Farscape Technology Everyday Uses

[FireDancer]

DRD's-Tired of house-cleaning? By a four pack of these little buggers and keep your floors squeaky clean for when company comes over. 1812 version for those who love vintage.

Tannet Root-Hippies and gun-lovers alike can get into this. Either surrendor to the joy of work, or blow things up. Whatever flaots your boat.

Princess Moya Cruise Lines-View the universe from the confines of the universe's favorite interstellar species.

F-145 Tayln-Ensuring global dominance for the next millenium.

Dentics-In sparkle, mint, and extra whitening.

Make Your Own Mental Clone-So you always have someone to talk to.

[elfinity]

...Aurora Chair - no more forgotten song lyrics or jokes you just can't seem to remember the punchline to! Spouse hiding where he was last night? Aurora chair may be a perfect solution for you!

ugh, too sleepy, can't think of anything else right now.

[VBKatLou]

Don't quite trust those "late night at the office" stories your spouse has been handing you lately? Slip an I-YENSCH BRACELET (http://www.scifi.com/farscape/notes/iYensch.html) on both your wrists and you'll always know what they're up to.

[farscape1211]

OOOHHHHH!!!

I want a set of those.

When he gets to feeling a little to "happy" kick the wall or bite your lip. :)

[Mirth]

Displacement Drives - Automobiles can now be outfitted with CompanyX's secret engine mod! - Miss an appointment? Late for work? No problem, heck, you can even hop on over to an 'Unrealized Reality' where you're already filthy rich!! Enjoy the fruits of your (alternate) labors, kick back and rock the good life!

Twin-ing Services - Why do all the work when you can get your 'better-half' to do it for you! Simply Twin yourself, and set 'em to work! (caution: (repeated) Twining can and/or will cause brain damage, cognitive dissonance, loss of communication skills, anti-social behavior, flatulence, cavities, depression, arguments over clothing and ownership, confusion, death, cannibalism, acts of depravity, crimes against nature, crimes against society. Customer must sign waiver and non-disclosure agreement. CompanyX takes no responsibility for repercussions resulting from the "Twin-ing" Service (TM).

Neighbors continuously play loud music late at night? Are their pet's waking you up early in the morning? That darn VP keeps taking your parking spot at work? No Problem! Rent one of CompanyX's galaxy-famous "Mobile FRAG Cannon's" today! Originally developed for defense of PK Command Carriers, we've had our brilliant scientists cram all the power of these magnificent devices into a 'portable' device (note, the Mobile Frag Cannon requires a 1.5 ton truck to move and 6 - 4 foot steel rods to provide stability when firing)

[VBKatLou]

Want to know what they're really thinking? Try a NEUROCHIP (http://scifi.com/farscape/notes/neurochip.html)

Just $999.99 (installation/labor not included)

[VBKatLou]

Flunking French? TRANSLATOR MICROBES (http://scifi.com/farscape/notes/translator.html) are guaranteed to get you through any foreign language class. Even Swahilii.

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of drinking the same old drinks when out with friends? Try our new Aviation Fuel Shooters, guaranteed to jump start your social life. They may taste terrible, but once you get past the blue slime, it's pure petrol! Warning, please do not consume near rooms with detonating crockery.

Borlik: "... guy is a devron, raped and pillaged, popped eyeballs..."
Crichton: "Whoa, Whoa. Where do they get these stories? Let's get the facts straight. There was no raping, very little pillaging, and Frau Blucher popped all the eyeballs."

Crichton: "No, my grunt does all my killing, I'm strictly R & R."

[Frunium Slip]

Headaches? Family problems? Life just got you down? Bounce back, take our new pharmaceutical product 'Extract of Lakka' and forget all your problems. Does it work? Hey, if it doesn't take the edge off just double the dose!

Warning: Do not exceed recommended dosage, refrain from wormhole travel, side effects may include headaches, nausea, drowsiness, indigestion, paranoi, homocidal tendencies, and deep emotional problems.

"There's the way you want it to be, and then there's the way it is."

[Frunium Slip]

Get your 'Merry Frellin' Christmas' exploding Christmas tree. It's guaranteed to light up your holidays. Comes complete with decorations, lights, explosives devices, everything the holiday reveller might want. Also has a complete instruction manual. Batteries not included.

Caution: Do not use this product while intoxicated, frell, don't use when sober. Some property damage may occur, our company is not reponsible for any misuse or use for that matter of this product. As a matter of fact all entities associated with this project will be changing their names and addresses to protect the guilty.

Have a fabulous holiday. and might I say, from the very bottom of my heart, You look mahvelous.

"Well today's your lucky day, D'Argo, Aeryn. Just don't make any sudden moves." -JC

[Frunium Slip]

Just been to a particular thread in this forum, and it gave me another wonderful idea.

Peace Keeper pulse pistols, for those troublesome trolls. Great for taking out the trash and interior decorating. Can be purchased with the deluxe side holster hip mount, just like seen on TV!

Warning: Use of this device may violate several federal and local laws, company is not responsible for indescrimenate use. Heed all attached warnings as violations will void waranty.

Chakan oil not included.

"All right you two, out! I said out! And do not come back into this chamber!" -D'Argo from 'Season fo Death'

[Frunium Slip]

Need a place to stash those ill gotten gains, hide money from others, stash the company profits? Welcome to our new Shadow Depository, recently refurbished, due to unforseen circumstances. We can guarantee your deposits from anything but rogue leviathan gunships.

And don't forget to check out our pawn and gun facilities on the first floor.

Ew! Is that an eyeball?

Cut! Cut to commercial!

What do you mean this is the commercial?

[Frunium Slip]

*****Just Reduced******

Perfectly good former Scarran base, lots of rooms, new windows. A Fixer Upper! With it's own underground garden facility, which can be useful, in say, oh, 20 or 30 years. Free geiger counter with purchase. Some financing provided. 10% down finance the rest. Owners willing to move fast on this one!


"If you're thinking of staying, I've got a splendid room, all the comforts, very private." -Grunchlk from 'Season of Death'

[Frunium Slip]

This just in, due to fortuitous circumstances we have just received a slightly used Command Carrier. Owner had to sacrifice to save her own eema. If you're tired of puttering around the galaxy in that old family sedan try this baby out. No more being passed on the right side, no more tail gaiters, late for work just throw this puppy in over drive. Stuck in traffic, hey crank up those frag cannons. Everything included, plus as an extra bonus, we'll throw in a boot licking yes man just for you.

Don't hesitate this beauty won't be on our lot for very long!

See as at Uncharted Wrecks located at galaxy post 151 Frunium way

And check out our website at wgw.unchartedwrecks

Hey, do not kick the tires fella!

Edited to take out the link, correct a few errors, that kind of dren

[Grey Knight]

try the Peacekeeper heavy-duty Pulse Weaponry, blow your way through almost anything.Includs Pulse pistol,Pulse rifle and free high explosives!!!! apply now and get your own Prowler compltely Free!!!!!!

Prowler does not come with fuel


''Stay still or i'll fill you with little yellow bolts of light!!!'' Crichton

[Frunium Slip]

Pest problems at home? Not any more, buy your very own Vork guaranteed to drive you and any pests completely out of your home. Combination tracker, exterminator, excrement maker, leg freller, and overall pain in the neck. Well suited for getting rid of inlaws and other unwanted guests. Caution may bite, keep away from small, large and for that matter any kids. Possibly all adults too.

Fine Print:

All units sold as is, there will be absolutely no exchanges or refunds if you are foolish enough to take one of these little drannits off our hands.

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of little fluffy getting his eema kicked by your neighbors Doberman? Have we got the solution for you! Purchase your very own Budong, the single biggest, meanest carnivore in the entire territories! These things are real beauts, and can take on any of your neighbors viscious pets all at once. Sure they're easily domesticated, we have reports that one was kept at bay for over 20 microts.

Warning: Ownership may violate galaxy statutes, not responsible for any violations of universe or local laws. Keep away from anything you don't want devoured. Never forget to feed the Budong. Always take great care when feeding your Budong, we recommend using not to close friends. Local leash laws may apply.

Leashes may be purchased at additional substantial cost. We will not place leash on Budong, as insurance rates are high enough as it is.

Coming here?!!!! What do you mean it's heading in this direction?!! You forgot to what?!! Uh... we may be relocating our site do to unforseen circumstances, but don't forget our toll free intergalactic number 1-800-IT EATS U.

Remember we have never had a complaint from any Budong purchaser, come to think of it we haven't received any communication at all. Must mean everything is wonderful, we're sure you'll enjoy your Budong for as long as you live.


Edited to add the following:

And special thanks to Trubador for reminding us that the Electro-Magnetic Candy is sold seperately.

Hope he enjoys the Budong pet, hope to here from him soon!

[Frunium Slip]

Get your very own Farscape Module. This baby is cutting edge Erp technology. Be the very first one on your block to have one. Envious of your neighbor's sporty Prowler? Don't be, you can take this cupcake straight into a wormhole, where we guaratee she will rock. She may look like the UT's version of a Hundai but just think, you can be dashing off into your own Unrealized Reality, while your neighbor turns to goo. Great on metras, easy on the handling, these thing rock!

Warning: Slight instabilities may occur during wormhole travel. While we have no reports of any UT personnel actually travelling through a wormhole we have very concrete rumours and much speculation that it is indeed possible. Additional stabilizer technology available at additional cost.

[Frunium Slip]

I know your out there I can here you breathing.

[Frunium Slip]

Lost pet, significant other, car keys, wallet, hire our Vorcarian Blood Tracker to find whatever you're missing. These mercs are usually used to track felons and bond jumpers, but we've just secured the use of a female that we ...er found trying to raise a pup alone. Do to just a little urging from our Aurora chair, she has graciously decided to cooperate in our endeavor. Don't worry about her loyalty, we'll babysit her lil' whelp while she's away.

No money back guarantee with every rental. That's right in the event that your lost item cannot be found you'll get no money back. As a consolation we'll give you a free set of steak knives that we guarantee will slice through anything. Just watch this beauty cut through this Prowler armor plate, and still dices these Qatal Mollusks.

Edited to fix spelling of Vorcarian- looked at companion guide, probally should have done that first- but what the frell.

[Frunium Slip]

Have we got a set of lawn ornaments for you! While bickering with a couple of unsavory characters over some weapon systems, we spotted a pair of great looking statues in their cargo bay. After some initial reluctance, the space pirates handed them over to us gratefully at gunpoint. And boy these really do look good. The resemblance to actual Sebacean physiology is just amazing, you can almost see them come to life. We have assurances that the figures were produced on a wealthy royal planet somewhere in these very Uncharted Territories. Think of the history they represent. Imagine them in your front yard. Very asthetic with any landscape.

Sorry, these will not be sold seperately, unless we think we can get a substantially better price.

[Frunium Slip]

Need some cosmetic surgery, organ transplant, or brain surgery? I have just the place for you, the Ice Planet Lab, where our esteemed Diagnosan, Tocot can perform almost any medical surgeries you may require. From nose jobs to heart transplants this facility does it all.

Easily negotiated terms, special financing and monthly specials. Just contact Grunchlk, care of the Ice Planet Lab, and we'll schedule immediately, privacy guaranteed.

All participants must sign waiver allowing facility to use patient as a future donor in the highly unlikely event of a mishap. Very rarely due these occur, but if they do, the remains can be kept indefinitely for donor use, just like the thousands of other donors we currently have available. And don't worry about compatibility, we add to the donor list all the time.

There are no guarantees with any of the procedures, as we are just 'practicing medicine' until we get it right.

Edited for another of those frellin' typos

[VBKatLou]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Have we got a set of lawn ornaments for you! While bickering with a couple of unsavory characters over some weapon systems, we spotted a pair of great looking statues in their cargo bay. After some initial reluctance, the space pirates handed them over to us gratefully at gunpoint. And boy these really do look good. The resemblance to actual Sebacean physiology is just amazing, you can almost see them come to life. We have assurances that the figures were produced on a wealthy royal planet somewhere in these very Uncharted Territories. Think of the history they represent. Imagine them in your front yard. Very asthetic with any landscape.

Sorry, these will not be sold seperately, unless we think we can get a substantially better price.


Well I was considering it , but one of them appears to be missing a head. Could I get at discount?

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by VBKatLou
Well I was considering it , but one of them appears to be missing a head. Could I get at discount?

Sorry, all products sold as is, no discounts. But, just for you, we have a supply of our popular Qatal Mollusks. Buy a dozen of these for only two credits. What a deal. Very popular among the suicidal sects. Just divide these up between you an your significant other, and they'll be dying to be with you.

And just listen to this endorsement, John, come over here:
what do you think?
'Boy, this takes like crap.'
Wow, what a ringing responce, just don't get that kind of reaction any where.

Just dial our toll free intergalactic number 1-800- eat-death

Warning: May cause headaches, nausea, indigestion, diahrea, stomache cramps, fever and, very possibly, an agonizing death.

If you happen to be suffering from these symptoms, just listen to this deal; for the same two credits, we'll supply you with one Qatal mullosk. Then, with our special recipe, available for a mere 250,000 credits, you can make an antidote. Just mix the ingredients as listed, include a little excess body fluid, press flesh for a mere four ahns, and presto, you're good as new.

And just like our Budong pet, we have never received a complaint for the Qatal mollusk remedy.

And listen to these endorsements;
'It was over in a mere moment, four ahns.'
'It frellin' took forever, four ahns.'

Not responsible for loss of vision, or for those who take the remedy that are just suffering from the Scaran flu.

[Frunium Slip]

If you have ever wanted to enhance yourself, cosmetically, intellectually or just racially, we've got a new service for you. Thanks to our industrious scavengers, we have recently obtained the services of a genetics lab. Documentation and interviews of the prisoners, er previous owners, has led to the outstanding discovery of genetic enhancements. With just a simple almost painless procedure, you can be whatever you always wanted to be. One little prick in the eye and your new future awaits. Why just look at this documentary of one of our former patients. See how happy he is swinging his prodigeny from that balcony. You to can have this wonderous feeling of contentment. Never be looked down on, or criticised again.

So call now and be more than you could ever be.

And all our procedures are guaranteed, to make us a lot of money.

Edited for another one of those frellin' typos!

[Frunium Slip]

This just in, a supply of Tavloid guantlets. 'Tavlek.' Whatever.

Afraid of walking the streets at night, shopping alone, worried about those bullies down the block, no more. Just imagine your friends suprise when you show up with one of these on your arm. Now, you can truly be no more mister nice guy. Command respect, be looked up to, take whatever you want. Be called the scourge of the universe. Yes this guantlet can re-make your image. All for a just a few token credits.

Warning: The sale of these Tavloid guantlets in no way, implies that this company endorses any illegal acts caused or affected by the use of these devices. 'Tavlek.' Whatever.

Please call our toll free intergalactic number now, our operators are standing by.

[AgentSun]

one url. www.villainsupply.com i think it's where scorpius got the aurora chair...however, i think they're located in the basement and not actually up for sale on the site.

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of being terrorized by some lunatic with a Tavloid guantlet? 'Tavlek.' Whatever. Not the scourge of the universe type? Have we got a deal for you. This just in, a Tarken Shield Belt to protect you from those crazed madmen we sell the weapons to. This baby will deflect any chemical based weapon system, and as an added bonus, allows travel in molten lava when activated. Compact, easy to carry, and black in color to go with any ensemble.

And priced cheap. How do we do it? Volume, volume, volume!

Don't be the last whiny little loser to get a tarken Shield Belt on your block. You know you want one, and we've got 'em.

Warning: Not for use when feeding the Budong pets, it just gives them a little indigestion. Read all waranties and instructions before use. Company not responsible for any damage caused by misuse of this device. batteries not included.

[Frunium Slip]

Now, for the species who has everything, the single most prized possession in the galaxies, a quantum singularity. Yes, our industrious scavengers have located a black hole somewhere near the Ilonic Sector. Being the entrepeneurs that we are, we immediately claimed all salvage rights, and are awaiting the deed titles now. Imagine the power you can wield with this object. The possibilities are endless. And it can all be yours for one low price.

Please call our intergalactic toll free number our operators are standing by.

Purchaser responsible for pick up and delivery. All applicable laws will apply to the purchaser. Seller takes no responsibility for any damage that may occur from the direct or incidental use of this object.

[Frunium Slip]

New product just in. Our expert scavengers just stumbled onto some new technology while ransacking, er, I mean, scavenging a derelict ship. It appears one of them took a jolt of electricity and is now experiencing future flashes. Always, being one to jump on any potential profit making enterprise, we now proudly bring to you our own version of electro shock therapy. Our new state of the art 'lectric chair has been modified and deemed completely safe for it's new purpose. We'll just strap you in, fire this thing up, zap the yotz out of you, and presto, instant potential future visions.

Please don't hesitate to call our intergalactic toll free number!

Warning: Electromagnetic shock therapy can affect higher brain functions, repeated use is not recommended, company not responsible for any brain damage, or strange body tics that may occur do to the procedure.

If experiencing difficulty please contact our medical facility on the Ice Planet, through our mediatery Grunchlk. We will keep 'practicing medicine' until we get it right.

[Frunium Slip]

Suffering from hot flashes, tired of getting the shivers, can't stand climate changes? Spouse constantly changing the thermal regulator setting at your abode? Have we got the product for you. Our new top of the line leather thermal coolant suit. This baby is designed to regulate extreme temperature changes, no more suffering during those hot summer days. Want to go out in the desert, hey you could go skipping on the surface of a small star! And don't forget those cold artic regions. With this new suit you will be the envy of all your friends. Each suit is custom fit, and comes in stylish black. Very popular with Scarren halfbreeds, and the S&M crowd.

Call our intergalactic phone line and order yours today!

And for those who still experience thermal problems, we can surgically install coolant rods directly into your brain. Don't worry this procedure is nearly foolproof. Once our lawyers finish the fine print, we'll be completely protected from any and all lawsuits. Now that should alleviate any worries you might have. All surgical procedures are conducted at our Ice Planet Medical Facility.

Just contact Grunchlk at our toll free intergalactic number. And always remember, we'll keep 'practicing medicine' until we get it right!

[trubador]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Pest problems at home? Not any more, buy your very own Vork guaranteed to drive you and any pests completely out of your home. Combination tracker, exterminator, excrement maker, leg freller, and overall pain in the neck. Well suited for getting rid of inlaws and other unwanted guests. Caution may bite, keep away from small, large and for that matter any kids. Possibly all adults too.

Fine Print:

All units sold as is, there will be absolutely no exchanges or refunds if you are foolish enough to take one of these little drannits off our hands.
:rollin: :rollin: :rollin: :rollin: :rollin: :rollin: :rollin:
Frunium Slip.... you have WAY too much time on your hands!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

And, regarding the Budong, you forgot to mention that the Electro-Magnetic Candy is sold separately.:D

[Frunium Slip]

Thank you Trubador for the tip, never want to leave out a potential money making item. Thanks to you I have corrected our add.

And, per your inquiry, our esteemed pharmaceutical expert, Noranti, is making up a special cure for your little 'Problem.' With our special ingredients of herbs, excess body fluids, and warm spit, your remedy will be ready in no time. Not to preach to you but you might want to stay away from those type of establishments from now on.

If symptoms persist, you might want to check out our prestigous medical facility on the Ice Planet. Grunchlk will be happy to assist you.

And don't forget we'll be 'practicing medicine' until we get it right!

[Frunium Slip]

For those of you who want to live forever, those who would like to see what the future is like, and those who feel like they just don't belong in this time space continuum, have we got a new deal for you. We have just 'procured' a rather large shipment of cryogenic storage chambers. That's right, we can now freeze you and thaw you out later, at any time you want to specify. These thermal storage units have been declared completely safe, and we can guarantee, as soon as you are re-activated, dinner will be served.

No more longing to disappear down what may very well be an unstable wormhole, hey we can alter your reality. Just a few measly credits, and a substantial storage fee, and you can literally live almost forever! Want to learn Ancient Luxon, Scarran, or that new language from Erp? Well we can make it happen by adding self help tapes to the chamber. Want to quit smoking? It's easy, quit while you sleep in peaceful bliss. No more sessions of AA! We have almost limited self help tapes, and we're making up new ones every day!

All purchases of cryogenic storage units must be proceeded with a signed consent form. Don't bother with the 500 pages of fine print, we've conveniently placed the signature space right on the first page.

So, sign up now, we guarantee these babies will be going fast!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now!

[Frunium Slip]

Low on food, having trouble finding convenient commerce planets, need to stock up for that long trip to the nether regions of space? Have we got the new item for you! That's right, new 'Soylent Green' Food Cubes, found in our new frozen food section. These tasty treats are dissected, stacked and thermally stored in our very special food cryogenic storage chambers. Convenient, easily stored and oh so tasty! Designed to keep things frozen literally forever! And don't worry, we're adding to the inventory daily!

As an added bonus, we've added randomly selected self help tapes to each unit. That way you can be improving yourself at the same time as eating your fill.

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now!

[FireDancer]

Can't believe this thread took off so much. Here's so more from my twisted mind...

-Do you like 'action?' Want to play the field and not have to worry about unwanted pregnancy? Try Sebacian Gene Therapy, from Acme Genetic Products Inc. You'll be able to hold embryos safe and sound for seven years, and not have to spend a buck on contraceptives. WARNING-May cause adverse reactions to heat

-Wheelchair not up to snuff anymore? Really want to fly? Try the throne sled. Hoover a safe six to twelve feet above the ground, regain the mobility of those fools who use there legs, with none of the effort.

-Want to know what that cabbie or hot dog vendor is really saying to you? Thinking of becoming a spy? To lazy to pass that French final? Try new Translator Microbes from Phizer Pharmaceuticals. Covered by insurance.

-ChiaXhaan-Everybody's favorite sentient plant species in your very own home. Just water the seeds and watch beautiful blue women sprout in just 200-300 years.

[Frunium Slip]

Having political trouble on your planet. Tired of Zenetan pirates disturbing the shipping lanes, scared of an alien threat? Have we got the service for you! New to the Uncharted Territories, Peace Keeper forces, designed to quell riots, bring law and order to the cosmos, eliminate pirates, protect planets from alien invasion, help with traffic control, and countless other uses! You say your ship is broken down in a trade route and you need help, hey these guys are more than happy to blast that derelict to bits, with or without you on it. Yes, these forces are here to help you. There special commando squads are heavily armed and willing to interdict into the most hostile of situations. Need a riot quelled, these forces can destroy entire cities in order to save them. Promoted by body count, commandos show no mercy to young or old alike. Wouldn't you just feel safer knowing this kind of force is protecting you?

And for the first time, don't bother calling us! Call them instead! How you might ask? It's easy! Just seek the correct hailing frequency, and hail them with your urgent message!

That's right just remember to:

Seek...Hail

Seek...Hail

Seek...Hail

Seek...Hail *

And always remember that they are here to help you.

Allright, you can get that pulse pistol out of my ear, I said what you wanted.

* 'Stolen' from many other types of media don't actually know where it started.

[Frunium Slip]

Trying to find that perfect gift for your significant other? Have we got the gift for you! Just brand 'em with our high quality Luxan Union Do-It-Yourself Tattoo Maker. That's right, a new easy to use tattoo maker! No more going to questionable tattoo parlors, where god knows where that utensil has been. These tattoos are big, beautiful, and guaranteed to leave a lasting impression on your loved one.

A great Luxan symbol of courage, honor, and loyalty! Hey, who could resist that?

Very popular with Luxans, sadists, evil bad guys, etc. And the uses are almost endless! You can even use this device to mark your Budong pet, if you want to get that close.

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now!

PS to FireDancer, love the ChiaXhaan pet! Wished I had thought of it! Looks like a great potential credit maker!

Edited for frellin' typos!

[Frunium Slip]

Couldn't afford the Command carrier? The Farscape Module not sporty enough? Have we got the ship for you. Our newly acquired Erradicator. Yes, that terror of the universe, able to destroy leviathans with a single shot, devastatingly accurate, trim design, and available in a two tone color! Matching key ring is available. And don't forget that stealth mode, when your out gallavanting around the quadrant contrary to your spouse's wishes. Makes a great 'scavenger' ship, we use one all the time! This one is a slightly stripped down version, hezamana, we don't want any real competition.

Please call our toll free intergalactic number now!

Warning: Illegal use of this craft may violate universal or local laws, company is not responsible for such acts, vehicle sold for pleasure craft purposes only. If you cause any trouble we don't know you, and you better not know us.

