uncharted Territories in any event.

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be cool, and as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

01-01-2004, 11:00 PM

Need a little re-assurance when travelling through the galaxies in these turbulent and difficult times? Sure, it's a mean universe out there, filled with all kinds of disreputable characters, no I'm not talking about your trusted friends, frellin greebol. I mean those other characters, the ones we try and help you protect yourself from. Sure your ship is fast, and your pilot is well trained, but there are times when you need a bit more junk on the ball. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories do have the one item you truly should not be without, the Peacekeeper Defense Screen, capable of stopping chemical weapons system attack, able to keep out unwanted boarding party craft, projectiles, and most any other type of weapon. Each screen comes with its own power grid, and energy storage bank, and installation is always included with the substantial cost!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-SHIELD-4-U

Each individual screen has gaps, but when two are overlapped, they provide complete protection to the host vessel. Therefore all units sold in matching sets, with frequency preset by our detained service tech staff. And we will keep the records, just to help assure your safety and cooperation, if we do happen to come across your ship...

If you need further assistance, or just want a little bit faster maintenance response please contact us , and we'll gladly provide one of our detained tech staff to travel with you. Might want to watch them a bit though, some of them are a bit willful.

Yet another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be safe, and as always, have a nice day!

Jude

01-02-2004, 09:42 AM

I'm not dead yet...
Need more fuel for my ship. Been chased across half the universe by PK's and Scarrens.
300 credits do it?

Frunium Slip

01-02-2004, 06:10 PM

Originally posted by Jude
I'm not dead yet...
Need more fuel for my ship. Been chased across half the universe by PK's and Scarrens.
300 credits do it?

Never expected you would be...

Yeah we know how it is to be wanted, the galaxies can be a mean place to reside, but what are you gonna do...

Hmmm... checking your account, let's see, here we go, humh...
Seems you're still carrying an account balance, credit balance that is, on the plus side, don't frelling know how that happened...
But for you it's all good, just let me send you some coordinates to a rather secluded re-fueling stop, and there you go...

Keep your credits, we'll get 'em later...

I trust we took care of that little Leaky-thing business, you should not have to worry about those buggers for quite sometime...

Scarrans and PKs though are another matter, sorry but we canna do much to help you there...

Good luck though...

Edited to correct one tiny near insignificant typo, just what are canns, anyway?

Frunium Slip

01-04-2004, 07:49 PM

Oh poor neglected thread, wherefore art thou me wonders, frelling page two, gettng ready to fall down to page three, again...
Really should pay more attention to this thread, pay? me? yeah right, but enough about me, let's get back to our thread, already in progress...

Ever have one of those days when things just didn’t go right? Sure you do, I mean look at you, has anything gone right yet? Maybe it’s closer to one of those lifetimes, but that’s just nitpicking, anyway, we just ran into a few individuals that were having one of those days, or lives if you prefer. And being the trusted friends that we are, we decided to help out, I know what a guy, but what can I say, I’m all heart. Hey stop laughing, what’s so funny? Hey we could help somebody, really, just the other day I helped some greebol join the hereafter. And not even going to mention all those beings we helped out of those burdensome credits they were carrying. All out of the goodness that is my heart…

But back to the pitch as it were…

Are you in need of some industrious hired hands, low tech trained mind you, but very handy for those lower life form menial tasks that you too readily shy away from? The dirty, nasty, back breaking chores, ones that you need that indentured servitude for. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have that industrious menial for you! Call now and order your own Sykaran Industrious Menial now, and never have to do all that hard work ever again! Well bred for such tasks, very polite, even quite happy with the right drugs, and available in either blonde or platinum blonde! And they are very task oriented, just give ‘em some near mindless task, and step back. They’re great for heavy lifting, light cleaning, gathering the ever popular turnips, and they’ll even wash the windows! How’s that grab you! Don’t hesitate, these drannits will be going fast!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-MENIALS

Warning, your menial will work best under heavy sedation, please inquire at our intergalactic drug line 1-800-GRANNY’S-LIL-PILLS. All Sykaran menials sold as is, there will be no refunds or exchanges. If your menial does become damaged, we will offer you a new one, as long as supplies last, and you pay for it.

And these frellnicks do come in handy, we enslave, er I mean, employ several around here, just for all those little odd jobs that need to be dealt with. Added bonus of working everyday, and partying every night! Just so you can have someone to hang with! And don’t pay any attention to that mindless rest day crap, I really have no idea what is up with that.

Yet another fine indentured servant provided to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where you really can find some really outrageous products, and if it’s illegal, we’ll attach a surcharge! And, as always, have a nice day!