Luxon artifacts not included, may be purchased seperately at substantial cost.

Taxes, tags and title not included in purchase price.

[newguy]

Originally posted by elfinity
...Aurora Chair - no more forgotten song lyrics or jokes you just can't seem to remember the punchline to!


..ahahah

[Frunium Slip]

Impress your friends! Get your very own Ancient Luxan artifact, the notorious Qualta Blade. Yes, the very same weapon with which the Luxans went screaming in retreat so fast when they fought the Grizoleans. You too can replicate the infamous Luxan strategy! Slaughter women and children with the best of them!

A fine two edged sword dating back to antiquity, the Qualta Blade is a devastating hand to hand weapon. Also, great for slicing up that roast Grolack at those outdoor barbecues! And, as an added bonus for those who don't like their hands quite so bloody, it also makes a precision pulse weapon. Great for entertaining friends! Think of the fun just blasting away at those wild Barkans!

Please call our intergalactic toll free number now! Remember supplies are limited, so don't delay, order your Qualta Blade now!

Chakan oil and legal counsel not included.

[Frunium Slip]

Have we got new deals for you! While raiding, er, I mean, conducting a mercantile mission to the Royal Planet looking for more of those primo lawn ornaments, our worthy scavengers have come across several great products that will thrill you, overwhelm you, and hopefully get you to spend lots of credits!

First up is the Transmutation Processor, a fascinating device that is designed to individually encapsulate cells, in laymans terms, bronze the yotz out of you! Calibrated for Sebaceans, designed to last for eighty cycles, and enormously symbolic to the native culture! Imagine yourself a bronze idol, with everyone adoring you! Yes, you too can stress your own importance, just like the many heroes you looked up to as a child. Just remember to try and take your pose seriously. And if bronzing yourself is unappealing, you can bronze others. Think of the beautiful gardens, lawns, and streets that will benefit from having a great looking statue, which can be personalized with a signature plaque!

Warning avoid acid baths, as they may cause statue to prematurely pit. Clean with mild detergents, only. Non-sebaceans may experience problems during the transmutation process.



Next up is the Progeny Machine. It samples DNA, tests compatibility, and projects images of future offspring! See what your children may look like. No, more unexpected nasty surprises! And just check out this ringing endorsement:

"Oh, this is truly amazing! I must have one for my kingdom!" -Dominar Rygel XVI ruler of the Hynerian Empire.

With this baby, none of you're babies need ever go wrong again!



And lastly, we stole, er, I mean acquired a shipment of Compatibilty Nectars. These little bottles contain a compatibility potion that is activated by kissing the potential love interest. Just think, instant compatibility results! No lab can do it faster! This stuff is designed for your base instincts.

If, do to unforseen circumstances, things don't work out, we can get you a prime littigarian to annul whatever ceremony you mistakenly got yourself into! Ain't we the bomb! No need to thank us, your credits will do just fine.

Call our toll free intergalactic hot line now, operators are standing by!

And may I say from the very bottom of my heart, which is deep within my body, you look mahvelous!

[Kerrigan]

*You* are mahvelous, Frunium, keep'em coming, I'm laughing myself to tears here. Love the cross-references!



And now, a special offer: the appliance you've always dreamed of: the Scarran vaacuum cleaner. Useful for scanning nuclear bombs, snooping on private conversations and, of course, vacuuming. You'll never have to pick those Streletzia petals off the floor again, this baby will do it for you!

Comes in bright red only, order yours now and get a Toaster with every order! Honestly we have no idea what its function could be, but John Crichton himself seemed to hold it in high regard so we're sure it must be a wonderful thing to have around the house!

[Frunium Slip]

Friends mocking your eyesight, having trouble seeing past a metra? Tired of being taken by unsavory charlatans for not reading the fine print? Have we got the device for you! Thanks to our ever industrious pirates, er procurement officials, we've acquired a shipment of Peace Keeper Oculars! That's right, the very best in sight enhancement! Give yourself great eyes, better than 20/20, and they're blue! You heard right, now get these babies in blue as well as the ever stylish black!

Great for spotting upcoming trouble, unsavory characters, and peeping into windows! Just look up and discover the wonders that you've been missing!

To order call our toll free intergalactic number now! Or visit us unsavory charlatans at our showroom on Frunium Way!

Yotz, no need for the fine print anymore!


PS Kerrigan, you don't get the toaster!

[mycattoldme]

:rollin: :rollin: :rollin:

Thanks Frunium Slip! :D

[Frunium Slip]

Looking for a nice vacation spot to take your favorite Delvian? Or maybe just looking to top off that summer tan? Have we got the vacation spot for you. Come visit our Five Pulsars of Light Holiday and Resort Casino! Relax in the pleasant setting of the Five Pulsars and let the Ionic radiation engulf your essence! Yes, these services just get better and better all the time! And for those non-Delvians, we have beaches, exotic dance clubs, and gambling casinos all in one great setting!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, our operators are standing by.

Warning the Five Pulsars region may affect lesser species, such as, genetic laborers, ungifted menials and if rumours are true a rare species of Erpmen. Affects may include a slight impedement of judgement, some wooziness perhaps, or just acting twisted. And please keep an eye on any Delvians that you bring here as this is a family resort.

Hey, Guido that guy is skipping without paying! Break his frellin' legs! All four of 'em!

Yes, a little quiet resort where you can get away for a peaceful family vacation.

[akimbo]

PK Marital Arts Center
Master Aeryn Sun - chief instructor

Train in all the Peacekeeper Martial Arts with a PK master!

Learn the Pantak Jab!

Wow your friends with the Ilonic Neural Stroke!

Classes forming now - call us at 1-800-PK-FOR-ME

Edited to add:
I love this thread :rollin:

Thanks FireDancer for for getting the ball rolling. :aok:
And to Frunium Slip and others for keeping it up.

More...I need more. :P

Throne Sleds perhaps? :ewink:

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of asking your Leviathan Pilot what the frell is that? Can't tell hamman side from ham and eggs, amnexus fluid from amnesia? Have we got the book for you! That's right, we have hijacked, er I mean, 'acquired' a large shipment of the incredible book "Leviathans for Dummies." No more looking like a 'greebol' in front of your friends! Why just last year, we, your friends at The Uncharted territories could have used this book as we attempted to steal, er I mean appropriate a pregnant Leviathan, what a nightmare that was! You can learn from our experience and make your own brand new mistakes! With a minimum of reading skills, some mathematics, a working knowledge of schematics, some engineering, experience in maintenance, galactic star charts, turbomachinery, advanced calculus, quantum physics, and the radiation sciences, you too can master this workhorse of the universe! And it's so easy!

I mean if that little frellin' pilot race can do it, an advanced race such as yourselves, will have an easy time!

Don't hesitate to call, our operators are standing by!

[akimbo]

Furlow's Fine Used Module Sales

Is your prowler always in the shop?

Wish your other ship was a Leviathan?

Want to travel through wormholes and not end up as goo?

Visit our planet sized showroom today.

Buy here, pay here...wormhole scans accepted as trade as are Farscape Modules.

Free Solar Flair Goggles with every purchase.

Charrids Welcome!

[Frunium Slip]

Want to make your ship pass a sensor scan? How about look like an oil freighter, or a pleasure yacht, with a jacuzzi? Have we got the device for you! Yes that's right, your friends here at Uncharted Territories have recently pirated, er received a supply of Sensor Distorters at a significant discount! Doubt our reputation?

These beauties can disguise your ship to look like any number of peaceful easy going vessels. Just bring your pride and joy to our commerce center at the dead leviathan, and we'll have our techs work on your sensor modulator. Now that you know that I know what I'm talking about just bring that baby in. And no need to worry, we have a strict policy, nobody steals our clients ships except us. Our deal, our rules.

Warning: your new Sensor Distorter will only pass sensor scans if your ship matches the movements of vessels you are trying to mimic. If you're not that good, well your problem.

Just call our toll free intergalactic number to schedule an apointment. Thanks for your patronage.

And remember nobody sells outlawed mods like your friends at Uncharted Territories!

[Frunium Slip]

Like our sensor distorter, would you like to enhance yourself as well? Perhaps running from enforcement officials, bounty hunters and the like. Trust me, I'm sure it's all been a great intergalatic misunderstanding. Have we got the service for you! Genetic Transformations, just pick a species and we'll transmute you to their very essence. You'll even be able to pass a genetic scan! You'll be able to walk straight by anything that might be looking for you. Don't know which species you'd like? Well just pick some characteristics you'd like to have. Such as hands, feet, the ever popular loomas, and eyes would be great! You choose, whatever.

And anyone who buys one of our modifications also buys our confidentiality. That's right you'll be completely safe, just like many of our experienced scavengers. And we'll keep that information safe, until the reward increases!

Remember you can always trust your friends at Uncharted Territories.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now!

[trubador]

Okay, Fruoon the Moon, you're really beginning to scare me. :P

[Frunium Slip]

Has a co-worker aggravated you, boss fired you, local community leader falsely accused you, relative just pissed on your parade, or deranged TV executive canceled your favorite show for no frellin' reason? Have we got the device for you! New from your friends at Uncharted Territories, our new Bioloid Chamber, capable of replicating any being in the known galaxies! That's right, our space pirates, er I mean, aggressive merchant tradesmen will acquire the offending being, bring them to our facility, and then duplicate them with a more, shall we say, reasonable view point! And they're practically foolproof!

Just trade us all the tea in China and whatever else you can think of, and we'll get right on with it, trust me you don't want to know the details.

How can we keep doing this? Capitalism! Ain't it great!

We will not be having any blue light specials on this service, nor any discounts coupons will be accepted.

If for any reason your bioloid doesn't work out, we'll be glad to duplicate another for a substantial fee!

Just call our special toll free number 1-800-bioloid now, we have operators standing by!

Edited for another frellin' typo!

[Frunium Slip]

Do you need to stay focused, not that enlightened, mental strength not your strength? Then have we got the service for you! Our intrepid scavengers have just run across Katoiya's Mental Arts Training and Pong School. Located in Tormented Space, this school is administered by Zen Master Katoiya, it features mental discipline and a very cool update of the pong game! Our Master Jedi can immediately help you with probes, landmines and corkscrews in your head!

You'll be able to focus on your more immediate tasks first, find your path, and release your mind.

And don't worry, if you're not able to exert even a microt of self control over your impulses, there are detention cells for remedial training. This need not be difficult... but it probally will be.

Added bonus, a Juxtowie Crystal will be attached to ensure that your stay will not be a brief one! That's right, you'll receive a cool fairy crystal and jammies! And to alleviate any concerns over your ability to finish the training, the crystal will bore through your brain if you leave early.

And remember that it's not meant to be painless.

Proceed at your own risk

Just call our intergalatic hot line now!

[Talyn-John]

Tired of people driving SLOWLY in the fast lane?
Sick of people taking up the sidewalk when you NEED to get by?
Annoyed by people who ALWAYS frell up your plans?

Try our brand new, state of the art, LEVIATHAN KILLER MISSILE! You don't have to be Freud to figure this baby out. It's just point-and-click. Never worry about those pesky escaped prisoners again.

Comes in Ultra-large sizes for those with MARAUDING ambition, and our new lightweight model for those on the PROWL.

Here's your rematch, baby.

Call us now at 1-800-UGO-BOOM. Operators are standing by for your call.

[Talyn-John]

Can't figure out what to wear to that Gammak Base?
Need something stylish that just yells "Look at me?"
Want to get the attention of that really cute peacekeeper babe with a pulse pistol trained at your head?

Try our all-purpose leather pants.
Whether you're infiltrating the enemy's secret base, or just welcoming someone to the Federation starship "SS Buttcrack", these pants make everyone get up and ask the question:

"Does my a** look big in these pants?"

Call 1-800-CHA-FING right now and get a Pulse Pistol completely free of charge as our gift.
Not to mention a set of knives.

Operators are standing by.

[Talyn-John]

Need more TIME?
Always ending up in BIZARRE situations?
AFRAID that you'll fail?

Try our new course, WORMHOLES FOR DUMMIES! Comes complete with wormhole nexus and ice flow. Taught by professor Einstein, if you pass, you won't be Kirk, Spock, Luke, Buck or Flash, but you WILL be Dorothy-Frelling-Gale from Kansas. If you fail, well... Professor Einstein is known for his strictness.

SO DON'T FAIL!

Sign up at Tormented Space near you.

[Frunium Slip]

Does your occupation require your ship to evade more than a sensor scan? Looking to slip in and out of quadrants completely undetected? Perhaps evade enforcement officials effectively when cornered? Well you've come to the right place, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the device for you! Our aggressive merchant tradesmen have acquired new Sentra Devices which can be custom installed on your vessel! When you switch it on your ship becomes invisible! Completely undetectable! We've been using this device for years to steal, er obtain at discount rates, many of the items in our inventory! But due to certain legal difficulties about tax evasion, we've decided to offer these for immediate sale! Just think of the possibilities!

How does it work? What do I look like a frellin' science wiz? Something to do with adjusting the electromagnectics of space vessels. According to our detained engineering staff, it works on the inverse of the ship's power drives. But enough with the science lecture, just drop on by Frunium Way and see it work!

What are you waiting for? Make an appointment now! Just head for the light, more light, I must have more light!

Call our toll free intergalactic number, operators are standing by!

And remember you can always trust your friends at Uncharted Territories!

Edited for another of those frellin' typos

[Frunium Slip]

Are you a Resident Comshaw Artist? A thief? A buccaneer? A space pirate? Or perhaps just an unauthorized procurement officer? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories are looking for you! Due to continued legal difficulties, we've reluctantly had to collect bounties on some of our more notorious scavengers. This has left us in somewhat of a predicament. To keep up the high standard of living to which we've been accustomed, we must obtain more scavengers to acquire the fine products at a substantial cost reduction that we sell for large profits. Yes, we're looking for a few good beings. Now you can benefit from our loss!

It just gets better and better all the time, doesn't it guys?

No experience required, although it may help keep you from enforcement officials. And if you're worried about incarceration, don't. Our littagarians will keep us out of jail, although your coverage won't be in effect for a full 90 days, or not at all if the reward gets high enough. Looking for health care benefits? Well just keep looking, 'cause we're only interested in keeping ourselves alive!

So, if you're desperate enough, and looking for a new profitable career, just call us at our toll free intergalactic number!

Edited to add:

Employment at Uncharted Territories confers to said employee all the duties and benefits of membership in the Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild. Guild card required for employment. Indentured apprenticeship may be required depending on experience. Benefits adjusted accordingly. All rewards, and or bounties collected are the expressed property of Uncharted Territories, and no unauthorized bounty hunting of Guild members will be tolerated.

[Talyn-John]

Tired of cold space? Want to cozy up to the fire? Need someplace out of the way for your experiments?
We here at UT rental housing have just come across a listing for a slightly used and fire-damaged Gammak Base, perfect for those mad scientists looking to create a wormhole. A real fixer-upper.
At just 1800 Erp dollars a month, inclusive with weapons systems, mining complex exterior, oil sea and Aurora Chair, this baby is going fast. It's a deal that's hot, hot, hot!

Warning: UT Rental Housing is not responsible for any escaped convicts crashing into the moon with a transport pod. Ignition of oil sea voids warranty on Aurora Chair.

Call us now at 1-888-U-R-SCRPY.

[mycattoldme]

Is it a sad fact that every time you go grocery shopping or to the mall you spend what seems like hours wondering through row after row of cars wondering "Where the frell did I park"?

Well, not any more! Have your own personal "homing beacon" installed in your dashboard today. Personalized with your own customized welcome message, this beacon will active the minute you come within 200 yards of your vehicle, beckoning you, and everyone around you, to the correct geographical location of your vehicle.

Buy one now and never wander aimlessly again!

Call 1-800-OVERHERESTUPID today!

[Frunium Slip]

Do 'you' wish your cat could talk? Wish your dog could tell you what he wanted? Just want to know what your Iguana is thinking? Well, have we got a new pet for you! Your friends at Uncharted Territories have recently acquired a rather large selection of Hynerians during a pirate raid, er, aggressive merchant expedition. These lovely animals will make great pets, they're loyal, lovable, totally agreeable, domesticated, and courteous. Plus we need to get 'em out of here! Additionally, they make great diplomats, and garbage disposals. No more eating left overs for days! These lil' swine have three stomaches, one of them must be empty! Plus, each of them eats and craps his body weight twice a day. Should quickly clear out any unnecessary food groups.

Just hear this lady sing her glowing endorsement of her Hynerian:

You're lying, you know how I know that, because you always lie! You have no integrity, you have no honor, you cheat, you steal, you lie, you stuff your face, that's you!

Yes, just get your lovely little Hynerian today! Call our toll free intergalactic number now, our operators are standing by!

Edited to add:

And don't forget these little buggers fart helium, a great bonus when filling those party balloons! It's a natural body function, and it's odorless.

re-edited to add the 'you' thanks so much mycattold me!

[Frunium Slip]

We normally don't do no stinkin' requests, but just for Akimbo, we have this one time requested deal (even though I'm pretty sure it was done earlier in the thread. Hey, what do ya want from me?)

Just purchased that little Hynerian, and now Fluffy is having trouble keeping up? Can't find little Sparky in a crowded room? Tired of always looking down at Guido? Want Scruffy to look more regal? Have we got the item for you. That's right, your friends at Uncharted Territories have just stolen, er, received at a tremendous discount, several Hynerian Throne Sleds. These babies are the perfect compliment to your new Hynerian pet. No more reaching down to feed the lil' bugger! It will be able to reach the table by itself! And you will be able to look the lil' swine right in the eye, so no more neck strain! In a crowded area, the throne sled can be made to levitate above the crowd, so Spanky won't ever get lost!

Your little self serving, deprecating, loud mouthed Hynerian pet will just love this sled!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! These items will go fast!

[Kerrigan]

Want people to look up to you? Feel you're too small and insignificant to be taken seriously? Tired of being the laughing stock of others? We have just the remedy for your problems!

Buy a Severed Head (tm) today, take it wherever you go and feel the power, revel in the awe you inspire! Show it off and watch people become more respectful towards you! Have your point made! Finally, have it YOUR way!

Heck, buy a second one in case the first starts to rot... err, in case you misplace your old one. Buy two and get a Severed Hand (tm) with your purchase. Call now!


PS: eww, I know, this is sick :)

[Talyn-John]

Severed heads, severed hands.... It's a motif.:D

[mycattoldme]

Do wish your cat could talk? :D

[Kerrigan]

Commercial video.

Intro scene:
Zhaan is in her quarters, lying on her back, basking in the sun, smiling. John walks past her.
John: "Hey, Zhaan! You fakin' it?"

*flash*

Announcer: How many times have you asked yourself that? Is your significant other faking it? She may not look like the female of her species but she could "act" like one... and you'd never know! Find out today what she's feeling, try our Quatal Mollusks. Coming in soylent green, bright orange or royal violet, they work like a charm, letting you experience whatever the person you're sharing the mollusk with is feeling. Remove the veil of secrecy and delve into the unknown.

Here's what one... uh... happy... customer experienced:

D'Argo: "Nothing. It's... uh, it's Noranti. She... uh..."
Aeryn: "Is she in pain?"
D'Argo tries to speak: "No... no." while gasping. "It's... it's the opposite."
Dr Tumii: "She's experiencing intense pleasure?"
D'Argo gasps: "Very intense."

Order your Quatal Mollusks today!

Minor side effects include loss of consciousness and death.

[Kerrigan]

Universally renowned villan extraordinaire Scorpius never used them but John Crichton did. Whose smile appeals to you best? People into S&M, red-headed bioloids and power hungry cute captains please refrain from answering. Everybody else will answer: Crichton's.

What is it that John uses and Scorpius doesn't? Dentics! We have'em, call now and pick from a wide variety of flavors: mint, cherry and chicken. Now also in the brand new Christerium Utilia flavor, too, so get ready for your hot flushes to be accompanied by a lovely glistening smile in a Scarran Base near you.

[mycattoldme]

Aluminum foil hat no longer able to keep others from reading your deepest, most sacred thoughts (like the ones about you know who in those tight leather pants...)

Then we've got what you've been aching for!

Our scientists have been able to modify and rebuild a defense shield to the size of something very very tiny. Simply attach this device to the top of you head, secure it with something strong and sticky and any time a mind probe heads your way - snap, presto, evil thoughts be gone...your new brain defense shield will activate and wipe your mind clean!

Its easy, fun and instructional!

For immediate shipment call 1-800-clueless and we'll rush your order to your door -- today!

[Talyn-John]

New to the Uncharted Territories!
Try KFD! That's right, everyone. Kentucky Fried Dentics! Now we know what you're thinking: Dentics! You can't eat Dentics! But remember, these are fried Dentics! You can eat anything if it's fried!
While not for those on the Jenny Craig diet, if you're hungry, these Dentics are the best fried food this side of Kentucky itself.

Coming Soon to the UT:
Carolina Style Keedva. Best Barbeque This Side Of A Budong!

[witchdoctor]

Have a hot date coming up and need something more than those all purpose leather pants to make things go your way?

Tired of seeing the same old tralks, but that leather coolant suit just isn't attracting them like it used to?

Have a tough negotiation coming up and need more of an edge than than spying and blackmail provide?

Need a way to motivate reluctant employees and underlings?

Grayza's Allure is the new perfume that will have them eating out of your hand, or whatever else strikes your fancy. Available in a cologne for the men too! Available in Command Carrier PX's everywhere.

"They may question your ability to command or your loyalty to
Peacekeeper command. They may even relieve you of
command. But they will never question your allure"

[Frunium Slip]

Looking for a great vacation spot to celebrate a second honeymoon? Or, perhaps just stimulate your love relationship? Your friends at Uncharted Territories have got the perfect little get away for you! That's right just book a Leviathan 'Honeymoon" passage to our famous Syren Star Resort Community and Night Club. Our resort features night spots, jacuzzis, 24 ahns a day sunbathing, catered dining, and kareoke.

We'll stock plenty of Drexim fluid on the Leviathan to make sure you're completely distracted! And don't worry about your valuables, we'll keep them in our impervious safe , right here at Uncharted Territories just waiting for your timely return!

Warning sun bathing not recommended without heat deflecting paste, sure it smells like puke, but it's only been pre-digested to increase the potency! Please do not be concerned with the ship's proximity to the star. It is absolutely nothing for you to worry about. Your fantasy trip will be ending before you realize it! Yotz, you probably will never leave the Leviathan. Hey we can practically guarantee it!

Call our toll free intergalactic number to book your final passage today, our operators are standing by!

All unclaimed valuables will be confiscated by Uncharted Territories in the highly unlikely event of a catastrophe. All Leviathans are heavily insured for accidental coverage, to protect our assets. All confirmed passages require a signed consent form, including 'accidental death' coverage of all passengers, with Uncharted Territories as the beneficiary.

Have a 'Hot Time' on the cruise!

Edited for frellin' typos -probally? sheesh! I need a spell check!

[akimbo]

Originally posted by Talyn-John
New to the Uncharted Territories!
Try KFD! That's right, everyone. Kentucky Fried Dentics! Now we know what you're thinking: Dentics! You can't eat Dentics! But remember, these are fried Dentics! You can eat anything if it's fried!
While not for those on the Jenny Craig diet, if you're hungry, these Dentics are the best fried food this side of Kentucky itself.

Coming Soon to the UT:
Carolina Style Keedva. Best Barbeque This Side Of A Budong!

Kentucky Fried Dentics :rollin: :rofl: :thud:

Did I say I love this thread :aok:

edited: thanks for doing requests Frunium Slip!

[Frunium Slip]

Looking for some cheap diposable body guards? Or, perhaps some cannon fodder to attract all the enforcement attention for your next crime? Maybe you just need a test monkey for that new space technology, but don't want to lose some one of value? Your friends at Uncharted Territories have the grunts for you! Just take advantage of our new 'Rent a Charrid' offer!

Sure, they won't win any wars, but they can save your eema by taking one for the team! Easily replaceable, these babies die in droves, and won't cause any problems by asking difficult questions, or understand any complex answers for that matter!

Just a small rental, deposit fee, and an insurance premium and you can have your very own Charrid grunt! And if it gets damaged, what the frell! Just contact your friends at Uncharted Territories, and we'll handle all the loose ends. We guarantee the incident will be reported as an accident!

Warning, if renting more than one Charrid, it is advisable to place numbers on them for recognition purposes, as they all look alike.

All Charrid rentals require a signed consent form, which includes an accidental life insurance policy for the Charrid, with Uncharted Territories as the sole beneficiary.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now!