Edited to coorect spelling of Sykaran to match Illustrated Companion

Frunium Slip

01-06-2004, 10:02 PM

Are you being chased by an insane military commander? Is that greebol dogging you no matter where you go, and you dare not make a stand with that drannit of a vehicle that your in? Can't never seem to get enough warning to make a clean get away, and you are so tired of those by the skin of my mivonks moments. 'Wait, that's a double negative'... A double what?... 'Negative, it's just not done'... Says who?... 'Says everybody'... Well, I for one always order a double, so frell off, I'm delivering here... Now where the yotz was I? Oh, yeah, skin of yer mivonks, well, your friends at Uncharted Territories do have that one item you truly do need, the outstanding Leviathan Sensor Arrays, for when you truly do need to know whats out there before anyone else. Easily installed by our detained tech staff, available for most popular ships, and comes standard in the ever stylish black box technology, your new sensor array will let you know the microt even a hynerian sneezes, so that insane military commander won't be able surprise you, ever again! Don't be a sitting drannit, get your sensor array now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-2-GOOD-2-B-TRUE

Warning Leviathan Sensor Array may be considered just slightly too bulky a product for some 'economy' vehicles. Power consumption is also quite extraordinary. A break in period might be required to understand all data inputs, usually the Pilot species picks it up in next to no time, about 20 cycles, shouldn't be anything for a gifted species such as yourself. If you happen to think you do need a Pilot to operate the array, we'll be quite happy in obtaining one for you, for just an almost insignificant additional cost.

Sensor array may encounter difficulties when entering asteroid belts, galactic debris fields, being in the proximity of a quantum singularity, picking up certain space vegetables, or even the dreaded space locusts. Check 345,678 page manual for other exceptions.

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be safe, hey! who is that sneaking up behind you? Ha! Made you look, and as always, have a nice day!

IMC

01-07-2004, 07:56 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Frunium Slip
[B]Are you being chased by an insane military commander? Is that greebol dogging you-------------snip---------------

Hey watch out who you call a greebol.....:boom:

Frunium Slip

01-07-2004, 09:01 PM

Originally posted by IMC
Hey watch out who you call a greebol.....:boom:

Hmmm... was that a threat? You are kidding right? Pretty sure you don't want to mess with the Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild. Pretty frelling sure, greebol just doesn't know who he's messing with. Thinks about it a second, nah, couldn't be the same Insane Military Commander, just couldn't be, fairly sure that one was handled, eh, expeditiously, chuckles to self, yeah that was a fun one...

But enough about pleasure, there are Krendars to be had, for time is money, business is money, cheating the elderly out of their retirement is money, frell, money is money, but what was time again? We gladly take you back to our regularly scheduled inane babbling, already in progress...

Are you looking for a more prestigious lawn ornament, not that the Sebacean Statue product was bad, just not quite awe inspiring enough? Just searching for something that is hack a crewmate's appendage impressive, pop your eyeballs for Nebari cleansing impressive, you know, that's no moon, it's an all devouring Budong impressive. Sure, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories know how hard it is to really strike a note with all those uppity class types that you try and integrate yourself with, now that you do actually have a couple of dinars to rub together. Just dump all those past close friends that were holding you back, clinging on your coat tails, keeping you from being that pompous insufferable kasnik that you've always strived to be. And we can help! Call now and order your very own Sykaran Train Carriage, it's huge, roomy, aesthetic, with lots of windows, holds a drenful of passengers, contains a plentiful supply of storage closets, and can even be painted in the ever stylish black! Finally be able to host the party of a lifetime! Or at least this moen. All you neighbors will finally take notice! Usually with the local authorities, but at least they will interact somewhat socially with you! If only to properly fill out the complaint papers. And we can guarantee that you will be popular, everyone will be talking about you! If we actually guaranteed anything that is. Don't hesitate, order your carriage now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-EYE-SORE

Warning, company will not be responsible for any incidents which may occur do to intoxication of guests, clients, passerby, acquaintances, or any pest, domesticated or not. Who am I kidding, we've never taken any responsibility, ever. Purchaser required to handle all pick up and delivery aspects of carriage. And to answer a recent question, no, it will not fit even if you do strap it to the hood of your sporty Prowler. Don't even think about it.

Yet another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, don't do anything we wouldn't, hmmm... that's not leaving very much out, and as always, have a nice day!

Edited to correct spelling of Sykaran to match Illustrated Companion...