Edited to add:

We use 'em all the time, although our insurance agent is gettin' kinda suspicious.

[Talyn-John]

Is a coworker beginning to bug you?
Boss just not giving you that raise you need?
Tired of being bullied?

We here at the Nebari Prime outlet of Uncharted Territories Technologies have just come across Nebari Mind Cleansing. That's right, just poke your captive's... err... friend's... eyes out and deliver a minor amount of our drug, and they'll be gentle as a kitty cat. That's right. Oh lookie here, it's a raise. Thanks, boss.

Just read these endorsements from our victims... uh... customers:

You don't open it, you embrace it.

Soon you will know the bliss that I know.

Nebari Mind Cleansing. Next best thing to a neural harness.

[Talyn-John]

Welcome to John's Keedva Barbeque! Best barbeque this side of a Budong!

That's right, our Keedva comes in just one flavour, Carolina. 'Course, you can pretty much only have it well-done, as we have to use big, powerful guns to kill it. Dumb critters only fall for that silly impaling trick once.

So come on down! Whether you're the Donner Party of the Uncharted Territories, or a Delvian hankerin' for a piece of meat! John's Keedva Barbeque! Just turn right at the decaying Budong!

Oh. Just so y'all know, if that silly Keedva starts to move on yer plate....

RUN!!!!!

[Frunium Slip]

Bored with all those silly board games? Sega, Playstation, et al not quite up to your new standards? Have we got a deal for you! Yes, your friends at Uncharted Territories have just acquired at a substantial discount several crates of reality games. Sure they may look like some kind of sick root, but they're complex matrix challenges and true 3-D simulations. Just press the flesh and then wait for it... wait for it.

Our aggressive merchant tradesmen seem to like the 'Kiss the Princess' version, or any of the porno ones for that matter. Don't worry if you've never played one of these advanced game systems, there is a built in avatar to guide you! Also, just follow the path, and game death resets current level. And always remember the exit overide, "I want out." It usually works.

So, if you're looking for a place to sheave that sword try any of these new game systems.

Warning brain damage and death are extremely rare, but not unheard of. Entering levels through back doors may cause game malfunctions. If you are indeed stuck in a level, remember to redeem your vouchers. And as we like to say next time lucky.

[Frunium Slip]

Is your female Peace Keeper giving you more than the usual trouble? Are you getting more of the 'evil eye,' or the cold blank stare? Does she seem more perturbed than usual? Eating strange food combinations? Recurrent stomach illness or nausea? Your friends at Uncharted Territories have the answer for you! Yes, the long awaited sequel to our previous book is here! Order your personal copy of "What to do with a Pregnant Sebacean, Peace Keeper Addition." The very book that just might save your life!

Step by step, easy to follow instructions will keep you from falling into the many pitfalls that accompany the pregnancy of Sebacean Peace Keepers. Learn the essential facts for survival, such as, hiding all sharp utensils, unloading all weapons, maintaining distance, wearing earplugs, and donning full body armor. Plus, an entire chapter called 'The PK Look, What the Yotz did that Mean?'

We, your friends at Uncharted Territories, know full well how easy it is to make a fatal error during this trying time! And this book will help keep you from these errors, such as, asking her questions like Is this some more of your Peace Keeper PMS?, and the ever dangerous what's the matter?

So, call our toll free intergalactic number now to order your personal copy of "What to do with a Pregnant Seabacean, Peace Keeper Addition, your very life just might depend on it!

Brought to you from your friends at Uncharted territories.

'Who loves you baby!

Edited to add:
Just read the Season 5 = Evil thread, just goes to show all great thinkers think alike!:D

[Frunium Slip]

Is your standard Peace Keeper issue pulse pistol not quite getting the job done? Tired of Scarrans just walking through all your shots? Looking for just more of an impact from your fired rounds? Well do we have the weapon for you! Your friends at Uncharted Territories have just stolen, er, acquired at a substantial discount the single most powerful hand gun in the entire Uncharted Galaxies, the Desert Model Pulse Automag Pistol! This baby will punch a hole through the side of a small moon, not to mention kicking the yotz out of the shooter! Definitely takes two hands, some bracing, and a lot of guts to shoot this hand cannon!

Not guaranteed to kill a Scarran, but it will sure knock you both off your feet!

Warning these pistols are sold for entertainment purposes only, any illegal or misuse of this weapon is the sole responsibility of the purchaser. Consult local ordinances before discharging pistol, as certain localities forbid grossly excessive amounts of force.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by!

And remember if you're going to point guns at people, get a bigger gun!

Edited for those frellin' typos

[mycattoldme]

and the ever dangerous what's the matter?

:rollin: :rollin: :rollin:

[Frunium Slip]

Normally, your friends at Uncharted Territories do not respond to questions or complaints of any kind, but due to the overwhelming responses we've received for our book 'What to do with a Pregnant Sebacean, Peace Keeper Addition' we feel the moral obligation to answer some of the public's more pressing questions. Besides, our advertising consultants say it's good publicity. And our Prime Littagarian says we might get sued! So what the frell, here goes...

To N.B. aboard a Command Carrier in Tormented Space; Irrational, irritable, suicidal, and vindictive, sure sounds like she might be pregnant. Doesn't really matter if you've done the deed only twice, it only takes once to fertilize the embryo. Good move placing her in custody, keeps her disarmed, and maintains distance. You still might want to wear the body armor, I mean, why take the chance?

To J.C. somewhere in the universe; We have never heard of an pregnant ex-Peace keeper, or an ex-Peace Keeper for that matter. You say she's gotten emotional? Developed feelings? Still has the tendency toward violence though. Uhm... while you may feel that the body armor is unnecessary, we strongly advise you to reconsider wearing it. We highly recommend full armor, but if you insist, we would suggest at the very least wearing a Lower Body Extremities Shield Protector (TM), which you can purchase from us at our special discount rate!. We at Uncharted Territories urge the utmost caution, and protection, especially of your mivonks. Just because your not afraid of your little missy, does not preclude you from protecting yourself from random acts of violence. If I were you I'd be afraid, I'd be very afraid!

To S. aboard a Command Carrier in Tormented Space; No we have no plans for a book on Kalish and quarter Scarran halfbreeds. But if demand is sufficient we can always change our minds, as we never look a gift Budong in the eye. Not that I'd want to get that close!

Brought to you from your friends at Uncharted Territories!

Who still loves you baby!

Idea a collaboration between Ex PK Comm Tech(finally registered!) and Frunium Slip Enterprises, Inc.

[Frunium Slip]

Are you a Human Resources Director looking for that edge when hiring job candidates? Perhaps, an enforcement official searching for a better confession rate? A significant other that doesn't trust your loved one's late nights at the office? Have we got the product for you! That's right, your friends at Uncharted Territories have developed a medical technique for transplanting Scarran Heat Glands into other races! Just think of the possibilities! No more little frellniks lying to you! You'll be able to know what others are thinking, with your new heat projection probe ability!

Our esteemed diagnosian Tocot will perform the transplant. This medical procedure is deemed completely safe by our legal documentation experts!

Just call Grunchlk at our Ice Planet Medical Facility, using the toll free intergalactic number!

All participants must sign the waiver form, allowing the medical facility to use the patient as a future donor in the highly unlikely event of a mishap. Don't concern yourself with the 543 and 1/2 pages of fine print, we have once again placed the signature space right on the front page for your convenience. Some infusion of neural tissue may be required during the operation. But don't worry about compatibility, we have thousands of donors in stock, and we're adding to the donor list all the time.

And repeat with me now:

We'll keep 'practicing medicine' until we get it right!

Edited to add:

Thanks to Ex PK Comm Tech for the 543 and 1/2 page waiver form!

[Kerrigan]

The Tablek Tavloid, the most recent addition to the UT media is releasing its first edition today! Read about the rising crime rate in the Tormented Space as more and more bands of thieves loot everything is sight. Do not miss our coverage of the Katratzi mystery on page 6: they say it was a bomb... but that's what Emperor Staleek wants us to believe. Discover the hidden truths beneath the crumbling ruins of the former imperial residence. Meet Stark, the person who was there to see it and allegedly pushed the button. Or not. The Tablek Tavloid brings fresh and accurate news, don't miss it tomorrow!

[Frunium Slip]

To the Editor of the Tavlek Tabloid,

Dear being,

It is with great reluctance that I take issue with the scandalous remarks made in your most recent edition. Such characterizations as bands of thieves, although colorful, taint the populations of the universe against honest tradesmen such as ourselves. Scavenging derelict space craft is an honorary, ancient, and very useful occupation. It clears clutter from the galaxies, and makes space travel just that much safer. Our fine aggressive merchant tradesmen are really fine upstanding citizens, although I must admit that I would not invite them over for dinner. Any bounties against these forthright citizens of the galaxies, are based soley on great intergalactic misunderstandings. As, honorable merchants, we at Uncharted Territories in no way condone acts of piracy, pillaging, rape or murder. Unless we can make a substantial profit with it. But only to help feed the poor starving masses, who we employ in our sweat shops.

Also, I must take exception to the term rising crime rate in Tormented Space, as I'm sure the crime in Tormented Space is no more prevalent than in other sectors of the galaxies that we terrorize. As honest tradesmen we find that remarks such as this hurt the tourist market, and eventually all the commerce planets in the region, as well as, possibly, adversely affecting our own profit margin.

In closing, please refrain from these types of scandalous accusations, as they hurt the economy of the entire sector, and warn potential victims, er, I mean, customers not to enter this region. If you doubt our reputations on this matter, please do not visit us any time, unless you have a warrant.

Signed your friends at Uncharted Territories

"Listen son, you don't want to frell with me on this one!" -Grunchlk

Edited to correct 'edition', addition? sheesh!

[Frunium Slip]

Looking to hire some real muscle? Need an intimidating body guard? Or perhaps seeking just the perfect bouncer type? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the answer for you! Due to the high demand for Scarran Heat Organ Transplants, we have a growing supply of, shall we say, domesticated Scarrans, that we really need to get rid of. Of course these babies don't pack the wallop they used to, but they're more than a little intimidating. They also retain great strength, but have reduced stamina. If you limit they're eating of Crystherium Utilia, it will make them slightly more aggressive, but more manageable. These brutes have proven to be more effective than our Rent a Charrids.

Hand select Scarans are available for slightly higher cost. Don't be the last one on your block to own your very own domesticated Scaran!

Call our toll free intergalactic hotline now, our operators are standing by!

Warning it is not recommended to purchase more than one Scaran, or if you do, to keep them well seperated. As with any wild animal, please take care when handling your domesticated Scaran. Uncharted Territories in no way waranties against antagonistic behavior of your domesticated Scaran. Please check local ordinances before purchasing your domesticated Scaran, as they may be illegal in some quadrants.

Rumors of domesticated Scarans attacking their new owners have been largely unsubstantiated. We, your friends at Uncharted Territories will not confirm, or admit to any such activity, without first being subpoenaed.

And remember if you need outlawed mods contact your friends at Uncharted Territories first! If you bought it elsewhere, you didn't get it from us!

Edited for yet another frellin' typo!

[Frunium Slip]

Have we got some fabulous new products for you! Our esteemed aggressive merchant tradesmen have just returned from a very profitable pirate raid, er, I mean, merchant expedition against the Coreeshi. And being the entrepreneurs that we are, your friends at Uncharted Territories are passing these wonderful products to you!

First up we have Pain Cuffs, these are very popular with enforcement officials, bounty hunters, kidnappers, and the S&M crowd! Just use the handy keypad to lock them on, and when required use the pad to send a jolting pain to your captive. This baby will really quell those rowdy prisoners! And as an additional bonus, the manacles can be magnetised to securely hold the offending rapscallions!

What a deal! But wait! There's more!

In addition, your friends at Uncharted Territories have stolen, er, I mean acquired Reduction Technology! This can be calibrated to operate from the very same keypad! Just imagine the ease of containing a miniscule captive! No more worries about them over powering you, they'll be practically helpless! And if they give you too much trouble, hey, just take one small step for man, and squash the lil' bugger! Donde esta la cucaracha?

Finally we have fantastic Exoskeleton Armor! Great for protection against most pulse weapons, projectiles, and hand to hand combat. These beauties can be grafted to your body, if you want a more permanent emplacement. Each will be customed fitted to your particular frame, depending on supply stockpiles. Our talented engineers, and techs will soon be reproducing this tech for for that real custom look, if they know what's good for them.

For an additional, almost insignificant, cost, all these technologies can be wrapped up into one amazing package! No need to thank us, your credits will do just fine!

Warning, Uncharted Territories will not be held liable if, for any reason, any of you pumpkin heads occur any difficulties, real, or imagined while wearing this armor. Purchase of said armor, in no way confers that Uncharted Territories condones, or by any fascimile endorses kidnapping, theft, or other criminal activities that may occur while clients are donning said armor. Unless , of course, we are profitting by said activities. Universal and local laws may apply.

We, your friends at Uncharted Territories, thank you for your continued, and to us very profitable, patronage.

Thank you soooo much.

Edited to add:

And just because it's from us, don't think it can't help in everyday life! Just think how easy moving can be with the Reduction Technology! And the cuffs would really come in handy on those long trips with the kids! And the full body armor is always a good idea when dealing with that pregnant Peace keeper!

Edited for yet another frellin' typo!

[Frunium Slip]

Didn't get a chance at one of the Desert Model Pulse Automag Pistols? Still looking for that heavy weapon? Need something better than weapons that only tickle the bad guys? Well, trust your friends at Uncharted Territories to deliver the ultimate answer to the bad guys! Yes, that's right, we proudly bring to you the Blunderbuss Gatling Gun, the bazooka of pulse rifles. Large, sinister looking, and in tasteful black, this baby is what you need to deliver multiple blasts from a large yield weapon. Capable of firing eight heavy pulse blasts, this beauty will rock their world! Not elegant by any means, but it is the perfect weapon when size does matter!

Call our toll free intergalactic phone lines now to place your order. Operators are standing by!

Warning purchase of this weapon does not convey rights to said purchaser to aim, point, or in anyway discharge this weapon at Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild Members. Check all universal and local ordinances that may apply before purchasing this weapon. Refrain from using this weapon when intoxicated, or suffering blind rage at certain TV executives. Uncharted Territories reserves the right to destroy all purchase records in the event of a subpoena.


Who else would you trust to protect you from the bad guys, but your friends at Uncharted Territories, for we are guys your mother warned you about!

Edited to add:

And if you just so happen to run into any Coreeshi, or Wolaxian Spiders with your new Blunderbuss Gatling Gun, just check back with our esteemed apothecary Noranti for some fine recipes for Pumkin Head Pie, and Roasted Spider Soup!

[Talyn-John]

Got a crew that really bugs you?
Afraid they're going to turn feral from too much twinning?
Are your friends willing to sell your body parts for a map home?

Then come down to UTU (Uncharted Territories University) and sign up for our new course: Snarky Pilots 101!!!

That's right. Taught by Moya 's pilot himself, master phrases like the 2001: I'm afraid I can't do that, John. , or the agonizing and all-purpose: Aaaggggghhhhhhh!!!!!! , the snappy: Two and a half VERY long cycles , and, of course, the guilt-trippin': And what body part would you be willing to give in exchange, your Highness?

All those aspiring Pilots, come on down, and you'll be trading quips with the best of 'em.

UTU: Charting the course for the Future.

[FireDancer]

Twins R Us-Is your child accident prone? Has he made bad connections with the mob? WIll he need replacement organs in the near future? Then try the remarkably Twins R Us Twinomatic. Make a copy of your loved ones so you'll always have a spare should something...unfortunate...happen. Wont' take our word for it, listen to these respected organizations:
"Jesus Christ that's terrible,"Consumer Reports.
"You are all going to hell,"Catholic Church.
"You are all going to jail,"Federal Government.
"We can do that already,"guys who run the Matrix.

Pilots-Tired of those human pilots when you take a cruise or fly anywhere? They require sleep, they only have two arms, and crack jokes at our hardworkering flight attendants. Well no more! Straight from the Uncharted Territories come the pilots, a species perfectly suited to running large machinery. Dont' worry, we won't tell them they're not leviathans if you don't. DNA injections available for discount. LOW LOW PRICES!

Gauntlet-Do you have to study for those exams tommorow? Are you a boxer fading in the final rounds? Do you want to win every marathon you enter? Well try the gauntlet. dont' be suckered in by street versions cut with AMphetamines, pure Gauntlet will give you the energy you need and the ability to project lighting bolts. Leave your friends behind with Gauntlet.

Sun Glasses-Next time you visit Furlough's planet don't forget your ray-bans. One of the few useful things to come out of that backwater hole known as Earth (Except for its sugar, very popular with the hinerians), these babies will let you suck up the solar flares without cutting off your vision. Helplful cause lets face it, in this universe EVERYBODY is out to get you.

[Grippy]

Brand new products straight from the Uncharted Territories!

Worried that your impressionable teen is sneaking out at night? Afraid your significant other is two timing you? Well, for the first time ever, we have available a miniturized version of The Flax available for home use! No more will anyone be able to get out...or in for that matter without you knowing! Once they're caught in the Flax they won't be going anywhere until you get to them.

Always looking for grocery cupons? Want to save a few bucks on food? Well right now we have a special deal on bulk dried food squares aka crackers! They may not taste or look like much but they'll keep you fed and happy for as long as they last.

We understand that on Erp like everywhere else in the galaxy, people want to become intoxicated, get frelled, have fun! Well, coming soon to your local alcohol establishments we have Fellip Nectar and Raslak! Now you can get dren faced like beings everywhere!

Having those pesky cleaning problems? No matter what the problem, Dead Budong Acid can fix it for you! It will eat the dirt off of anything you pour it on! Just be sure junior and the cat are out of the way...not reccomended for beings you want to keep around.

Looking for a vehicle that will set you apart from the pack? For a limited time only we have for you Dam-ba-da Dune Buggies. We guarentee that these babies can truck on almost any surface, and have enough style to make anyone look twice!

New on the Bookshelves from author J.Crichton! "My Life in the Uncharteds" or "How to Get Frelled By Aliens in Less Than 10 Solar Days" This amazing book will bring light to the villans the women, the strange people, and insane happenings of the Uncharteds like never before!

Looking for a new jewel for your loved one? Well for the first time on Erp we have Kelvic Crystals, wonderful luminescent green gems brought at great cost and toil from Dead Budong mines everywhere! Perfect for any sort of jewelry, will stand out in any crowd. Due to difficult nature of mining, our supply fluxuates greatly, so order now!


:rainbow:

[Frunium Slip]

Our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have just returned from an immenseley profitable raid, er, I mean trade expedition to the Plokavoid sector of space. 'That's Plokavian.' Whatever. And have we got some great new products for you!

First up is the Plovacoid Shatter Grenades. 'Plokavian.' Whatever. These little babies are great! Easy to conceal, simple to operate, and oh so deadly. Heard that story about close only counts in trelk-shoes and hand grenades? Well we can guarantee the latter is true! Just toss one of these at your intended target and their bones will turn to powder.

Don't want to get that close? Looking to erradicate a larger group of beings? Or maybe just set off an ingenious trap at your rivals base of operations? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have got the lethal product for you! Novatron Gases, the single most wanted weapon used by terrorists, religous fanatics, and those oh so devilish TV viewers who have lost their favorite show! Banned in much of civilized space, these gases will eat you alive from the inside out. So, if hanging too good for 'em, just use Novatron Gasses, when you care to send the very best.

And finally, for those a little too squeemish for the killin' products, we have the famous Provaklian Dampening Net. 'Plokavian.' Whatever. This is the only weapon that these dreaded arms merchants carry that isn't deadly. Works great at knocking out electronics, including sensors, comms, and computer assisted armaments! Hey. we use this beauty all the time, with great results!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by!

Warning purchase of Shatter Grenades and Novatron Gasses is heavily restricted by Intergalactic Laws. Possession of these items can lead to immediate confiscation, criminal indictments, and very possibly permanent death. Please make sure you fill out all the proper paperwork when purchasing these products. For the Shatter Grenades a Class 625 license and DNA verification is required. For the Novatron gasses, a Class 32,654 license is required with DNA, neural, dental, and picture identification. Also, first born son and a major credit card required.

For those who can't quite meet these requirements, but have tons of loot, a quiet cash agreement can be reached, just call our special hot line number. But if you get caught we don't know you, and you better not know us.

Remember you can always trust your friends at Uncharted Territories! If you bought it elsewhere, you didn't buy it from us!

[akimbo]

Hey Frunium Slip - Check your PMs

[Frunium Slip]

Are you unpopular, lack charisma, or just not that successful with the opposite sex? Well, have we got the deal for you! Due to a resurgence of Peace Keeper patrols in the various quadrants that our Aggressive Merchant Tradesman frequent, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories have garnered a rather large collection of PK uniforms. Slightly used, with some minor imperfections, this clothing comes in the snappy red and black leather donned by the Peace Keeper forces that we all know and love. Impress your friends, be one of the elite, pick up trelks, and style as a real ladykiller. Just ask any female, gotta love a man in uniform. Trust us, she'll just go to pieces over those tight leather pants!

And ladies, don't forget black is such a slimming color!

So don't hesitate to call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing by!

Warning all uniforms have some defects, chemical burns, blood and assorted holes vary per garment. All items sold as is.
Hand select available at slightly higher cost. Imitating officers and military may have dire consequences.

Remember these items will go fast! Peace Keepers, in particular, are dying so we can get 'em!

[Frunium Slip]

Peace Keepers kidnapped a loved one? Just want to check out that new Gammak base? Looking to steal aboard a Command Carrier? Or just looking to accessorize that new PK uniform? Well, your friends at Uncharted Terrritories have got the product for you! Peace Keeper Ident Chips, the very latest in PK security! Guaranteed to get you through check points up to Security Three Velca. Available in Senior Officer, Officer, Non-com, and grunt models. Please call for availability.

Also, we have a limited number of Commando Swiss PK Army Knives available for immediate purchase. Great for those stealthy ops where pulse blasting just won't do! Very stylish in the usual elegant black, goes great with everything! And so versatile!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by!

Edited for frellin' typo!

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of your security being compromised by all those fake Ident Chips that are crawling out of the woodwork? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have got just the item for you! Our esteemed techs and engineers have perfected a bootleg copy of the Peace Keeper Genetic Verification Scanner! The perfect device to keep those little vermin out of your most secure locations! I just know what your thinking, this is a very good friend to help with these important security issues. And we'll sell them at cost, plus a fairly high mark up, just for you!

How does it work? Just place your hands in the device, and the machine compares the scan to previous coded templates. For those who want to just spare me the techno-babble, our experienced senior techs will gladly install it for you!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now!

Caution Uncharted Territories will warranty the genetic Verification Scanner for a period of not more than two moens, which allows us to check blue prints, verify valuables, and plan a visit. Uncharted Territories will need access to the coded template program for as long as the scanner is installed, or until you possess nothing of real value.

Thank you so much for your continued patronage from your friends at Uncharted Territories.

Edited for still more of those frellin' typos!

[Frunium Slip]

Love your new Peace Keeper uniform? Need a sporty ride to go with the duds? Or perhaps, just looking to show off for the neighbors? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have just the vehicle for you! The PK Prowler, sporty, maneuverable, and armed with pulse cannons, for when you just have to say hello in your own special way! And you have a choice of colors, basic black or the ever popular black!

Don't worry about maintenance, these vehicles are equipped with the latest in black box technology! If you have a faulty component in the froonium drive, or instabilities in the stabilizers, the special onboard computer diagnostic program will find the fault, and alert you to bring this baby into us. Our esteemed techs can locate the offending component for just a small almost insignificant fee.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now for availability! Or stop by our dealership on Frunium Way!

Caution avoid entering wormholes as pilots are reported to turn into goo. Avoid any white deathpods, as they may lead to maneuverability problems during vehicle flight. Space Hazard Warranty is voided if travelling in asteroid belts. Canopy not covered by warranty if struck by low flying craft piloted by neural clones. Ejection seat may cause problems during freefall.

Tags, title, processing fee, Space Hazard Warranty, and Chakan Oil not included in sticker price. Heavy weapons package available at substantial cost.

The Peace Keeper Prowler the ultimate flying machine!

Edited for syabilizer, what the frell is a syabilizer?

[Frunium Slip]

Not young enough for that sporty Prowler? Need more room for the family? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the space craft for you! The ultimate Sport Utility Vehicle, the ever popular PK Marauder! Yes, that workhorse of the Peace Keeper fleet can be yours for just a small nominal fee! Plenty of head and leg room, cargo space, and can be fitted with the latest modifications of onboard sensors this side of Nebari Space! The perfect vehicle for that 'yuppie' in you!

And these beauties also have the same black box technology as the PK Prowlers! So maintenance is just as easy! Just bring it into to our esteemed techs and for an almost insignificant fee, well have you fixed up in no time!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now!

Warning avoid Leviathan Hybrid Gunships at all costs. Scanners do not work well in asteroid belts, space nebulae, or galactic insect clouds. Flying inside Budongs not reccommended for inexperienced pilots. All stunts seen on your vid are on closed flight courses with professional drivers. Do not try these stunts at home.

Tags, title, Space Hazard Warranty, and SUV off flight package not included in sticker price. See dealer at Uncharted Territories for other options available.

From your friends at Uncharted Territories and have a nice day!

Edited to correct just how many e's are in dealer?

[Selena]

Frunium Slip you are amazing :lol I'm assuming you have a very successful job in advertising!:lol

Looks like you got as much fun out of this thread as I did out of the limericks.:lol

[Frunium Slip]

Advertising? You mean like a Telecomms Marketer? Frell no! I am an accomplished burglar and distraction causer! Just trying to get through this crazy tough world by my wits and the skin of me mivonks!



And now for your benefit and our profit we take you back to your regularly scheduled program already in progress:

Can't break that insane Banek slave? That strange Erpling putting up a neural block? Or just damn don't you hate it when the batteries go dead? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the Aurora Chair upgrade for you! That's right, a Partanium Isotope Power Module designed to boost the energy of the chair by a factor of ten! With this great feature, you can segment the mind as many layers as it takes! It will make sure your subject has got their mind right! Map the neural patterns in record time! Not satisfied with these mundane results, well just switch straight to liquidfy mode and turn that brain into mush! we guarantee your chair has never produced results like this!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by!

Warning liquidfy mode may damage some neural functions in test subjects. Where protective shielding when using Partanium Isotope Power Module. Ensure Power Module is installed to specifications, or some radioactive leakage may occur. In event of radioactive leakage, it is strongly suggested to immediately vacate the quadrant. Uncharted Territories not responsible for neural seepage stains on chair, or radioactive clean up. PK Barbie techs and batteries not included.

And remember if you need outlawed mods contact your friends at Uncharted Territories! If you bought it elsewhere, you didn't get it from us!

Edited to correct first quote!

[Selena]

:rofl:

[Frunium Slip]

Looking for that almost perfect desk job? Are you great with manipulating facts and figures? Have you always wanted to expand past your mathematical background into real fantasy? Well, have your friends at Uncharted Territories have the perfect job for you! Due to ongoing problems with the Galactic Revenue Earnings and Enforcement Department, we currently have openings in our recently restructured accounting department. We have had to eliminate some staff with extreme prejudice, creating wonderful oppertunities for the right candidate. Promotions given daily as new positions are opening up all the time! And don't worry about GREED, we'll keep using our age old tatics of cooperation, teamwork, distraction... we give them a few hints, and we get the hell out of Dodge! It's been working for us for years!

Call our special toll free intergalactic hot line now!

Salary commiserate with experience, loyalty, and keeping yer flapper shut. Creative accounting rewarded with bonuses, some monetary, some just an extreme surprise! And don't worry our Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen will ensure your company loyalty for the rest of your all too pitiful life!

All employees eligible for 841 retirement plan, for every credit the employee contributes, we appropriate eight! In the event of an untimely fatal accident all contributions are yielded back into the Uncharted Territories General Fund, to be used at the board members discretion.

So apply today, beings are just dying for working here!

From your friends at Uncharted Territories, see you, same bat time, same bat channel!

[mycattoldme]

These are just too good to resist....

http://www.cathairstudios.com/fs_rerun/techuse1_sm.jpg

If you want to see a larger copy - 5.5 wide by 8.5 high - or download one for handing out Download flyer (http://www.cathairstudios.com/fs_rerun/techuse1.jpg)

---------------
NOW WITH ITALICS!!! :P

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by mycattoldme
These are just too good to resist....
If you want to see a larger copy - 5.5 wide by 8.5 high - or download one for handing out

Could I get one with the italics put in it? May be an Aeryn Sun pic? Am I asking too much?

Mycattoldme, how illegal is this dren? Can I get me more? I don't care what it costs... But I love this, and you, you won't buy me more... I want an Aeryn sun pic... and a Crichton pic... and a D'Argo pic... and italics... Mycattoldme pleeeeeassse! :angelgrin

PS pretty please with sugar on top?

[mycattoldme]

Yikes, got carried away playing with the design and forgot all about the italics! No problem I'll put them back in and do a couple more with all your favorite characters! :P

[akimbo]

To follow-up on mycattoldme's wonderful flyer, we'd like to include these ads in the second volume of the cookbook. Thought they'd be really cool interspersed with the recipes. So here's the deal.

We took one of Frunium Slip's ads and tried it in a few different ad formats as an example. If I can get the file attached here, you can visualize along with us what we're going for.

If you'd like to give it a try (and we hope you do, it'd be soooo cool): reorient your ad to short quick "print ad" sentences - phone numbers - company names - whatever makes sense and send them to me at kimr1013@aol.com

Then we'll try to format them into an ad for inclusion in the book - maybe adding a bit of clipart to punch it up. You can try to give yourself credit in the ad - but rest assured we'll list a cross reference of your name to the ad in the book's index.

What do you say? This has been a great thread - lets get you in print! :aok:

Thanks!

http://ohioscapers.com/images/techad.bmp

[mycattoldme]

LOVE THEM!!!

[akimbo]

Wait until you see the ones that Frunium Slip has already submitted - they're very cool! :P

Join in the fun. :)

[mycattoldme]

I can't wait!!

I'm posting any new flyers over in the Graphic Forum - posted a new one today:

http://www.watchfarscape.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=137551#post137551

[Frunium Slip]

Down at the bottom of the page, what the frell?

Looking for that oh so attractive gift for your significant other? Want it to be practical too? Better yet can it be made into a weapon? Well, you've come to the right place! Your friends at Uncharted Territories have that perfect little something for your perfect little someone! Fresh from Peace Keeper Disruptor armories the Princess Wanna Be Necklace! A gorgeous, yet cheap rendition of an exotic royal artifact, this necklace just oozes class and ambience! Great for those late night dinner parties and gala events! Don't worry about unwanted gate crashers catching you unarmed, it has a very effective short range pulse blast capability! Beautiful, sensible and a weapon, how could you possilbly ask for more? Frell, give her this and you just might get lucky.

And as if that wasn't enough, we also have the ever popular stilletto in the wrist surprise, for those times when you just have to get your point across! These beautiful knives can be surgically placed into your arm, for the ultimate trick up your sleeve!

All surgical procedures are performed at our Ice Planet Medical Facility, just contact Grunchlk at our toll free intergalactic number. Operators are always standing by!

And everyone repeat after me:

None of our medical procedures are guaranteed, as we're just practicing medicine until we get it right!

The ever popular fine print:

The proceeding message was a two for one tag team combination from Ex PK Comm Tech and The Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc. In the event of an actual emergency, you wouldn't be listening to this announcement, as I would allready be well on my way to saving my own eema!

[herdthinner]

Once available only to Erp government officials such as IRS auditors, the CIA, and perpetually angry DMV clerks, now you, the unwashed masses, can obtain your very own strannat to suss out the prevaricators surrounding you!

Why are you surrounded by liars? We don't care! We only care to help you unearth the traitors to your business/dimension/kingdom/delusional fantasies and give them what's coming to them: a big ol' stab in the forehead! You read right; the strannat is not only the best lie-detector in the Uncharted or any territories, it carries out your punishment, too! Just cross their heart, smack 'em dead, and stick the lobster on their head! Show 'em who's their daddy! Who's their daddy?? Tell 'em who their daddy is!!

That's not all! When the strannat gets old and misses a few fibs, you can (literally!) have it over for dinner! We recommend a nice buttery sauce and bibs, also available from us at an extra charge.


(Not recommended for parents simply trying to instill morals about lying in their children, but then, who are we to discourage a sale?

Also not recommended to test strannat on oneself. Use a friend or a clone.)

[FireDancer]

Well since Commander Chricthons short visit to Earth with all his alien buddies our work has changed, hasn't it? Now some people say understanding what foreigner's say is not a good thing, but thats another issue. Today your humble correspondant is reporting on a new restaurant fad that's sweeping the nations.

KEDVA JACKS OLD FASHION BARBEQUE

Yes just last year Jack Lindsholm was a struggling Texan who's brands of ribs and streak just could not keep up with his competitors. Desperate, he dumped his life savings to get some Kedva smuggled out, and the rest is history. Now with 200 locations, Lindsholm is expanding from slow-grilled Kedva to groulac, and various other odds and ends.

It hasn't all been fun and games though. Kedva Jacks put sweet-and-sour dentic on the menu as an appetizer, and subsuquent retching caused a 2-point stock dip. 'It was a learning experience, to say the least.'

What is in the future for our entreprenuer? Will more of the wonderous new dishes brought for these 'Uncharted Territories' make their way onto your plate.

'Don't count it our,'says Lindholm,'People liek trying new things, and I hear Scarran is very tasty.'

Galaxy beware.

[Alexxia]

Err...okay, I just discovered this thread today, so I'm not sure if you're still taking submissions, but I've got a few ideas (I hope they haven't all been used already, I haven't read through this whole thread yet).

*Oh, and I know that this is supposed to be for technology, whatever, but I just thought I'd put this in because it popped into my head. Nothing to do with tech.*

In the last issue of our network publication, we ran this ad...
Found: Three-stone diamond engagement ring, gold band. If unclaimed for more than three months, the finder reserves the right to sell.
...however, due to overwhelming reader response, this publication retracts the ad, as it has been brought to our attention that the owner of the ring is temporarily 'neutralized,' but will, quote, "Be returning for a fifth season." This publication is not sure exactly what that means, but as the readers' responses were all practically identical, we have no choice but to accept this declaration as fact, and we look forward to the return of...Mr. and Mrs. Crichton.

*Um, okay, this isn't technology, either. but it can be sold.*

Are you a woman trying to make it in a man's world? Do you long to be in control? Do you just want to be the woman that all the men want? Then get implants! No, not those kinds...these implants won't weigh you down, they aren't conspicuous to the naked eye, and they work best when they leak! Yes, we're talking about getting your very own Heppel gland implants. The special Hepel oil that is secreted will drive any male insane over you.
Sound like something you want, but you're too nervous to get implants? No problem! Just order our special, Peacekeeper formula, Grayza Boobie Juice! It has the same effect as if it were your own.

[Selena]

Alexxia - very clever - :rofl:

[Frunium Slip]

Want to avoid all those Peace Keeper patrols? Would you just love to know what's going on at that Gammak base? Ever wonder where we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, get all those wonderful PK products? Well, have we got the perfect new item for you! Thanks to our inside man in the PK Special Research Branch, we have acquired a bulk shipment of the experimental intelli-bug mental scanning and control system. According to our mole, these babies have the capability of reading and adjusting the recepients neural patterns. Just think of the endless possibilities! No more wondering where little Jahirm went to, or where that trelk of a significant other is really at! And all this can be yours for an almost insignificant fee...

Hey, wait a microt, who the yotz are you?

Officers from the Galactic Revenue Earnings and Enforcement Division? You mean GREED?

Wait, it's all a complete misunderstanding...

The check is in the mail...

It's not my fault...

No!... please...

Call my prime littargarian!

Call Grunchlk to take my place!

Call the president!



This station is experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.

[akimbo]

Alexxia:
We're taking submissions until May 15th - though Frunium Slip and the rest of the thread is *a lot* of ads.

We may need to compress your ideas into something that will fit in an ad. May we try to do this, or would you like to?

Akimbo

[Alexxia]

Originally posted by akimbo
We may need to compress your ideas into something that will fit in an ad. May we try to do this, or would you like to?

Are you asking me or Frunium Slip? Or just anyone who submitted something? If you're asking me whether I want to compress or whether someone else can, it really doesn't matter to me.

[Frunium Slip]

What look over there? What's this then? Oh, read it aloud? Yeah, right... splendid.

So you forgot the combination to that locked safe, significant other locked you, eh, out of the adobe? Can't get past that security combination? Well, have we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, got the deal for you. Thanks to our industrious spy, not to mention our AMTs, we now have original Terak Deployers. Guaranteed to get you through whatever locked passageway you want. Works splendidly. Eh, just blast the offending blockage and before you can say frell me dead presto instant opening. Want one, fine, I load her up, and send it up to ya.

Call our toll free, eh, intergalactic number now, operators are standing by!

Get yours now, before the price goes up.

What? Is that it then? Right... splendid. -G

[akimbo]

Originally posted by Alexxia
Are you asking me or Frunium Slip? Or just anyone who submitted something? If you're asking me whether I want to compress or whether someone else can, it really doesn't matter to me.

I'm asking you since they're your ideas (they're pretty cool too). but they may not fit as is in an ad. If you'd like to try to compress it that's cool (Frunium Slip has done that for his and submitted them). But a few others posting in the thread have said we could snurch and make print ads out of them ourselves.

Its up to you. :)

Akimbo

[Alexxia]

Oh, okay. I think I'll let someone else compress mine if they so desire. I'm too wordy. I'll try, but if there's anyone who's good at it...there I go, proving my point.

[Frunium Slip]

Right then, let's get on with it. Splendid.

Now I know what you're thinking, these are the yabos who came up with that intelli-bug disaster. But, I mean, who was to know about it causin' an outbreak of the intelli-virus? Frellin' Peace Keeper lab techs ought to be more careful. Go around stealin' a bloody plague, eh, who'd have thought? Well we can't screw up that bad this time, hey.

Brand new from your friends at Uncharted Territories, the latest in PK microbe tech, the uh, Modified Translator Microbes, guaranteed not to be the same mess of dren as the intelli-bug virus. Supposed to give splendid results, when injected into, eh, a detained being. Our spy states that the microbes have produced, uh, manageable recepients open to some thought suggestion. Designed for a Sebacean biological match, bipedal, central spine, organs internal, eh, single heart circulation, and a small head. Plenty of specimens around.

Simple, easy procedure, just exchange the regular translator microbes, for this batch. Inject the subject, and presto, possible mind control.

And it can be yours for oh, say, uh, exchange equivalent, just a microt, 2000 credits. What a deal.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are, eh, standing by. 1-800-GET-A-BUG

Caution Modified Translator Microbes are experimental, and as such, there may be complications involved with there use. But not to worry, this procedure is deemed completely safe by our, uh, legal documentation experts. Just sign the convenient 455 page consent form, and we're completely safe. And as usual the signature space is placed on the front page for your convenience.

This advertisement has been based on an ingenius concept by Ex PK Comm Tech, all other verbage dren, grammatical errors, frellin' typos, and insane yapping is courtesy of Frunium Slip Enterprise Company, Inc. Unless there is a liability issue, whereforth we at Frunium Slip Enterprise Comapny, Inc. deny all alledged wrong doing, illegal activities and anything else that involves being fined or placed in the slammer. Have a nice day.

[mycattoldme]

Frunium Slip love the one above!! (oops, its not above anymore - its the Modified Translator Microbes one) I would like to add it to the flyer series I've got going over in the graphics forum -- BUT -- this one is a wee bit too long, can you edit it a little??? Please :)

Here's the link to the other flyers in case anyone missed it:
http://www.watchfarscape.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=9959


Oh, hey, btw, how about attempting to write up some ad copy for me - need ads that promote the campaign and the re-runs, also ads that simply promote the campaign -- can you feed me some copy? You know just some simple headlines and short blub for... lets say... a 2 column x 3" ad, or if you have any ideas for different flyers that would be great - I can design anything but I'm struggling with content. I'd love your help!! :D

[Frunium Slip]

Yeah... yeah... yeah... Ya get your fifteen minutes of fame and all the frellin' yabos come out of the excess fluid depository. :)

Well, allright then, let's get started, hey.

Now, from your friends at Uncharted Territories, the perfect way for you to enhance your higher brain functions. No, not the Chrystherium Utilea, that only works with those greebol Scarrans. I'm talking about the Leviathan Neural Cluster Tissue, eh, known far and wide for it's potency. Works splendidly. Our infamous AMTs have acquired an allotment from some very despicable tube rounders. Not to worry, we've personally dispatched these ruffians. Like, who would appropriate tube ray tissue from a harmless Leviathan, just to make a profit?

But enough diatribe, have we got a splendid deal for you. For just a few measley credits you can get some of the finest tube ray tissue this side of Delvian Space. I'm talkin' primo quality, extremely mature tissue, not that dren that others sell, hey.

Just call our toll free intergalactic number, our operators are standing by. 1-800-EAT-A-SHIP

And remember, if it's not illegal, you probally didn't get it from us. Splendid.

Right, ya know I think I'm gettin' the hang of this. -G

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by mycattoldme
Oh, hey, btw, how about attempting to write up some ad copy for me - need ads that promote the campaign and the re-runs, also ads that simply promote the campaign -- can you feed me some copy? You know just some simple headlines and short blub for... lets say... a 2 column x 3" ad, or if you have any ideas for different flyers that would be great - I can design anything but I'm struggling with content. I'd love your help!! :D

Ideas, hmmmm...

How about:

4 out of 5 Dentics recommend Farscape.

Find out who, what, when, where, why,and how? Watch Farscape re-runs on the Sci-Fi Channel Sunday through Thursday at midnight.

Greatest show on television -Tavlek Tabloid

I had to let an aunt die once because we couldn't afford to save her. -Grunchlk
Don't let this happen to you, save Farscape now!

Don't miss an episode, your life might depend on it! -Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild a subsidiary of Uncharted Territories

[Frunium Slip]

Allright let's get on with it.

Protect your wealth. Secure all your illgotten gains. Stymie that trog of a partner you have. Your very good friends at Uncharted Territories have got the perfect product for you. The Tarkan Stasis Trap, guaranteed to safe guard all your wonders from your so called friends, the greedy bastards. Splendid. This beauty will capture everything from a venting Hynerian to a rampaging Scarran. Easily programmed, with simple access codes, a true, eh, miracle of technology. I personally use one in my own abode.

Don't lose another item to those bartantic thieves again. Get your own Tarkan Stasis Trap today.

Call our toll free, eh, intergalactic number, operators are standing by. 1-800-2-STOP-THIEF

And for your own protection, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, will, uh, keep for safeguarding, a copy of the overide access codes for your trap system in our database, along with your address, a list of valuables, and times when your most likely home. I repeat, for your personal protection only. Splendid.

Right, that wraps this one up, hey. Splendid. -G

[akimbo]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Ideas, hmmmm...

How about:

4 out of 5 Dentics recommend Farscape.

Find out who, what, when, where, why,and how? Watch Farscape re-runs on the Sci-Fi Channel Sunday through Thursday at midnight.

Greatest show on television -Tavlek Tabloid

I had to let an aunt die once because we couldn't afford to save her. -Grunchlk
Don't let this happen to you, save Farscape now!

Don't miss an episode, your life might depend on it! -Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild a subsidiary of Uncharted Territories


:rofl:

:thumbs:

[Frunium Slip]

Just start the vid imager already. Splendid.

Lost a loved one? Looking to speak to the dead? Just want to peek at the other side? Maybe you're seeking guidance for a difficult choice? Have we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, got the deal for you. After a raid, er, mercantile expedition, our ever infamous AMTs have acquired several of the planet Valldon's more effectual Seers. Several of these little, eh, fekkids are capable of projecting images of your loved ones that may have passed in an untimely fashion.

One nasty specimen is particularly adapt at this. But he's got a big head, four eyes, a slimy body, and a nasty disposition. You'll have to touch him, but mind the bite. I am most anxious to get him away from here. Right.

Call our toll free intergalactic psychic hot line now, operators are always standing by. 1-800-U-R-GULLIBLE

Warning psychic prediction is an unproven science and Unchartered Territories makes no guarantees about results, except we'll make credits. For best results send a photograph, complete history and demographics to our PO Box at 157 Frunium Way. Our Seer may need to ask some personal questions, just to ascertain that we get the details right. Don't hesitate to call. Splendid then.

Right that's a wrap. Splendid. -G

[Frunium Slip]

Splendid.

Tired of those ruffians storming your bar area? Just want to keep the patrons in check? Perhaps looking for that final answer to those unwanted hands in yout till? Well, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, have got the solution for you. Our fine AMTs have appropriated several Valldon Security Grilles, used expressly in the finer bars, diners, and hotels on that planet. Splendid. Great top of the line security device, provides, eh, protection and mutilation combined into one simple device. Much better than an attack animal. Just don't forget to disarm it, or, eh, you might just lose a small appendage.

Easily installed, and with our quick and easy payment plan it can be yours. Just pay us cash up front and it's yours. See easy.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by. 1-800-LOSE-ARM

From your friends at Uncharted Territories who are, eh, always interested in your personal security concerns. We're here to help you. Splendid.

[Farscapegoat]

"The Qualta Blade" it slices, dices, chops, starts your mysterious Luxan ship, and not not only makes Julienne fries but can blow them to pieces when converted to pulse weapon mode.
Act now! Before we tounge you. Only $599.97 plus shipping and handling.

[Frunium Slip]

Well, I'm back! No little maximum security penal planet can hold me for long. Besides I was completely innocent of all 426 charges. A few minor technicalities, some heavy bribing, and calling in a few markers. That and the very untimely deaths of 4127 key eye witnesses. Goes to show you don't ever mess with the guild!

Wasn't a bad place, the food was good, met lots of new friends, got a really cool tattoo that says Bubba's, overall I'd give it two stars. And now back to bussiness, for time is money, bussiness is money, money is money. Wait a microt, what was time again?

Now back to our originally scheduled program allready in progress.


Verify that family tree! Check if the little greebol is really yours for that paternity suit. Never get fooled again by charlatans portraying long lost relatives. Your friends at Uncharted Territories have got the perfect device for you! Thanks to our ever industrious Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen, we've acquired, at a substantial discount, several lots of Peace Keeper Blood Spectrometers. Early examples of this device, relatively primitive, but near 100% accuracy. Just place a small appendage in the device, and compare the spectographs. Easy, simple and very effective.

Remember never get fooled again! Get your Peace Keeper Blood Spectrometer today, supplies are limited!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing buy! 1-800-GOT-BLOOD

From your friends at Uncharted Territories, have a wonderful mother's day! But remember to check her first, she might not be your mother, I mean why waste a gift.

[Frunium Slip]

Insane? Suicidal? Or just looking for that extra excitement you can't get from your everyday life. Have we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, got the perfect rocket sled for you! That's right, the one and only Acme Rocket Surfer Kit! Easily assembled, simple controls, and one hezmana of a wild ride. Works just like as seen on the vid! Great for those wild child kids! And don't forget the money back guarantee!*

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! As always our operators are standing by! 1-800-DEATH-RIDE

Warning the Acme Rocket Surfer Kit is not for the inexperienced surfer dude. Some assembly required. *Kit has a full lifetime warranty, as long as the purchaser is the sole owner and user of the rocket. In the event of a fatal accident, just have original owner/ user sign our simple 245 page warranty form and all credits from original purchase will be returned.

And have fun with your new death sled!

[Frunium Slip]

Looking for some real fireworks? Just want to set the perfect ingenious trap for that mischievously fast desert bird? Maybe detonate a rather large explosive at a particular television network to just say 'Hi there' in your own meticulous way. Well have we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, stolen, er, acquired, at a tremendous discount, the product for you! Proto Nuclear Froonium the single most powerful explosive in the known galaxies, now available for the first time to you, our most naive of customers! Easy instructions, simple procedures, and a convenient ignition fuse! How could you ask for more? I know our exclusive money back guarantee*!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-BLOW-U-UP

Get yours today and be the star attraction in your neighborhood!

Warning extreme caution advisable when handling, transporting, setting, detonating, or being within a few hundred metras of Proto Nuclear Froonium. There have been several completely unsubstantiated reports of accidents involving the explosives, but no surviving eyewitness accounts.

*Guaranteed money back offer dependent on purchaser surviving initial explosion. If not completely satisified the corpse may claim the money back offer after signing 125 different claim forms, and waiting the mandatory 250 cycle processing period.

Another fine product brought to you from your friends at Uncharted Territories.