Frunium Slip

01-08-2004, 05:41 PM

Still being chased by that insane military commander? Tried the sensor array, but that frelling thing wouldn't fit into your trusty ride without making a grotesque mockery of it. Wish you had something that might actually be effective? Not to mention would enable your vehicle to perform its intended function and actually fly into space. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the answer for you! Call right now and order your very won Vortox Missile and Weapon Controller Package! Perfect for when you just have to reach out and 'touch' someone! Never again be caught with your eema hanging! Simple system operation, compact, easily attached to most vessels, and available in the ever stylish black, your new missiles will give you that offensive punch that you've always wanted! You won't have to run screaming like the scared little grimmat you've always been! Truly be no more mister nice guy!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-SHOOT-1ST

While actual missile is relatively compact, purchasers might wish to verify actual weight and dimensions of Weapon Controller Package. Total system and all components require a substantial amount of area. Missiles may be fired without all options on Weapons Controller Package, but with significantly reduced results. If space is an overriding factor, Weapons Controller Package is not required for firing of missile. It is, however, necessary for actually hitting a target. Of course you just might get lucky, but with your luck, probably not.

And for that awe inspiring fireworks display of gratuitous violence, why not shoot a series of missiles, just because you can! We can help make that happen! So why wait? Order your missile, frell, shipment of missiles today!

Yet another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be safe, actually have a ready made answer for that popular question, 'is that a missile in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me,' and as always, have a nice day!

Edited to fix juts one almost insignificant typo, hit m instead of n, yes I said it was a typo... OK, OK, maybe it was a couple, er, I mean a few typos...

Frunium Slip

01-11-2004, 12:02 AM

Tired of all that weaponry we continuously harp about? Wish we just had something a little nicer, that you could even use to help entertain your friends? If you have any friends that is. hey, maybe you do have friends, and you're having a little get together, nothing too fancy, but just this once you'd like have more entertainment than your usual pin the whiskers on the royal Hynerian. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have that sophisticated attraction for your socially conscious friends, and or neighbors, a man who needs an introduction, Hyben, once the finest Moltek player on Sykar! Witty, talented, with that stunned mature look, and able to dress in the ever stylish black, Hyben will be the highlight of the evening! And he will take requests! He doesn't know many tunes, so don't be surprised if he just plays his regular set, like he always does. And can this old man party! Been hanging out in bars his whole life, well, when not out partaking of the ever popular magic turnips that is. Your friends will be stunned!... that you actually have entertainment. Keep in mind that Hyben isn't getting any younger, so this is probably a very limited time offer! Don't hesitate to book this act, now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-YOTZ-BAGPIPES-SOUND-BETTER!

Warning Sykaran Moltek Music is a somewhat acquired taste, some lower life form menials may not quite understand the sophisticated intricacies of Moltek playing, of course it just might actually sound like alley varmints in a hissing and wailing contest, but that just might be a matter of taste.

If Hyben does actually bite the dust during his session, please contain the body for future pick up, as our insurance company is now demanding to see the corpses, before making any beneficiary payments.

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, be cool, what the frell, is that a couple of alley varmints wailing? What? Oh, practicing, OK then. And as always, have a nice day!

Maveric

01-12-2004, 12:35 AM

dentics eat bacteria and waste, right? i wonder if they eat feces... then you could stick one up your butt and never need to use toilet paper again :D

Selena

01-13-2004, 05:06 PM

Customer feedback on the UTs Tour.

Have just returned from a relatively uneventful trip to the Uncharted Territories compliments of a delightful holiday package arranged for me personally by my Friends at Uncharted Territories.

While over all the vacation was excellent once we reached our destination the actual trip had a few shortcomings most noticeable was the lack of disclosure of the cramped quarters that were to be mine and the hundreds of other passengers for the duration of the hyperspace portion. We were each assigned less than 3 square feet for the trip's duration, and it gave me a whole new understanding of what sardines enjoy when packed in a can.

The flight crew were quite inattentive and spent most of their time discussing their poor working conditions a factor that did not sit well with me or any of my hundreds of traveling companions.

The sheer numbers of the beings traveling to this exotic port of call was an indication of just how popular the holiday package is. It was however a bit shocking that we found that we were forced to pay for everything on board the not so 'luxury' liner that was our ship. I mean for pity's sake 8 kredars for a sip of water was just a tad irritating. And the dried out semi frozen sandwiches were reminiscent of conditions of cheap airline travel back on Earth.

Our accommodation was comfy but a trifle spartan and it was quite novel having to climb over the beds to get to the bathroom ... a feat that led to lots of fun and games I could imagine if one had the right room mate. The bathroom was an exercise in endurance. It was so small that one was forced into resting one's elbows in/on the sink while sitting on the throne. Getting into the tiny shower was a challenge to one's ability to creatively problem solve as one had to squeeze past the sink that left only about 8" of room between it and the shower wall.

Our meals were adequate and the food hot and plentiful. We ate what was put before us and did not enquire what the items were. Apart from a touch of Hynerian belly we were relatively unaffected by the cuisine.