Edited for several of those frellin' typos, I can actually spell, no really, I mean it, I can spell. Can to. Says you. I'm tellin'!

[Selena]

Posted previously by Frunium Slip ... (the only place in the universe where you can get any gift your wildest imaginings might concoct) ...

Ideas, hmmmm...
How about :

"I had to let an aunt die once because we couldn't afford to save her." - Grunchlk
Don't let this happen to you, save Farscape now!

Don't miss an episode, your life might depend on it! - Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild a subsidiary of Uncharted Territories

:rollin: Frunium you've done it again. You are amazing!

[Frunium Slip]

Thanks to our intrepid spy at the Peace Keeper Special Research Branch, your friends at Uncharted Territories have a wonderful new product for those who wish a more attached bonding with their transport! Yes, the Neural Transponder, that ingenious device has been updated to link you with your vehicle's on board computer! We have software programs for everything from a PK Marauder to your father's Oldsmobile!

Call our toll free intergalactic number to order your very own Hand of Friendship calibrated for your vehicle now! 1-800-PAIN-N-NECK

Warning be careful of the cybernetic feedback in times of stress. Initial insertion is quite painful. Actually, it is pretty painful all the time. But what do you expect with spikes in your neck?

But wait kids there's more! It's new, it's improved, the Finger of Friendship, $19.95, it's less pain, less intrusive, but without some of the features as the full product. So orders yours now!

From your friends at Uncharted Territories, and remember if you didn't buy it here, you didn't get it from us!


And check out this ringing endorsement from a very pleased customer:

The only place in the universe where you can get any gift your wildest imaginings might concoct! -Selena (address withheld to evade enforcement officials)

Hey, we don't always make these things up!

Another frellin' typo? What is this dren?

[Frunium Slip]

Are you in need of the best littagaran services available? Perhaps facing multiple counts of fraud, thievery, murder, or some other galactic offense? Well, trust your friends at Uncharted Territories to know the best prime littagarans in the business. Of course we do, we have to. Who would need them more than us? And we have the firm for you, Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, the most stupendously overpriced littagarans in the known quadrants, guaranteed to see your defense through till the end, or you run out of credits whichever comes first. Sure, you can go to someone else, but we owe these clowns, I mean, these fantasic littagarans, for my personal release from the slammer.

Specializing in criminal defense, alimony distribution, bankruptcy filing and cause of, traffic offenses, personal injuries, and sexual harasment cases.*

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, to set up an appointment with Dewey, Cheatham and Howe!
1-800-CHEAT-YOU

*Dewey, Cheatham and Howe have successfully defended several known criminals right up to their execution, have bilked thousands out of their alimony, bankrupted untold numbers, called in our Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen to settle overdue accounts, and really specialized in sexual harasment.

Dewey, Cheatham and Howe; Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild and Uncharted Territories are subsidiaries of Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc. All questions and complaints will be addressed promptly by our prime littagaran staff if accompanied by a warrant or subpoena.

And thank you once again from your friends at Uncharted Territories!

Edited for even more frellin' typos! This is starting to look like a trend.

[KellEy.. "red"]

Looking for that time away from time?? Well, have we got the place for you!! Spend CYCLES away from the things that really get you down. Those creditors really hounding you? The in-laws don't know when to leave? Want to quit your job, but just don't know how to give that notice? NO WORRIES!!! Catch your nearest Leviathan and head on out! Just look for the strange looking nebula.. there are many, but this one is special. You'll know it when you hit it! There's only one way out, and that's down to the planet. You'll catch a transport to another planet so far removed that not even YOU will know where you are!!

Escape from the seemingly unescapable and live longer than originally anticipated... CALL TODAY..

1-8IM-LEAVING ..... OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR CALL!!!

[mycattoldme]

Dewey, Cheatham and Howe

Hey I remember that from the Johnny Carson Show - he said that was the name of his accounting firm!! :rollin:

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by mycattoldme
Oh, hey, btw, how about attempting to write up some ad copy for me - need ads that promote the campaign and the re-runs, also ads that simply promote the campaign -- can you feed me some copy? You know just some simple headlines and short blub for... lets say... a 2 column x 3" ad, or if you have any ideas for different flyers that would be great - I can design anything but I'm struggling with content. I'd love your help!! :D


Allrighty then!

On a slightly more serious note how about:

Farscape

Shot through a wormhole to a distant part of the galaxy, a lost astronaut finds alien life, friends, love and his destiny.

Now if he could just find some chocolate...

Edited to add:
Farscape

Tune in to see the most wanted man in the universe, American astronaut John Crichton, he’s armed, dangerous...

and all out of bubblegum.

And for the We're so Screwed series (or maybe the way year 5 was to play out) :) :

Two ancient enemies braced for a final confrontation..
A universe hangs in the balance...
and one lone atronaut holds the key to the ultimate weapon.


Trapped in time
Surrounded by evil
Low on gas

And no frellin' Ash is sight!

Just had to throw that in there, everytime I see DoA I invert to AoD and I think of Army of Darkness!

[mycattoldme]

THANK YOU!!! I LOVE THEM!! THANK YOU!!!

Watch the graphics forum for more flyers!!! :D

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by mycattoldme
THANK YOU!!! I LOVE THEM!! THANK YOU!!!

Watch the graphics forum for more flyers!!!

Your friends at Uncharted Territories aim to please. Well actually we really aim to acuire all the consumer trade in the known galaxies, but what the frell. I mean we're not really into currency, just what we can get with it. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely, what the yotz else is it good for? Ah... to be corrupted absolutely... the mind wanders...

But enough about me, back to business for time is money, business is money, money is money, wait a microt what was time again?

Do you want the Cubs to win the World Series? Maybe another championship for those Red Sox? A hopeless Saints, or Bengals fan? Well, pine no more for those championships! Your friends at Uncharted Territories have the new improved tech for you! Thanks to our intrepid spy in the Peace Keeper Special Research Branch, we now have the ability to implant Wormhole Technology right into your cranial cavity! Change the future, yotz, change your past! Join the fun!

And it's so easy, nearly painless! Our esteemed diagnosian will just ram this excessively large spike directly into your brain! It will be over in a microt, faster than you can say AAARGGGGG!!!

And all our surgical procedures are performed at our infamous Ice Planet Medical Facility, just call Grunchlk to schedule your appointment. Call our toll free intergalactic number now! 1-800-NEURAL-LOSS

All our surgical procedures are not guaranteed, as we are still practicing medicine until we get it right!

Warning jamming a heavy spike into neural tissue may cause some slight side effects, such as headaches, nausea, dizziness, minor instabilities both mental and physical, crazed delusions, homocidal tendencies, and quite possibly permanent death.

Additionally, there are no official reports of anyone in the Uncharted Space Quadrant actually surviving wormhole travel. Uncharted Territories is not liable for any incidents to purchaser, or the rest of known space for any changes that may occur due to ripples in the time space continuum caused by time travel.

From your friends at Uncharted Territories, have a nice day!

[akimbo]

FS...You slay me! :rollin:

Do you want the Cubs to win the World Series? Maybe another championship for those Red Sox? A hopeless Saints, or Bengals fan? Well, pine no more for those championships! Your friends at Uncharted Territories have the new improved tech for you! Thanks to our intrepid spy in the Peace Keeper Special Research Branch, we now have the ability to implant Wormhole Technology right into your cranial cavity! Change the future, yotz, change your past! Join the fun!

My frustrated Bengals fan hubby wants you to practice on him right now!

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by akimbo
FS...You slay me!

Now I know what you are all thinking, but Akimbo has not had any surgical procedures done at our esteemed Ice Planet Medical Facility, nor has she been visited by any of our ever vigilant Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen. It's just a figure of speech, I swear! Luxan's honor. She's perfectly allright, so slowly point all those pulse weapons in another direction please.

My frustrated Bengals fan hubby wants you to practice on him right now!

Just have him call Grunchlk at our toll free intergalactic number, operators are standing by!
1-800-NEURAL-LOSS

None of our surgical procedures are guaranteed as we're still practicing medicine until we get it right. Just sign the 521 page waiver form that lets us use the body as a donor in the highly unlikely event of a mishap. And remind him there is never any problem with compatibility as we have thousands of donors available, and we are adding to the donor list all the time!

[Frunium Slip]

Attention shoppers! This just in from your friends at Uncharted Territories, a fine upgrade for that new Wormhole Tech that you've just purchased!

Do you constantly ask for directions? Get lost going down a one way street? Need the occaisional help to find your way home? Well, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, have the deal for you! Get your very own neural clone to perfectly augment that wormhole tech! Never be lonely again! This new friend will assist you in your travails, with such timely snippets as I thought you knew what you were doing, and where exactly is here? And he'll even help plan those party snacks, such as suggesting margarita shooters and pizza. If he gets too annoying just tell him to shutup grasshopper, I'm trying to concentrate here. Or just throw him in the nearest trash containment receptacle.

A small, almost insignificant, spike driven through your cranial cavity will assure you of constant companionship! Just call our Ice Planet Medical Facility using our toll free intergalactic number!
1-800-NEW-HOLE

And this procedure can be accomplished at the same time as the wormhole tech! Please remember there are no guarantees to any of our medical procedures, as we are practicing medicine until we get it right.

[akimbo]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
[B]Now I know what you are all thinking, but Akimbo has not had any surgical procedures done at our esteemed Ice Planet Medical Facility, nor has she been visited by any of our ever vigilant Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen. It's just a figure of speech, I swear! Luxan's honor. She's perfectly allright, so slowly point all those pulse weapons in another direction please.



:rollin:

I'm not dead yet! I feel happy! I think I'll go for a walk.

[Frunium Slip]

Not quite ready for wormhole travel, don't want a spike driven through your skull, but still want to have things your way? Have we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, got the perfect deity to worship for you! The omnipotent ancient Sebacean goddess, Jan'ke'brue, universely known for callousness and cruelty. Legend has it that she once destroyed six worlds that prayed to her just because she could. You gotta love that kind of power! Worshipped throughout the galaxies by serial killers, crazed lunatics, unpopular TV executives, and other heathens.

So if you're just tired of that warrior code, battle and all that dren, just call our toll free intergalactic number now, our religous operators are standing by! 1-800-DEATH-GOD

Warning praying to Jan'ke'brue may not bring the results you would like to have, but at least you'll have a proper deity to blame for that pathetic life that you lead. And if you'd like to make a significant monetary contribution to appease your new goddess, send those credit vouchers care of Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc. PO Box 157 Frunium Way. All charitable gifts are tax deductible under provision 41,345 Section XII Part 12 Section D paragraph a) of the Galactic Revenue Earnings and Enforcement Department tax code.

Brought to you from your friends at Uncharted Territories, may the goddess go with you, or at least not incinerate your entire planet.

Edited this time for an actual grammar correction not one of the usual typo's! But is this an improvement? The mind wonders...

[Frunium Slip]

Page two? What the frell? Miss a twenty four hour period and the world just goes to hell...


Looking for that proverbial good time? Can't seem to get lucky with the personal adds? Just want to cut through the usual dren and jump straight into what you're really after? Well your friends at Uncharted Territories have the service for you! Our new PK Tralk Girl Escort Service, guaranteed* to be the time of your life! Call up our service and in no time at all be with that hot looking Sebacean! You will definitely have a very good time! And as an additional bonus, they are all Peace Keeper trained! Gives you that oh so dangerous feel! Looks, style, and the ability to throw you across the room, how could you possibly ask for more!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-TRALK-4U

Must be 18 years old and have a valid currency card. Uncharted Territories will not be responsible for any broken appendages that may occur during what will probally be your very brief encounter. All penalties, fines, and legal actions are the responsibility of the consumer, as we in no way endorse any real, or imagined illegal activities, unless at a substantial profit.

*Guarantee is for unusual activities that you with your humdrum so called life would never see without certain monetary inducements, or even get a real girl to even look at your sorry eema.

Another fine service from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories

Edited for another frellin' gramatical error! Yotz, I thought just my typing was bad.

[Frunium Slip]

Page two, again?! Yotz there are a lot of new discussion threads around here.

And now for Mycattoldme, reminds me I must check for new flyers!

Farscape it may take a little effort but it's well worth the trip!

The greatest collection of talent the world has ever seen devoted to saving the best program on television. What a long strange trip it's been. Help at Save Farscape, and join the discussion at watchfarscape.com/forums/frellmedead.

Travelling on a living ship...
among very few friends...
with no way home...
and now a pregnant alien...
IASA didn't prepare him for this...
what's an astronaut to do?

Now is your chance to make history!
Save the best show on television!
We do not do this for ourselves...
We do not do this for the networks...
we do this for all mankind!
One small step for television, one giant leap for all mankind.
Save Farscape now!

And now back to our original program already in progress.

Looking to enhance a certain apsect of that alien race? Well we, your friends at Uncharted Territories, have the perfect new tech for you! Genetic Incubation just stolen, er, acquired from Scarran Space! Great for breeding that special purpose little alien greebol, to help you in your quest for, well whatever your imagination can dream up! Just inject our special concoction into an alien and you may very well just enhance their progeny's special ability. Yotz, you just might even breed something useful. You say you're having trouble getting that special test subject, well your friends at Uncharted Territories can help you there too! Just give us an idea of what you want, plus an enormously healthy fee, and our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen will get you what you want, no questions, no hassles, no problem!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-U-MANIAC

There are no guarantees that Genetic Incubation will produce an enhanced fetus, but it is minutely theoretically possible. Uncharted Territories not responsible for genetic mutations, permutations, or just plain screwups on your part. We will not sell this product in quadrants where genetic manipulation is illegal, without a significant surcharge.

And from all of us at Uncharted Territories, have a nice day!

[Frunium Slip]

So you've bought the Genetic Incubation tech and now you need to know if it's going to work. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have got the item just for you! Check out the unborn fetus with DNA Scanner. We've just appropriated an allotment of these babies from Scarran Space thanks to our wonderful Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen. Works great for testing those enhanced abilities. If it doesn't work out, you can abort the pregnancy, and try again, remember next time lucky. Perfect accessory for those tyrannical Scarran demigods!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-GRUESOME

Caution remember to give fetus enough time to develop before assuming enhancements will not work. We, your friends at Uncharted Territories, in no way endorse, or wish to contribute to infanticide. Unless, of course, we can in any way make a profit from said actions. May be a violation of galactic law in some quadrants, which will increase the surcharge.

[grinner]

Hey... Frunium... where's my name? I gave up 2 fingers to your damn Littigarans... and this is the respect I get... Damn... I post and I post and I give and I give... and I get no respect. I am bleeding here... my heart is on my sleeve... along with a lot of my life blood... Damn Frelling Littagarans... and look... no mention of my soon to be famous show... That is respect... that is gratitude? I gave you 12 excellent posts to your total... and this is how you repay me? Oh... whoa is me. I will shuffle on back to the OT territories and hang my head in shame and disgrace... but you wait Frunium... you WILL get yours.

Maybe with onions and black olives... what do you want on your tombstone?

[Frunium Slip]

Can't give out all the information yet, we're still ironing out the little details, such as advertising, costs, producer involvement, how to get around network censorship, making use of all your talents, and hide all my profit from those blood suckers at GREED. Patience my friend, we're almost there. You know you can trust your friends at Uncharted Territories, we've never lost a credit yet!

Now if I can just haggle some poor widows out of their retirement monies, haw, we would have it made in the shade!

Check this post tomorrow for our advance news about a late breaking skiffy reality show, coming to a thread near you!

And did I mention our star attraction, great new technologies from your friends at Uncharted Territories.

Oh yeah, we got this new star named Grinner too! He's so dedicated he has allready given a couple of small appendages to the cause! Man, you just don't see dedication like this anymore!

There, just a small pop for the Grin-man, see you tommorrow same Grin-time, same Grin-channel! :smokin:

Man this is just flowing, I can feel the vibes! Go with the flow! Just go with the flow!

Got to keep da-man happy. At least as long as the ratings hold up.

[grinner]

Hey... how many stars are willing to give limbs for fame... Tell me... cause I really think I need new management.

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by grinner
Hey... how many stars are willing to give limbs for fame... Tell me... cause I really think I need new management.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... new management? What the frell? Hey did I not mention your true dedication? Your personal scarifice? I even used the word star and Grinner in the same sentence. I gave you a cheap pop, I mean what do you want? A star vehicle, fame, fortune, OK, fame anyway, but I mean who loves you baby?

Still ironing out those details and bilking little old ladies out of their monies.

PS You don't want to frell with me on this one! If you think the littagarans were rough, well trust me, you do not want a visit from the Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen Guild. And don't call them space pirates, they hate that. It makes them a tad cranky.

New on skiffy hanging with the Grin-man. Man, I do have great vibes on this one! And Grinner, don't be hitting me with those negative waves. Can't you just look out and feel how righteous and pleasant your surroundings are! This baby is gonna work. I can feel it. Much better than some worm show, or Skeered Antics. Positive waves, just feel them positive waves. :thumbs:

[grinner]

Hey... as long as the chicks dig me... and my fans recognize my power... I am all that... dude. Positive waves going your way.

[grinner]

BTW... I like cheap pops... It gets the marks going good... like cheap heat... but in reverse. Whooooooooooo.... What you gonna do when the grinman runs wild on you?????

Eat your veggies... take your vitamins.... drink your milk...... Ohh Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhh....

[Frunium Slip]

New all reality shows all the time this summer on skiffy!

That's right folks, skiffy management has been in closed door discussions with your friends at Uncharted Territories about increasing the popular reality programming on their network. Aparently the execs were concerned about the geekiness of their core audience, and wanted to expand to a broader demographic audience. Well, we're just the guys to bring the broad into audience. And do not worry about a thing, this is us, we would never bring you anything like frellin' worms, or the insufferable Skeered Antics.

And in this regard, your friends at Uncharted Territories are pleased to present to you the all new Leave it to Grinner reality show extraordinaire. Featuring the incomparable Grin-man himself, the king of Off Topic discussions, irrevelant posts, and amazing facts and figures. See the Grin-man perform his opening dialogue, comedy skits, and celebrity interviews.

And just for the ladies, Grinner's no out clause contract calls for a no-shirt work out session in each and every episode! Don't worry guys, as you know we are equal oppertunity offenders, and so I have personally selected several stunning female guests for the celebrity interview segments.

Don't miss the action! Be hangin' with the Grin-man this summer on your local cable affiliate!

And never forget to tune in cause Stone Cold Grinner says so!

All summer episodes immediately follow the amazing Twich in Time from executive producer Selena.

Be there or be square!

Brought to you from your friends at Uncharted Territories.

[Frunium Slip]

Our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have done it again! No, not gotten locked up you frellniks, I mean stolen, er, acquired at an incredible discount, a great new product for you! That's right, your friends at Uncharted Territories have acquired an allotment of Scarran Interrogation Chairs, perfect for holding that informant, prisoner, or significant other. Elegant, stylish, and in tasteful black, the chair comes with a variety of additional straps, chains, locking clamps, and binding fibres, enabling you to hold the captive in any number of exceptional positions. And you can upgrade your chair to multiple metal bonding straps that are sequence coded for security.

A great device for interrogators, sadists, homicidal maniacs, prison enforcement officials, and for those who just want to spice up their sex lives!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are always standing by! 1-800-U-R-BOUND

All Scarran Interogation Chairs are built for traditional bipedal occupants. For those extra appendages, additional arms and restraints are available at additional cost.

Another fine product made available from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories.

[Frunium Slip]

After driving in rush hour traffic across a frelling bridge and brought to a standstill at a congested toll booth, we, your friends at Uncharted Territories have contrived to bring to you the perfect device for those highway miles. Your very own Comms. Great for communicating with others over vast distances while maintaining both hands on that ever important directional control device. Just think, if all those greebols on the roads had these maybe they could actually keep their land vehicles in the proper lane! No more swerving all over the road, paying little or no attention to the havoc that is caused around them. And if you ever wanted to shout at some one to get the frell out of the way, hey they could actually hear you!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing by! 1-800-USE-BOTH-HANDS

Caution certain drivers that experience hyper-road-rage may not actually want other drivers to hear their insane screaming. Delvians will still need to touch their Comms for activation. Disintergrating ray not available on current models, so you still may have to display a microt of patience in heavily congested areas.

Another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories.

Would it be too much to ask to post just one time without a frellin' typo?

[Frunium Slip]

Not sure your prodigy are telling the truth? Need to know if that applicant's resume is accurate during the interview? Want to get the real story from that network executive? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the deal for you! From our mole at the Peacekeeper Special Research Branch, we have acquired the fabulous Sebacean Truth Serum. Great for prying the actual truth from any detainees. Just inject them with this drug and see how fast their tune changes! Easy to use, fast results, and amazingly effective!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-TOLD-U-SO

Warning do not over medicate detained being, as too much serum will cause unconsciousness. Follow all attached instructions. Serum's use may have some minor side affects such as drowsiness, headaches, nauseau, spittle and/or foaming at the mouth, hallucinations, ranting, raving, and other Stark-like activity, slight neural damage, and very possibly permanent death. Always have trained med staff during injection prodedure.

From your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, remember the truth is out there.

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of the batteries dying in your camcorder? Can't ever seem to schedule that overhead projector for your meeting? Film projectors just too clumsy and inefficient? Well, your friends at Uncharted territories have the product for you! New to our inventory, Scarran Holo-vids perfect for that important presentation! Blow your colleagues away! No, you frellniks, it's a figure of speech, I mean impress them with sophisticated images, diagrams, and other visual presentations. Very state-of-the-art! And oh so easy to use! Perfect for those lesser species who need to make beautiful graphic images for the masses! Light weight, compact, simple operation, and in the ever stylish black!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing by! 1-800-VIDEO-4U

Operating instructions available for additional fee. Not that any of you insufferable menials would actually read the instruction manual, no, not you, of course not.

Another fine product stolen, er acquired by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories. And may we say have fun storming that executive meeting!

Edited for another frellin' typo, at least I'd like to think it was just a typo!

[Selena]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
... Just have him call Grunchlk at our toll free intergalactic number, operators are standing by!
1-800-NEURAL-LOSS

None of our surgical procedures are guaranteed as we're still practicing medicine until we get it right. Just sign the 521 page waiver form that lets us use the body as a donor in the highly unlikely event of a mishap. And remind him there is never any problem with compatibility as we have thousands of donors available, and we are adding to the donor list all the time!

Frunium Slip ... :rollin: your ads are hazardous to ones health if one is consuming anything while reading them ... may I suggest the all carry a warning - possibly in the fine print - "This ad may be Hazardous to your health!" ... I darn near choked to death on my soda. :spew:

They just keep on getting better ... man are you wasting your time in your day job! You should be writing for Mad Magazine ... but I'm glad you're writing for us!!! :aok: Your particularly warped ads are awesome! Keep the great stuff coming! :lol

BTW I think my new doctor's office has one of your waiver packets ... it took me 45 minutes to fill out their multi-page questionnaire.:grr:

______________________________________________
(Sheesh! edited X 4 for spelling ... and I spell checked it before I posted it!)

[Xallanthia]

Frunium Slip lol as alway :)

Cool thing: my mom just bought my grandparents one of those DRD-like vacuumes!! :)

[Frunium Slip]

After round the clock meetings with our prime littagarrans, we have decided from the graciousness of our hearts (not to mention covering our eemas) to add the following warning label on all our new advertisements:

Warning spew hazard potential, please refrain from reading this advertisement if eating, drinking, or slightly nauseous. Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc will not be liable for any damages to personnel or equipment that may occur from reading, viewing, or just being in the close proximity of this ad. All questions, comments, and complaints will be answered promptly by our littagarrans if accompanied by a lawsuit, warrant, or subpoena.

Thanks again Selena for bringing a potential lawsuit to our attention. Our fine staff of littagarrans are busy enough keeping GREED, and law enforcement officials off my back.

And always remember if your looking for the best outlawed mods your currency can buy, check with your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories first, if you didn't buy it here you didn't get it from us. Plus our famous motto no job too small, no price too high.

[Frunium Slip]

Looking to make that memorial just a microt more entertaining? Maybe just trying to verify a historical event? Perhaps checking on what your significant other was really up to last night at the office? Well, have your friends at Uncharted Territories got the perfect product for you! Jacosian 3-D Vision Goggles newly stolen, er acquired by our infamous Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen. Great for seeing into the past, whether just a microt ago, or five hundred cycles! Can't remember where you put those keys? Well you no longer have to go through a painful Aurora Chair session to know! Just strap on these easy to use goggles, follow the 5287 page instruction manual, and look into the past. It's oh so simple!