We enjoyed a few days of shopping in the varied bazaars and were mostly unmolested by the indigent populace.

So if you're seriously thinking of taking the UTs tour don't hesitate to check out the above itinerary ... the brochures did elaborate somewhat about the highlights but it was enjoyable in spite of a few minor and many major inaccuracies.

Frunium Slip

01-13-2004, 05:11 PM

:rollin:

Just glad you made it back, FMD was not quite the same without you, well the tech thread just wasn't the same, anyway...

Frunium Slip

01-13-2004, 08:51 PM

And now back to the Ourobos method, I really did miss this...Originally posted by Selena
Customer feedback on the UTs Tour.

Always good to have a little feedback, sometimes, unless it's negative, then we just send it to our 'No Help Customer Service Department'.

Have just returned from a relatively uneventful trip to the Uncharted Territories compliments of a delightful holiday package arranged for me personally by my [b]Friends at Uncharted Territories.

So far so good... And we are delighted to take your credits, er, arrange your trip...

...the vacation was excellent...it gave me a whole new understanding of ...joy...

Wow, a little judicious editing can work wonders :aok:

The flight crew were quite inattentive and spent most of their time discussing their poor working conditions a factor that did not sit well with me or any of my hundreds of traveling companions.

Hmmmm... maybe impressment was not the way to go for hiring the crew... But you did get a chance to be real cozy with hundreds of new friends!

The sheer numbers of the beings traveling to this exotic port of call was an indication of just how popular the holiday package is. It was however a bit shocking that we found that we were forced to pay for everything on board the not so 'luxury' liner that was our ship. I mean for pity's sake 8 kredars for a sip of water was just a tad irritating. And the dried out semi frozen sandwiches were reminiscent of conditions of cheap airline travel back on Earth.

The trips have been quite popular, and that used up oil freighter did turn out quite nicely, once we got most of the stench out. 8 krendars? What the frell?!!! I said to charge 10!!!! And glad you had the opportunity to reminisce...

Our accommodation was comfy but a trifle spartan and it was quite novel having to climb over the beds to get to the bathroom ... a feat that led to lots of fun and games I could imagine if one had the right room mate. The bathroom was an exercise in endurance. It was so small that one was forced into resting one's elbows in/on the sink while sitting on the throne. Getting into the tiny shower was a challenge to one's ability to creatively problem solve as one had to squeeze past the sink that left only about 8" of room between it and the shower wall.

Remind me to fire the architect responsible for overhauling the freighter... talked me into luxury accomodations, could have mentioned that they were sized for Hynerians...

Our meals were adequate and the food hot and plentiful. We ate what was put before us and did not enquire what the items were. Apart from a touch of Hynerian belly we were relatively unaffected by the cuisine.

Sometimes best not to ask... just taste it a be greatful...

We enjoyed a few days of shopping in the varied bazaars and were mostly unmolested by the indigent populace.

No need to thank us, BTW is anyone in need of a few slaves? Seems we've just happened to come across a few, in our most recent endeavors...

So if you're seriously thinking of taking the UTs tour don't hesitate to check out the above itinerary ... the brochures did elaborate somewhat about the highlights but it was enjoyable in spite of a few minor and many major inaccuracies.

Nobody reads the fine print... and inaccuracies is a bit harsh, maybe a few minor exaggerations...

Frunium Slip

01-14-2004, 10:43 PM

Need to really get your point across? Or maybe really two points? Wish you had a way of jus 'flooring' that significant other? Perhaps you just need to end an argument, er 'discussion, and quickly? We know, if you just had a few more microts you'd gladly listen to more of that inane babble, but yotz, there is so much to do, and no time to do it in. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories may have the service for you! Just join our infamous Scorvian training and Fine Arts of Etiquette Center. Learn all the subtle techniques of the Scorvian race, the fine art of spying, the Scorvian Tummy Attack, the effective techniques of self defense, and offense for that matter, including the illustrious Scorvian Neural Stroke! And stroking is such a fine way to end any near heated argument! Call now during our open enrollment period and reserve your spot in this once in a lifetime offer!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing by! 1-800-BE-N-OUTCAST!

Warning, all training classes are taught using 'hands on' teaching methods. If you are of the more delicate type, or do not have a high threshold for pain, this course might not be for you. You might want to try our Royal Cemetery Planet Remedial Training Center, where your candy eema might fit in just slightly better.

And once you learn that illustrious Scorvian Neural Stroke you never will have to just sit there and listen to an argument, ever again. Just get your points across when you've just had enough, it will surely end the argument, and bring a little peace in your lovely abode.

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool, watch that opening, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

01-15-2004, 06:37 AM

:rollin: ... I am so glad to be home

Frunium Slip

01-15-2004, 07:51 PM

Glad to have you back home...

And especially glad you dained to post in this thread. But enough happiness, there's Krendars to be had, so without further ado, let's get back to our thread, already in progress...

Looking for that little extra 'something' to spruce up your love life? Don't trust all those products that strive for physical 'enhancement'? Sure, we know, you don't really need it, of course you don't, but not trusting them none the less. Well, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories know exactly how you feel, no wait, no we don't, you might need this crap but 'we' don't, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Anyway, we have the product for adding that little extra stimulation to any romantic encounter, and I do mean any. Call now and order your very own case of Trellon Oil the one enhancement that truly works for the both of you! Immediate effects, tastes great, less filling, goes with any cuisine, and available in our ever stylish black decanter, this is the product to have when you want to perform at your very best! Don't let your love life fade, order yours now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-APHRODISIAC

Warning, only ingest when in immediate vicinity of significant other, even if they are only your rented significant other. Oil is quite a potent sexual stimulant, so imbibe with care.

The perfect digestible enhancement for those once in a lifetime conjugal visits, or more frequently as you prefer.

yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, oh we know you will, and as always, have a really nice day!

Frunium Slip

01-18-2004, 08:56 PM

Do you have questions that up 'til now have never been answered? Wish just for once someone, anyone, could actually help with all life's little mysteries? I mean someone who can reach into your subconscious, and peek at your deepest desires. Want to meet a certain individual, it's so easy, just ask, and quicker than you can say frell me dead, there they are. I know, how can any of this be possible, you're probably thinking it's some sham based on psychic babble, and you'd be wrong! But don't take my word for it, call now and reserve your personal confidential meeting with the greatest galactic magician of all time, Haloth, a being whose like you have never seen! Personable, charming, creative, with mind-boggling abilities, and dresses in the ever stylish black, Haloth could be the key to your future, such as it is. Don't miss this chance to see reality meet fantasy, as your dreams could really come true! So why delay, like what does it cost to hear the pitch? Want to meet Haloth, call now, otherwise hit the bricks.

Call our toll free intergalactic psychotic hot line, operators are standing by! 1-800-YOU-FOOL!

Warning, appointments with Haloth are scheduled around his infrequent but much irritating dispersals, so call to confirm your reservation. We at Uncharted Territories do not actually believe in all this psycho-babble, but in case it actually is real, visit at your own risk, as usual we will not be held accountable.

So for all you misfits who can't actually get your own lives together, visit Haloth, and we guarantee you'll never be quite the same, ever again, well, if we guaranteed anything that is. But with your miserable life, what have you got to lose?

Yet another fine service provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where we're known for pandering to psychotic tendencies, if that is such a good thing, anyway, be cool, have fun, and as always have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

01-20-2004, 06:03 PM

Has your little Hynerian buddy taken ill? Sparky just not feeling well at all? Not to mention being hard to understand, not that you ever could understand the little maggot. And don't even mention blowing certain bodily semi-fluids out of his nasal passages. Bad enough he is dousing everything in sight, which does include yourself, but he keeps leaving those momentos around too, and that makes everything oh so sticky. Just makes you want to space the drannit. But wait! Your friends at Uncharted Territories may have the answer for his, and your problem, for we all know that Fluffy will make frelling sure everyone around him is as miserable as he is. And we do so hate that as much as the rest of you. So call now and order your very own supply of Ointment of Yuvok, the perfect remedy for that pain in the eema, er I mean, Hynerian who happens to be just on a Stykera's side of under the weather. Convenient, effective, available in the ever stylish black container, and smells worse than a Holdian Trill Bat in heat, just so you can tell when Guido is around.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-SNOT-NO-MO

Warning, Ointment of Yuvok must be applied in quantity about the nasal openings of the Hynerian to be effective, that means you have to get close, and actually touch not only the ointment, but the frelling greebol as well. Don't worry about the smell, it generally dissipates within, oh, say, two to three moens. Be careful during application procedures, as the drannit might have a nasal passage expulsion at just the right moment. Or more accurately, the wrong moment.

Apply this miracle ointment and have your little Hynerian back to his ornery old self in no time. Added bonus of making him even harder to understand than usual, and gives the ability to smell him coming for metras.

No need to thank us, your credits will do just fine.

Yet another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, hope you feel better, watch out for that glop, and as always, have a nice day!

Edited to remove one excessive 'the' from the text of what otherwise was a perfectly orchestrated masterpiece... What?