So life like you'll swear it's real! Worried about a potential disaster? Well don't! You're gonna be safe I promise.

Simple, effective, and in stylish black, what more could you want! Call our toll free intergalactic hot line now! Operators are standing by! 1-800-U-C-D-PAST

Warning never, ever, ever let a deranged, babbling Strykeran use the Jacosian 3-D Vision Goggles, as they are sure to frell things up royally. Although you just might be able to change things for the better, with your record, You think that's gonna happen?

Warning spew hazard potential, please refrain from reading this advertisement if eating, drinking, or just slightly nauseous. Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc will not be liable for any damages to personnel or equipment that may occur from reading, viewing, or just being in the close proximity of this ad. All questions, comments, and complaints will be answered promptly by our littagarrans if accompanied by a lawsuit, warrant, or subpoena.

From you trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, have a wonderful day!

[r0b]

are you lonely how about a hot scaran ( literly) to snuggle up with at night . well us here at scaran personals have the scaran for you. thats right we got all sorts of scaran fellows and ladys.
and if you act now and get a subscripton to scaran personels well throw in happy fun ball. yes its the ball thats both happy and fun :)
note: scaran personls is not responsible if a a scaran we provide mind frells you


(sry couldnt resist the happy fun ball refrence :) )

[Frunium Slip]

Need that perfect little control device? Have to keep those greebols around you in line? Or just making sure that mind cleansing really worked? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the device for you! Our fine Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have acquired an allotment of Nebari Control Collars designed to inflict pain on demand. Very useful for that inappropriate behavior, just press the easy to use control pad in your head, and presto, the target is completely subdued. Guaranteed to get you those stunning results that you want!

So don't delay! Be your own arbitrator of Nebari justice get your Nebari Contol Collar today! Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-STUN-YOU

Caution Nebari control collars are operated by a touch tone control pad that must be surgically implanted in your cranium. Just two minor impressions into your cranial cavity, and it will be over in a microt. All our surgical procedures are performed at our infamous Ice Planet Medical Facility.

Note none of our surgical procedures are guaranteed because we're just practicing medicine until we get it right.

Warning spew hazard potential, please refrain from reading this thread if eating, drinking, or just feeling a little nauseous. Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc will not be liable for any damages to personnel or equipment that may occur from reading, viewing, or just being in the close proximity of this ad. All questions, comments, and complaints will be promptly answered by our littagarrans if accompanied by a lawsuit, warrant, or subpoena.

Another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories. Oh just get me an intoxicant, that is all I need to recuperate.

[Frunium Slip]

Special note to Selena, I'm pretty positive that somewhere back in this overly long thread, for the life of me I don't know how it got this way, I mentioned not doing no stinkin' requests... Some of us don't operate well under pressure... But then what the frell... it beats workin' for a livin'... :D

From all the responses and purchases we've seen, the Genetic Incubation tech has been a hot commodity. And being us, your friends at Uncharted Territories, we will not let a potential credit maker go. So without further ado we proudly bring to you the Sebacean Pregnancy Test, guaranteed to give you accurate results at least some of the time! Wondering if that Sebacean significant other is preggers, well don't! Just a simple, almost painless injection with the overly large syringe provided will get you that answer you seek!

Don't hesitate to call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-P-TEST-4-U

Caution all medical procedures should be performed under the supervision of qualified medical personel. You could come to our esteemed Ice Planet Medical Facility, if you happen to think we're actually qualified.

Severe injury warning: do not try this procedure on any battle hardened pregnant Peacekeepers. There is a great risk of personal injury to you. If you do need to test a Peacekeeper, either pray she isn't actually pregnant as you may still live, or have her heavily sedated and confined before attempting such a risk. Purchasing a copy of our fine book What to do with a Pregnant Sebacean: Peacekeeper Addition might also help, at least it couldn't hurt and we'd make an extra tidy sum.

Warning spew hazard potential, please refrain from reading this thread if eating, drinking, or just feeling slightly nauseous. Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc will not be liable for any damages to personnel or equipment that may occur from reading, viewing, or just being in the close proximity of this ad. All questions, comments, and complaints will be answered promptly by our littagarrans if accompanied by a lawsuit, warrant, or subpoena.

From your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and good luck if you're really gonna test that Peacekeeper, I feel your gonna need it.

Edited for the usual grammatical and/or typographical errors, as opposed to topographical errors...

[Midnight27]

Frunium Slip:

Have you had a chance to do the VO work for these? 'Cause I swear Uncharted Territories has a signal installed on each of these adverts. I can hear them in my head!!!

If you are looking for talent, I might be interested...that is if you've got the time for me to get the delivery right (read: keep from becoming the ROFL smiley). Just contact my agent's office at Dominar Enterprises.

Midnight

[grinner]

Originally posted by Midnight27
Frunium Slip:

Have you had a chance to do the VO work for these? 'Cause I swear Uncharted Territories has a signal installed on each of these adverts. I can hear them in my head!!!

If you are looking for talent, I might be interested...that is if you've got the time for me to get the delivery right (read: keep from becoming the ROFL smiley). Just contact my agent's office at Dominar Enterprises.

Midnight get ready to give up body parts for that contract... All in good viewing.

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Midnight27
Frunium Slip:

Have you had a chance to do the VO work for these? 'Cause I swear Uncharted Territories has a signal installed on each of these adverts. I can hear them in my head!!!

Ah, you've either gone through our special Nebari mind cleansing, been infuenced by our buy now think about it later thought projections, or are just completely fahrbot. Anyway, you are getting sleepy, really sleepy... when I snap my fingers you will wake up find something you like from our inventory and purchase it now. SNAP!!

If you are looking for talent, I might be interested...that is if you've got the time for me to get the delivery right (read: keep from becoming the ROFL smiley). Just contact my agent's office at Dominar Enterprises.

Let me get this straight, you want my job?! Sure, just give us your address, and I'll make frellin' sure a couple of our finest Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen conduct a little job interview on you. Where do we get these people?

On another note, grinner, you don't know this yet, but you my friend are being cast in yet another reality show on everyones favorite reality network Skiffies. And I know this will be an offer you can't refuse. The AMTs and our fine staff of littagarrans guarantee it.

Even more reality television on the reality network, your favorite skiffy, all reality all the time.

And this from Skiffies' Virtual Programming Executive Assistant Bunny Mugger:

"These programs are directed at our new core audience that just didn't get our previous shows that actually had plots and interesting stories. Our surveys on TV viewership show that we have not tapped into the vast audience of viewers who only tune into their favorite shows once every seven weeks. We are working on making all these great new shows to market this less knowledgeable audience, to get away from all those pathetic geeks who used to watch the quality stuff. Because as everyone really knows, that if they had actually watched any of these quality shows we wouldn't be in the position we're in now would we? No Ernest not that position, get off your knees, I was talking about our former audience not you, now get back over to my office and just wait for me. Where was I... oh yeah, now please tune in to these new quality shows that are being produced for your actual intelligence level, not that we would stimulate it in any way."

So tune in this summer, all reality all the time, just what you want to see.

[Frunium Slip]

Looking for that little hide-away spot? Just trying to escape all the telecomms marketers? Maybe escaping some overbearing in-laws? Just need a inaccessable location to interrogate all your prisoners? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the place for you! Just stow away aboard one of our deluxe Scarran Transport Cruise Ships! Perfect for those times when you don't want to be trifled with. Travel around Tormented Space with impunity. Hold your prisoners, captives, significant others, or just yourselves forever! Relax completely in your new found interest, with no one to bother you anymore! These retired Scarran freighters are the perfect vessel to glide through the galaxies undetected.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing by! 1-800-BUY-A-WRECK

Warning it is not advisable to travel into, around, or even close to Peacekeeper space in your new Scarran Transport Cruise Ship. If confronted by a Peacekeeper control it may be necessary to start the emergency procedures, this allows a fast transfer of all unmade payments to Frunium Slip Enterprises Company, Inc in the event of your untimely death.

All Scarran Transport Cruise Ships are kept in like new-used condition, sure it looks like a used up cargo freighter, but in reality, well, it is a used up cargo freighter. All ships are registered as Liberian transport cargo vessels, just so we can get around any inconvenient inspections.

Another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, who else would have you travel around in frelled up freighters? And have a wonderful day!

[Selena]

Frunium Slip you've done it again :rollin:

Sign me up mate! I could use a good vacation get away - my miserable time share 'exchange' never has what I want, where and when I want it, but they always have the more expensive 'get aways' in the resort where I want to exchange. Go figure!:confused:

[Frunium Slip]

New this summer on Skiffie!

The Skiffie Reality Network and your friends at Uncharted Territories proudly bring to you another fun reality show! Tormented Space Survivor? a true survivor's story, featuring our esteemed host grinner. We'll drop some poor unfortunate on a desolate planet, without supplies, equipment, or weapons, but we will give them a package of Cracker's Jack so they can use the secret surprise and have a little snack! As an added bonus, we'll have a remote transmitter broadcasting the exact position to any Scarran Dreadnoughts in the area.

There will be no multiple episode plots to follow, as all episodes will be totally inclusive. So you'll be able to tune in only once every seven episodes and never miss a thing! Easily followed plots, no really complex storylines, just simple survival, for as long as it takes, or until our one hour time slot is over whichever is longer.

So join the fun! Tune into Tormented Space Survivor? this summer on your new all reality all the time network, Skiffie, be there or you just might actually miss something entertaining, but probably not.

And don't worry the grin-man will never be in any real danger, we can't afford to lose our star, at least until he holds out of contract negotiations, or the ratings go down!

And if you'd like to be featured on our new hit show Tormented Space Survivor?, please call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-U-WILL-DIE.

From your friends at Uncharted Territories, have a wonderful day!

Edited for yet another frellin' typo!

[Selena]

Er um, Hi! I don't exactly want to be on your show ... as I have no aspirations to fame but I have a frien ... er someone I know that I'd like to er set u ... er I mean give them a nifty surprise. Do you er do that sort of thing or should I contact someone else?
A friend indeed!
(well at least until after this pran ... er I mean special treat!):ewink:

[Frunium Slip]

Don't worry Selena, valued customers such as yourself would never be considered for Tormented Space Survivor?, unless we thought it would spike the ratings. But about your friend, of course we can have that kind of thing arranged, we specialize in this type of prank. Just call our special toll free intergalactic number now! 1-800-SET-EM-UP.

We'll just have a couple of our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen kidnap. er I mean, acquire your special friend haul 'em back here, and give 'em their fifteen minutes of fame, if they last that long. It's what we do, and we're very good at it. So call us now, and we'll handle all the little details, plus as an added bonus, there is a talent finders fee that you'll be able to collect, kind of like a bounty. And don't forget to tune in, we guarantee that beings are just dying to get on this fine program. Well, maybe that's not quite correct, it's more likely that they'll be dying to get off the show. But all that is just semantics anyway.

Never worry about retribution or potential lawsuits with our type of programming. The victim would have to survive first, and we're not about to have any loose ends like that. So go ahead set up all your enemies, potential rivals, useless friends, in-laws, or just business associates that you can't stand. Tune in and watch Tormented Space Survivor? airing this summer on Skiffie, all reality all the time, brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and always have a wonderful day!

PS Selena there is nothing wrong with fame and fortune, just check that it's not terminal first. Just ask the grin-man he's famous, and as for fortune, well what can I say, business has been very, very good to me.

[grinner]

I'm FAMOUS... FAMOUS I TELL YA. And it is all thanks to our friends at Uncharted Territories(tm) . I don't even miss those pesky fingers I had to give up.

[Selena]

They asked me what body part I was willing to give up but I couldn't decide ... :rollin:

[Frunium Slip]

Want to keep track of that far off significant other? Stay updated on the life force of your progeny. Perhaps be the first to know of the final climax of your friend on Tormented Space Survivor? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the device for you! Just install the Nebari Life Disk into each of your abdominal cavities and you'll never truly be apart ever again! Perfect for that permanent life link that says how much you really care. Simple, easy to use, and in the ever stylish black, your new life disk will be the essential bond linking your lives together. As long as the central sphere is glowing everything is just fine!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now! Operators are standing by! 1-800-U-KNOW-1ST

All Nebari Life Disks must be surgically implanted at our infamous Ice Planet Medical Facility. None of our medical services are guaranteed as we are still practicing medicine until we get it right.

Your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories caution all purchasers against self surgery to remove the life disk. This delicate procedure should be left to professional quacks such as ourselves. We will not be responsible if for any reason the life disk is removed without proper medical staff present. Not that we'd be responsible anyway, but we have to make a living too!

Another fine product brought to you by Your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, may your life be fulfilled and our pockets be kept overflowing.

[Midnight27]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip

Let me get this straight, you want my job?! Sure, just give us your address, and I'll make frellin' sure a couple of our finest Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen conduct a little job interview on you. Where do we get these people? [/B]


No! As an adjunct...the tag team approach. You gotta have the empty-headed (but prettier than BH)--I mean, eye-candy for your ads...preferably one who can deliver a convincing sales pitch to support yours. With some post work (just some simple body double superimposing) , I can pull most of that off.
:hi: (need to find a vacuous smiley)

Midnight

[grinner]

Originally posted by Midnight27
No! As an adjunct...the tag team approach. You gotta have the empty-headed (but prettier than BH)--I mean, eye-candy for your ads...preferably one who can deliver a convincing sales pitch to support yours. With some post work (just some simple body double superimposing) , I can pull most of that off.
:hi: (need to find a vacuous smiley)

Midnight Sounds like you want to make either a deal with a Devil... or Uncharted Territories. Either way... you are in for the ride of your life.:aok: :ewink:

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Midnight27
No! As an adjunct...the tag team approach. You gotta have the empty-headed (but prettier than BH)--I mean, eye-candy for your ads...preferably one who can deliver a convincing sales pitch to support yours. With some post work (just some simple body double superimposing) , I can pull most of that off.
:hi: (need to find a vacuous smiley)

Midnight

Ah, eye candy, yes we could use a bit of eye candy around here. It is getting harder to get the marks focused on my flailing left hand, while my right one is scoring all the action. So of couse we could always use a bit of a distraction causer. But empty headed, hardly, no one could be as bad as BH, I mean no one.

And grinner, devil, Uncharted Territories, hmmm... there is quite a parallel between the two. I take it you've actually read some of the fine print. You know you can win your soul back, it just might take 3 or 4 lifetimes to do it. Meanwhile, have fun, fame and fortune, well, fun and fame anyway from your trusted friends at Uncharted territories sure it may be hell, but what a fun trip it's been.

And don't forget our Scarran Blood Vow, for those who want to seal the deal, be a new mom, all Nosferatu, or just nostalgic for all things Scarran. Great for keeping those promises with the lesser races. Remember your first instinct is always right. Just an almost insignificant gash, a little taste, and your blood vow is sealed.

Not recommended for any beings suffering any type of anemia, taking any anticoagelents, or just terrified of seeing their own blood. If, per chance, you do sever something serious, just visit our infamous Ice Planet Medical Facility, and we'll have you patched up in no time!

Edited for just anothr frellin' typo, vetween what the frell is vetween?

[Frunium Slip]

Worried about possible hull penetrations? Looking for a good excuse to purchase that new Hynerian Pet? Or just an excuse not to throw the little weasel out of the nearest airlock. Well your friends at Uncharted Territories have the latest idea for you! Purchase one of our little insufferable maggots packaged as a Hynerian Hull Breech Kit, the perfect item to seal those nasty outer hull breeches. Never worry about collisions, or meteors ever again. With your new Hynerian Hull Breech Kit you can adequately seal any extraneous holes in the ship's outer membrane, easily, quickly, and efficiently. And don't worry about filling that gaping hole, your new Hynerian has three stomaches, and an almost unlimited appetite, the little bugger could seal up almost any gaping hole. And we guarantee that you'll never misplace your kit, as the royal pain in the neck will be forever under foot causing you trouble, but neverless always available when needed.

Just all our toll free intergalactic number now, oprators are standing by! 1-800-QUIK-FIX

The perfect gift for that space adventurer, and as an added bonus, when you buy your Hynerian Hull Breech Kit, we'll automatically send you an extra Hynerian as a refill, at no additional cost! Yeah, you're right we are trying to get rid of these little pests, but don't worry they do make excellent hull patches, as their eemas are made out of nature's answer to re-inforced krantak.

From your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, please take some of these obnoxious rodents off our hands, but don't do it for me, do it to save your ship's hull, order yours now!

[Selena]

Bless you Frunium Slip you are one sick puppy! :rofl:

Would the Hynerian Hull Breach Kit have worked on a cracked pond that leaked over 200 gallons of water in a day?
If so, I sure could have used one last week but I called your 1-800 number and was told supplies I wanted were on back order.
I tell you what, those fish got mighty fractious in a plastic wading pool after a week of being out of their depth.:lol

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
Bless you Frunium Slip you are one sick puppy!

Sick? I'm not... *cough, cough, hack, cough* sick, demented twisted, a greedy bastard, yes, but sick?

Would the Hynerian Hull Breach Kit have worked on a cracked pond that leaked over 200 gallons of water in a day?

Hmmm... How big exactly was your crack? No, the one in the pond, silly girl. Hynerians can get pretty enormous in girth for their small size. Unfortunately, there would be no pressure versus vacuum to hold him securely, but if the water pressure was great enough, maybe... Oh what the frell, of course one of the Hynerian Hull Breech Kits would work on your pond, and just to be on the safe side, you should by at least one spare kit, for future leaks. Heh, and they didn't think I'd ever get rid of all those Hynerians.

If so, I sure could have used one last week but I called your 1-800 number and was told supplies I wanted were on back order.

Back ordered? You mean you actually wanted to buy one of these little maggots and the frellin' operator told you we didn't have any available? Frellin' hezmana. Someone is going to get fired for this... I mean, you try and you try to find good help, well decent help, yotz, any help, and what do you get, some lil' twerp answering the phone and frellin' up orders, dren, I might actually have to pay people to answer the phone. Means the overhead costs are going up.

I tell you what, those fish got mighty fractious in a plastic wading pool after a week of being out of their depth.

Ah, fractious fish, now this is something that we, your friends at Uncharted Territories can work with.

Tired of planting your deceased loved ones in the ground right where you live? Looking for that perfect final resting spot? Just trying to give a little class to the entombment of a relative? Well, have your friends at Uncharted Territories located the perfect spot for you! Just bring those bodies to the Royal Cemetery Planet located in Uncharted Space, a quiet restfull place for that deceased loved one. Don't worry, you won't ever have to pass any royalty background checks, we just put that royalty thing in there to improve marketability. A fine custom made headstone is available at a slight increase in cost.

All plots are tended by our own special caretakers, who take tremendous pride in keeping all the gravesites in near mint condition. And don't ever worry about surcharges for gratuities, these space cadets work for peanuts.*

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-PLANT-EM

You stab 'em, and we'll slab 'em, that's our motto.

*Well, not really peanuts, they really work for mushrooms, but don't try talking to the staff, as they're usually high, and talk a lot of alien gibberish, like the clams getting together, blowing up your mind, the gathering being the darnest, and taking some stone somewhere, I don't know, I can never understand the little frellnicks.

Another fine service brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, may your everlasting life be a sweet a pleasant place, of course if you don't decide to make the Royal Cemetery Planet your final resting place then you can just bugger off. And have a very nice day.

[Frunium Slip]

Aw no you don't, this thread is not going to page two, no way, no how, I just won't let it...

Can't seem to get where you want to be in life? Do you keep trying to move up without any results? Feel those in power are just ignoring you? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories will always look out for your best interests, as long as we make a significant profit on it. And with this in mind we have a great idea to help you move up in this cruel world, and as an added bonus, help prop up a now teetering regime. Thanks to a known galactic terrorist, the Scarran regime is in the throes of chaos, and as any good businessman knows this is the time for some really great deals. Your friends here at Uncharted Territories would like to help you and the Scarrans, and we know just how to do it. Through careful study, some spying, a little torture, and some very good guesswork, we have the ultimate plan to shoot you to the top of the Scarran Empire. Yes, exactly, bribery, the ultimate answer to gaining any leverage with an autocratic society.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-BRIBE-EM

We, your friends at Uncharted Territories, wish you success in your endeavor to greatness, and with just a little gratuity, we can help you achieve your goals. Remember Scarrans dream of two things, palaces and virgins. These would greatly enhance your position to any Scarran official, and quite possibly intrigue your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories as well.

So if your a virgin, or wish to give away palaces to enhance your position, feel free to call us now, we'll be really glad to assist you!

[Frunium Slip]

Do to continous inquiries, your friends at Uncharted Territories have acquired an allotment of Scarran Heat Transplant Scanners, The perfect item to compliment that dreaded Scarran heat projection that we talked you into having installed at our infamous Ice Planet Medical Facility. You will never have to guess is she weak, or is she faking ever again! Keep from damaging those important captives, gain more from your interrogations than you thought possible! Don't be the last one on your block to get one! Remember, supplies are limited, so order your Scarran Heat Transplant Scanner now!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-SCAN-4-U-2

Warning Scarran heat probe will kill a pregnant Sebacean, so never use your heat probe without a Scarran Heat Transplant Scanner, why take the chance? And if you are indeed dealing with a pregnant Peacekeeper, buy our book What to do with a Pregnant Sebacean, Peacekeeper Addition, the life you save might be your own.

Brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and we wish you and yours and very fine day!

[Frunium Slip]

Do you fear the occult? Nervous that there is something out there that you can't compprehend? Do you just need a sense of security? Well you friends at Uncharted Territories have the device for you! Our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have just stolen, er I mean acquired a shipment of Luxan Oltec Lamps great for warding off evil! Mystical, stylish, and alien, what more could you possibly want in an acient Luxan artifact! We have it on very good hearsay that Arekans use these babies all the time! So if you need to scare off the occult order your Luxan Oltec Lamp now!

As an added bonus it makes a great night light, very useful for those late night trips to the excess body fluid depository.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-NITE-LITE

Warning, in selling these artifacts Uncharted Territories in no way means to endorse the occult, evil, or things that go bump in the night. These things may or may not be out there, we just ask, why take the chance? Uncharted Territories will not be held liable if for some frellin' reason the lamp doesn't ward off evil. Yotz, we don't believe in that dren anyway.

Brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and may we just state that if some thing evil your way comes, good luck, better you than us. And have a nice day.

[Selena]

:rollin: Gotta have at least one each of the last 3 items. I've enclosed my DNA chit in payment. As a regular customer may I please have a waiver on the shipping charges?

BTW the 3 Hynerian Hull Breach Kits have arrived and one seems to have been damaged in transit. It does not want to stay in the hole and constantly demands to be fed. Is this normal? I checked the enclosed installation manual but it does not seem to 'cover' this contingency.

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
Gotta have at least one each of the last 3 items. I've enclosed my DNA chit in payment. As a regular customer may I please have a waiver on the shipping charges?

Abso-frellin'-lutely, as our most loyal customer, sure, plus you did take three of those lil' maggots, so we'll gladly pay the shipping charges. Of course we'll just mark up the next poor sap's bill, but what the frell, we don't care and you shouldn't care either.

BTW the 3 Hynerian Hull Breach Kits have arrived and one seems to have been damaged in transit. It does not want to stay in the hole and constantly demands to be fed. Is this normal? I checked the enclosed installation manual but it does not seem to 'cover' this contingency.

Dren, the lil' vermin shoud've drown by now...

Frell! The bastiches are aquatic! Frellin' hezmana! OK we, your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories can work this out with you. Hmmm... you know he could act as a secondary garbage disposal, plus as an added bonus, Scruffy should act as a pond vacuum getting rid of all kinds of nasty growths that can spawn in the pond.

You really weren't fond of all those fish were you? They're probably history by now. And as usual Uncharted Territories does not warranty things we don't sell, yotz we don't warranty the things we do sell. However, being the loyal customer that you are, we, your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories will waive the usual gratuities if you indeed are trying to bribe a Scarran. Just call our toll free intergalactic number, 1-800-BRIBE-EM, and tell the twerp that answers the phone that you wish to talk directly to the moneygrubber in charge.

Hope this alleviates some of your concerns, and may I say from the very bottom of my heart, which is deep inside my body, you look mahvelous!

[Selena]

Dear Uncharted Territories, Thank you for your prompt reply.
:rollin: I figure a 'malfunctioning' Hynerian Hull Breach Kit is better than :poke:

I've been telling all my friends about your great deals and they seem totally suspicio ... I mean enthralled by your offers.