BrowderChick

01-20-2004, 06:13 PM

:clap: I really enjoy reading this thread.....:rollin:

Frunium Slip

01-21-2004, 07:06 PM

Feeling adventurous? Really like all that exotic foodstuffs? Wish for once you had something that really did not taste like chicken? Sure, I mean chicken is OK, but what is up with everything tasting like it? Enough is enough, you want more, frell, you deserve more! And we can provide you with it for just an almost insignificant fee! Just call your friends at Uncharted Territories and we'll provide you with one of the finest culinary examples in the entire civilized galaxies, the infamous Trelkez, widely proclaimed as an exquisite delicacy! One of our most popular items!* Great for parties, events, and when you really must impress those so called friends of yours. Easily stored, simple to maintain, and available in the ever stylish black plumage, your trelkez will be the life of the party, well, right up 'til you snack down on the little brains that is. And no need for prolonged preperation! That's right, just eat the bloody things raw! Just like those primitive ancestors of yours! Don't hesitate, supplies are limited!

Call our toll free intergalactic nausea line now, operators are standing by! 1-800-ARE-U-KIDDING?

Keep in mind that the brain is the most delectable item, not that you can't eat the rest of it, but fine connoisseurs always go for the brains. And we have some of the finest raw brains around! And watch those birds that only have a couple of heads, as they are usually only sold in the more 'menial' markets. Nope, won't find anything like that around here. We'd never cheat you about the number of heads on a Trelkez, as we sell only the finest available. If it doesn't sing a quartet, you won't find it here. So don't worry about being taken to the cleaners, yotz, I don't even remember the last time this placed was cleaned, if ever!

Yet another fine culinary item for your digestive tract made available by your ever trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun, for goddess' sake chew, and as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

01-22-2004, 08:28 PM

Are you one of those executive suit types, with all the associated prestige, if prestige can be used as a euphemism for frelling problems caused by underachieving staff? I mean a little hard work never killed anyone, well outside of the chemlech mines on Nikar Seven, but who's concerned about that when you're tired of all those lower life form menials questioning your authority? Would you like the greebols to just do what you told them, just for once? Without all that usual back talk, or any untoward negative comments, not that your employees are any different from everyone else's mind you. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the answer for all your personnel ills, the near infamous Tannot Root! The staple crop of all the hospitable worlds that have been conquered by the Peacekeepers! Easily planted, simple to harvest, and tastes not quite like anything your employees have ever tried before! And once they start tasting the root, well, your pleasurable life can begin!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-GET-EM-WITH-FOOD-JUST-LIKE-MOM-CLAIMED!

Warning never actually partake of any of the Tannot Root yourself, frell, somebody has to keep some sanity! Once all the slackers have ingested the 'new' cuisine, well, they will be a lot more open to your suggestions. Thought control through food! And your company atmosphere will greatly improve, as everyone will actually smile, and be polite! Bet you'd thought you'd never see that!

Additional bonus if there are nightclubs around, as everyone gets a little more 'relaxed' after work. Not getting the job done working the usual 90? Just work straight sevens! Never have them take another day off, ever! Think of the productivity, the sales figures, the profits! You'll be really rolling in credits!

And it can all be yours, with one simple call!

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have fun with your new found wealth, keep the frellnicks noses to the grindstone, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

01-23-2004, 09:00 PM

:roflmao: I don't know how you keep on keeping on!

Frunium Slip

01-23-2004, 09:16 PM

Do you want another really cool feature to put on that favorite vehicle of yours? Sure you got the multi-disc music playback machine, and then went and bought another for the dash, just because it had pretty pictures that played continuously on the face plate. But how much can you listen to at once? And where's the necessity in it? What you need is a 'fun toy' that can also prove quite invaluable when you really need it. Might even help you when you're not really lost, just a bit confused in the directions, and goddess forbid you ever stop and ask some other greebol for help. Of course I'm talking about the Leviathan 3-D Hologram Display, available now from your friends at Uncharted Territories! Great conversation piece, aesthetic, has near infinite uses, available in the ever stylish black, and might even keep you from making another of those dreaded re-do-its, that are so common place during all of your trips. The 3-D graphic displays are quite impressive, with multiple scale settings for seeing anything from a one-being escape pod, to a Command Carrier. Absolutely stunning graphics, and really pretty colors, too! The perfect accessory for those beings living on just the other side of that thin grayish looking line, and need to know what's up just a microt before all hezmana is about to break loose!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-I-WANT-2-KNOW-MORE!

Warning, Leviathan 3-D Hologram Displays are sold as base units only. Without certain Pilot-Leviathan features some options might not function precisely as shown on your vid. Call for a price quote on the extended features, such as, sensor scan arrays, computer data spools, and some really cool looking blinking lights. Feel free to call our No Help Department if you do experience any difficulty what so ever.

Batteries not included.

Absolutely no Leviathans were injured... during the making of this commercial broadcast.

Yet another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, hey that's not a galactic locust storm you drannit, it's the standard test pattern! What have you been imbibing? Well, just relax, sit back, and enjoy the little pretty colored light display, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

01-23-2004, 09:20 PM

Just wanted to let you know that Big Louie is finally out of the hospital and freelancing as a security guard and some office complex. He couldn't go back to working for Uncle Vinny after the PK chick incident. Seems he lost all credibility with Uncle Vinny ... :pissed: ... if you have any freelance work do contact me.

BrowderChick

01-23-2004, 09:20 PM

:clap:

Frunium Slip

01-23-2004, 09:28 PM

Originally posted by Selena
Just wanted to let you know that Big Louie is finally out of the hospital and freelancing as a security guard and some office complex. He couldn't go back to working for Uncle Vinny after the PK chick incident. Seems he lost all credibility with Uncle Vinny ... :pissed: ... if you have any freelance work do contact me.

Hmmm... office complex huh... anything of value there? he might prove extremely useful...

Just askin'...

Edited to correct whatever 'prvoce' was supposed to be, might have just been speaking in toungues...

Frunium Slip

01-25-2004, 06:32 PM

Your friends at Uncharted Territories wish to extend our heartfelt apologies to all those executive types who purchased the Tannot Root for their somewhat loyal Hynerian work force. I mean, what a disaster, who knew the explosive results that would produce? We have had several complaints to our 'No-Help Office' about whole complexes being gutted, cities burned, and several million deaths. We, being the friends that we are, sincerely hope you all had plenty of insurance, and for those still wondering, there will be no refunds or exchanges, but we do apologize, as according to our littagarans, and record keepers, that is the cheapest out for us, not that we would try to cut our losses over your own misfortune... well, OK, we would. But we do feel really bad about it, in our hearts, which lie deep within our bodies, well, we did feel a little pang, right about here, could just have been something we ate, though. And we did have a restless sleep period, but again, that could have been the diet... oh, yeah, we aren't talking about us are we? No, this is all about you, the poor executive who mistakenly erred by purchasing the Tannot Root for that Hynerian work force, and we do still feel quite badly, frell, haven't felt like eating in well over, what, a couple of microts, at least. And you, you poor bloody frellnick, you really are caught liked a shrill shrieking drannit, aren't you? Now what to do? Well, send your resume to us, your trusted friends, and we'll see what we can come up with, we have contacts everywhere, from the Chemlech Mines, to the Charrid Penal Death Camps on Merlinian Three, you just never know where your new career might take you! Yotz, it could be the beginning of the rest of your life! Weren't you just crying last moen about needing a change, well, here's your chance! Better take it quick too, before the galactic authorities show up, and begin their inquisitions.

Always there to help, your ever trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, good luck, we feel you'll truly need it, and if you do just happen to get nabbed, please remember not to implicate us, now that would not be in your best interest. And as always, have a nice day!

Frunium Slip

01-26-2004, 06:20 PM

Looking for something a might different in the space faring vehicle department? Tired of all the same designs, Nebarri, Peacekeeper, Scarran, Luxan, et al. Just wish there was something else to choose from? Preferably with some potent weaponry, not that you'd ever use it mind you, but equipped none the less. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories just might have the the ship for you! Call now and order your very own Sheyang Scavenger Ship, and instantly set your place in the galaxies! A one of a kind, do it all wonder! Powerful, plenty of cargo room, dependable and available in the ever stylish black, your new ship will be one of the finest frelled up freighters in the quadrant! The top of the line in the Sheyang inventory! The one vessel every wanna be killer attack toad would love to have! Don't hesitate, order yours now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-COULD-THIS-THING-BE-ANY-SLOWER?

Warning, Sheyang Scavenger Ships, while somewhat space worthy actually lack one almost insignificant item. This fine vessel only lacks for a little speed. Well, speed and maneuverability, although they do go pretty much go appendage to appendage. So there will be no running away from an upcoming fight, you'll just have to slug it out when it comes down to it. And oh yeah, almost forgot, the weapon systems, while crude, and somewhat clumsy, really are even slower than the ship. Takes frelling forever to lock on, and when charging the weapons, well, we suggest a light lunch, maybe a heavy lunch. But she does pack a pretty mean wallop, when you hit something that is. We'd suggest adding a really good sensor array, since you won't be able to out run much, it seems wise to be the first to know what is out there!

Yet another fine product brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, be cool, have fun, check your six, and as always, have a nice day!

Selena

01-27-2004, 05:37 AM

I'd love one ... but do the ships come with a Sheyang crew?
That way when we get boarded at least we have a fighting chance!