I have just one small problem. I have a very irritiating neighbor who has chosen the holiday week-end to erect a garden shed. His incessant hammering and the thrum or power tools has made me feel exceptionally guilty as I have yet to commence work on my own shed and my lumber - ensconsed under a faded blue tarpaulin that has almost completely been overgrown by morning glory - is still sitting there after 9 months.
Do you have anything that can deal with such an inconsiderate neighbor in your wonderful arsenal of goodies??
__________________________________________
Okay I'm hanging out for it - Frunium - where's my daily fix?:huh:

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
Dear Uncharted Territories, Thank you for your prompt reply.
:rollin: I figure a 'malfunctioning' Hynerian Hull Breach Kit is better than

'Malfunctioning? Don't you mean misapplied? Or perhaps installed improperly?

I've been telling all my friends about your great deals and they seem totally suspicio ... I mean enthralled by your offers.

You know I get that all the time, after all the years in a honest trade you'd think you'd get just a little credit. But I usually get something on the order of you filfthy, lying, moneygrubbing, thieving, scruffy looking bastiche. And that's from my mom, when she's inviting me over for dinner. I mean I get highly offended. What the frell does she mean scruffy looking?


Do you have anything that can deal with such an inconsiderate neighbor in your wonderful arsenal of goodies??
Okay I'm hanging out for it - Frunium - where's my daily fix?[/B]

As usual the client already answers their own question. You need a real daily fix. Drugs, now there's your answer. Have you tried the Extract of Lakka? Guaranteed to take the edge off. Life's little problems won't matter in the least, inhaling this substance will make you forget those things that stress you! Does it work? Sure. especially if you double the dose!

Warning don't exceed recommended dosage, refrain from wormhole travel, side effects may include headaches, nausea, drowsiness, indegestion, paranoia, homocidal tendencies, and deep emotional problems.

If inhaling a drug doesn't suit your style we can offer Morna, a fungus growth that we use on our Royal Cemetary Planet caretakers. A simple halucinogentic, eating these mushrooms will definitely pacifiy any hostility toward your disrespectful neighbor. Keep in mind, the Morna grows as a four headed mushroom, three will get you high, the fourth gets you dead. You never know which one until you taste, and then alas it might be too late. So there is a death thrill factor as well, an addded bonus to you at absolutely no additional cost.

Warning eating Morna may cause irrational thoughts, inability to articulate clearly, loss of any common sense, depression, and or probably permanent death.

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-GET-HIGH

Edited to correct name of mushrooms, thoughtfully provided from the Season 2 Companion, I really should look these things up first.

[Selena]

Well ... while those 2 choices are irresistably tempting, I will have to decline - you see I swell up like a balloon when I eat fungi and I really don't do drugs! :( What's worse, is that every time I look out my living room window I see that monstrous eyesore - his neatly constructed shed! :mad:

Is there no other alternative?
The neighbor is driving me nuts. Not only did he complete the shed in 2 days but the bugger has gone and painted it as well. I mean what's a gal to do? Bloody ... oops sorry, frelling inconsiderate bastard!

[Frunium Slip]

Ah, my dear Selena, no sense looking like a swollen dead balloon, and I can see where one might want to stay away from the Extract of Lakka. But you can always count on your friends at Uncharted Territories, and have we got a deal for you! Our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesman have just stolen, er, I mean, acquired a shipment of the famed Peacekeeper Body Control Device perfect for taking over the actions of another being. Used extensively throughout Peacekeeper space, these devices allow the user to actually control another beings actions. Just jam an almost insignificant spike in the back of the victims cranal cavity, don the exclusive neural halo, and project your neural pattern thoughts over his. Should work spendidly. Your neighbor appears to be an interesting species, simple mind, simple brain, easily dominated... and easily controlled. Then just explain things to him. We suggest something on the order of you can do one of two things, the first is build my shed, and the second, well just use your imagination. I'm sure he'll get the drift of your message.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-2-CONTROL

And as always depend on your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, we'll not only help you get over any guilty feelings, we'll help you get your shed built, not to mention making an almost insignificant fee. have fun with your new shed, we guarantee it will be put up in no time, with hardly any effort from you, always the way to go on any home project, so buy your new Peacekeeper Body Control Device, and then kick back, pop a cold one, and watch that shed being built. And have a very nice day.

[Selena]

Dear Sirs,
Wow! :cylon: Perfect! This is just what I've been looking for. :aok: Please send the Peacekeeper Body Control Device by hyperspace express shipping ... I'd love to have it by the week-end. :lol

[Midnight27]

Dear Uncharted Territories,

I am curious what you would suggest to keep several medium to large size quadrupeds that I maintain as pets. They have defeated most of my planet's security controls, and I am getting desperate to retain knowledge of their activities. Short of permanent laming--I still have hopes of continuing their training one day for small cartage. Do you have anything in yur inventory that I could purchase for a reasonable sum that would keep them within my property line?

Thanks for your attention,
Midnight

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Midnight27
Dear Uncharted Territories,
I am curious what you would suggest to keep several medium to large size quadrupeds that I maintain as pets. They have defeated most of my planet's security controls, and I am getting desperate to retain knowledge of their activities. Short of permanent laming--I still have hopes of continuing their training one day for small cartage. Do you have anything in yur inventory that I could purchase for a reasonable sum that would keep them within my property line?
Thanks for your attention,
Midnight

Oh this is just so easy, grab a pulse rifle and... uh oh, no permanent laming, hmmm...

OK, I've got it, buy gazillions of bricks, and build the greatest wall known to... oops, reasonable sum, hmmm...

Allright, your friends at Uncharted Territories have a solution. Our infamous Cryogenic Storage Units, originally sold to promote our frozen foods section, would work wonderfully. Just stuff the quadrupeds in their own individual unit, and thaw 'em out later when you can visually police them. As an additional bonus, we sell self-help tapes with each chamber, which we can easily modify to help train the wandering beasts. And since you would need to buy in volume, we can give you a multiple purchase discount! What more could you possibly want!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-FREEZ-EM

And you can always count on your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories to solve any of your domestic problems, if you need it, we'll sell it!

PS thanks for doing that vid commercial which was to air on that primitive planet called Erp, I thought you looked great, can't imagine why that network sensor banned it. Oh yeah, you now also qualify for our employee discount, so don't forget to mention it when you call. And always have a nice day.

[Midnight27]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Allright, your friends at Uncharted Territories have a solution. Our infamous Cryogenic Storage Units, originally sold to promote our frozen foods section, would work wonderfully. Just stuff the quadrupeds in their own individual unit, and thaw 'em out later when you can visually police them. As an additional bonus, we sell self-help tapes with each chamber, which we can easily modify to help train the wandering beasts. And since you would need to buy in volume, we can give you a multiple purchase discount! What more could you possibly want!

Perfect!! I can keep them cryo'd until my offspring are old enough to watch the critters! And tapes as well? We can solve the house-training and the attitude problems as well. Great add-on sale! Thanks so much for your humane...er, clever solution!

PS thanks for doing that vid commercial which was to air on that primitive planet called Erp, I thought you looked great, can't imagine why that network sensor banned it. Oh yeah, you now also qualify for our employee discount, so don't forget to mention it when you call. And always have a nice day.

As I understand it, the censor was a little upset by the choice of clothing I had worn. Even though I did stop by his office (what a nasty little cubicle!) to try and explain to him that there had been some 'enhancements' added during the edit...I just couldn't change his mind. But I know that Unchartered Territories has kept the original recording, so one day we will find the correct market. I have hopes that the next chance to air it will be on a prosperous Commerce Planet, so that the production moneys will be recouped.

Thanks again for helping with my current domestic problem. I will keep the company in mind when the next one appears.

Midnight

[Frunium Slip]

Ah, more satisfied customers, the feeling of helping others, solving problems, cutting deals... AND GETTING FILTHY RICH!!!!

But enough about me let's get back to our thread allready in progress...

Do your progeny's clothes get severly stained? Your significant other's work attire a soiled mess? Have you found that Nebari mind cleansing won't get the tough stains out? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the cleaning solution for you! Our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have just acquired a substantial amount of Amnexus Fluid from all the leviathans that we've been raiding, er I mean, scavenging. Great for cleaning all types of apparel. Gets out the tough stains, and won't damage your delicate fabrics, or fade those brilliant colors! And it smells oh so fresh!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-GET-CLEAN

Warning do not keep Amnexus Fluid over 300 cycles, as it may harden with age. Do not use on leather goods. Uncharted Territories neither infers nor implies a warranty for any apparel that may be damaged do to ignorance of Amnexus Fluid use by the purchaser.

Another fine product brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and although you do look absolutely mahvelous, you could use a new detergent for those clothes, I mean just look what your wearing, I mean really?

Edited to add:

Young, good looking Nebari nixars, that hand wash those delicate items, are not provided with purchase. Call our hotline, we can work out a deal for a significant additional cost.

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of being chased throughout the galaxies? Been getting your eema kicked by every race you encounter? Just looking for that perfect ship to impose your superiority over other races, preferrably with some weapons of mass destruction? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the space craft for you! Just purchase our new Standard Host Vessel which we stole, er I mean, acquired from the oh so peaceful Nebari race. I know what you're thinking, the Nebari have no warships. Yeah right, sure, that enormous weapon is purely for defensive uses only, wouldn't ever be dreamed of being used to destroy anything like a Peacekeeper command carrier. Frell no, of course not. Look you can trust us, this baby has the ultimate weapon when confronted by another hostile craft. You may have heard of the Zelbinion, lost for over 100 cycles, presumed undefeatable, well it wasn't! Just one Standard Host Vessel destroyed the baddest ship in the Peacekeeper fleet! Now, what kind of ship do you want to be seen cruising the universe in, some little drannit that you got cheap, or possibly the deadliest ship in the known galaxies?

Don't be the last one in your star system to get one! Supplies are limited, so order your Standard Host Vessel today!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-U-B-STYLIN

Brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, sure we steal, rob, cheat, maim, and kill, but it's all for you, the sweet innocent masses, our loyal customers, we do it all for you. And a not too insignificant profit, but what the frell.

[Frunium Slip]

Tired of your humdrum life? Need a little excitement? Seeking a real thrill? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the outlet for you! Just join our Royal Cemetery Planet custodial staff as they group for their gathering, it's the draddest, it will blow your mind, clans gather, it's time to celebrate, and the icing of the cake, taking the stone. Guaranteed to liven up your dreary evening, you just enter the scenic caverns, tour the facility, commune with the local population, wander over to a very deep pit, and dive off! Don't worry, there is a Peacekeeper Sonic Net to cushion your fall. Just yell at the appropriate time and you'll gently levitate down to a very soft landing. Of course, if you don't time it right, well, it's just not a pretty sight.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-TOO-HIGH

Don't worry if you're scared of heights, there are Morna mushrooms available to help you to forget life's little problems. So make an exotic trip to our Royal Cemetery Planet to accomplish the ultimate thrilling stunt, just Take the Stone, and remember do it before you're too old.

Peacekeeper Sonic Nets can be purchased seperately, just call our toll free intergalactic number: 1-800-FALL-NET.

Guests to the Royal Cemetery Planet may be required to perform some maintenance duties during their vacation stay, minor weeding, cosmetic cleaning, and grave digging, nothing too complicated.

Another fine service brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and may we say we hope your stay is indeed a pleasant one. Hope ya'll come back now ya hear.

[Frunium Slip]

Looking to enhance your spirituality? Need to check the worthiness of that future marital partner? Or are you just seeking the truth? Well your friends at Uncharted Territories have the perfect religious figure for you! Meet your very own Arekan, a Luxan priestess, of amazing powers. Arekans are seekers of truth, justice, and the Luxan way! Need to test your worthiness? Well, she'll just plunge her hand into your body, grope for your spleen, and before you know it, presto, your answer will be upon you! Never worry about your honor ever again!

And if you are indeed worthy, you may be asked to assist in the Ritual of Passing, the highest honor available to a Luxan! A nice little Luxan ceremony, with incense, beautiful antique lamps, levitating cutlery, and tribal chanting!

Don't hesitate to call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-A-TEST-4-U

Warning never seek to defraud an Arekan, you just might get flung across the room. Powerful beings may be sacrificed to the Passage of Renewal. Of course this just might have debilitating consequences to that individual. Some blood may spill, but don't worry, you'll probably live to talk about it, for at least a little while.

So see our ancient mystic today, you never truly know unless you ask, and ten microts with the old fossil and we'll be in profit.

Another fine service brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, may your journeys be safe, your life be long, and I be filthy rich! And as always Ahz Zech U Dah!

Edited to fix a typo, scarifice, what the frell is scarifice?

[Selena]

Ahh bliss,:love: my Frunium fix! :rollin:

[Frunium Slip]

Frell, I didn't even proof read it yet, my you are quick! I did type scarifice, I think I meant sacrifice, but you never really can tell can you?

[Selena]

I just sacrificed a spell perfect copy for enjoyment! :D I'm telling you that when I need Frunium fix - I need it NOW!

[Frunium Slip]

Definitely a non-perfected copy, but glad to provide all the fixes possible.

Now on to our advertisement already in progress...

Need to upgrade that security? Provide surveillance for that top secret base? Maybe even scan known terrorists to defuse their suicide bombs? Well have your friends at Uncharted Territories have the product for you! Just purchase some of our newly acquired Scarran DRDs the ultimate in DRD protection, enforcement, and maintenance! Great for stopping dead in their tracks any being from bringing a weapon into your secure sight! Easily programmed, carefree operation, maintenance friendly, and heavily armed, these are the big bad biker brothers of the DRD family! And they come in a variety of colors, don't see the color you like, we'll gladly spray paint one to suit your tastes!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-BIG-N-BAD

Warning keep your Scarran DRDS well away from any areas frequented by idiotic Charrids, if you want the Charrids to live. Never, ever arm yourself in the presence of your DRD. Vacuum cleaner attachments sold separately.

Another fine product provided by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, so buy your Scarran DRDs today, fix up that snake pit you dwell in, invite over some friends, slide in a dvd, and it's showtime!

[Frunium Slip]

Selena here's your fix, but maybe you should look at therapy? Hope you enjoy... signed the backstabber :D

Need a great vacation spot? Looking to get away from the main stream? Maybe just avoiding all those telecomm marketers? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the perfect little get away for you! Just travel aboard our exclusive Scarran freighter luxury liner and head to our exotic Asteroid Belt Spa Resort. Never be bothered, hasseled, or even found on your vacation ever again! Also makes a great hide out for those individual who are having enforcement official difficulties. And as always, you can count on us to keep all transactions confidential. At least until the reward intrigues us.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-A-ROCK-4-U

And as an additional feature, the infamous galactic terrorist John Crichton stayed at this very resort! So check it out now!

Caution all individuals should bring their own food cubes and water supplies. The asteroids get a nine rating on atmosphere, but only a two on food and water. If you do experience difficulties during your stay, please feel free to get off the rock at any time, although we will provide transportation only twice a moen.

Another fine service brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and if you survive you'll swear what a strange trip it's been.

[Frunium Slip]

Just for Selena, I was just kiddin', by the way the 500th post, a milestone for me a brief pitstop for grinner, and I never take a shot at someone without poking a little fun at myself too...

Usually...

Have you been stabbed in the back by a trusted friend? Perhaps just need to get some valuable information from a certain guest? Made fun of while posting on a prestigous forum? Well, have your friends at Uncharted Territories got the device for you! Thanks to our ever intrepid Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen, we have acquired several Scarran Torture Chambers, perfect for holding that detained being. Functional, effecient, versatile, and in stylish black, your new torture chamber is the perfect accessory for that promising sadist in you. A great gift for all Scarrans, Peacekeepers, demigogues, fans of canceled TV shows, and rogue ruffians. Be the torturer you always wanted to be!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-STRAP-IN

And as usual our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen are available to acquire your victim. Scarran Heat Probes sold seperately.

Another fine product brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, where you can purchase the finest in cotraband, torture devices, and weapons of mass destruction. Helping to keep the universe save for entrepeneurs everywhere, as long as they are loyal to us.

PS Selena using the AMTs against me is not an option. At least I think they're loyal, as I cast my eyes sideways checking the corridor, as long as they're well paid...

[Selena]

:rollin: another fine product from my favorite merchant!

:wall: I could never do that Frunium. You're my hero! :D And the 'wounds' will heal ... I wish I could recall the exact quote by Rygel from 'Kansas' ... " something, something, something ... unconscious!" :lol - (it was such a long time ago since that episode aired and even longer till it's on DVD!) :(

[Frunium Slip]

A hero I tell you! Sure the armor's a little rusty, the sword is broken, the horse is a nag, but a true hero! I am what I've always wanted to be...

Hmmm... the only line I remember that ended with 'unconscious ' from Rygel was in Throne for a Loss, where he states Unwanted, unloved, unpopular... (gets kicked) unconscious.

Don't remember one from Kansas, but what do I know, I can barely remember yesterday...

[Selena]

That's it ... although there was also a line in Kansas where they stuff him behind the sofa. :goof: I must be confused.

[Frunium Slip]

I remember Aeryn tossing Rygel to show the Sheriff that he's just a doll, Rygel groans and Cher, er I mean Aeryn says something to Noranti ie Say excuse me grandma...

Hey I do have a memory, now if I could just remember something useful, like where did I leave those frellin' car keys...

[Selena]

Just senior moments??? :huh: or are we talking too much aspartane (diet soda)??? :lol

Some Simple Solutions to Lost Car Key Problems :D
1) Have a car keys ONLY hook installed on the wall right next to your front door and hang keys on it as soon as you close the front door.

2) Get a whistling key ring (you whistle and the key ring beeps) - WARNING:- this method is not recommended if you happen to like to ingest lots of crackers... you could be there for a while until you can generate the right tone.

3) Buy a car with a keyless entry and voice command recognition starter - :eh: what do you mean they don't make those yet?

4) Sell car and use car pooling, public transport, taxis, a bicycle or walking to reach your destinations.

5) Have multiple keys in many locations so if you misplace one you have lots of others - those pesky key rings will turn up when you least expect them

6) Obtain one of those handy Vorks or employ a Vorkarian blood tracker to find the keys - I know of a great little company that could fix you up no worries with either of those gadgets. :lol

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
I know of a great little company that could fix you up no worries with either of those gadgets.

I think I might know the blood suckers you're talking about, but it may cost an appendage to afford them.

I like the idea of a voice over ride command, vehicle engage, etc. And thanks for the info on that tune from Bridge Over the River Kwai, I still have that ringing in my head...

[Selena]

I have to keep my free shipping bonus some way and referring the blood suc .... er I mean, inventive versatile company to friends and relatives is my way of doing my bit to keep their profits rolling in. :D

As for them demanding an appendage or two - well you do have some I'm sure you could afford to part with and still lead an active useful life! :freak:

[akimbo]

Thought you might like to see this:

http://ohioscapers.com/images/cookbook/ads3.bmp

[akimbo]

A special thanks to the scapers of this thread for providing the all these great ads. You're all over the cookbook and we love having them there (and we're sure everyone else will too)

[Frunium Slip]

Akimbo

Beautiful work, skillfully done, with a true artistic flair...

and the cover, artwork, and recipes weren't bad either... :D

No, by all means thank the exquisite cookbook team for all their fine work and effort, now quit teasing and make the frellin' things available...

You're all over the cookbook

Well I for one am not paying for cleaning up the mess...



And now back to our original programming already in progress...

Looking for some hired hands? Need extra help immediately? Just want another slave to help around the abode? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the answer for you! Our esteemed Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have acquired an allotment of Banek Slaves floating around in a desolate freighter. I swear, we really did just find them this time! Purchased some time ago, in a bulk lot, these slaves have been looking for a new home for over a cycle! Hard working, industrious, easily trained, and they know their role! And we have thousands of them!

Order your Banek Slave now, don't miss this great opportunity to own your very own somewhat sentient being!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-SLAVE-4-U

Warning it is recommended that you always keep your Banek Slave shackled, as they may present problems when released. Gags are optional. Purchase your slave today and find out why we keep people like that chained in the first place.

Yet another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and as always thank you for your patronage. Have a nice day.

[Selena]

Akimbo and Frunium :rollin: what more can I say!

_______________________________________

Dear Friends at Uncharted Territories,
Do they do housework or are they only into the 'spiritual' realm?
And can they cook?

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
Akimbo and Frunium :rollin: what more can I say!

You like rollin' in the muck?


Dear Friends at Uncharted Territories,
Do they do housework or are they only into the 'spiritual' realm?
And can they cook?

Our Banek Slaves would be fine for menial household endeavors. You might want to purchase several, as we do have thousands to unload, er I mean sell. Don't know about cooking, as I have never allowed one of the swine to get near me...

And as for the spiritual realm...


Need help getting to your established place in the afterlife? Just want to make sure of the appropriate transition? Perhaps afraid of being alone in those final moments? Or just want some whacko around who will immediately make you look like the sane one in the group? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the perfect whack job to help you as you pass into the afterlife, buy your own Stykerion, great for manipulating thoughts, travelling the spiritual paths, and getting into trouble. Never worry about whether you're on the right side again!

Call out toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-WHACKO-1

Warning Strykerions may be a few cards shy of a full deck. Always keep bonding devices and a gag handy at all times. Incoherent mumbling, insane yelling, and other irritating actions are perfectly normal functions eminating from your Stykerion. Never, ever listen, follow, or even care to hear about any devious plots, campaigns, or plans your new stykerion may be dreaming up. Also, never depend on the actions of one of these insane idiots, they will surely crack under pressure, and blow the whole deal.

So if you are actually desperate enough to want one of these trogs, contact your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories we will be glad to get rid of, er I mean assist you in your acquisition. And as always have a nice day.

[akimbo]

You like rollin' in the muck?

:rollin:

Snort!

[Selena]

Originally posted by akimbo
:rollin:
Snort!

Have you taken the Geek Test Akimbo - one of the questions asks if you snort when you laugh! :rollin:

[akimbo]

Originally posted by Selena
Have you taken the Geek Test Akimbo - one of the questions asks if you snort when you laugh! :rollin:

I have not yet tested my true geekiness, but my friends tell me I could make money betting on it in Vegas. :D

[Selena]

I think the well is running dry - no Frunium Fix yesterday! :bawl:


Dear Uncharted Territories,
I was wondering what to do with the 'bat droppings' in the bottom of my ship. Could your firm unload ... er I mean ... creatively market this load of dren?
We have about 2000 gallons of the stuff - in fact I suspect that soon we're going to be needing hip boots as we're now wading knee deep in it!
Leviathan crew member

[mycattoldme]

FS do your tradesman have access to something like a "throw away" clone - you know someone who can take my place at meetings, visits with the parental units, take the cat to the vet for me... while I just go out have have a frelling life for a while?? Thing is, like I mentioned, I only need one around for certain things, I don't want one that hangs around all the time, that I have to feed and clothe...just need a clone to take my place for a bit then go way, come back when needed again, that sort of thing....got anything like that? :D

[Frunium Slip]

Didn't know I be this missed... Actually I was working on getting a new dog, will probably call him Rygel XVII, just so I can use all the nicknames, ie Scruffy, Fluffy, Guido, Buckwheat XVII you get the idea...

As for running out of ideas, do you actually pay attention to the show? Just for reference I will take the recent requests and immediately answer them after I do the basic techs from one episode, Icarus Abides, just so you can see the well is not running dry...

BTW sorry Selena for the lack of a Frunium Fix, we will try to do better in the future...

And I am still not cleaning up the mess all over the cookbooks...

Now back to our thread already in progress...

Are you looking for the ultimate weapon? Need more mass in your weapons of mass destruction? Trying to impress that PK babe who your twin is pining after? Or are you just trying to save your eema from that Scarran dreadnought that is fast approaching to erradicate your very existence? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the perfect device for you! Our Displacement Engine, newly stolen, er I mean acquired from Tormented Space. Compact, easily operated, simple controls, and in stylish black, the engine can manipulate solar energy, focusing the energy into a finite path. What the frell, you might ask? Well just picture the greatest destructive beam pointed at your adversary, capable of obliterating any known ship, planet, and most solar systems. Yes the very essence of mass destruction, our gift to you for just an almost insignificant fee.

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-DEVASTATION

Warning the Displacement Engine may require a limited understanding of wormholes, including creating, focusing, and anchoring one end into a star. Failure of any of the preceding could result in faulty operation of the device. And as usual we at Uncharted Territories stand completely behind our product, in this case a frelling far behind it as we can get. Purchaser assumes full responsibility over device, it's use, and any other pertinent factors that may cause enforcement problems for us. Company does not condone using aforementioned device against any networks, and or their personnel, for any reasons, whether justified or not.