Frunium Slip

01-27-2004, 08:37 PM

Originally posted by Selena
I'd love one ... but do the ships come with a Sheyang crew?
That way when we get boarded at least we have a fighting chance!

hmmm... hadn't even thought of that, probably should have left a few survivors, uh, I mean, too bad none of the previous crew survived the 'accident'. What? A discount? Why? Wrecked, who said anything about wrecked? Oh, I guess I might have hinted at that, but I was completely misconstrued, the crew was, er, displaced, to a more attractive location, yeah, that's it, they're all at a better place!

Of course we could get some more, we can always get more. A little impressment never hurt any being, that wasn't being shanghaied that is... Of course their loyalty would be under question, frell, Sheyangs' loyalty is always under question, and in a real stand up knock down fight, well their first, second and last instinct is to high leap it out of there, so the fighting chance might be the fight over the escape pods...

But if that's what you really want, we, your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories can make it happen, with just a paltry few, almost insignificant credits,just because we have generosity deep within our hearts, not as deep as your pockets, but pretty deep none the less...

Bonus! Never worry about replacing that missing cigarrette lighter, ever again! These Sheyangs really can light 'em up for you! Be cool, watch that flaming dragon breath. and as always, have a nice day!

Edited to fix that little extraneous 'GH' in about...

Frunium Slip

01-28-2004, 08:44 PM

Tired of ordering the same old drinks at your favorite watering hole? Sure, Frellip Nectar is great and everything, and those Aviation Fuel Shooters, my personal fave by the way, but how about something a little different, maybe even non-alcoholic, just because you're the designated pilot shouldn't mean your stuck drinking that bland H2O! And we, your friends at Uncharted Territories feel your pain, well, no, we don't actually feel anything, especially after several Aviation Fuel Shooters, but we understand your dilemma, and new to us anyway, our brand new non-alcoholic beverage, Froteen, a favorite among Sebaceans, quite tasty to Luxans, Nebarri, and Hynerians, and somewhat passable to Delvians. Of course Scarrans don't much care for it, and Charrids, well, they'll drink anything, usually without tasting. Served chilled for best results. Packaged by quantity, each container is filled under the scrutinous care of our own detained brewmasters, who take significant pride in their results, or else. You will not find any tastier Froteen in the known galaxies!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-WHAT-THE-FRELL?-I-WANTED-GROLACK!

Serve Froteen chilled to 15 points below standard regulated temperature for best results. Always finish container, as Froteen does not store well once container is opened. It is common practice to let container 'air' for several microts when first opened, just to let the liquid 'breathe.' If mixing with other fluids, always stir, never shake, the Froteen, as it 'bruises' the elixir.

Another fine product brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where we provide the finest in beverage delights, even if they are non-alcoholic. Have fun, be safe, and as always, have a nice day!

Now get this crap out of here and bring me some more shooters!!!

Selena

01-29-2004, 01:44 PM

Wow :shocked: this is just what I've been looking for to spice up our week-end party. Could I have 6 cases sent right away by WPS (wormhole priority shipping) please ... I have sent you the krendars via Pry Pal.

____________________________________________
Pry Pal is a Galactic Banking subsidiary of Satirical PseudoCorp Inc; a member company of the Friends at Uncharted Territories conglomerate.

Frunium Slip

01-29-2004, 08:42 PM

Originally posted by Selena
Wow :shocked: this is just what I've been looking for to spice up our week-end party. Could I have 6 cases sent right away by WPS (wormhole priority shipping) please ... I have sent you the krendars via Pry Pal.

____________________________________________
Pry Pal is a Galactic Banking subsidiary of Satirical PseudoCorp Inc; a member company of the Friends at Uncharted Territories conglomerate.

Wow, this conglomerate thing is so big even your trusted friends don't know all the subsidiaries...

Wormhole Priority Shipping, when you absolutely have to have it there right now, even before you've finished wrapping it.
Want it there, now, look for that hypnotizing baby blue spiral, but don't look to long, or you just might get sucked in...
Go baby blue spiral...

Pry Pal, the name says it all, make your prompt payments, or we'll be prying 'em out of ya, expeditiously (new word for the day)...

But back to the subject at hand as it were, of course we will gladly ship the requested six cases of that Sebacean favorite Froteen. And Krendars are gladly accepted, always. Still wondering if the *shocked* was because we finally offered something non-alcoholic, or we finally offered something good? And we will ship the packages expeditiously, through Wormhole Priority Shipping, as requested. Shipping is free, once the excessive handling charge is collected.

Thanks again for shopping with your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where we offer nearly anything for nearly everything, be cool, and as always, have a nice day!!!