So get your Displacement Engine today, and have all your Strykeron friends say I have no prayer for that.

Another fine product brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, always making the galaxies a safer place, for our customers, capitalism, and our not too inconsequential profits. And as always have a nice day.

Edited because due to infrequent posting lately my pitiful typing has gone to hezmana

[Midnight27]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip

Company does not condone using aforementioned device against any networks, and or their personnel, for any reasons, whether justified or not.
And while they may not condone said use, this does not negate any possibly exaggerated, yet appropriate suggestions for the appropriate utilization of such a powerful device.
Unsolicited customer endorsement


So get your Displacement Engine today, and have all your Strykeron friends say I have no prayer for that.
May I suggest this would be the perfect add-on sale for the Displacement Engine? I understand that yhere is still some limited inventory of Banik slaves available. I should imagine that there are Stykera available in the current lot.



Midnight

[Frunium Slip]

Unsolicited customer endorsement

Ahhh... free advertisement, the perfect commodity when in the retail sales biz. Thanks again for steppin' up to the plate Midnight. BTW as an auxilary member of Uncharted Territories your endorsement is not actually unsolicited, the check is in the mail... I promise.

May I suggest this would be the perfect add-on sale for the Displacement Engine? I understand that yhere is still some limited inventory of Banik slaves available. I should imagine that there are Stykera available in the current lot.

Customer feedback, the true byproduct of reaching your intended audience. A wonderful suggestion, we have almost 10,000 of the frellnik slaves to get rid of, I'm absolutely certain there are Strykera among them.

I've been having almost as much trouble getting rid of them as the Hynerians that we also have in abundance. Any suggestions as what to do with them would also be appreciated.

And as always have a nice day!

[grinner]

use 'em as meat for your Scarran Army.. er... employees.

[Frunium Slip]

While we, your friends, at Uncharted Territories do admit to using a paltry number of Scarrans, we in no way either endorse, propose, condone, or field any army. We do have a somewhat significant number of Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen which are our prime source of unsolicited products, but it is not an army. We at Uncharted Territories are solely interested in peaceful trade, and merchant expeditions, and have little interest in political affairs. And while we are not intimidated by any military force, we are not a military force, we have no intention of becoming a military force, and never will condone violence for any reason.

So until your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories rule the entire known galaxies, for entirely mercantile reasons only, have a very nice day!

PS You know we could use the Banek slaves to feed our army, er I mean Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen, it would kind of kill two Hynerians with a single stone. And never, ever call 'em space pirates, they hate that.

[Selena]

Dear Uncharted Territories Friends,
I regret to inform you that my 'bat droppings' problem has taken on volumes of biblical proportions.

I sent one of the crew down to retrieve an item we had accidentally dropped into the 'well' ... (well one of the crew claimed it was an accident, but I later heard he was having a tirade at the time) ... and the poor child almost drowned.

I was assured at the last commerce planet we visited that you would be able to solve our little problem. If you can help us I am sure we will be eternally in your debt!
Leviathan Crew Member

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by mycattoldme
FS do your tradesman have access to something like a "throw away" clone - you know someone who can take my place at meetings, visits with the parental units, take the cat to the vet for me... while I just go out have have a frelling life for a while?? Thing is, like I mentioned, I only need one around for certain things, I don't want one that hangs around all the time, that I have to feed and clothe...just need a clone to take my place for a bit then go way, come back when needed again, that sort of thing....got anything like that? :D

While we, your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, would like to help you with a clone, there are many complications to this matter. First, while cloning is possible, the incubation time, maturing time, and possible personality differences would make it extremely difficult to meet your stated request. Plus there are the problems of feeding, clothing, and what the frell do we do with it when we don't want it.

But do not despair, you can always trust your friends at Uncharted Territories to meet your every need, no matter the difficulty, legality, or the ultimate cost to you. We have always prided ourselves in the ability to deliver when no one else can, get those exotic items, please the most selective of customers, charge truly exorbitant prices, and collect all outstanding fees, thanks to our ever vigilous Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen. So, we offer you our Bioloid services, where we can guarantee an exact likeness, a perfect copy of your personality, and the ability to shut it off, and place it in a closet when not needed. You will never have to feed your Bioloid, but if invited to dinner at your in-laws, we can have a digestive track with a removable food depository receptacle added for just an almost insignificant additional cost.

No one will ever know it's not you! Simple, easy, a perfect likeness, and very reasonably priced! What more could you possibly ask for!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-BIOLOID

Caution Uncharted Territories will need to place the test subject to be duplicated into a state of the art Bioloid Chamber in order to make the copy. All duplication procedures are performed at our esteemed Ice Planet Medical Facility. Donor, er I mean test subject must complete 521 page waiver form to participate. This waiver form let's the facility use the subject as a donor in the highly unlikely event of a mishap. Also, Uncharted Territories reserves the right to make additional copies from any data collected for our own purposes, usually involving espionage, thievery, slave labor, pornography, and even some possibly disreputable uses.

Don't forget to call to get your new Bioloid now, and as always have a very nice day!

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
Dear Uncharted Territories Friends,
I regret to inform you that my 'bat droppings' problem has taken on volumes of biblical proportions.

I sent one of the crew down to retrieve an item we had accidentally dropped into the 'well' ... (well one of the crew claimed it was an accident, but I later heard he was having a tirade at the time) ... and the poor child almost drowned.

I was assured at the last commerce planet we visited that you would be able to solve our little problem. If you can help us I am sure we will be eternally in your debt!
Leviathan Crew Member

Frellin' hezmana, don't you people know when to quit, I mean, like here I was all set to prove a particular point, and do I get the chance? NOOOOOO!!! Some little petty problem from some dissatisified wanna be Leviathan expert continually interrupting, like a frellin' little school girl, and when I was trying to make a point. Well, did you read the book we sold, Leviathans for Dummies, we do have copies of the book in stock, if you don't have it.

But on to your little problem...

Biblical... I take it this is some religious term, possibly involving a religious text, as we all know every society has a religious text. Taken on volumes of biblical proportions, must be a colloquial term, either that or the translator microbes aren't working properly... But it seems that you are being overrun by Hodian Trill Bats, relatively harmless creatures, that serve a very useful purpose. You do know that their excrement forms that goop in your ships bilge, I presume, and that this sludge actually helps seal microscopic cracks in the inner hull? A very useful purpose, as we see it . But if you don't want it, well your friends here at Uncharted Territories, will gladly handle the problem for our usual exhorbitant fee.

The first problem is reducing your Holdian Trill Bat population. These useful vermin are generally found in your Leviathan's neural cluster. This rules out many of the quick and easy methods for which we are truly famous. But we could modify one of our Vorc Pest Controllers to help alleviate the problem. For an almost insignificant fee, we'll fix you up one of these babies, turn 'em loose, and just wait for the results. Of course when you want us to get rid of the Vorc, which I am sure will not take overly long, our price will immediately double.

As for the sludge, we could modify some of our patended Vacuum Cleaner DRD's to remove the excess fluid. The removed sludge would then be resold to other ships, recouping some of our substantial losses that would be incurred during this procedure. We will try to hold down your actual costs, but as you might imagine, the sheer enormity of the problem would deter that idea.

So just call our toll free intergalactic hotline, operators are standing by! 1-800-CHEAT-U-2

If you do decide against paying our substantial fees for removing the Vorc, Uncharted Territories will not be responsible for any damages the little frellnick may cause, of course we won't be responsible if you do pay either, but trust me, it would be in your best interest to remove the Vorc at the earliest time possible.

And as always, your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories wish you and yours a very good day.

PS have fun with the Vorc, and good luck to you if you decide to try and keep him. And I do believe we can accomodate that forever in our debt idea...

[Selena]

Dear Friends at Uncharted Territories

The modified Vork arrived this morning and has been running amok ever since. We had some anxious moments when a few dozen bats escaped the neural cluster and were flying loose in the ship but that too is now under control.
The book Leviathans for Dummies also arrived this morning and has proven to be a huge help in letting one of our alien crew members understand the nuances of Leviathan ownership.
Thank you for your prompt service. Our Hynerian payment chit is in the mail!:D

[Frunium Slip]

Don't you just hate it when they say the chit is in the mail? Like sure, and we have a fine lot for sale on Degaba... Degaba, you know, where Yoda lives... he trains warriors.

Are you looking to beef up that home security? Maybe just need a little extra fire power? Perhaps trying to keep some frellin' aliens from stealing the greatest technology the unverse has to offer? Well, we your friends at Uncharted Territories have the answer for you! Just purchase our newly acquired Dam-Ba-Da Turret Cannons, the ultimate in point defense! Simple automated controls, easy firing sequences, high capacity magazines, and in the ever stylish black! And as an additional bonus, the cannons can be fired manually, for that personal thrill! Self adjusting levers, seats, and gunsights make these weapons available for everything from a rampaging Luxan to a dwarf Hynerian. And do they have fire power? Well the cannon shells use Sevva Crystals for the exploding core, and deliver up to twenty times the Trad force of a pulse rifle. So when you just absolutely have to say get off my front yard, do it with your new Dam-Ba-Da Turret Cannon!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-HOME-DEFENSE


Warning emptying and reloading turret cannon magazines more than three times may be considered exessive violence in some quadrants. Intergalactic laws may apply. Uncharted Territories denies any responsilbilty for any misuse, accidental use, or use for that matter of this product. We will galdly answer any questions or concerns if accompanied by a warrant or subpoena.

Another fine product from your trusted friends at Uncharted territories and may we say you look absolutely mahvelous!

[Frunium Slip]

Are you looking for a cheap dependable terrestrial ride? Need a great off road vehicle? Want a simple dune buggy for the beach? Just want to tool around in a cool Road Warrior vehicle? Or just need to catch that fat lying frellnick of a mechanic who just stole your ultimate weapon? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the automobile for you! Our ever vigilant Aggressive Merchant Tradesmen have just appropriated an allotment of Dam-Ba-Da Sand Buggies perfect for your every land based vehicle need. Easy to drive, sturdy, dependable, off road capable, heavily armed, and available in a variety of colors including the ever stylish black, your new Dam-Ba-Da Sand Buggy will be the last vehicle you may ever buy! Supplies are limited, so order your vehicle today!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-ROAD-REAPER

Warning all Dam-Ba-Da Sand Buggies have had the original roll cage modified to reduce weight, the new roll cage may fail when subjected to excessive stress, the buggies weight may be referred to as excessive, they have been known to roll over during high speed maneuvers, the armament while effective is prone to jamming, and it will never be called fast.

So if you like the taste of action as well as sand and dirt, the feel of freedom as well as bugs splattering in your face, and the independence to travel off road regardless of safety, then get your Dam-Ba-Da Sand Buggy brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and may you have a fine day, or at least a couple of amusing arns.

[Midnight27]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
...if you like the taste of action as well as sand and dirt, the feel of freedom as well as bugs splattering in your face, and the independence to travel off road regardless of safety, then get your Dam-Ba-Da Sand Buggy brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and may you have a fine day, or at least a couple of amusing arns.

And for the ultimate stylish accessory for your brand-new Dam-Ba-Da Sand Buggy, may I suggest a practically new pair of Solar Flare Goggles? They are the ultimate in UV protection, with only a small aperature to allow light in. They offer full coverage of your optical receptors, with a tight seal to your facial structure all around the Goggles. The outer coating is a very modern reflective material, practically guaranteed to resist most forms of solar radiation. Now you can say you have the darkest shades in your neighborhood. For just a small surcharge, we can include a pair (or as many as you pay for) of goggles with your new buggy, so you can drive in style upon receipt of your payment. Order soon, supplies are plentiful...er, going fast!

Midnight

[Midnight27]

Frunium,

Just a quick memo:
Still researching possible additional uses for the Hynerians. It is taking some more effort than we originally budgeted for. I will submit my list of proposals as soon as I complete one.
I've reduced my requirements to just one additional use, but this research staff is milking the budget. May I request one of the AMTs late next week for an incentive exercise with the research staff? I'm sure everyone will find it educational.

Midnight

[Frunium Slip]

Great work Midnight, excellent catch on the goggles. Sales projections have dramatically increased since the commercial aired on several commerce planets. Don't worry about any problems due to the ban, our crack team of Litagarans are all over this one.

Originally posted by Midnight27
May I request one of the AMTs late next week for an incentive exercise with the research staff? I'm sure everyone will find it educational.

Midnight

May I suggest a little mini vacation for you next Friday. I'll have one of our more persuasive AMT's just jaunt right over, grab the first employee he sees and start with the just in time training. I'm sure once you get back you'll see a dramatic change in the staff's work. I'll also assign another AMT to assist you just in case you might experience future difficulties. Just point him in the correct direction and I'm sure you won't be having any behavioral problems.

Again thanks for all your assistance,

Frunium

[Midnight27]

Yes, I actually have some off-world meetings that I should attend next Friday. I'd expected to have to attend via comms, but I'm sure that a personal appearance will be much more lucrative. I'll let the team know that they will be participating in some wonderful new team-building exercises. I'm sure they will be thrilled to know they haven't been forgotten.

I'm happy to hear that the Litigarans are performing their usual exemplary job. Honestly, I didn't expect my skin color to create such a stir on that one planet. The account manager said nothing to me about his race's aversion to pale beings. Now that I think about it, he didn't say much at all... Well, for the next commercial we'll just have to look for some local 'talent', if the sales history for that market will support it.

Midnight

[Frunium Slip]

Are you tired of your recently purchased Rent-a Charrids dying in droves? Wish you could give them just a little more fire power? Preferrably something that will keep them undercover so as to not waste all that hard earned currency you spent on the maggots. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the perfect weapon for you! Just purchase our newly acquired Charrid Mortar and Fire Control System . Yes, even your next to worthless Charrids might be able to hit something with these shrapnel rounds. Additionally, the mortars will allow the Charrids to stay behind cover during the engagement, thus protecting your investment. Lightweight, compact, simple to use (a must for Charrids) and in the ever stylish black, these mortars work splendidly for that indirect fire mode. Quantities are limited, so order your mortars now!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number, operators are standing by! 1-800-FIRE-SUPPORT

Warning never, ever let your Charrids fire the mortars without proper supervision. First it would be a good idea to actually hit what they were aiming at, secondly, it would be even better if they weren't aiming the frellin' thing at you. It is also a good idea to purchase a lot of rounds, especially if you want these frellnicks to eventually hit something.

And now these babies are not just for Charrids, you to can own, fire, and blow up cool stuff with your very own mortar! And as usual, Uncharted Territories does not offer any type of warranty with the product, we will not admit to ever seeing such a product, we most certainly would never dream of selling such a product, and most certainly not to a frellin' magra fahrbot frellnick such as yourself. All Charrid Mortar and Fire Control Systems are sold for entertainment use only, and may be a violation of local enforcement laws in some quadrants where surcharges may apply.

Yet another finely tuned lethal product brought to you by your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories. And as usual have a very nice day!

[Selena]

:rollin: :lol :spew:

Dear Friends at Uncharted Territories,
I think the planet you were referring to earlier was Dagobah. Muddy, swampy, slimey, miserable, wet place with large predatory critters lurking in the swamps. I know it's Yoda's home, but it really is a slimy mud-hole.
On my last visit I noticed that there was a large warning beacon posted on the hyperspace route warning prospective visitors to stay away. I would recommend that you eliminate it from your holiday itinerary brochure for all but the bravest souls who don't mind being "Forced" into visiting this depressingly damp world.

[Frunium Slip]

Dagobah, Degaba, Days-gone-by, whatever... I don't really give a Hynerian's Chit. Still can't find it on any of these frellin' star charts I have, and that little bloodsucking Hynerian said they were complete, just imagine if you will, a cheat cheating a cheater, oh, the horror, what will all my friends think...

Oh yeah, that's right, I don't have any. Well what the frell then, I feel better already, but enough about me let's get back to our original programming thread already in progress...

Is your residence or place of bussiness not in the best part of town? Do you want to beef up your security, but aren't desperate enough to actual pay for a stupid Charrid? Tired of being ripped off by thieves who continually get away unscathed? Or just want to make things a little more exciting for that significant other in your life? Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the devices for you! Just purchase our exclusive Furlow's Booby Trap Kit and all your troubles will soon be over. Simple to follow directions, easy installation, effective coverage, an arming control pad, and as always in the ever stylish black, these kits are the essential pieces to that security service you've always wanted!

Call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-KILL-A-THIEF

Warning Furlow's Booby Trap Kit has not been approved by the Domesticated Intelligent Pet Society that Indeed Caters to Kretmers (DIPSTICK), the Dominant University Members Behavioral Analysis Secret Society (DUMBASS), or the Children's Remedial Aptitude Progress and Personality Institute (CRAPPI). Because of these, as well as other watch vorc bureaucracies, we have placed the following on all these products: Please refrain from using near domesticated animals, small, large and for that matter all children, and anything else you don't want shredded by shrapnel, be it intelligent or not, useful or not, or even if unwanted, unneeded or unloved by anyone.

Uncharted Territories will gladly install this product to protect any lucrative investments you might have. And we'll also program all security access codes, keep a copy of the placement of all devices, maintain a thorough inventory list of all your valuables, and write an address book, including the times that you are most likely home.

Another wonderful product from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories, and may we say have a very pleasant day!

[Frunium Slip]

Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. Wait a minute, it's better to be lucky and good. Naw, who am I kidding it's better to be lucky in love. Nope, I mean lucky in, oh to hezmana with luck, it's better to have sex. Yeah, that's the ticket, sex. Now where the yotz was I?

Oh yeah, lucky... Speaking of which there we was, no that's not right, there we were, (don't want to make anyone's pet peeve list), minding our own bussiness looting, er I mean, scavenging a near derelict freighter, when up pops a frellin' wormhole. And not only that but a Scarran Stryker as well. Well just color me Kalesh, what luck, a perfectly good Stryker, crew all dazed and confused, like finding the Hynerian Treasury. Now where was I again, oh yeah...

Are you looking for a great fast attack craft? Want to impress your neighbors with the latest in double wing technology? Perhaps just looking for the right vehicle for those semi-legitimate cargo runs, but used soley for recreational use only. Well, your friends at Uncharted Territories have the craft for you! That's right, a Scarran Stryker, the elite attack craft in the Scarran arsenal! Sleek, fast, maneuverable, heavily armed, and available in the ever stylish black, these babies are a must have for the discerning customer!

Just call our toll free intergalactic number now, operators are standing by! 1-800-STRYKER

Caution the Scarran Stryker is in like/new used condition, all sales are final. If you do try to return the Stryker, we at Uncharted Territories can guarantee that you'll never have to worry about bringing back, purchasing or even using another product ever again.

Warning cruising into Scarran occupied space with a stolen, er I mean, scavenged Stryker may not be in the best interest of the purchaser. It might be a good idea to avoid Peacekeeper space as well. As a matter of fact, purchaser might want to choose carefully where to cruise in their new Stryker.

Another fine product brought to you from your trusted friends at Uncharted Territories. Enjoy your new ride, have fun storming the castle, and as always, have a nice day!

[Selena]

Well stryke a light and color me Kalesh, I have got to get me one of those!:rollin: I'll be she's a goer!

[Selena]

Dear Friends at Uncharted Territories

Oh dear we have yet another problem requiring your wonderful arsenal of gadgets.
It seems the crew and I are about to enter negotiations with a rather unsavory character who is quite likely to stab us in the back.
Do you have anything in your bevy of goodies that could help protect us from this unscrupulous rogue and ensure that he sticks to his side of the promised bargain?
As always we're eternally in your debt!

[blueassbitch]

Don't know if any other companies are selling this. There are too many great products here and I haven't gotten to see them all yet.

Do the contents of your underware drawer seem to be reducing in number day after day? Do you end up spending hours searching you washer and dryer for a previously unknown wormhole only to find that is not the case? Do you suspect your skibbys are being snurched?! Well now you don't have to say goodbye to your Calvins anymore. Introducing the Irradium Alloy Master Lock! Garunteed to keep out most common snurchers. Irradium alloy is the strongest material locks can be made out of. Now you can keep your drawers nice and full. Call 1-842-876-4630 (1-THATSMINE0), operators are standing by.

[blueassbitch]

Have you recently purchased an Irradium Alloy Master Lock but your Calvins keep disappearing? Have you searched your skibby drawer for another wormhole and still have no luck. Is the rubbing and chafing of leather on skin enough for you to take drastic measures? Do you live with an ex-peacekeeper that knows how to get around Irradium Alloy Master Locks? Do we have the solution for you! Introducing the temporarily permanent 'Dye-pack' for clothes. You may have seen these used at most banks and shadow depositries. Simply attatch 'Dye-Packs' to your Calvins then attach sensor to the entry of your quarters. Viola! If someone is snurching your skibbys the tiny dye-packs will be triggered when they pass the sensors and explode in a brilliant and vibrant Peace Keeper RED that wont come off for arns. You will now be able to catch them red handed and leave them red behinded. :ewink: Hurry and call now while supplies last.

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by Selena
It seems the crew and I are about to enter negotiations with a rather unsavory character who is quite likely to stab us in the back.
Do you have anything in your bevy of goodies that could help protect us from this unscrupulous rogue and ensure that he sticks to his side of the promised bargain?

Hmmm... unsavory character you say, well that, hey wait a minute, you're not talking about us are you? No of course not, you mean other unsavory characters. Sure, fine whatever. It kind of depends on what type of transaction is taking place, type of goods, length of deal, etc. We'll hust need a bit more info, but I'm absolutely sure that your friends at Uncharted Territories can find something to help you in your time of need.


As always we're eternally in your debt!

Ya got that right sista'.

[Frunium Slip]

Originally posted by blueassbitch
[COLOR=skyblue]Do the contents of your underware drawer seem to be reducing in number day after day? COLOR]

Actually yes, but I only seem to be missing one sock from a pair. Never fails, there is always one sock missing. Always thought there was a Gremlin or something with only one foot, and he never wanted to wear the same sock for very long. I for one would greatly appreciate a product to cure this problem.

PS fraggin' the house didn't work, nor pulverization from orbital bombardment. Seems the one footed Gremlin just kept moving with me...

[Selena]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Hmmm... unsavory character you say, well that, hey wait a minute, you're not talking about us are you? No of course not, you mean other unsavory characters. Sure, fine whatever. It kind of depends on what type of transaction is taking place, type of goods, length of deal, etc. We'll hust need a bit more info, but I'm absolutely sure that your friends at Uncharted Territories can find something to help you in your time of need.

Ya got that right sista'.

Well it seems that my colleagues have a plan ... which in itself is not an encouraging thought as many of our plans seem to get derailed and not go as we think they ought to.

However, our fearless leader thinks he can negoiate a deal with his nemesis. A half breed who knows our crew mate has some valuable technology that could be developed into a weapon of mass destruction (is there any other kind? I ask) but I digress.

What I think we need is some bargaining chip that will ensure we do not get ripped off ... (other than by our friends at UTs who have ripped us off so many a time in the past that we are now suspicious if you give us a fair deal) ... but I digress again.

So if you could come up with some gadget or trinket that will put us on equal footing with our adversary we will forever be in your debt ... (which I think we are already) ... er sorry.

Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope ....
:think:
... oops wrong show! It's the stress!

[Tiriel]

Originally posted by Frunium Slip
Actually yes, but I only seem to be missing one sock from a pair. Never fails, there is always one sock missing. Always thought there was a Gremlin or something with only one foot, and he never wanted to wear the same sock for very long. I for one would greatly appreciate a product to cure this problem.

Not the Gremlin, I'm afraid. You, my friend, are being screwed by Statistics. Just one of the many reasons I hate the stuff. It makes you socks disappear. Someone published a scientific paper on why the sock that vanishes is virtually always one of a pair. Statistical reasons, of course. I'm sure I could find it if you *really* want to read it. But be warned, it might melt your brain :D

Love and Peace and Save The Single Socks!

Tiriel :bounce:

[Selena]

Hey Tiriel, was that the article where they talked about all the men in the USA ... about 125,000,000 with a pair of socks (250,000,000 socks) ... and every week-end at least one sock of those 125,000,000 pairs of socks goes missing ... where do all those socks go???

Of course Douglas Adams had an explanation for all those missing pens that disappear ... they go to a planet inhabited by biroid life forms ruled by a Green Retractable!

Could it be socks have a similar destiny?